Reading Reviews for Zoom Into Me
  
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MrsKatieGrint Zoom Into Me

7th July 2010:
Finally here with your review! Took me ages hasn't it?:)

First off I have to say, I simply adored this one-shot. It was fantastic. And every word seem to speak to me. This was written beautifully. And I couldn't have imaged a better way to write this scene. It seems perfect, and what really happened. Its uncanny how this one-shot, one-shot, said everything that would have taken me a whole novel to get through.:)

I very much enjoyed this. So much, I have to admit I have tears in my eyes.:) The good sad kind.;)

So great job. It really was amazing.:D

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

Femme ^_^


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Review #2, by harrylilyjames Zoom Into Me

5th July 2010:
Hey hun!!
I am extremely sorry for taking so long to get this review to you. I hope you forgive me :(

In the second sentence, needle like, should be written as 'needle-like'. When you say that her son is sleeping 'in the crook of her elbows and forearms' you don't need to say 'forearms',it's not correct, as the crook is the dint in your elbow and not your forearm.

This sentence, "James was quiet, holding her, stroking her back as"- doesn't sound right. I think it would be better if you wrote something like... "James was quiet as he held onto her, his hands stroking her back as..." see? It doesn't sound as choppy.

When she stops crying and looks up at James, you wrote "he was just as he was the first time..."- I know what you mean by it, but it doesn't sound right, just to make it a bit more flowy and obvious on what you're talking about, how about writing something like "he still looked the same as the first time..." - I know it's not much of a difference, but it does make it a bit more smooth that way.

Ummm...I'm not sure about Lily knowing that James was the man she was destined to marry from day one, as they would have been just eleven-years-old and I doubt any eleven year old would even think of the opposite sex in that way. So I'd change that to "she would never have guessed" and then say something that James did to annoy her or her first impressions of him were.

When James cuts Lily off, and he starts telling her what to do at that time, it seems too sappy for anyone normal to say, let along James. Just a thought.

I think, to make it more emotional, use less words for your sentences and don't over-describe her emotions, let it just...happen. It doesn't seem like the most obvious, but to get the right deep feeling across it needs to not seem forced.

But it was cute, I really liked it, just a few canon mishaps and a few grammatical problems that a quick edit won't be able to fix, but I enjoyed reading it. ;)

Keep it up!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'll be sure to go over the little hiccups!

Femme ^_^


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Review #3, by FallenAmaranth Zoom Into Me

10th June 2010:
Lol it's a great story, i probably would have just scrolled past it if i hadn't of seen the name and wondered if it was the Tokio Hotel song :D I'm so glad i did. xxx

Author's Response: Oh yes aren't Tokio Hotel the best? Thanks for the review!

Femme ^_^


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Review #4, by krissyanne426 Zoom Into Me

6th June 2010:
I'm not necessarily the biggest fan of James/Lily - except stories like this. I'm a huge fan of the last moments that Lily and James were alive, because we don't know what they were thinking.
I should start by saying that I adored this. Even for a one-shot, it's not very long, and yet - by the end - I was most definitely crying.
You managed it so well considering there are so many feelings to pack into this. And you covered all of them - the fear, the love for harry, the love for james, all of the unknown that she's dealing with.
There was a moment - about halfway though - were I almost wanted to tell them to just leave. To change the story and take off and the two of them can live together. And then she looks at Harry at the end and she knows that she's going to die, and she's ready, and I knew that she was ready.
And I think - especially in this story, though it may have been unintentional - Lily not only had to die to save Harry but also because she couldn't live without James.
I really liked it. I thought it was fantastic!
Kristen=]

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your kind words! And thanks for taking the time out to read and review!

Femme ^_^


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Review #5, by music_is_inside_of_me Zoom Into Me

6th June 2010:
Wowowowowowowow. Can I say wow one more time? I think so, WOW. This is musiclover btw :)

So basically I was wowed. haha. I don't understand how this story doesnt have alot of reviews! I loved the feeling and descriptions. You have an incredible writing style that I'm sure anyone would be jealous off.

I literally don't know what to day about this beautiful story! It was so touching and realistic! Thanks so much for requesting this review! I loved this story!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your kind words! I really do appreciate it and I'm so glad you loved this piece. Thanks for taking the time out to read and review!

Femme ^_^


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Review #6, by confusedlover Zoom Into Me

5th June 2010:
very lovely.

wow, i really really liked this look into the night James and Lily were murdered. i haven't read anything like this before so i hope that makes you feel even better about this fantastic story. for this being your first romance one-shot for some time, i think you should be very pleased with it. this didn't seem rusty at all and so that's also very nice. i wouldn't be worried at all about what you have here. it was very enjoyable and very very well-written if i say so myself.

i did notice one mistake. She shook her head and it took her two tried to gasp out a shaky, “How can I not?” it should be tries, right?

overall, i thought this was a great story with a wonderful message. it's interesting to see that both James and Lily were afraid, yet, at the end when Voldemort arrived they both seemed to lose that fear in honor of their son. very touching. keep up the amazing work and feel free to request again on my review thread anytime. have a wonderful day!!

Author's Response: thank you so so much for your kind and thoughtful review! I'm so glad you enjoyed this story and thanks for spotting that error!! haha :)

Femme ^_^


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Review #7, by nisalurve Zoom Into Me

5th June 2010:
(this is WittleAna from the forums with your review)

Wow. I'm speechless. I'm surprised that this story hasn't picked up more reviews, it's quite good. The characterization was brilliant, and I love how you portrayed the two of them as two mature adults, instead of teenagers like everyone else. James calling Lily his 'lilyflower' was absolutely adorable, but my favorite part by far was the ending. I like how Lily didn't cry, it seems more realistic and in character than her dramatically sobbing over his death. All in all, this was a great read, feel free to stop by my review thread again sometime.

Author's Response: Wow. Thank you so much for your review. I'm really glad you liked it!

Femme ^_^


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Review #8, by auror_snape Zoom Into Me

3rd June 2010:
A truly wonderful story. You told their last moments so well. 10/10

Author's Response: Thank you thank you so much!

Femme ^_^


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Review #9, by hermioneg566 Zoom Into Me

3rd June 2010:
hello here for your requested review! WOW this story was great! I'm usually not the biggest fan of songfic's but this one was good. I've never really read anything on HPFF that was told in Lily's POV on the night that she died. Your story was really believeable and descriptive. Also I didn't spot any spelling or grammatical mistakes which was good. You managed to convey Lily and James's emotions through it which I thought was great! Just one question though: 'How did Lily know that it was her and James's last night together?' As an author on a fanfiction website you can pretty much write about whatever you want whether it be cannon or fannon. I suppose to me it seemed slightly out of character in your story because it followed the cannon storyline about Lily and James's death. Apart from that (which really wasn't a big deal at all- maybe I just misinterpreted it :D) I loved your story! Thanks for asking me to review it because it was great!
Grace xx (hermioneg566)

Author's Response: Hi and thank you so much for your review! I'm really glad you liked the story and I'm glad that it was original in the sense that you've never read one like this :) Good question. It's a little complex, I went on the thought that because Lily and James were basically marked for death, having to go into hiding and all that stuff I imagined that at a time like that, a severe case of intuition and/or paranoia might come in. Dunno if that makes sense but it's how imagined it :)

Thank you so much!
Femme ^_^


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Review #10, by littlemissmb Zoom Into Me

2nd June 2010:
wow. that was beautifuly written. i very much enjoyed that. It was sad but so very good. keep up the good work.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your kind review. I'm so glad you liked this story!

Femme ^_^


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