beautiful. absolutely beautiful! this was an amazingly written story and i enjoyed it very much, even with it being so short. keep up the amazing writing!! Report Review
heya this is getting to a good start, can;t wait for more! btw you are a really good author! i am looking forwrd to reading more!!! an pweassse could you update peanut gallery it is one of my fave stories an i wanna see where it was going! i am giving up!
wll done an muchus luvos!!! x Report Review
I love the image of "winching at the sound of my chair scraping on the tiles." I don't know why, but I do. And I also know that it's an abrupt way to start a review, but it just stuck with me so much that I had to point it out before I forgot!
Anyway, this was lovely. I've been saying that a lot lately, "lovely," but it's true. Something about your word choice is just intoxicating, and it completely draws the reader in until they've finished.
You're little lines between paragraphs do an excellent job of jarring the reader. And I know that sounds like a bad thing, but it's not! It really interrupts the flow in a gorgeous way, and helps keep the story paced evenly. It's really nice, is what I'm trying to say. Really nice. :)
Anyway, again, this was lovely.
xx Rin Report Review
I read this story because your banner is just absolutely fabulous and boy am I glad that I read this. You wrote this great. The only complain I have is that you canís see in the story who it is about you wrote in your summary who it is about but you just canít see that in your story. I also loved the way you began. The began I think is my favourite in the whole story!Author's Response: Isn't that banner fabulous? The artists over at TDA are absolute geniuses. So all credit for that goes to the incredible cherryberry. And thank you! I actually did it that way on purpose - I like a little anonymity in a story. But thank you very much! :D So happy to hear you enjoyed it! Report Review
This is really good. I want to read more. I'm actually excited by this XDAuthor's Response: Thank you very much! Unfortunately, I don't think there will be more. But thank you! :) Report Review
awesome one shot! I think you did a great job!Author's Response: Thank you very much! :D Report Review
This is very real in descriptions, but vague in the plot. Nice style:)Author's Response: Yeah, it was rather supposed to be vague in plot, since I did it for a challenge that was only supposed to have 500 words. Thank you though! :D Report Review
You don't need to be worried about your areas of concern. This is entirely believable and the length was perfect for it. In fact if you'd made it any longer I'd have been concerned.
This is really good. The type of story that feels like it could be happening anywhere.
I love your opening lines. Very powerful. The whole thing is captivating really.
You have tremendous presence in this story. Very strong voice, great pacing. It flowed really well. There wasn't anything that, while reading, I thought stood out in a bad way.
The only small suggestion I can make is that you identify the narrator and who she slept with. You say in the pairing information that it's Lily and Sirius, but no where in the story do we see that. Although honestly this is brilliant just the way it is. Report Review
Wow. Metaphorical. I like it. It's like a snippet of a person's thoughts.Author's Response: Thank you very much! That's exactly what I was going for, so I'm glad to hear that I pulled it off okay. :) Thanks again! Report Review
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