Reading Reviews for Diamonds
7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by LadyL8 Diamonds

8th July 2014:
Hello There.

I'm reading and reviewing for the House Cup, and I thought your story looked interesting so I decided to check it out. And wow. I did not expect that after reading the summary. This was so heartbreaking, and I was very pleasantly surprised.

I really loved how you constructed this story - that you didn't reveal who it was and what happened till the last line. I suspected it was Dominique, though, but that's probably because I just read a story about Dominique. But I really liked the construction and layout.

I must admit I'm a little jealous of your descriptions. You're so good at creating images, and I could image it happening in my head. I saw Dominique send that last look - the one where she looks like she's begging for him to save her. And that just says a lot about how good you are at writing.

Lastly, I just want to say I'm glad you treated this sensitive topic with so much care and respect. You really did it justice, and while I've never - and thank god for that - known anyone who's killed themselves, I could really relate to the main characters regret and guilt. It's how I imagine I'd feel if I was in the same situation.

- Lotte

House Cup 2014 Review

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Review #2, by alicia and anne Diamonds

14th August 2011:
What!? wow Dom killed herself, I wasn't expecting that, although I did think at the beginning that ther person talking had killed her because of the first few lines. But now I can see why she's blaming herself, not that she has to.
When you wrote about the look in her eyes it just sounds so haunting, I wish Dom could have been saved. Is this told by her cousin? friend?
This was an enjoyable read, I loved how you described the things that Dom loved to do.

alicia and anne

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Review #3, by Cleopatraa Diamonds

17th August 2010:
I want to say I love the chapter image! OMG she killed herself . Thatís so horrible. I could feel the emotion in this story. The way you write is just unbelieveable. It was very clear Teddy really cared about her and I will have to admit this is the first story I think I have ever read in which a character kills itself and I love the fact itís Dominique because if thereís a character you would think would kill herself it isnít Dominique. Seeing as you like myself wrote this piece for the Hooking first challenge I would have to say your firts sentence is very hooking. Man the way you began. Itís just wow! You began strong and ended strong! This story really touched me.



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Review #4, by Dojh167 Diamonds

14th August 2010:
Okay, so I totally got chills with that last line. Even though it was fairly obvious what had happened by the end, your last sentence was extremely strong and effective. Kudos for that!

One predictable complaint I have about this is that it leaves a lot up in the air. Everybody sort of assumes that Teddy and Victoire are a thing based on the Epilogue, and I like that you showed that it wasn't that straightforward. At the same time, however, you did not address if this was set before, during, or after Teddy's relationship with Victoire. It was also difficult to read this without having a firm grasp of how old they were.

I loved that you portrayed Teddy's thoughts of her as thinking about all of the wonderful and beautiful things about her - it was very touching. However, I don't think that the way that these things were written maintained the gravity of the story well enough. It felt a little too much like a general description of a character, and did not do enough for me to maintain the emotional tension that the story had started and ended with.

Overall, good job. It was very powerful, especially for such a short story.

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Review #5, by Cherry Bear Diamonds

10th July 2010:
I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to get around to reviewing this, but here I am now. I'm such a big fan of any story with Teddy in love with either Dominique and Victoire, but I feel like most people lean toward putting him with Victoire, so it's a breath of fresh air to read this. Granted, he doesn't exactly end up with her, considering what happens to stop it, but it's clear that he cared a lot about her; it makes this story original to me. It's also the first one I've read where Dominique kills herself.

I'll start with the nit-picky things, just to get them out of the way:
- you have a lot of sentences that go, "independent clause, independent clause" (i.e. "I killed her, it was my fault.") I think it might be better to separate these into two sentences ("I killed her. It was my fault.") or put a semicolon in between them ("I killed her; it was my fault."), because the way it is right now makes it seem sort of like a run-on.
- this is more of a style thing; I'm not sure if you intended for the story to be choppy for effect purposes, but I figure I'd point it out to you in case you didn't. If it was for style, it does seem to match the turbulent emotions Teddy's feeling.
- in the sentence, "The world could have been hers; she could do anything she put her mind to", I think it might make more sense if you made the sentence clause into the same tense as the first, "she could have done anything she put her mind to", just to keep things parallel and constant.
That's about all that I saw. Again, sorry if this seems overly nit-picky or anything like that, and feel free to ignore any or all of my critiques.

Since the hooking first sentence is what my challenge is all about, I have to say that I absolutely adored yours. It was one of the more blunt ones I've seen, but it did an excellent job of pulling me right into the story and I immediately wanted to know just what was going on. But not only was your first sentence intriguing, your entire first paragraph was and then basically the rest of the paragraphs. I especially liked your last sentence; I'm a really big fan of stories that end just as strongly as they begin, and that's exactly what you did here.

I would've liked to see more happen then just Teddy musing on and mourning over her death, but I can appreciate how keeping it short and packing it with details made the raw emotion stand out even more. It wasn't difficult to understand what Teddy was feeling because I think you conveyed his emotions very well. I also think, even though this was so short, you did an excellent job of giving both him and Dominique realistic characters. You can see that streak of heroism in him, and that urge to protect, but along with that you can see his flaw - how he failed to see how devastated she really was, how he was misled by how perfect she seemed. Dominique's character is just as poignant; she's the girl struggling to catch up with the brilliancy of her sister, never realizing that she's twice as amazing, never realizing just how sunny her smile really is - perfect except for believing she is imperfect. I think that is what makes this all the more devastating to me - that, and that, maybe, just maybe, she could have been saved.

I liked your title a lot too. My English teachers have given me a nasty habit of over-analyzing and reading too far in to simple concepts, but I think the picture of diamonds fits this story perfectly. Like Dominique, diamonds are beautiful; they're known as unbreakable. But, just like anything, they can crack.

And, at risk of making my review longer than your actual story (which would seem a little bizarre, yes?), I'll finish this rambling review up here. Thank you so much for entering my challenge, and remember to check back after the deadline to see if you've won!

Cherry Bear

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Review #6, by prettywishes Diamonds

29th June 2010:
I loved how much emotion you managed to fit in there, for such a short piece. Every word really did seem to count. Great story.

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Review #7, by marauderqueen Diamonds

18th June 2010:
Wow. That was amazing! I may have missed or something but who is speaking? Who's POV?
I loved this alot because I've always liked the character Dominique and I love stories with her in it. The line 'she was trying to be as good as Victoire' was great because everyone thinks that Victoire is so fantastic and no-one really thinks about her sister and when they do she's not a lovable character or she's in the dark.
The detail is amazing and there are no mistakes and the grammer is good so it's easy to read which is nice. The bit where you say she loves thunderstorms but not lightening was really nice, I can't draw a reason but I just loved it anyways!
Well Done

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