Wow, this was so expertly done. It was so dreamy and ambiguous that at first it wasn't clear what was happening, but it became much clearer when the other characters were introduced I thought.
Your description of the setting and in general was seriously stunning. It created the most wonderful imagery of beaches, soft winds and seas, it was incredible and definitely sounded like heaven. I loved it, the description was probably my favourite part of the story.
Seeing it from a dead Victoire's point of view was really good too, because it created a barrier between her and the living that was very sad but necessary I think. To see her family and friends mourning for her was very well done also.
Great work here :)Author's Response: Dreamy and amibuous!! I'll take those compliments all day long. :) It was lovely to see a review for this old story, thank you so much!! I really appreciate it and I'm glad that you enjoyed this.
-melissa Report Review
I wanted to check out more of your work, and am so happy I chose this one. This story us beautiful and sad all tangled together. It makes me wand more. I want up know what happen, how long she's been dead, everything. But i understand focusing on her death wasn't the point of the piece as much as focusing in her Heaven. Your descriptions are wonderful, and make it so easy to imagine her corner of heaven.
Its so heart breaking when she realizes who the people are, but it balanced out with that internal peace she's feeling so amazingly well.
I wish I could be more detailed with this, but I'm on my iPhone and typing with my thumbs is a pain!
This is a wonderfully written, gorgeous one shot!Author's Response: Baww.
Thank you so much! Unexpected reviews are the best!! I was going through answering some of my reviews and just told this to Raine, but I definitely had a phase where I was loaded with inspiration for quick, slightly artistic one shots. This story was a part of that phase.
Since starting to focus heavily on my WIP (With All Things, a george/angelina story... self advert aside) I have found myself struggling with the art of one shot writing. I really appreciate this review, because it makes me want to write more one shots.
asdfghjkl; Thank youuu.
Melissa Report Review
I'm glad I'd pick this one-shot to review on.
It is such a sad but beautifully written peace that tugs at your emotions and takes you for a ride. I especially love your descriptions. I can hear, see and smell everything you've mentioned. The write also flow so well and was pretty much flawless.
I am here kicking myself as I wish I'd come across this earlier.
Such a beautiful piece.
10/10Author's Response: Heyy.
Thank you so much for this review! This is an older one shot, but I'm glad you still enjoyed it. Report Review
Awh): that was so sad. Give me a second to recollect myself.
Thankfully,you didn't make me cry. But I was close XD
It was very sad,but oh so very beautiful. I really hope this was in a challenge,if not,I know a challenge you should place it in! I'd bet you'd get first place!
I think when the whole teddy and flowers comment was made,that's when I really wanted to cry.
I'd really like to see a sequel possibly from somebody elses view. Cough cough teddy cough cough now cough please cough! Lol that was very subtle, was it not?
You know what would be even better? Write something similar to this, but for Severus snape(: that would be so unbelievably fantastic:D
I loved this! Short and sweet! The only treason you didn't get a 10/10 is because you didn't continue it ):
10/10!Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review!! I'm glad you enjoyed this old-ish one shot.
Oh, wow. Your imagery is just breathtaking. That word doesn't even do it justice. I am in awe with how the words flowed so easily on the page, how much I could see and feel just by reading this.
I was definitely sad when I realized Teddy was there, and when you described how his voice shook. I just felt so bad for the entire family, but mostly for him.
It was such a bittersweet fic that left me feeling rather peaceful. Even though it was sad, it had a lovely purpose--to show that "heaven is perfect happiness".
DemAuthor's Response: Baww. I think this story was the start of the formation of my style used to write First Star. I'm glad you liked this little experiment, and thank you for the review. :) Report Review
This is absolutley beautiful :) Boo you for making me cry at a fanfiction though! xAuthor's Response: Thank you for this review. I'm sorry it made you cry. Report Review
Hey Mel! I'm here for your requested review!
This was lovely. :) I love reading description and this was simply lovely. The imagery of the sea and sunlight and garden was well done. Really, really, a nice setting.
I'm only going to pick on one or two things.
The introduction seems a description heavy. I'm hardly one to be talking, I know, but there's several paragraphs of description before any furthering of the story occurs. A little more balance needs to be achieved, I think, but you're quite close to it.
“She is home, were she belongs.” - should be "where".
"Curiosity fills me and I look around for the source" strikes me as a little awkward. I wasn't really sure how the source could occur only after the curiosity.
"Louis, I think that we can only dream what heaven is like. But Vic always imagined it to be a warm summer’s day. You know, with warm sunshine and soft breeze." - Teddy's dialogue sounds unnatural. I don't really know someone who would talk quite so eloquently or describe something when they're just casually talking. "You know, with sunshine and breeze" strikes me as much more natural.
But these are just minor points, really. Overall, this was wonderful! ^_^ I could really imagine the setting so well!
Nicely done, Melissa! I hope this helped a little!
- CelesteAuthor's Response: Celeste, love!
I'm so glad that overall, this piece worked out. I wrote the fic for an UFG banner that I'm still waiting for, really, it's stunning. Half of the description was painted out for me.
I am very thankful for the weak points that you've pointed out here. I'm planning on editing everything on my authour's page very soon, and this is near the top of my list. I only read over it quickly after finishing it and never edited it properly.
Thanks so much! You're wonderful
xx Report Review
Oh my goodness that was beautiful! The description you used, particularly your use of the flowers was striking, and the funeral scene was exceptionally moving. Great work!Author's Response: Aww. Why thank you. :) Beautiful and moving were what I was aiming for, so this review really means a lot.
xx Report Review
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