Really well written!! Good job! :] Report Review
I like everything except the first paragraph. What would happen if you began your story in the closet just as she clocks him? That is a wonderful scene, and would keep your reader wondering "what in the heck just happened?" I have read many stories on this site, and many of them begin with someone lying awake in bed. Never have I seen one with a boy getting socked during "spin the bottle". What an opener that would be. May I recommend you reading this out loud to yourself? There are some tiny things in here that could be cleaned up, and your own ear will hear them if you read it out loud. Keep writing. Report Review
navigation
home
search HPFF read stories write stories login/register get help site links forums podcasts Terms of Service Site Rules contact us
categories & genres
Genre: - crossover - drama - fluff - general - horror/dark - humor - mystery - romance - action/adventure - angst - au - young adult
Popular Pairings: - harry/ginny - ron/hermione - james/lily - draco/hermione - more...
Format: - one-shot - short story - novella - novel - short story collection - songfic
quick links
my account ToS random story site rules help merchandise
fanfictionworld.net