That was good. I never thought I would see George with the Death Eater even if he did help Harry in the end. 6/10!

 Report Review

welll done make more stories like this i m sure you will surely become a good writer

Author's Response: thanks for review tell me your pen name

 Report Review

Err... I don't know quite what to say.

I'm sure George would never go over to the dark side, after all it was them who killed Fred, not Harry. He would rather die.

The grammar could be a lot better; you forget to use capital letters quite a bit. You show glimpses of good descriptive writing (e.g. "eradicate the darkness") however I think a lot can be done to improve this story.

The idea is original but unrealistic, you need to write in more detail rather than just "both George and harry killed all the death eaters" as surely it would not be that simple. Percy and Arthur didn't die in the battle but that may just be something you have added in so that's OK.

It is a bit short and I don't think you quite understand George's personality; I've only ever once before read about a Weasley going to the dark side and even then the Weasley in question (Ginny) was crying and shaking with remorse. You are right, he would want revenge for his twin, but I think he would want it against Voldemort, not Harry. He would never betray his family.

Of course, at the end you show him changing his mind, so well done, otherwise it would have been a lot less realistic. Overall, I think this one-shot had a lot of potential but you need to work on being more descriptive, making it longer, plot and grammar.

Author's Response: Thanks, for this great review.
I know that no weasly has ever gone to dark side neither i have taken one .
I am working on its sequel may be "the life begins"
So watch for it

 Report Review