Reading Reviews for The Bird and the Worm
  
11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Bella Score

27th August 2012:
Really good! Enjoyed it a lot :)

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Review #2, by Bella Score

27th August 2012:
Really good! Enjoyed it a lot :)

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Review #3, by RandomRyter Boss

24th December 2011:
You must continue, and soon. It seems as though this is where everything will turn--they're finally back at Hogwarts, and it looks like Dumbledore's match-making skills are in full swing! An entertaining fic indeed, and I hope to read more soon.

:)

Author's Response: I just uploaded the next chapter!! Hopefully I can post a little more regularly now that this story is in full swing!!!


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Review #4, by BlessedElua Boss

12th June 2011:
Love this story! It's so fun and entertaining! I can't wait to see how it goes with them sharing chambers! do i feel a little amour in the air?

Author's Response: Yes ma'am, I do believe so. ;)

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Review #5, by NaidatheRavenclaw Red Thunder

7th May 2011:
I was right! Something has happened in this chapter! Very unusal too, I might add. Out of all the things I could have predicted, this was not one of them. Very original, and I liked it. I think this is going to grow into a really interesting story.

I liked Snape's characterization a lot more this time. I think you got him perfectly in this one. Much more straightforward and snappy. A new side of Adeline, too. My only warning would be to make sure you keep a mention of her temper in there. It's a great element to her character, and I would hate for it to go away.

Now I'm really confused. Did we just suddenly switch the whole story to be told from Harry's persepctive. It's kind of strange to go to his persepective now. The problem with switching persepctives is that the readers know bits and peices from all the characters, but they don't have enough to get the full picture. Now that can be a really useful device if you do it right, but I'm just getting confused by your switch. Sometimes, it's better to stick with one character.

Good luck with the rest of this! It's a great idea and I think you write it well! Great job!

Author's Response: Good!

Oh Adeline's quick temper is a very prominent feature-- it will show itself many more times before the day is through.

I think I meant to have the whole story from Harry's, but it kind of didn't work. I'll try and add some consistency.

Thank you so much for the amazing review! I really appreciate the time you spent with these, they're awesome!

♥Ai


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Review #6, by NaidatheRavenclaw Dakara

7th May 2011:
I'm still not sure where this is going. You have one more chapter, so I'm hoping something's going to happen. And jst thought of something else: you could consider combining your first two chapters as there isn't a large time gap, and it just feels like less filler, even if it is the same amount. Just a thought, you can keep it separate too. I did, however, enjoy the conversation with Harry. I think that added a lot to this chapter and kept it from getting boring.

Ignore what I said last chapter about characterization. You obviously knew it already, judging by this chapter. I got some depth! Yay! Just made your character WAY more interesting, adding that tiny background detail. It makes me want to know more. So excellent, excellent job on the characters this chappy. Oh, and Harry was in character as well.

I do have just a couple concerns with the actual writing. I was a bit confused when the chapter started and it was focusing on Harry. While it does make it more interesting to show other places and times, this switch just really didn't work for me. I had to stop and think about it for a while before reading on, and I just think that it didn't add anything and really wasn't necessary.
Also got a bit confused with the dialogue at the end. When Harry says, "Sorry. Forgot." What do you mean by that? Why was it Harry's problem? Am I missing something huge here, or did you not explain it? In any case, I had to read that part several times and I still didn't understand, so yeah...

I was nitpicky on this one, I still think you did a great job!

Author's Response: Absolutely, I'll think about that. That seems like a really viable option. Also, I just found the original, supposed lost versions of these chapters so I might change that up a bit.

YAYY!!! I'm glad a little more depth is coming through.

Okay. A running theme seems to be that I'm a bit too vague, so I'll try to find a better balance between clarity and understatement. With the 'Forgot' thing, it's that he was surprised by Snape's presence in the conversation before remembering that she was his housekeeper. And although I really like focusing on other characters when an OC is introduced, I'll try to keep it more fluid.

Thank you so much for the amazing review!
♥ Ai


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Review #7, by NaidatheRavenclaw Firefly Tonic

7th May 2011:
Sooo sorry for the delay between the first and second chapters! Got caught up in rl. But I'm back! This chapter was a bit of a filler for me. Nothing much really happened in it, and I actually envy you for being able to write a chapter like that. Mine always turn out really boring. But I think yours was very good and I didn't loose interest halfway through. I still don't know where you're going with this though. I'm not saying you have to give me a full plot in the first chapter, but I'd like to be able to identify the conflict pretty soon. You're still okay for now though. I'd say four chapters with nothing happening is when I start to wonder if the story even has a plot, so two is absolutely fine.

Your characteriztion was flawless. Each and every canon character was perfect. Honsetly, JK Rowling would have written them like that. I can't think of a single moment or line when I thought, "That's strange for that character," or something like that. I'm also getting a way better picture of your OC. So far, I know a lot about her, but I don't have any depth. Depth is harder to achieve in a third person story, because experiences tend to show more when a character is the narrator, but there are ways to work in her past into you plot, and that is really what makes or breaks a character for me. The better developed the past experiences are, the better the character, and the better the story.

Your flow is still impecable, and your writing is still intruiging. I think you're doing a great job with this overall!

Author's Response: No, I'm sorry for the super late response!

I think I need to revamp this chapter a little, because it's meant to start revealing background-- but I think you're right in that it just sort of takes up space.

Thank you-- figuring out where to really start peeling back the layers has been a rough patch for me, so that actually sounds like a good idea for a benchmark.

YAYAYAY!! I work really hard on thinking about a character from all angles, and knowing that that is evident makes me really happy.

I'll work on all of those things; thank you so much for your time and feedback.


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Review #8, by NaidatheRavenclaw Match

5th May 2011:
Hello! Naida here with your requested review! So starting out with plot. I've never actually read a Snape/ OC story, so just that in itself makes it really creative for me. I can't really comment much on plot yet, seeing as its the first chapter, but I do like the idea. Also, I think you gave me everything I need to know about the story from the first chapter in a non-boring way, so good job on that.

Characters. I think the most important thing with this would be so keep Snape in character. Don't forget about his prominent traits. Of course, you won't have the Lily obsession, but I think he's showing a little bit too much emotion here. This is my personal take on him, but I don't think he'd wind his way around a demand. With him, I think he'd come straight out and say it.
As for your OC, I can't tell if she's going to be your main character yet or not. If she is, I would just make sure she doesn't get too Mary-Sueish. In other words, give me some flaws!

Moving on to the writing in general. First off, I want to say that I really like your voice. It fits this story perfectly and I really like the way you write. The flow was nice as well, and there were no glaring spelling or grammar errors, so a really good job with that.

Overall, I think this is a brilliant start to an original story.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review!

Snape, I think, does have two facets-- in the books, we see him talking around matters he believes are sensitive with people like Dumbledore, who he trusts-- but I'll definitely watch out for OOC traits.

Oh, don't worry, this chickie is flawed to the bone.

Thank you for the compliments on style! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

♥ Ai


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Review #9, by Drummergirlred Firefly Tonic

21st August 2010:
Very intresting...I wonder how old Adeline is and Snape's 'housekeeper' is that what it's called now? :) I'm interested to read more. Nice job, I'm adding to my favorites so hopefully an update will arrive soon!

Author's Response: THANK YOU FOR ASKING THAT VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION (foreshadowing*hinthint*).
Which I will not answer. But anyway, there's lots more coming so please continue to read and review and I'm glad you're enjoying it!!

:)-Ai


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Review #10, by Drummergirlred Match

21st August 2010:
Well my interested in peeked. Some of the dialog I had read a couple of times because I got confused but it could be me being a little sleepy. Your OC seems fun and I'm interested to read where you are going to take this pair.

Author's Response: Hi!

Sorry it took me so long to respond-- I haven't been around in a while.

Hmmm... I'll re-read it, see where it could be confusing.

I just thought there needed to be a little more Snape-love. ;P

:)-Ai


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Review #11, by ivannarosesnape Match

14th July 2010:
more please ' ] this sounds awsumm

Author's Response: I'm working on it. :)

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