I know you've received accolades of praise for this one, but this story doesn't really set well with me. I know that Draco was once a Death Eater, but I don't really think that Crabbe nor Goyle would be talented enough to be branded whilst still in school.
I do like the idea of Goyle letting Crabbe die, though, out of a selfish reason. Though, I didn't know that he would be capable of love. It is an interesting take, though, and I'm not going to argue whether or not he fell genuinely or not because who knows what really happened?
However, it seems odd that it would be over Daphne. I do love her and she is an unappreciated character, but I don't know how I feel about Goyle loving her. It seems a bit odd. The concept of him being married and all . . .
If anything, I think if he were to leave Crabbe to die it would be to prove to Draco or the Dark Lord (if he were to have been branded) that he was better than Crabbe and therefore deserved more appreciation than what he got.
His speech seems a bit impeccable, however, for someone who couldn't even say diadem in the seventh book. So I do think that wasn't canon about him. His speech should have been simpler, and he should have been more confused by Hermione, I think.
After all, in the books they are portrayed as being really rather daft and incapable of higher thought.
As an AU, though, this would be an interesting perspective. If anything, I think that maybe if you were going to use this spin, you could have used it for one of the many undervalued and unappreciated Canons only mentioned on the lexicon like Terry Boot or Stephen Cornfoot. This is simply a suggestion, though.
LindersAuthor's Response: I've always thought that Crabbe and Goyle were Death Eaters--their fathers were, after all, and they were described as being just as blundering and awkward as their sons were. I can also see what you're saying, though, and I suppose this piece would work just as well if Goyle had been a heavy Death Eater-sympathizer, like Narcissa. I'll definitely put some thought into changing that.
I don't think Goyle was capabale of true love, either. He wanted Daphne and thought she was his property in an extremely chauvinistic and rude way and didn't like the thought of Crabbe getting a one up on him--that was the main point of his betraying Crabbe. Not that he loved Daphne, but that he didn't want Crabbe to get her instead of him. I also think he got married because like any ex-Death Eater, he wanted to fade out of the spotlight and develop ties with others--also, I can see him settling down with her just for the heck of it and to prove a point to Crabbe's spirit.
Your idea about his letting Crabbe die because of proving that he, Goyle, had more power than him is a very interesting one...I actually quite like it, I might even work it into this piece somehow once I give it the somewhat big edit I've been meaning to give it for a while. :)
Oh darn, you're right about the speech. To be honest, it didn't even cross my mind while writing this. *blushes* While I think that, out of necessity to make it somewhere in the business world, his speech improved somewhat over the years, you're right, he definitely would have blundered about a bit more. I'll change that for sure. (I'm not sure about him being incapable of higher thought, however--we do only see him through Harry's perspective.)
Hmm. I always saw this piece as Goyle because, well, I was handed the character for a challenge. :P But also because the entire plot sort of revolves around his incident with Crabbe, which I don't feel can be translated to a different set of characters.
Thank you for the review! It was very helpful and will help a bunch once I kick myself into gear for the edit. :) Report Review
Hmm...you never really see Gregory Goyle fics around anymore. I thought you did a really good job. :) Good insight to Crabbes death.
Also, Hermione was a little biotch in this fic if I may say. haha.
One question. Where was Draco at the trial? I would have thought he would have at least been there. And been a witness. Since he was right there with them all. haha. Oh well.
Overall, I thought it was pretty good. Well written.
AnimicAuthor's Response: Wow, you got to this quickly!
Thanks! I'm glad that you think that it was written well and that it was a good portrayal of Crabbe's death. Haha, yes, Hermione is quite ruthless with former Death Eaters, and she was so much fun to write here.
Oh, you make a really good point about Draco. I think I'll throw in a mention of him now, but I don't think Goyle would dwell on him too much at that point in time.
Thank you very much for the great review! Report Review
This was nicely done, you! I liked the characterization and the plot. I didn't see a problem with your flow. I certainly didn't get stuck anywhere.
I had fun with crazy-lady Bulstrode. She was entertaining! I was also very entertained by Goyle every time he butchered the lawyer's name. What a very Goyle thing to do!
I think my only criticism, if you could call it that, was where you explain Crabbe and Goyle's "thing" at the end. It seemed a little rushed, but I can't really offer anything that would make it less so. Even though it added a nice little twist to your piece, I almost feel like it was an aside... like your story could stand alone without it even. I'm more of a minimalist though, so that's just me.
Enjoyed reading this!Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much for the great review!
Ahaha, I'm glad that you liked the botches on Hermione's name. I thought that it would be a very ex-Death Eater thing to do to continually forget the name of a woman you not only worked near, but went to school with for seven years, and I'm glad that you thought so, too. :)
I totally get what you're saying about the rushed part. I was planning to have him return to home and Daphne and mull everything over, but I realized that, well, no one would want to pay his bail and that the Ministry would very likely NOT release him back into society just like that. So, like you said, I ended up sort of rushing it. I'm considering going back and adding an actual scene in Azkaban, with quite a few more paragraphs.
Again, thanks so much for the review! I'm thrilled that you liked the story. :) Report Review
I think this is awesome. Seriously.
Gregory Goyle is such a hard character to write, but I think you did an amazing job! The ending was great. It was a great ending. I was so surprised about the relationship between Crabbe and Goyle, but it's believable and very 'woah'.
I enjoyed reading this, I liked the trial, I think that was well done. It was a bit confusing for me though about why Goyle didn't just lie if he knew that saying 'the dark lord' would put him in jail. It's also so harsh about him having a lifetime sentence in Azkaban... It's a good story though!
Great writing! And great portrayal of a character few people write about!Author's Response: Wow, thanks so much!
Oh, I'm glad that Crabbe and Goyle's relationship surprised you. I had so much fun coming up with the idea.
Goyle didn't lie because there were many "reformed" Death Eaters serving on the Wizengamot--they all knew that he was a Death Eater, and he would receive the same sentence if he had lied. (And before the trial, he was a fairly respected name in the Ministry, kind of like a lesser Lucius Malfoy, he had to have solid proof--kind of like the awesomeness that is Hermione ;)--against him to create a stir.) Ah, I'm a bit confused, too. I'll go back and clear it up a little.
It is harsh, isn't it? But he was a Death Eater, and committed what would at least be considered manslaughter, if not outright murder.
Thanks again! I had so much fun with the challenge, and Goyle came surprisingly easy to me. ^_^ Report Review
Here is the Review:
The plot is good, that's for sure. But yes, the flow is a bit odd. I think you might want to spend the first part of the chapter developing Goyle a bit more and what he does. Try to include a bit more about his relationship with his wife as well. Over all, though, it is a decent story. I promised to be honest, so 7/10 from me. If you decide to change it a bit, feel free to PM me!Author's Response: Thanks for getting to this so quickly!
I'm glad that you like the plot. What you said about the flow was exactly what I'd expected. ;) So I definitely see what you're saying, and I do agree. The thing is (and this probably sounds really odd, but it's been working for me of late), I feel like the first part of the story (at Goyle's house) kind of ran its course it what I wrote for it. Does that make sense? I really like what I wrote for it, and I feel like if I expanded on it, I wouldn't like it so much. At least that's what Madame Muse is saying, and I've learned to listen to her lately. ^_^
But I do agree with you, and I'm definitely going to be thinking about ways to add on to the first part--maybe detailing his character more while he's walking home from work, or having him out on bail after the trial, with his wife. Now I'm simply brainstorming with myself, so I'll spare you the rants. ;)
Again, thank you so much for the review! Seeing your persepective has helped a ton. :) Report Review
This was really interesting! To be honest I never really thought about what happened to Goyle after the war and how he dealt with Crabbes death, so I really a appreciate the insight you brought into this! I also really enjoyed how you gave both of them a back story and with their interest in Daphne. I also really liked how he did not experiance any remorse etc in relations with his allegiance to Voldemort. I love Hermione in this too, you really embodied her character and it was lovely to see her in action as a lawyer. I really liked these quotes for some reason, "Lumbering over to her in the awkward way that he was." (really catches his character, I thought)
"The comment was not spoken as a question, yet there was no doubt that it was one." You displayed the relations between him and his wife so well, I imagine that it would be exactly like this!
-MirandapotterAuthor's Response: Thank you for the review!
I'm glad that you liked the plot--I kept thinking of story ideas to fit the quote (a FANTASTIC one, at that) you gave me into, and I actually started writing this for another challenge when I realized that it could fit into yours as well. :)
It's funny that those quotes were your favorites; they actually happened to be the ones I was most iffy about. I'm glad that you liked them!
Oh, and I had a blast writing Hermione. xD
I'm so happy that you liked this, and thanks again for the awesome review! Report Review
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