Charming.)))
I want to translate it into Russian but I need your permission.
Please reply to my e-mail: Ametist.aleksa @ yandex.ru
sorry for mistakes, grammar is my curse:)

Author's Response: hahaa, glad you like it :) already contacted you so it's up to you to decide what you want to do :P

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I like the idea of Lily giving him a shot because he makes a complete idiot out of himself. That's how i've always seen the two getting together because I just imagine Lily being a softy for people making a fool of themselves. It was utterly and fantastically cute :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm really glad you liked the story! :) I'm trying my best ^^

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I love the guy on your banner! That man is gorgeous!

“…she wouldn’t admit this anyone…” Should be ‘to anyone’

Don’t use multiple exclamations. It really disrupts the story, and distracts the reader. You don’t want to distract your reader. :)

I like why Lily is going to miss James. The way she says he’s a stalker, but sometimes she enjoys the attention. I thought that was funny, and pretty true to life. It doesn’t matter how many times a girl says she hates the attention, 9 times out of 10 she’s lying.

“…pin-board of the common room where the announcement was pinned.” I think perhaps you have used ‘pin’ too often. It’s just because they are so close together in the text. Maybe instead of the second pinned use ‘posted’? It might read a bit better.

Watch your POV’s as well. There was one place, right after Lily reads the flyer for the dance, where it goes from third to first and then back to third.

There are a few places where the dialogue is a bit formal, particularly where James is talking to Sirius. Use more contractions. James is talking to his best friend, not some stuffy old teacher. He wouldn’t be speaking so formally.

“Just a week before dance…” should be ‘just a week before the dance’

“There were 2 other girls in their dormitory but not only them but the other 7th Gryffindor girls were there.” This part needs some clarification. It reads sort of funny. I think I know what you were trying to say, but it took a few readings to get there.

“Sirius, this is your entire fault.” ‘entirely’ rather than ‘entire’

Lmao! Sad clown hooker! Oh, that was good.

You spell Peter’s name ‘Pieter’ throughout. There shouldn’t be an ‘I’. I think that’s a German spelling. Right?

I think you had a really cute idea for this. James and Lily at the end were really sweet, and I’m glad she gave him a chance despite the fact that he looked like a clown hooker.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! It helps greatly :)

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Ha ha, that was so funny and awesome, I really like the story and I hope you continue to do Lily and James!

Have an awesome day!

Author's Response: I'm really glad you like it :) I've never really done James/Lily and haven't really read that many of their stories so I was doing my best not to screw this up :P
I will! :) You just made it awesome! :)

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