I like how this story isn't like the other Sirius/Lily stories, honestly, I truley enjoy this work and I'd love if you'd continue until the very end.
-angieAuthor's Response: Oh, I'm glad to hear that you're enjoying this story. It got a bit confusing for me while I was writing it, but I think if I go back and sort of revise it a bit I think I can continue it. I'm glad that you like it so far, however. Thank you for reviewing! :) Report Review
Hello there... You requested so long ago you may not even remember, but I'm afraid that I've been rather FAIL.
"Just bloody brilliant, Lil, chided her conscience. Now he's going to think you're a loony bin escapee with nothing better to do in her free time than naming the shop's pets." I love Lily's inner voice. It's so very... realistic. It adds a lot to my perception of her. She just seems more of a human being with thoughts.
""I'm more of a dog person, really."" And that's how everyone knows that the handsome man is Sirius. Because really, it's like a catchphrase of his. A good cliche, if you will.
"She hadn't even asked his name." Ah, the mystery of the unknown. Good job on drawing people in, there.
A very good start. =)
xEAuthor's Response: Lol I'm glad you thought Lily's thoughts made her seem more realistic. I tend to make a lot of my characters have thoughts of their own, just because I can't always convey what they want to say through dialogue and description (and I tend to think a lot, myself).
It's a catchphrase? Hahaha. I just thought it would be sort of ironic, because his animagus is a dog. But I'm glad you liked that bit ;)
Thank you for taking the time to read and review! Report Review
Hey Ronsgirl29 here from the forums!
I'm usually a very strong James/Lily shipper, but I did enjoy your story. I guess since Sirius and James are best mates, she could fall for either one of them. And I always had this idea that Sirius had a little thing for Lily (;
I thought it was a cute touch how she didn't learn his name, so she just had to wait each day for this mystery guy to come back without even knowing who he was.
The only thing that seemed odd was that how would lily not know them if they've been going to school together for a few years? I'd understand them not being friends, but not knowing eachother at all seemed a little farfetched, but it worked for the purpose of the story.
One of my favorite parts was when the cranky shop lady was nice to lily and told her to go with her man (: It was nice to see that she actually had a heart, and wasn't truly nasty.
Over all it was a nice read and I'm glad I read it! But of course I'm sorta hoping that James will show up and she'll fall for him instead ;)
-Ronsgirl29Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for taking the time to read!
I'm glad that you enjoyed the story so far, even though you're a J/L shipper for the most part. Your logic is pretty good; I never really thought of it that way, I just sort of started writing and... well, let the story take me where it wanted to go. (: I suppose you're right that it's a bit odd how they don't know each other at all, but I'm glad you thought it worked in the end. As for James... well, let's just say he'll make his appearance eventually (;
Thanks again for reviewing! Report Review
Hello! I'm here from the forums with your requested review. :)
I like your plot idea. I mean really, poor James, but it's really intriguing and I'm eager to see where it goes. (Actually, no 'poor James' from me, I'm not his biggest fan at all, so I have no moral qualms about liking this ship. xD)
Your characterization of Lily is very good, as well. I can really feel her as 'Lily', as well as her being nervous and excited around Sirius. Though I have to ask, if she's fifteen in the story (as the top of the chapter says 1975 and she was born in 1960), wouldn't she already know who Sirius was? She gets introduced to both he and James on the first train ride to Hogwarts, so I'm a bit confused about the dates. Sirius' character was well-done, too--he had an air of haughtiness around Lily, without coming across as the cliched womanizer that he's often portrayed as, so that's a huge plus there from me.
I thought that your description fit in nicely with the flow of the story as well--it didn't go on for paragraphs and paragraphs, and it wasn't too brief, either. I could picture the setting nicely, so good job there.
I think that you've got a good start! I'm excited to see where this goes, so please rerequest once you have another chapter up, if you'd like. :)Author's Response: Hi! :)
I'm really happy to see that you enjoyed this chapter, the characterizations of the two main characters, and the description. As for Lily meeting them on the train their first year - I did not know that until now, actually. :o So, I suppose this story may be a tad AU, but that's alright, I think...
Anyroad, thanks for taking the time to read and review! I'm glad you thought it was a good start, and I will be sure to drop by for another review once I've managed to get the next chapter validated :) Report Review
Hiii! I'm one of the entries for the Regina Spektor challenge too and I couldn't resist having a look at your fic (':
Normally, I don't like Sirius with canon characters - I just feel that they don't conform very well but I liked the mix in this because it makes Lily look more like an actual girl rather than just the brainy bookworm that everyone thinks her to be - something I applaud you for!
Also like patchworkscribbles I did like the bit about how you've chosen to not have James in the picture yet which makes a good change too - surprisingly enough I found this particular song hard to work with but you've done so well with it and the lyrics go well with this chapter, it's brilliant! (:
Keep writing - mostly because I'm selfish & I really do want to read more (':
xxxAuthor's Response: Wow, thank you! I'm really glad that you decided to drop by and give my entry a look - and that you liked it! It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.. :) Also, I'm glad that you think this story makes their relationship (or almost relationship) seem more real without James in the picture, and that you think I've done well with adapting the song to the pairing. ^_^
Thank you for taking the time to read and review! Hope I don't disappoint! The next chapter has been completed, and should be up within the week. Report Review
Hi there! It's patchworkscribbles, reviewing as promised!
Firstly, well done for working with such a difficult mix! I cringed for you when I looked at the list and saw what you'd picked, but you've definitely made it work. I especially like the fact that the title of the story is a lyric from the song! So yes, well done indeed.
I also really, really like the fact that this is going to be spun out into a short story, I'm excited as to where it's going to end up! My favourite aspect of this tale is that you aren't having Lily and Sirius see each other behind James's back, or to his chagrin. The way you've chosen to have them as first lovers, as it were, is far more original than any other Sirius/Lily fics that I've seen. Again, well done for that!
This fic is really chock-a-block full of fantastic ideas and notions, so I'm really, really excited for seeing it all pull together! Thank you for putting forward such a brilliant fic for this challenge, I truly feel quite honoured!
Let me know when the next chapter's up and I'll drop by again ;D
-Patch xAuthor's Response: YOU feel honored? I think I'm feeling a bit honored myself, having just received such a lovely review! Oh my gosh, I'm glad you're so excited for the story! I was really unsure about the whole thing, but I'm glad that you enjoyed this first chapter and think that the idea's original. I haven't read many Sirius/Lily fics myself, but I understand the cliche that they're associated with. Just thought this plot would fit the song a bit better, really.
Thank you again for reviewing! The next chapter should be up in a few days, I hope :)
Nadhira Report Review
good, well written. watch out for punctuation and space between words.Author's Response: Okay, I will double check that, thanks for the tip :) And for taking the time to read! Report Review
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