I think this is becoming quite clichéd. You've got a gorgeous best friend character who seems to have zero flaws, and you've got a gorgeous, smart, rich love interest, although your main character is "normal-looking". I like that Rose isn't tame or boring, but she does run the risk of becoming a character that we've all read dozens of times before. Try to steer away from "perfect" characters, flaws can help a reader relate to your character better and make the story seem more realistic. Don't be discouraged: this is a really popular pairing so it's always going to be a bit over-done.
I mentioned getting a beta in my last review, and I'd really stress that because there are a few grammar and syntax errors that you could have corrected. Nothing too major, but it's worth looking at.
Overall, I think you've got a good characterisation of Rose and a good plot idea although you have a few areas in which you could improve. Keep writing and I hope I was of some help!Author's Response: I think you've got to keep in mind that the narrator is Rose herself, and Suzie seems perfect to her but to other people of course this view is going to be different. I am planning on writing it from different POVs. And yeah I've planned for Rose to have a few flaws which I can't exactly go into because it'll ruin it.
Thank you for reviewing =] Report Review
This runs the risk of being very cliche, although I think Rose's rebellious spirit negates that somewhat.
You've used "The Golden Trio" to describe Harry, Ron and Hermione, and referenced everybody "expecting" James to be a trouble-maker. It comes across that you're taking out-of-world details and using them within your narrative. If you have a beta, they'll be able to pick up minor things like that.
This is a short prologue, so I'm going to review the next chapter as well.Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing. I got a beta after I posted the first chapter so hopefully she should help with stuff like that. Report Review
I love Ravenclaw!Scorpius who is not socially awkward. :D I like this fic and I hope you will continue it.Author's Response: Idk he may be a bit socially awkward, but that's just guys.
Thank you =D
I'll try update soon. Report Review
Great great great prologue. What an excellent way to introduce Rose. I loved the last sentence. haha I would do the same. I can't wait to read more.Author's Response: Thank you so much =] Report Review
Hi, I am back again for your next review!
I really enjoyed this chapter seeing as it is different from all the other ScoRose's (what with Rose being a troublemaker and Scorpius being in Ravenclaw) however in some places I think your flow is a bit off. I reccomend just giving it a long read through and editting it or getting a beta.
Also, I know you are not trying to rush it, but don't make it too slow or your readers will get bored.
Overall I liked reading this chapter and think you have done a good job :)
strawberrydarhlingAuthor's Response: I wanted it to be different, I hate clichÃƒÂ©s.
Yeah, It was that tough chapter where you set the scene and I hate chapters like that haha.
Thank you =] Report Review
OH my god. I love this Author's Response: Thank youuu =] Report Review
Hey! Here with your review :)
You don't need to worry about your story. You have a good plot to base your story on and some interesting characters.
Rose seems like an interesting character. Is she going to tell the story most of the time?
I like your characterisation of Scorpius. Sorted in Ravenclaw; a genius that doesn't shout about it; a totally different personality to what everyone expected. I like him already :) But I hope he won't be boring.
About Lily's character, I'm not sure Ginny had many boyfriends before getting together with Harry. She probably had a few in Hogwarts(canon) but I would have thought they got together straight after the Second War.
I didn't find any spelling mistakes but just to let you know, quidditch is usually written as Quidditch. :)
-Sophia xAuthor's Response: Thanks so much.
I'm going to be telling it from Rose and Scorpius' viewpoint, alternating each chapter.
Of course he won't be boring, he's a Malfoy.
Oh I meant like Hogwarts because I remember Ron being like oh, who is she with now. Report Review
This is a good start and I'm interested in the story. Rose is the wayward one?! Hmm, it will be interesting then ^^ :)
Spelling and grammar is good but I can't really comment on the characterisation at the moment as I don't think I've learnt enough about the characters.
I'll head over to the next chapter and review :)
-Sophia xAuthor's Response: Thank you.
Yeah, I liked the idea of making Rose different because everyone makes her similar to Hermione. Report Review
this is SO good. and yeah, dont rush it! this is perfect! I ADORE how you introduced all of the main characters-- Suzie is great. The dynamic is really believable and engaging. I especially love that when Scor and Rose are left alone, neither of them really have anything to say. It was so cutely realistic! In most romances, there is this ridiculous and sudden "click" between characters, and they have hours of meaningful conversation right off the bat, and it's so unrealistic! That is SO not how it works. Anyway, your story captures two characters in realistic interaction. More, please? puleeeze?
EllAuthor's Response: Thank you!
I'm kinda stuck as to what to write next. I have this problem where I come up with the end and write toward that so everything up to the end is just a blur.
I wanted to make it more realistic I find a lot of fics that have really contrived speech and it sounds far too scripted.
I will try to update as soon as I can. I'm writing two other fics and I'm in my last year in school so it's difficult to balance.
Thanks again. Report Review
Loved your prologue too, can't wait for your next chapter!Author's Response: Thankyou so much for reviewing =D Report Review
okay, good start!
we're plopped right into the story with the opening line, and we're aligned with Rose right away. the thoughts that go through her head are entirely realistic, which is so good. very interested to see where this will go! excited to meet characters.
EllAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing.
I wanted to do a prologue like this as I've never done one before, normally my prologues are just there to set up the story. Report Review
Hi, it's strawberrydarhling here for your review :)
When I first started reading this chapter I thought the first two paragraphs were quite confusing and had to re-read them a couple of times. After I reached the end of the chapter they started to make a bit more sense but this was is still nagging me - I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to know what he told me - and I believe if you changed it to something different it would sound better.
Aside from that little part I really enjoyed the rest of the story. I like the way you have characterized Rose since nobody ever really writes her like that. It just gives a fresh twist on the ScoRose ship.
Another thing that bothered me was that 500 words is quite short and I think the chapter should have been longer nad maybe given a bit more away about the story. Try and aim for about 1000 words, although that is still quite short.
Overall I thought this chapter was great and would love to read soe more so please re-request and I will be more than happy to do you a review for the next chapter :)
strawberrydarhlingAuthor's Response: Thank you so much.
Upon re-reading those lines I realised how right you were. I'm gonna go change it after I finish this response.
I tend to write very short Prologues, it's just the way I do things. You'll see why when you read the first proper chapter.
Thank you for the review, I'll just go re-request =] Report Review
It's great... I'm quite happy that there is a story where Rose is the rebbel. xDAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing =] Report Review
Liked it. Short but I can see it has potential. I'm gathering this is a rewrite of a previous story? Well, I didn't come acros it before if that's the case, but I'm interested to read more of it.Author's Response: Yeah, I tend to write short prologues, the chapters will be much longer, promise.
It's kind of a rewrite. I wrote the prologue and the first chapter and then had no inspiration so I changed the plot a little and hopefully I'll make it past chapter 1 this time.
Thank you for your review =] Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection