There a few mistakes here, but it didn't distract me from laughing. It's a very amusing little one-shot, and I enjoyed reading it very much. :)
The mistakes will be easy to fix if you edit it or get a beta. :)Author's Response: Why thank you! I'll be sure to get that done soon. :) Report Review
Hey there! I think (or hope, rather) that they're in Seventh Year. But it is possible they're in Sixth. I don't think that they'd be allowed to drink in school, which I think you touch on in this, but is also easily explained (they're breaking rules).
This story is right at home in fanon. And that's where it excels. At times quick and witty dialogue, and a strong reliance on the reader to understand who Scorpius and Rose are, and what they must look like (we have chapter images for that - and this one is a very good one at that).
Onto the actual review - this story is fluff. And as such it must be judged within that realm, so AS FLUFF, it's a wonderfully crafted story. Quick, doesn't drag on, and ends before any real drama starts. It's rightfully over the top (Scorpius's ability to send the cattle-like First Years to their very dorms by a simple look).
I wasn't a fan of this story personally, but I'm not one for fluff, so that's my problem, not the story's. Both characters fit into their niche's nicely. There were a few problems in narration that were the only ones that I saw - otherwise the story was perfect (I can't stress that enough) - there was a moment near the middle of the story where Scorpius chuckles (his action) in a paragraph of Rose. It should be moved to the paragraph below, but if it is, then the paragraph would read "He chuckled. Scorpius sighed..." which reads just as awkwardly with the paragraph break intact.
My suggestion would be to take out one of these actions. There's a little too much going on. And other than the idea that they're both in a Common Room and are sitting in chairs with First Years lurking about, I, as the reader, know nothing else, so keeping unnecessary action to a minimum is a must.
The story is a light-hearted endeavor, so I won't go too far in depth while reviewing it, so I'll repeat that I don't like fluff, but this is a wonderfully good, short, fluff story.
Thanks for requesting Bella,
BinxAuthor's Response: Why thank you! And I definitely understand that you didn't really like the story. I've had to review stories whose genres I didn't like. :P
And I will definitely take your advice into account.
Thanks so much for your review! :) Report Review
I'm guessing sixth or seventh year? Though they could be second year. All 'HAA, first years, I'm older and better than you. I'm no longer the newbie at Hogwarts, so I'll get a boyfriend and get drunk and talk about how annoying you are. HA, first years, HA.'
Anyways! I thought it was really funny- short and sweet. The dialogue felt natural, and drunken Rose was hilarious. 'I swear to drunk, I'm not that God!' indeed. Teehee.
I didn't spot any grammer mistakes, which is always good. The pacing was nice- it flew by so fast with all the dialogue and humour. Great job, lovely.Author's Response: Why thank you :) It was a collaboration with my best friend. She wrote Rose. :P Thanks again. :) Report Review
I have to give credit where credit is due. This is one of the funnier little one-shots I've read in awhile :). Heck, I was chuckling reading just the summary so yeah, you did a great job there. I think, between the two, Rose was hilariously funnier than Scorpius but seeing as she's drunk, that does give her a slight advantage ;). I did like the little detail of them already being a couple while this is happening, rather than making it a contrived oppurtunity for them to get together. The little things do count xD.
Answer to author's question: Seventh year, I think? It just struck me that overdrinking would be a way for Rose to deal with NEWTs stress. That's my little theory anyway, heheh.Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm sure my best friend would love to hear that you thought Rose was funnier, as she was the one that wrote her. :) And, yeah, being drunk does make you seem funnier, doesn't? It's the same way with being tired, I think. :) Yeah, I don't really think Rose would really like getting together with one of her friends while she was drunk, as she wouldn't really have known what she was doing.
I think seventh year is a great guess. That's what I think as well. You see, we never really talked about what year, though, come to think of it, that would have been a good thing to talk about. :) Report Review
Hey RandomRed here from the forums.
This is a really short one shot that is just an short period of their live's. I like it but you could probably add more too it.
There is also some bits that made me laugh though.
Ginny45/RandomRed xxxAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for the review!
My best friend and I wrote it, and we only had a limited amount of time, and we liked the length. :)
I'm glad it made you laugh! Report Review
They are definitely not in first year because first years wouldn't be scared of other first years. I feel like they are in... sixth year. Am I right??! Awesome story, I loved it great job!!!
WhatAboutRegulusAuthor's Response: Well, we never really talked about it, but it's definitely either 6th or 7th year. You bring up a valid point! LOL. Glad you loved it, we are going to write some more some time soon, I hope. Hope you'll read it!! Report Review
I'm in love with this story. It's so funny and I'm so excited to read more of your stories.
As an answer to your question, I have no idea. Maybe year seven.
10/10Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm tyring to talk my friend into writing more drabbles (is that what you would call this?) with me. Now that we are back at school, it should be easier to do it. Not to toot my own horn, but we make a pretty funny pair. We couldn't stop laughing, even after we finished writting this. :D
Yeah, I think we figured 7th Year too, but we never really talked about it... Report Review
I really liked this, it was short and sweet and a lovely little ship with rose & scorp - which seems to be one of my favourite ships atm :) xAuthor's Response: Thank you! I love getting reviews! Oh, yay! Anyway, I'm glad you like it. Stay tuned for other drabble-ish one shots. And, if you've read it, more chapters from 'Why Me?' Report Review
hey ur story made me laugh so much, it was so funny n i loved the part when she says to scorpius, "if you and al got in a fight who would be taller" it was really hilarius :D
n also the part where she says "i swear to drunk im not that god"
i loved all of it, it was so funny n i couldnt stop laughinAuthor's Response: Thank you so so much! Report Review
Lovely story. ^^
T'was funny. XD
Oh, & thanks for, like, 'favouriting' my story. (Yes, I'm aware that's not a word).
The story was short, but funny, & I really enjoyed it, ^^.
Great work!Author's Response: Thank you! I was really stressed before reading this but now it's slightly better. Who knew what a good review could do, eh? Ha ha!
~Bella~ Report Review
I must say, we did a jolly good job. We need to write more.Author's Response: Oh, Loony. You need serious help... Report Review
oh this is cool my favorite bit was You really shouldn't drink so much, Rosie."
"I only drink in times of severe distress, you git."
"So, what's the excuse this time, babe?"
"I put my shoe on the wrong foot this morning
"I swear to drunk I'm not that God!"
oh i never laugh so much can't wait 4 more of ur storysAuthor's Response: Thank you! I think that was my favorite part too!
I have a story called 'Why Me?' It's got three or four chapters. I've gotton only positive feedback so I think it's going over pretty well.
Thanks again! Report Review
I would think they are in like year6? or year7?
They look kind of older lol
That story is funny :)
Writer's block, isn't just annoying?
xAuthor's Response: I would agree with the whole year thing. My friend and I didn't specify it, even to ourselves, so...
Thanks, we thought so too!
It is sooo annoying!
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Please Write More, It sounds Interesting :) The Bartender in the common room was really ridiculous, but that is my only complaint. haha I loved It :)Author's Response: We may or may not right more drabble one-shots. We haven't decided yet, though.
Yes, the bartender was supposed to be ridiculous. We wanted to see how long it would take anyone to notice... Ha ha.
Thanks for being the first reviewer for 'Drinking Problems'! Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection