First and foremost... well done! &...
Ahoy there! This is Broomsticks from the forums, clearly pretending to be some kind of reviewing pirate. Ahar me matey, I best crack on with the reviewing, else I be forced to walk the plank! Congratulations if you understood that last paragraph haha! :) I think you've got yourself a lovely little one-shot here indeed!
I loved the way her thoughts rambled and merged and the way she was directing her speech at the reader. I thought her jumping about between thoughts. She seemed very believable. I thought the natural, flow of the words was appropriate considering she is essentially pouring her heart out! Lovely! :)
Like I said, I love the way it flows as a collection of thoughts! It makes the story unique, and it's a rare style that was interesting to read.
The layout of the one-shot is odd too, but I like it. :)
The little characteristics you used to describe this 'dream man' were excellent. They really summed up a character in just a few words, but still let the man retain his mystery.
"This man, he doesnít wear socks and he likes books. A lot."
Love it, love it, love it! Haha! I just love how this shows her desires, and at the same time creates a vivid character. It's very realistic, how she mentions this little traits. The things that make her dream man... HER dream man. It was wonderful, great writing!
- Vivid parts/Favourite parts
"You see, this boy is not real. Heís not fictional, but he certainly isnít truthful either."
I really liked that phrase. It captures the plot and the purpose of this story, I think.
...seemed all fine and dandy to me! I'm not going to nitpick, but I didn't notice any errors while I was reading that stuck out to me and lessened the effect of the story. All was well :D
- Questions/ Anything else
I was just a little confused as to what time it is set, not that it needs to have a time, only her sentance structure seemed somewhat old fashioned and at other times more colloquial? Is that just how her character was meant to be? I get the feeling she is somewhat eccentric! :D
Overall, I love this plot idea. It is true, we do all have our dream guys(or woman!) and I think this one-shot really captures that longing, and the dreaming and the way we create our perfect character. And I like how you discuss the question of his reality in this story :) He is real in ways, fictional in others.
I really enjoyed reading this story, it was a little bit chaotic but I thought that fit the character of the narrator. It was fun to read and a great idea! Well done!
I hope this review has been helpful to you! Thank you for posting, this was great. Thanks for requesting a review as well :)
Now I must go sail the seas, with my parrot named Percy. Yep, I'm back to pretending I'm a pirate!Author's Response: haha. what a fun review!! thank you so much for all of your compliments. her character was meant to be a little out of the ordinary and i am really glad that you did not have a problem with that. thank for all of your help. i will definitely request for another review sometime in the near future. have a great day being a marvelous pirate! Report Review
Hey! Here to review your story!
Normally, these kinds of fics aren't my cup of tea, but I found this pretty interesting. I was wondering the whole time what the girl was talking about. Who was this man that she didn't know in the 'usual sense'? I never really thought that the man was fictional. I think that was pretty cool!
I think the story flowed well, wasn't too long, wasn't too short, but I can't really say much on plot. To tell you the truth, I didn't really see a plot to it. Nonetheless, it was quite interesting! :)
Good job, and keep writing! Glad I could review for you!Author's Response: haha i guess i get what you mean about the whole plot ordeal. you're right, there really wasn't much of one! sorry if that caused you any great confusion or anything! thank you so much for the review! i really appreciate your thoughts. have a fantastic day! Report Review
Hey louiseIShere from the forums
I have to start this and say that this is one of the things that is not my cup of tea. I wouldnt have read this, nomraly.
But in saying that I have to say that I kind of found this conffussing and I didnt get that the guy was made up till the end but I dont know it just is somethink that I dont get how I didnt get it.
BUT I do have to say this is writen great and the words just keeped coming, the story just seems to keep to runing right till the end. I do have to say that I love the last 2 paragaphs.
sorry that I was no helpAuthor's Response: don't be sorry! you were a GREAT help! (: all i asked for was your opinion and you gave it to me. thank you so much for that. i totally understand that you really didn't get this. to be honest, i really don't get it either and that's why i need some input on it. thank you for all of your help. maybe i'll stop by your review thread sometime in the near future? have an amazing rest of your day! Report Review
Spangles from the forums here with your review!
This story has a lot of detail and information in it, and I'm not going to lie, when I first glanced at it I thought "Oh great, lots of long boring description" and dreaded reading all of it. But once I actually started to, I couldn't stop. Looks are obviously deceiving, and those paragraphs weren't long and boring- they were full of a perfect amount of flow and emotion!
You described so much without actually describing something, and you left me wondering after each sentence what was really going on. I had to keep reading to find out! The way that I was left wondering and the way the sentences were written was almost poetic- I would almost call these piece poetry. Very very pretty poetry.
I love this imaginary boy friend your character dreamed up. Well, I guess not really boy friend, more like dream guy. His personality some how manages to shine through even though he isn't even real.
Great job, and thanks for requesting a review! I really enjoyed this story. (:Author's Response: thanks for the review! i'm really pleased to hear that you enjoyed this piece. i'll definitely stop by and request again sometime. have a great day! Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection