Reading Reviews for Pursuing the Unattainable
37 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Pretense Of Perfection Lover...

7th July 2014:
Hello there!!

I really just want to start out by saying that this was an excellent first story, definitely much better than many other firsts I've read, including my own.

I love reading anything from the first war and the marauder era, so this definitely appealed to me. I had honestly never thought that the reason Marlene was killed was because of a jilted lover, but it definitely makes sense, as things like that unfortunately happen all the time. It's even pretty canon compliant, since we are never actually given a reason why Marlene was killed. Wonderful idea! I wish I'd had it first, hehe.

You did an amazing job with Marlene and Travers characterization. I can totally see the two of them doing everthing as you described, especially the part about giving each other dirty looks in the hallway, and then getting tangled up in one another not long after, and in secret.

This story was very powerful, and did an amazing justice to the danger and power of forbidden love. Marlene knows that she will one day have to leave him, and it's crystal clear that neither of them actually wants to feel the things that they are feeling for each other.

I really wish this was a novel, so we could see more of how their story unfolds. Again, amazing job, especially for a first story, I'll definitely have to check out more of your work.

I rarely ever rate stories, but I just can't help myself here...

---House Cup 2014 Review---
Pretense of Perfection, Gryffindor

 Report Review

Review #2, by Faith100z Lover...

6th February 2013:
ghdrfjkytnph this was your first story!? It's amazing! You created such an intricate story and implied such an interesting history (and future) in a short piece. Well done, you're a really good writer!

"Three words that don't tell the whole story." Eeek that is such a perfect line, I love it. It really says a lot about them and their history.

You've done really well at giving the reader insight into the characters in a short amount of words. I really feel like I can identify some of each of their characteristics even after reading only 500 words about them. You really managed to get the characterisation across strongly, in my opinion. :)

And then the author's note! I read that and my mouth dropped open hahaha! It makes the fic so much more dark and complex. I'm glad you included in your AN since it's a lesser known fact.

This pairing in general is just really complex and you've done a super job of showing that. I'm a diehard Sirius/Marlene shipper but I still really enjoyed reading this! :) The flow was very good and I didn't see any spelling errors. Brilliant writing overall, especially for your first story!

Also, sorry for the delay on this review. I ended up with more homework than I originally thought, but better late than never right? :) Great work!

- Faith

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review. I'm sorry for the late response.


 Report Review

Review #3, by Mystique Lover...

13th December 2012:
Wow, I really liked this story. You managed in a small amount of words to really create a story. I was drawn in and I wanted to know more. I wanted to know when Marlene would eventually leave Travers and how did their relationship start? Have you ever considered writing another story or one-shot about them.

I've never heard of this pairing before and reading this has made me want to read more about Marlene/Travers. They seem to be a twisted never ending relationship. Both desperately in love with each other and yet at the same time they hate each other. I especially liked the bit about Marlene asserting herself. That she isn't submissive to Travers.

This was really well written, I didn't see any spelling or grammatical errors and I really enjoyed reading it.


Author's Response: Hello Charlie. Glad to hear so. I have to be honest with you I have and am considering that but I haven’t got time for that and to be honest with you I’m facing a lack of inspiration for it, as I just wrote this all of the sudden and not with an idea in my head.

It seems to be like that, doesn’t it. Well in my head I always imagined it to be a bit headstrong so even in a moment like that Marlene would think and do that. Poor Travers haha!

Thank you for reviewing. Glad to hear so!

 Report Review

Review #4, by luvdobby26 Lover...

19th September 2012:
Hey, it's hidden_secrets from the forums, here with a review as promised :D

This was a great one-shot! You did so well in such a small word limit and managed to create a story out of only 500 words!

I really liked your writing style, and even though you couldn't go into much detail here you seemed to make good use of the words and get the story across. It was clear what was happening and even though we don't get to know too much about the characters, we get to see what sort of person they are. So well done with that!

I liked the plot and how you made it fit with the actual books. I like how you did that! The flow was great, the pacing alike. Overall this was a short but sweet one-shot! Well done J


~ Eilidh xx

Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking time to review even though it was for review tag! Sorry for the long wait concerning the answering, life has been very hectic these couple of weeks.

I'm glad you think so! Well I wanted to keep it canon and seeing we don't know much about her murder I decided to give it another twist. Her being dead because of lust/love than only being murdered because of the order.

 Report Review

Review #5, by AdeleShare Lover...

10th September 2012:
Well I liked the flow of the story overall. It is an interesting and obscure pairing and I really liked it :D I found nothing out of place and enjoyed reading about two minor characters that I sorta remember the mention of, haha. It is well written, you have a very pleasing style. Once or twice I was a little confused as to which character was talking. But other than that I think this was very good :D

p.s. Found you via the review tag topic :)


Author's Response: Thank so much for taking time to review and sorry for the long wait with answering life has been hectic these couple of weeks. Well it is a rather obscure pairing, personally I haven't read a pairing with them as main pairing yet. I'm glad you sorta know who they were as most people don't. Thanks!

 Report Review

Review #6, by Cassius Alcinder Lover...

8th September 2012:
Review tag!

So you definitely made every word count here. You obviously couldn't go into too much detail or background with the word limit, but it managed to capture the essence of what is clearly a very complex and extremely unhealthy relationship.

Marlene's emotional conflict came accross very well, and we can see the turmoil of how she knows they shouldn't be together, but is somehow more attracted to him because she knows it's wrong. Travers meanwhile seems very controling and posseive, which is pretty much exactly how I would picture a future death eater in this situation.

Great use of the challenge!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking time to review! I’m glad you noticed that. Their relationship is really complex and there were many issues lurking beneath the surface that I just touched upon. And he did end up killing her. Many women and girls in real life experienced the same but what they don’t take in account that this is perhaps more dangerous than they thought. In her case she ended up death.

Thank you

 Report Review

Review #7, by missclaire17 Lover...

15th August 2012:
travers killed marlene...
WOW. way to put it in perspective!
wow. im not sure i can form enough coherent words to make a good review thats not considered spam.

its incredible because this is so short, yet its so profound and so amazing and so DEEP.

you've done a REALLY great job with this.
travers killed marlene...
talk about a love-hate relationship.

Author's Response: Thanks for the lovely review! *blush* I thought many people would not know that Travers did actually kill Marlene in canon and just to be sure I added that in my AN otherwise you would get an extremely different view of this story then I planned. Yeah you can say that ;P

 Report Review

Review #8, by Luna Dominique Potter Lover...

15th August 2012:
That was really short, but I got such a feel for the characters and everything! And your Author's Note completely blew my mind: I had never thought of that but it makes so much sense! Good job!

Author's Response: Well it is canon he actually did kill her. I thought many people would not know that Travers did actually kill Marlene and just to be sure I added that in my AN otherwise you would get an extremely different view of this story then I planned. Thanks!

 Report Review

Review #9, by TenthWeasley Lover...

10th August 2012:
Hello -- dropping by from the review tag with a review for you! :)

For your first story, this really was a very well-written one-shot! I love the subjects you chose, too; not a lot of people write about Marlene (or Travers, for that matter) and I like reading a bit about the lesser-known characters of Hogwarts. I love the connection between the two of them, though, with his having killed her later on in the war. That adds a bit of a layer to this story, a meaning beneath the words, and I love it when an author puts more into their writing than just what's on the surface!

You really did write very well, and there's not a lot I can fault here. It's a short but powerful piece; you got straight to the point, and I think you explained Marlene's motivations in a nice, succinct fashion. The only thing that slightly messed me up was the tenses -- sometimes you'd move from past into present tense, and then back again, like below:

She didnt hear him but she knew what he's said. -- Just changing "he's" to "he" in this would fix that, and really, it's not a HUGE mistake. And those bits really were the only parts I'd suggest editing in this! Good work with this story, especially for your first!

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for taking time to read this and review it ( even though it is from the review tag)

Well I'm a huge minor characters and minor pairings lover. They are far more interesting because we know so little about them. That meaning was exactly what I was going for otherwise this would be just a normal teenager 'forbidden love' relationship. that was the reason I chose this pairing.

Ah yes I have a bit of a problem with tenses unfortunately ( I think it's because I'm not a native speaker)

Thank you for pointing that out I will change it immediately. Thank you once again!

 Report Review

Review #10, by AC_rules Lover...

9th August 2012:
Hello there! I actually thought there were things that really rung true about this one - I can imagine a teeanger desperate falling into the whole idea of a star crossed lover type relationship and the excitement of it all, not really realising that it's actually so dangerous that it could actually destroy and tear apart their whole lives. So although this was so short (and I'm always really interesting in stories for this challenge, because I'm a big spender of words), it really struck me as part of a whole big story and really quite sad and interesting.

Yeah, I really enjoyed this :)


Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing! I agree with you I really can see a teenager doing that and feeling like that. Glad you enjoyed it!

 Report Review

Review #11, by slytherinchica08 Lover...

9th August 2012:
I love that you add in the explaination in the end about what is going on in this story and I would really enjoye another oneshot that looked at when she does leave him. I think that this is very interesting and loved the feelings that were displayed in the chapter. I thought you did a good job with this and it was very enjoyable! I never really thought about these two much either in the actual hp world or in fanfiction but I think your oneshot did a great job and I would actually be very interested to read more about these two and how they get together and all the events between them getting together until he kills her. Again I really enjoyed this story! Great Job!


Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing! I thought many people would not know that Travers did actually kill Marlene and just to be sure I added that in my AN otherwise you would get an extremely different view of this story then I planned. To be honest with you neither did I but one day I had a sudden inspiration to write it. My actual intention was to write a Marlene/Sirius but as you can see it ended in this. AS for that I on purposely kept an open end and didn’t choose to write about her murder so that the readers themselves can wonder about it. I gave them a fragment and they have to fill up the rest to their liking whaha. Once again thank you for your lovely review!

 Report Review

Review #12, by Jchrissy Lover...

6th August 2012:
This was a really nice one shot! I think you did a great job contrasting their day and night lives, although I did find myself wondering why. Some of your descriptions referring to her trying to wash away his scent, reminded me a lot of the way an assaulted victim would feel. But then you make it clear she's addicted to him.. Then I also found myself wondering why she knew she would leave him? Why she wanted to stay mentally removed from their intimate moments and if she wanted to seem so strong, why she even came in the first place? I would have really loved more about them.

I think your descriptions and emotions were gorgeous. They made this story feel very real and alive. This was a wonderfully written one shot!!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing! For the challenge I could only use 500 words exact so I couldn’t exactly be elaborated with those points. The way I see it it is as though one side of her is saying to leave him, and the other half is saying enjoy spending time with him. She is dealing with guilt and mixed emotions and the way I see it their relationship is really complex and I hoped that I was clear that despite everything you read there were many issues lurking beneath the surface that I just touched upon. That’s why I liked that you said reminded you a lot the way an assaulted victim would feel. Thanks for your review and I hoped that I could answer your questions if not you can always ask me further about it in my MTA or PM me.

 Report Review

Review #13, by academica Lover...

24th June 2012:
Hello! I'm here from Slytherin Review Tag :)

I really liked this. Your descriptions were really interesting and powerful, and I loved the contrasts you drew between the daytime lives of Marlene and Travers and their secret nighttime flings. I also loved the statement you made in the summary, because I think it sums up this pairing very well.

One thing I noticed while reading this is that sometimes your tense changes from present to past and back again. If you ever go back and edit this, you may want to try to fix those mistakes.

Nice work! :)


Author's Response: Hello!

Well perhaps a bit cliche but it's Hogwarts and I could imagine a thing like this could happen there. Thank you I thought the same myself.

Well yes I have a bit problems with tenses and I will change that in the future.

Thank you!

 Report Review

Review #14, by adluvshp Lover...

11th August 2011:
hey there.

Wow this was a nice little piece. It was short but well-written.
The way you expressed Marlene's thoughts was remarkable. The "I'm bored." made me let out an amused chuckle.
The weird relationship between Marlene and Travers was well portrayed.
For your FIRST story, this was like really good!! (I am saying this 'cause I know my first story was a total mess =P).
I really enjoyed reading this, good job!
I just have a few pointers though, if you ever do an edit, try and make it slightly more longer. Perhaps give 2 or 3 flashbacks to show how marlene and travers came to be in the situation they were in. And perhaps, instead of mentioning in your A/N, you could add in a scene at the end of the story where Travers kills her or the scene where she leaves him (time jump). I think that would add a really good effect to this little one-shot.
Rest, all was good. The scene was nicely captured and the grammar was good too.
Great job, way to go!



Forum Name: AditiDraco95
House: Slytherin

Author's Response: Hey!
Thank you so much for taking time to read it. The “I’m bored” made me also laugh when I wrote it definitely not the right thing to say at that moment . They truly have a weird relationship, don’t they?
Well thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it and I’m sure your first story wasn’t a mess. Well this was for the every words counts challenge so I could only use 500 words otherwise it would have been much larger and all those situations you mentioned would have passed in my story.
Once again thank you so much!



 Report Review

Review #15, by leannemariesnape Lover...

11th August 2011:
This was beautiful. I love shorter stories, and I also love minor characters, so this was amazing! I think I may even favourite it, because it's great. It was so passionate and emotional. I loved how she felt about him. As though one side of her is saying to leave him, and the other half is saying enjoy spending time with him. As far as spelling and grammar goes, it was perfect. I loved the guilt that she has from being with him too- the scrubbing the skin, trying to get his smell out of her mind, just brilliant!
Leanne (leannemariesnape, Hufflepuff)

Author's Response: Thank you so much I’m glad you enjoyed it. I would feel honored if you did end up favorite it. Well yeah even though he’s dangerous for her body and heart tell her to stay and enjoy the moments they have will her brain tells her to leave now. Thank you but I have to credit my beta for that ( and reviewers who pointed out mistakes). Thank you I’m glad you enjoyed it!

 Report Review

Review #16, by LunarLuna Lover...

10th August 2011:
It was very well written, the emotions and the pain where transparent, and we could feel them. The story flowed very well, it was sad, and painful, but extremely well written. I really enjoyed this story, and thought it was interesting, but a little macabre, when you know what happened during the first war (which i only remembered thanks to your authors note). In conclusion, you write very well, and this story was lovely!

~LunarLuna of Slytherin

Author's Response: First of all thank you so much for taking time to review! I do have to agree with you it’s but a little macabre when you know what happened during the first war( seeing it wasn’t really my main focus) Well I thought most people wouldn’t remember such a little detail. Thank you so much!

 Report Review

Review #17, by Celtic_Dreamer7 Lover...

8th August 2011:
Wow. A great backstory to why he killed her. It was vivid and descriptive. "I'm bored." I laughed out loud at this! I bet that wasn't the best thing to say in a moment such as that. I must make note of that. Great one-shot. My only complaint is that it was short, lol.


Author's Response: Well yeah he killed her and they even dated crazy he. I'm glad you liked that I also chuckled when I wrote that. It's definitely not the best thing to say at such a moment. Hahaha! I'm glad you enjoyed it!


 Report Review

Review #18, by Hyenni Lover...

8th August 2011:
oh, this was good.

and i'm not just saying that. this really, really was good. i'm especially glad you included the author's note stating that Travers was the one to kill Marlene - i didn't remember that bit but it suddenly gave the story a whole other dimension!
We should be perfect but we are so mismatched that it hurts.
^ that line right there is brilliant. it's absolutely the right one to be using in your story summary and everything - it's got such a lovely rhythm and bitterness to it.

for a first story? WOW. my first story was pretty pitiful compared to this, and i stuck to main characters. i love that you braved minor characters on your very first go. it's pretty promising!

loved this story - completely brilliant!

Hyenni101, Slytherin (:

Author's Response: Well hello there fellow Slytherin!
I’m glad you truly enjoyed the story! Yeah most people forget the little details and as it was basically the reason I wrote this pairing I decided to put it in the author’s note and prayed people would read the author’s note.
Well I’m glad you like that sentence I’m also quite fond of that sentence too be honest with you.
Wow thank you so much * blushes* Well I’m really fond of minor pairings and characters so yeah
Thank you so much!!

 Report Review

Review #19, by Bookworm045 Lover...

5th August 2011:
This is really interesting. I'd never pictured a Travers/Marlene relationship, especially since he, you know, killed her. It's almost a sadistic sort of love, they've got going on, she left him, he killed her. I almost want to read a novel about it---them coming together, her leaving him, his perspective when he kills her. It would be incredibly fascinating, like this is. And this is only your first story? This is incredible! I love it. You're an amazing writer! :)
-Katherine045 (Slytherin!)

Author's Response: Well great to see you once again. Well yeah I actually never pictured myself writing something like that I first wanted to make a Sirius/Marlene till well this plotbunny got in the way. Well thank you so much * blush* I'm glad you think I'm an amazing writer!

 Report Review

Review #20, by NaidatheRavenclaw Lover...

4th August 2011:
Your FIRST story? You must be on some type of talent pills! It's not possible to have a first story THIS good. Or at least, so I thought.
If you couldnt already tell, this was brilliant. It takes a lot to get me to love a 500 word story. The other one I read was super, but you even had dialogue and romance and stuff in here. How you did that is beyond me.
One thing I did pick up on was a couple of tense issues. You lapsed into the present tense in a couple spots. (i.e. "she knew what he's said" should be "she knew what he had said") It was just slightly confusing to have those errors, but its nothing that you cant fix :) If you want me to point out everything, just send me a PM or something.
Other than that, this was absolutely fantastic. Your writing drips of emotions, and I'm still awed that this is your first story. Amazing job!
-NaidatheRavenclaw, Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the fantastic review! If you could see me right now with this large ridiculous smile grinning the whole time and feeling extremely giddy thanks to you! You truly made my day! Well I well look into to tenses issues and if I don´t come up with it I will definitely PM you. Once again thank you thank you thank you!



 Report Review

Review #21, by DobbysSock Lover...

5th May 2011:
Wow, this was fantastic! This was really well written and it dragged me in instantly. I'm so glad I read this! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking time to review. I'm glad you enjoyed it

 Report Review

Review #22, by SilentConfession Lover...

4th May 2011:
Hey! I really liked this, it was so incredibly beautiful! I loved that beginning sentence! Did you write that yourself or were you given that as a quote? Anyway, i also loved you tied the ending in with the beginning, it really brought everything that Marlene was feeling about this situation.

What you have here is so incredibly powerful and describing how he's manipulated her into feeling the way she does. Also, the fact that he killed her in the end just gave me shivers throughout reading this short little interlude. I loved how you wote Marlene and her character feel so complete in with such a short story!

There are just so many lines in the short piece that i adore and i can't really focus on any one. I especially loved the whole i love you, i hate you, i want you, and i need you. I thought i was so beautiful and summed up this whole story of guilt and remorse quite well. Anyway, very interesting premise you have here, great job portraying this so well! 9/10

Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking time to review I"m glad you enjoyed it. No I have actually wrote it myself so it wasn't given to me. Well I'm glad you liked that because if I remember correctly there were some other readers who didn't.

Thank you so much you really made me giddy and blush. Yeah and I agree with you he did sort of manipulate her but he's a Slytherin so that probably explains why. But once again glad you enjoyed it .



 Report Review

Review #23, by SeverusSnape15 Lover...

22nd April 2011:
Though this story is short, it's good. I wish ait was a bit longer, and told a bit more detail, but it doesn't matter, because it's interesting to see this. Seeing as Travers killed Marlene, it's odd to see that he had such relations with her. Very nice One-shot! :D

Author's Response: Well it was for the every word counts challenge that's why it was so short and I wasn't able to put more detail in it but I'm still glad you enjoyed it



 Report Review

Review #24, by daliha Lover...

12th April 2011:
A wonderful first story this is! It's bittersweet and realistic! I love this and I'll make sure to check out your MTA.


Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking time to review! I'm glad you enjoyed it and I will soon answer your questions on MTA



 Report Review

Review #25, by Fellytone Lover...

12th April 2011:
OK. So I noticed that the status of this reads 'completed.' You might want to fix that you know... ;) Haha jk sort of. Unless you happen to change your mind. This was brilliant!! It was just... wow. I loved it so much! (:

Author's Response: Well thank you! *blushes* Maybe I will change it in the future when I've got inspiration but at the moment I'm pleased with it the way it is. Glad you enjoyed it!



 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>