Told you I was going to read this, didn't I? :P
Well, this was, same with the other one, utterly mindblowing-ly fabulous. I love this to bits, and I completely agree with you, leaving the characters nameless really does enhance this story.
Gosh, truly brilliant! :DAuthor's Response: Thanks so much! I'm so glad you decided to read this one also. (: I really can't put into words how happy your reviews have made me! Again, thanks so very much. (: Report Review
I LOVE THIS! It's so, so, so, so different from Baby Steps but in a completely good way. Of course Baby Steps is great but I never would have expected this wholly different style - it is definitely a pleasant surprise.
This is a really interesting and unique situation - I don't think I've ever read a fic, romance or otherwise, with a similar plot. I mean, sure, there's love-hate and unrequited love and all of those typical plotlines, but the way you've constructed this is just completely original. I have no idea how you got this idea, it's fabulous.
The descriptions are all very vivid, and even though it's a oneshot, I felt like I really knew so much about the characters, especially the girl. She is a really intriguing character, what with the 'semi-famous' and the way everyone is so afraid of her. I want to find out more and that is always a good effect for a fic to have on readers!
I definitely did not expect the piece to go in the way it did, which is another great thing in a fic. It was very surprising. And not a happy ending - which is always unsettling, but lots of times I love unhappy/incomplete endings. The way you kind of abruptly cut this off was very forceful.
The lyrics fit this perfectly.
You had better write some more oneshots and/or other fics - you're obviously an uber-versatile writer, so I really want to read more of your styles/capabilities!
-EvieAuthor's Response: Ah, I'm so glad you do! Quite a few people have mentioned that this is far different from Baby Steps, hopefully that's a good thing!
I get a lot of random story ideas in my head and they end up being longer than one shots, but this one was just so perfect for a one shot. The song really did inspire it. I was walking my dog, the song came on and the idea popped in my head. I'm so glad you like it!
I don't usually like writing description, but this was different for me since it was a different style. I'm glad you liked it. I really like the girl a lot actually. She's more intriguing than the boy character I think. The artist who made my banner made her picture the main one, and I was actually really glad she did, haha.
I actually didn't expect it to end the way it did either, and then I wrote it and I just didn't want to change it. I like unhappy endings too, particularly with something as angsty as this is.
I'm glad you thought the lyrics fit, no one has mentioned that yet, and I thought it was very important, as the story wouldn't have been written without them.
Since it's summer, I would love to write some more things! I'll have a lot of time.
Thanks so much for your review!! (:
Sara Report Review
First of all, I fully aplogize for the delay. But I didn't forget your request:) So, here I am.
You'r right, this is really unconventional. But not in a bad way. The fact that the caracters are nameless leaves much space for imagination. I liked that a lot. Especially when the boy had enough from her being cruel and sadistic. It shows that being dead honest and telling someone your opinion can be a good thing.
I also like the stile. It fits the plot, because the story is full of tension. The lack of commas makes it a bit breathless, and with all the built up tension it's a round thing.
I hope I was able to answer some of your questions!
Great work, and keep writing. Btw, I lobe your other story, Baby Steps:)
MirielAuthor's Response: Don't worry about the wait! I've been extremely busy the last couple of weeks too, so it's quite all right.
Thanks for the commentary! I'm glad you liked the nameless thing, and the style. The story is very tense, and I thought the lack of commas really added to that. Also, breathless is a really good way to describe it, I hadn't thought of that before.
Thanks so much for the review, you cemented in my mind that unconventional works. (:
Glad you like my other story too. (:
RBD, this was truly amazing. You capture an awful lot of angst in a very short space of words. And this was so thoroughly insightful, I had to single it out:
"She's not leading me on, not in the general sense of leading someone on. But for me, she is leading me on. By the simple idea of her talking to me and telling me her secrets, she is giving me this horribly delusional idea that she wants me as much as I want her. And she doesn't, of course."
You've got a VERY firm handle on the teenage male psyche with that. Impressive.
This was just excellent, right down to leaving them nameless. I think that was a wise choice.
Then ending...Be careful what you wish for? Excellent stuff.
TEWAuthor's Response: Wow, thanks so much! I've written angst before, but never posted it until now, so it's awesome to know that I can pull it off.
I've always enjoyed writing from a boy's perspective rather than a girl's. Sometimes it's easier. But I am truly glad that you think I've got a good idea on how the teenage boy's mind works.
The nameless thing. . . I agree with you, giving them names would have given them preconceived personalities.
Glad you liked the ending as well! I did too.
Thanks so much for your awesome review, TEW. (: Report Review
This is quite a departure from Baby Steps! But it's good. It's really good. I really enjoyed how you left out the characters names. It makes it seem more genuine in a way. These people could be anyone and it really makes the reader have to think more and make more connections by themselves which is actually quite nice. You're a great creative writer!Author's Response: Your reviews always have a great way of making me smile! But yes, it is indeed quite the departure from Baby Steps. It makes me oh so very happy that you liked my one-shot so much. I think leaving out the names makes it a little more raw, and definitely leaves it open for speculation. I think leaving out the character names also makes readers pay more attention the the characters as their own people, rather than characters with preconceived personalities like Teddy, Dom, Rose, etc.
It's awesome that you think I'm a great creative writer. I've never really thought that myself, I've always been more concerned with grammar and syntax. But this one-shot was a lot of fun, hopefully I'll do more things like this in the future.
Thanks so much for your review! I'm so glad to see a fan of my novel reading and reviewing my other stuff. (: Report Review
First off, since I like stating the obvious... this was quite different from Baby Steps. Not in a bad way, of course.
Second (when did I become this structured?), you're right, it was a good idea to leave the characters nameless. I have to say that I was looking for names while I read this, but this was for the better. Names bring associations (and expectations) with them, so without them, readers pay more attention to the actual plot.
The girl doesn't seem too nice at first. She knows that everyone loves her (right?), although it can't really be for the way she acts.
Why did she pick him, by the way? If she doesn't want to be seen with him, you'd think she should've just asked (or told?) someone else to help her, right? Or is it exactly because he has no friends, so she can be sure that he won't tell anyone about the tutoring sessions and everything she tells him about her life? That's sort of twisted. Would it have been her plan from the beginning to talk to him about her life?
I like the fact that the boy finally (after years and years) stood up for himself and told her off. I bet she's not used to that. Though I have to say her response was surprising :) It was unexpected that, apparently, she knew that she was horrible to him and she understood that he had every right to hate her through and through (even though I don't think he really did hate her that much (or at all?)). Usually people who are like this (at least in stories) are too blind to understand that, so that's definitely original.
They both seem quite confused, don't they? And there are so many possibilities of what could happen now - I mean, will the tutoring continue after this? If people really saw them, what would they say? Anyway, it's nice that this doesn't have a happy ending (although I suppose it sort of has one, because he finally got to say what he's been wanting to say for years, and they kissed, and he seems in control of the situation, for once, by walking away; he's not just her puppet anymore). There aren't just happy endings in life, after all :)
So yeah, great story!Author's Response: You're awesome for reviewing my one-shot as well as reviewing every chapter of Baby Steps. It definitely makes an author feel good to know that readers like all of the author's work. You're one of a few to mention that this is quite a departure from the style of Baby Steps. It's nice to know that readers don't define me to one particular style . . . ahem 'fluffylovecomedy.' The style in which this one-shot was written is actually quite similar to much of my other work, sans Baby Steps. I write a lot of vignettes, and things that could be interpreted as movie scripts. I'm also very big into stream of consciousness type writing (just ask me about my favorite books, and you'll see what I mean.) But anyway, on with the actual response (sorry, I tend to get carried away.)
I love that you say that character names bring an expectation for the character's personality. You're absolutely right, which is one of the reasons I was having trouble deciding who to write about. The characters were mine and I couldn't imagine who in the Potter world could possibly 'play' them. So I agree with you, leaving them nameless was the best decision in the long run.
No, she isn't too nice. She's a stereotypical popular girl, the kind you see in movies. As far as why she picked him goes . . . there is always the possibility that she reciprocated his attraction to her. Hence her initiation of the kiss at the end. But that is left to speculation, as we never get into the girl's head.
The girl may not know herself as well as the boy knows her, but she knows herself well enough to know that she is, in fact, horrid to the poor boy. Could this be because she is attracted to him and tries to cover it, or she is just in denial of her feelings? We may never know. (;
You know, your reviews have quite a bit of depth. '(even though I don't think he really did hate her that much (or at all?)).' You are quite right. He does not hate her. Well, he does and doesn't. It's a hate-love thing, you know?
Yes, they are rather confused! The song really inspired that, and even if you didn't listen to it, I hope the lyrics at the beginning made better sense after reading the one-shot. You're right, their situation has boundless possibilities. Anything could happen with them. For now, I'm leaving that up to the reader for speculation. It has a fairly unhappy ending. They both kind of get what they want, yet neither (at least, the boy) are satisfied.
Thanks so much for your review! And I do apologize for the ridiculously long response, but I get carried away sometimes . . . (: Report Review
I imagined this as Lorcan/Dom. Well, thats me at least. I quite liked this, it was very raw and I don't really see that very often. I actually was able to relate and connect to this story very much which is special because for me at least I dont really relate at all to many stories. Wonderful Job,Author's Response: Wow, you're awesome for reviewing this without being requested! I've been imagining the girl as Dom as well, the boy I'm not too sure about. For now, they'll just be nameless. To be honest, most of my other writing is very raw and a mess, Baby Steps is a totally different style than anything else of mine. But I'm glad you thought that worked out well. You're not the first person to say this story was relatable, and I'm really glad it is. Really, really, really glad actually.
Thanks so much for your review twitch! I appreciate it bunches and bunches. (: Report Review
Ronsgirl from the forums here (:
Sadly, I have not read babysteps YET because I haven't had the time, but I have heard good things about it and I will certainly read it soon!
You said it was hard for you to write angsty, but I thought you did a wonderful job! I love that you left the main characters nameless, it adds to the angst in a way.
For some reason I saw the girl being Dominique, she had that vibe. The guy though, I'm not so sure about. I couldn't really place a finger on it. I was feeling maybe Scorpius? Ah I dunnoh. He's unique, so being nameless works for him.
The first paragraph was halarious, and then it transitioned into some nice angst, which I throughly enjoyed. The ending was sad, but it ended perfectly for their characters. The kiss scene also worked really well for the way you characterized them, and I'm glad they got to kiss at least once. I'm also glad you've kept them apart at the end. Neither seem ready to be together, or capable for that matter, until they grow up a bit. You've created such wonderfully flawed cahracters, I love it!
Great job, you have a lot of writing talent! And you can totally handle angst :DAuthor's Response: Wow, it's awesome that you've heard good things about it! That definitely makes me smile. But I'm glad you'll be reading it soon. I love to get new readers!
Angst is. . . well it's hard for me with HP characters. I've written slightly angsty vignettes before, but they've never been anything like this, which is why this was so difficult to post. I'm so glad you think I can pull off angst! That makes me feel wonderful that I can pull off something that's not fluffy love humor comedy. The nameless thing was something I waffled about for a while. But I ultimately decided there was nothing else I could do with it.
As far as Dominique goes, she was who I originally was going to have as the female character, but I couldn't think of a good male counterpart. At least not one whose character would have fit my male character's voice. I considered Scorpius, but that's becoming a rapidly popular ship, so I decided it was better nameless.
Haha, I wrote the middle of the story first, where they're in the present tense. The beginning was written a few hours later. But I thought it was funny too, something to balance all the ANGST, hahaha.
I originally was considering just letting them get together at the end, but the ending I gave them left it open to either a sequel, or just speculation. Woo, I wrote a good kiss scene! I didn't want to make it all mushy or anything, so I'm glad you felt that I wrote that well. The two of them definitely aren't ready to be together, and if I ever decide to write a sequel, we'll find out if they eventually get that way.
I'm so happy you think my characters are flawed and in a good way.
Writing talent? Wow! Thank you so much, that's wonderful to hear. I'm always afraid people won't like the way I write.
Thanks so much for your awesome review! (: Report Review
I'm really disappointed - not in this story - but for you because there are no reviews on this one-shot. I've been having the same problem with my stories so I feel your pain. This is really, really good! At first I wasn't sure how to feel about it but then I realized I was raptly reading it, not getting distracted like I do while reading other stories and over-all enjoying it! You didn't have any grammar or spelling mistakes that I could detect except for one's that you did on purpose so that's a bonus. I really could picture the two characters, seeing a bit of myself in both of them, and loving them at the same time. I like how you left them nameless, it was a good move on your part. All the emotions, the feelings, are so real! You really managed to bring this sort of situation to life. Good job!Author's Response: You definitely had me a bit scared there for a minute! Haha, I was about to be devastated. I'm the same way about stories, I can never decide if I like it until I realize that I read it all the way through without stopping once. So I'm really, really excited that you read it without getting distracted. I'm glad the purposeful grammar mistakes didn't seem like real mistakes, I was a bit worried about how those would work. The point of the two characters was to be able to empathize with them both. You don't really like one of them more than you like the other. And I definitely see a bit of myself in both, but I did write it, haha. When I was writing it, I had no idea who they should be, and I felt like leaving them nameless was my only option. I'm really glad that you think that was a good idea. And it's absolutely awesome that you think the emotions were real. I can never be sure if that's something that works well.
Thank you so much for the awesome review. Seriously, I haven't stopped smiling yet, it makes me feel wonderful to know that someone enjoyed my one-shot. (: Report Review
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