Reading Reviews for Not At All Extended
  
4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ravenclaw_princess Not At All

7th November 2014:
*sob* this was really sad but I liked it none the less. It was well crafted, kind of poetic, and I liked the use of repetition. Each stanza detailed another part of Hermione which was shutting down as she crept closer and closer to death. The sentences were well crafted and very descriptive, painting a heartbreaking tale of Hermione's physical state as well as her mind as she realised her fate.

I also liked how there were so few words in this story, and the few there were, were so powerful.

Amazing story. Well done

Author's Response: *sobs* I'm sorry it made you sad. But I'm also glad because that's what I intended in the first place! :O confusedcarla is confused.

Thank you.. I'm glad you liked the repetition. That was the line that really haunted me all throughout the before, during and after the writing of this so it made sense to use it as I did.

I'm glad you think the words were powerful. Your words make me smile. Thank you..

--Carla


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Review #2, by ReeBee Not At All

21st January 2014:
Carla!! Why!! Why why why! I thought I'd come check out some if your older works as a present for winning the DMAs! So here I am! And now I'm sad :( this was so so good though! The writing style! Eep! And the atmosphere! Gah! And Draco is so sweet!! :D But so sad! :/ well, it was still amazing though! :D great job on another fic Carla! :D

-Curie

Author's Response: Curie, I miss your face...
But, thank you. I loved writing this story. Atmosphere is one of the things I like most to write (saves me from writing stilted dialogue)

I didn't really want it to be sad. But it wouldn't end any other way. I'm glad you like it, bae.

ilu.
-Carla


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Review #3, by Violet Gryfindor Not At All

18th December 2013:
This is a very interesting one-shot - it's excellently atmospheric and the ending is powerful. That sentence near the end, where you describe Draco knowing that he's holding death, was fantastic - it hits the reader hard, yet it's a very subtle line. I love it when authors can find new ways of saying things, and what you did here was so much more effective than saying "she died" or using a familiar euphemism. She slips away so slowly that it feels like she isn't going to die - she literally fades, everything shutting down with painful slowness. It sounds like you put a lot of care into constructing this story and making the descriptions and the pacing just right, and all of these things, together, result in a moving story.

Before starting the review, I did a quick comparison between this and the shorter version, and I can't decide which one I like better. The other one has a nice simplicity to it, and the repetition stands out more, but at the same time, this version has more intensity because you were able to draw out the images and emotions that much further. There were places in the first few paragraphs where the language was a little wordy, with some unnecessary things (like "it was all in futility" and "it was a futile effort"), but I really liked the effect of the descriptions, how because of the darkness, you evoked other senses and focused on interesting details like Hermione's thirst and her humming. Adding these things really enhanced the story.

I can see why you felt compelled to make an extended version. And I think you expanded to just the right amount - to go further, even though I'm curious about how the characters got to this point and what happened to the others on the battlefield, would be to lose the structure. The repeated "not at all" statements are incredibly important, and the story grows well around them. They're like an echo in Hermione's mind as her body slowly shuts down, especially near the end, when it's that she knows she won't be afraid anymore. That progression was perfect, how it's at first that she couldn't be afraid, then that she would tell him that she wasn't afraid, and finally that, in death, she knows that she'll never be afraid again. Amazingly done!

Great work with this one-shot, Carla! I don't know if I've ever read your stories before, but it was lovely to see that you write as well as make gorgeous graphics. I'll be on the look out for more from you in the future! ^_^

Author's Response: I think you know already, Susan, that this review totally made my day. I did leave a comment about it but in case you didn't read that I just want to say again... This was the first thing I read when I woke up and I was feeling disgusting and then I read it and I was smiling again so THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.
Onto actually 'responding' to your review... First off, I was actually quite surprised that you reviewed this. Some people I've talked to mention that they like the shorter version OR that they didn't want to read this for fear that it would ruin the shorter version... But I am glad to get an opinion on this one-shot. Especially from someone that I admire and respect as a writer. (and in graphics but that's a different matter, lol)
I'm glad you found it atmospheric and you liked the ending. I remember thinking, ever since I started writing that what I wanted more than anything is an ending that would stick with anyone who reads it and I'm glad you think that's the case...:)
I admit, I read through it again and this is in dire need of trimming in some places! To be honest, I was just so excited to actually make an extended version that I piled on the words (mostly just because I can, which is no excuse I know!)
To be honest, I myself have no clear idea HOW Hermione found herself there (well, Draco took her) but as to HOW she came to be in such a state and how the battle is going before she arrived there I have no idea either. I guess, I was just as confused as Hermione was...
Anyway, cue crying Carla (see what I did there? anyway, I digress). That was a sweet way to end a review. By making me cry.. Thanks, Susan... you don't know how emotional this review made me. haha. And I mean that in the most sincere and happy way possible. -glomps-

--Carla


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Review #4, by flawlessbutton Not At All

11th January 2011:
"Draco, feeling the up and down pattern that marked life stop from the person he held in his hands knew that he was holding death." Loved the sentence xD
Nice story, even though I think your other version was better in its simplicity. But I love that it is still a bit different, even though it has the same structure :)

Author's Response: Thanks. I liked the other one better too... I've never been for simplicity and was surprised that I'd made that in 500 words. But this extended version was screaming to get written so I had to indulge it.xD

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