Congratulations on your third place.
I'll be honest and tell you that i've never given Ernie very much thought. He's just the pompous membet of the Hufflepuff Trio, always with Hannah and Justin. You've made him tragic and sympathetic and it works.
NAuthor's Response: Thank you! I've never really given Ernie much thought before either -- he was pompous and not terribly likeable, but that was through Harry's eyes at one particular moment in time. I really liked exploring what he was really like here, and I'm so glad it works. Report Review
I really liked this. It's a lot different from anything I've read about the Hannah/Neville stories that I've read. How few of them are out there, but none of them seemed to describe how Ernie felt about the situation.
Before the couples were named, I did think it would be Hannah/Ernie and not Hannah/Neville. So saying that Ernie liked her isn't too far off the mark or unbelievable.
It gives this piece a sense of realism. Unrequited love is, unforuntately, quite common.
I like how Ernie compares the two women, and relates them only by their yellow shoes.
I was also quite glad that you remembered that Hannah's hair was blonde. I've seen people try to give her brown or red hair and it drives me batty. It says in the books that she's a blonde.
As you can probably tell from the gushing - I like your characterization of Ernie.
As far as flow goes, it flowed very nicely. The same goes for grammar and spelling. I didn't pick up on any errors there. That's always nice because it gives the piece a polished look.
I think that you pulled off the first person rather well. It wasn't overly descriptive, but not everyone is going to give detailed accounts of their events. Especially when they're talking to someone they know.
Good luck in the challenges. At this time, you're my only entry, so you'll win all the prizes if that doesn't change! ^_^
LindersAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for the review! I must say, I didn't think about this half as much as you did :P Relating them only by their yellow shoes didn't cross my mind, but it sounds awesome when you say it, so I'll go with it! And Hannah's always been blonde. She...doesn't work any other way in my mind. So hooray for that!
I'm so glad you liked it. Thank you for setting the challenge, too. Report Review
I was instantly intrigued when I saw this under 'New Stories' at TGS, for I have never read a Ernie Macmillan/Hannah Abbott. And come to think of it, I don't beleive I have ever read anything of Ernie to begin with. I feel bad I so often forget about him.
Moving on, yes. Okay, well this was lovely. I want to give Ernie a big hug because I think he needs one. There is very much a sense of nostalgia, a sense of wanting what could have been, that goes with his character. It's both sweet, how he pays so much attention and knows things, yet so heartbreaking, how he knows she doesn't fancy him.
I always love to read about uncommon [I can't think of the right word] characters. It often seems as those that go forgotten often have the best stories about them.
Anyway, lovely job dear. I really enjoyed reading this!
ColletteAuthor's Response: YOU SPOIL ME. I really don't deserve all this. xD Thank you so much, love, for all the reviews. I've never read anything to do with Ernie either - Hannah Abbott's been mentioned as Neville's wife, but I've never seen her really either. And certainly not an Ernie/Hannah, though the idea isn't terribly far-fetched and if we searched hard enough I'm sure between us we could find quite a few.
I think he needs a big hug too. He notices plenty, but I can't see him being terribly bitter about the whole ordeal - he accepted it and just...watched what could have been his life unfold. Which is really terrible.
Minor characters? I love them too...as can probably be seen from my author page. XD There are so many possibilities, and you can do so MUCH.
Thank you milions, Collette!
- emma xx Report Review
I enjoyed this story a lot. Many of the stories that happen after the battle involve major sweeping changes. It's refreshing and realistic (although a bit sad) to read about things being mostly the same. Change takes time.
There are a few typos and errors, such as in the sixth paragraph when you say: "I opened my mother to speak." And at the end of the paragraph, I think you're missing a word or two in the sentence: "You looked so sad that I couldn't for a response." Just a few little things like that.
Overall, I really enjoyed your story. I think you captured an interesting side of a character we don't know well.
As a side note, I'm also in the What Happened Challenge and got Hannah Abbott, so I'd like to thank you for writing this. I had just finished my story and was about to post it when I read your story and was reminded that Hannah worked at the Leaky Cauldron and not the Three Broomsticks. So thank you for inadvertently saving me from making such a silly mistake. :)Author's Response: Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry. XD Opened his mother indeed. I'm putting edits in the queue as we speak, thank you millions for pointing that out! I read over it twice, but you know how you don't catch your own typos? Mind you, I got other people to read over it too, so I don't know what happened there. XD Thank you for the review as well!
Inspiration for depressing unchangedness (as well as the ending) was T.S. Eliot - modernist poet, pretty unhappy as a rule. I'm so glad I managed to capture his character, though - I couldn't make him quite as pompous as I wanted, but I tried my best. XD And you're very welcome about the Leaky! Very easy to get those two mixed up, but the Three Broomsticks would not have worked at all for my story, so it's a good thing she did.
Ramble over, and your review makes me so happy. -squishes to bits-
- emma xx Report Review
This was a very touching story to read. I don't recall ever reading an Ernie Macmillan fic before, so this was a very interesting read!
I think you got into his head very well and captured his emotions brilliantly. I feel so sorry for Ernie, but I like how you ended it.
There's really nothing bad to say this. A very well written short one shot :)Author's Response: Thank you so much! I don't recall reading an Ernie fic either, but I haven't read much. I'm happy you think I captured his emotions - I felt very sorry for him too, and I really wanted to give him a happy ending...but I just couldn't. And I think the unhappy ending works better anyway.
Thank you, once again!
- emma xx Report Review
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