Reading Reviews for Peek-a-boo
  
18 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Millarz Peek-a-boo

22nd November 2011:
This is funny! I liked how you wrote about something that people wouldn't normally think about writing (meaning the mermaid window)! I liked it! Good job!

Author's Response: Thanks for the kind words.

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Review #2, by ericajen Peek-a-boo

6th March 2011:
JORDANJORDANJORDANJORDANJORDAN.

Hello.

THIS IS SO CUTE/FUNNY/ENTERTAINING.

I fangirl over you just for the fact that you wrote from the mermaid in the prefects' bathroom perspective. You win, just for that. And then to be so awesome? Hmph. You're going to make people jealous. (Like me.)

Basically, I giggled throughout the entire story. That is one cheeky mermaid. And also, Cedric Diggory. Yum. :D

ILYJORDAN.

Erica.

Author's Response: ERICAERICAERICAERICAERICA.

Hey there.

OMG YOU ARE WAY TOO NICE! *tackles*

I fangirl over YOU because you just wrote the nicest review ever. You win, just for that. We both win. It's great. And then you to be so awesome? Hmph. You're just making me happy. (Like you.)

Basically, I'm so happy that you liked the entire story. That is one cheeky mermaid, I agree. And also, Cedric Diggory? Not just yum. Super yum. :D

ILYERICA.

Jordan.


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Review #3, by TheProphecy Peek-a-boo

15th February 2011:
Helloo!

How are you liking the review bombing so far?? :D

So, I like your mermaid, she makes me giggle how she is attracted to Cedric. I like how she relates it to a game of peek-a-boo. Like all her inner thoughts on Cedric, and how she narrates what he’s doing. I also love her characterisation, you don't expect much personality to be in a painting and I think you’ve done it just right :).

I think you could've gone into slightly more depth with emotions, I know it would be hard to fit into the fluffiness of the story. But maybe what it was like to be stuck in a painting sort of thing…just a thought :D

Next Bomb!

Author's Response: I am loving the review bombing. ^_^

I will look into going a little more in depth with the emotions...to be honest, I slightly remember writing maybe one sentence about her being stuck in the painting in the beginning of the one-shot, but I'm not too sure, haha! I'm glad you liked the mermaid & her characterization - this was really fun for me to write!

~foundriapenguin


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Review #4, by Fleur Delacour Potter Peek-a-boo

27th January 2011:
This was fun, short and sweet. I like how you used the mermaid. I've never heard her mentioned in fanfic at all. Ever.
Cedric is perfect as always.
Nice job. It made me happy :)
Fleur

Author's Response: haha thank you for reviewing! I'm glad it made you happy & that you liked it! :D

~foundriapenguin


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Review #5, by Indigo Seas Peek-a-boo

16th January 2011:
Ee hee hee. There's this ridiculous grin plastered on my face that makes me look like an idiot, but I don't care! That was so lovely! That was really, really lovely!

I love the voice you have throughout here. I mean, really, it's so strong. I suppose it kind of has to be strong, what with you talking though a fictional character and all, but it was still awesome nonetheless. I just loved that she had such a strong personality even though there's only 700 words of her. Lovely.

And the originality! In all my years on HPFF, I can assure you that I've only read one other story about the mermaid in the painting. I love the uniqueness that you have here, and it's such a lovely breath of fresh air from stale fiction. Lovely.

Um. lovely! LOVELY. I loved it. Meaning it was lovely.

xx Rin

Author's Response: UM YOU SORTA JUST MADE MY DAY. < 3
Thank you so much for this super kind review :) I actually did this one-shot for a challenge, so I can't claim originality about the actual plot idea, but I do love the mermaid in this story. She's conceited yet so hilarious. XD And lol, yeah, only 700 words - I like to be concise. :) Again, thank you!!!

~foundriapenguin


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Review #6, by Abhorsen Peek-a-boo

20th June 2010:
Haha! That was really cute. I enjoyed your narrator's voice; she was swift thinking and convincingly confused when Cedric didn't immediately recognize Mermish for what it was.

I did think that you might work a little on the flow of the piece. It seemed, at times, a little bit disjointed.

Sweet little one-shot. 8/10

Author's Response: Heh, yeah, I'll get to work on flow for that as soon as I can! Thanks so much for your input and for reviewing!

~foundriapenguin


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Review #7, by Riya Potter Peek-a-boo

7th June 2010:
It was a really FUNNY story...

Wow! I lyk humorous stories but I don't write dem. I think, u must b njoying writing such stories, don't u? By d way, I njoyed reading ur story...

My mood changed drastically!

U hv written dat u Eat reviews! How do u do dat? Ha! ha! ha!

I won't eat reviews if I get some! I mean, I preserve dem as I get very few ones!!

By d way, u can eat dis review, it will taste gud...it will smell gud... coz ur story is gud!!!

10/10

Keep writing... :)

Riya

Author's Response: Haha yess this review tastes good! 10/10? Wow thank you so much! And yeah, I really really really love writing stories like this. ^__^ I'm glad you liked it!

~foundriapenguin


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Review #8, by Ronsgirl29 Peek-a-boo

26th May 2010:
Hey ronsgirl29 here with your review, finally!

Sorry it took so long, I did write a review earlier, but right when I was going to post, my laptop freaked out and shutdown, and I haven't had time since. Until now!

I enjoyed this story quite a bit (: I thought the characterization of the mermaid was funny, and pretty spot on to how'd you imagine a mermaid to act!

I realize it was for a challenge, but I still think it's really cool you wrote from a painting's perspective! I haven't really come across that on this site, and I love orginallity!

The whole peek-a-boo idea running throughout was awfully cute, and I like how you tied it in at the end saying "it's time to play peek-a-boo again." Though my favorite thing about this is probably the beginning when you were talking about how there's "some people you do not want to see." haha that whole section was so funny (:

Good job overall, nice read!

Author's Response: haha I don't mind the wait! Thanks so much for getting around to reviewing! I'm so happy that you like my story!! :DD

~foundriapenguin


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Review #9, by pennyardelle Peek-a-boo

25th May 2010:
Hi, foundriapenguin! Thank you for requesting a review, and apologies for taking a few days to get around to this. I found this to be such a fun, light story to read, and I absolutely enjoyed it. :)

What I liked about this story most is that you kept the mermaid as confined to her portrait as possible. I've always felt like magical portraits, despite moving and talking, would "confine" their subjects in a sense to the time at which they were painted. The fact that the mermaid never actually spoke makes sense in that way--she wouldn't know how to speak English, and so she wouldn't have a way of communicating with Cedric.

I also really loved that she wanted so badly to hear what the egg was saying. It gave the story another layer, and made it bittersweet rather than just all sweetness. I felt bad for her, in a way...she must have had a life once, and now she's stuck in a painting for the rest of eternity. I think you really managed to draw the reader into this moment of deeper contemplation, without taking away from the overall tone of the story.

So, let me think about what I can suggest for improvement...I think I could have done without the "15 seconds later" break in the chapter. I think that if you substituted something else in its place, you could achieve a better effect. She's talking about flashing her fins, so maybe you could just write something like, "A little flash here, a little flick that way..." and then continue with the story exactly as it is. It'll make it seem much more polished and won't break up the flow nearly as much.

The only other thing is that the mermaid's thoughts seemed a little childish at times. It depends on her age, of course, but considering that she was probably painted years ago, I just find it slightly odd to be hearing words like "fii-ine" coming from her. :P Not that it's not funny, because it is, but I just thought that sometimes it was a bit jarring with the rest of the piece to have her using such modern slang...especially considering that this is the 90s, and I'm not even sure if "fii-ine" would be in wide usage, especially in England. I think it might even partially solve the issue if you addressed why and where she had picked up that style of talking...like, "That's what I hear all the students say when they come in here."

Anyway, though, overall, I really liked this. The point of it was to be fun and amusing, so I wouldn't worry too much about the slang issue. Good luck in the challenge, and thanks again for requesting! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for pointing out the slang issue and the transition! I never really thought about those things, so you mentioning those opened a new door for me. Yay!!! I'm glad you liked this story and thanks so much for reviewing!

~foundriapenguin


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Review #10, by louise_loves_hp Peek-a-boo

25th May 2010:
hey
I know that I am going to sound go girly on you but I am one so yer
But I have to say that the whole Peek-a-boo part at the end was cuite, along with the other part.
You said in your A/N that you have fun writing with the one-shots and I have to say that you can pick this up and I think thats what gave this one the fun in reading it, I am not saying that the idea wasnt bad or anythink, I loved the idea behind this one but back to fun. What I am trying to say is that you can tell in the way that you have writen this you had fun and also this is how it read like a guilt sercet that you keep to your self. It kind of feels as if I am look in to the thoughts of the Mermaid, By the way I have always wonder what the painting does more after I saw GOF and the one in there kind of creeped me out, but I have to say that this has put my mind at ease.
I reall glad that you got me to read this I loved it.
10/10

Author's Response: Hey Louise! I'm glad you love this one-shot! :D Ecstatic, actually. To tell you the truth, I didn't watch the part of the GoF movie with the mermaid in it...so I completely made up my own character for this without interference of creepier mermaids. Hahaha(: Thanks so much for reviewing!

~foundriapenguin


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Review #11, by eternalangel Peek-a-boo

23rd May 2010:
Hello, it's eternalangelkiss here for your requested review.

First, I want to say that this is a really light, fun little one-shot. It was highly imaginative and made me laugh a few times. I like one-shots that take a unique look at a canon event.

Now the one thing I noticed in this one-shot that I think you have to watch is your word choice. In a one-shot this short, your choice of words is very important. One thing that tripped me up when I was reading was the modern language that the mermaid uses when she is talking about Cedric. I kept wondering where she learned the phrases and the context of how to use certain words. I figured that she learned them after listening to students over the years, but the modern phrases still pulled me out of the story a little bit. Maybe she could learn the phrases, but not really understand the true meaning behind them or the proper times to use them. That could make your story even funnier. This is of course only a suggestion.

Other than that small thing, I thought this was a cute one-shot. Some people may have stated that they didn't see a purpose behind this one-shot, but I don't think this necessarily needs to have a deep meaning or purpose behind it. I hope this helps and keep on writing.

eternalangelkiss

Author's Response: Ohh thanks so much for your advice on word choice! I didn't even think about that. (:
My purposes for this one-shot are not necessarily deep, yes, that's true XD But they're just like you said they were: 1) to take a unique look at a canon event, and 2) to make readers laugh. It's nice to know I've succeeded.

Thank you so much for your review! (:

~foundriapenguin


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Review #12, by propertyoftheHBP Peek-a-boo

22nd May 2010:
Hi there! You know, I really love these short, humor oneshots of yours. You've really got a knack for them, and they're hilarious to read.

For some reason, I've always thought that it would be so hard to write a story about a portrait, much less from a portrait's perspective. I don't know why, but they intimidate me. 0.o You've pulled it off fantastically, though--the mermaid kind of has a portrait-y, authentic feel to her. And she's so cute, too.

The whole thing is hilarious, but I have to say the beginning was absolutely nutters, in a good way. ;D Regardless of what she says, that little mermaid does seem rather...dirty-minded. Ahaha, I loved her.

In case you can't tell, I loved it and see no faults. 10/10 for sure, and I hope that I see more stories like these from you in the future!

Author's Response: haha thanks so much for your flattering review!! I really appreciate it (: And I'm glad you like my one-shots!! I feel like they're really my strong point, you know?

Again, thank you!

~foundriapenguin


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Review #13, by madelgranger Peek-a-boo

20th May 2010:
this was cute! writing the story from the mermaid's point of view is very original. great job thanks for writing!
~madelgranger

Author's Response: haha thank you so much for the review! (:

~foundriapenguin


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Review #14, by Miriel Peek-a-boo

19th May 2010:
Hihi...Cool. Oh, btw, it's Miriel with your review.:)

This was really cute. While reading GoF for the billionth time I really wondered about that mermaid on the painting, so I liked this a lot. It fits the description in the books, JKR makes her giggly, funny and a bit flirtous, though she "only" lives in a painting.

I'd really like to know Cedric's thoughts in here, although I think the mermaid guessed pretty well about them. It would just be fun to read.

The fact that the mermaid desperatly wishes to hear the song that is sung in Mermish addes a more serious aspect to this story. I like that a lot as well because it makes this story a bit less fluffy, it makes it remarkable.Great!

This story fills on of the many missing moments in the HP books and you wrote it exceptionally well! Loved it:)

Greets
Miriel

Author's Response: Haha I might add a companion story to Peek-a-boo, and your input is helping me out with my decision! Thanks so much for your review! It made my dayy (:

~foundriapenguin


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Review #15, by Jessabelle Peek-a-boo

12th May 2010:
Jesi here with your requested review!

I absolutely loved this story!

It was fairly short, but I think that works well in this case. It's funny and to the point, if you stretched it any further it would probably have a negative effect. Your protagonist was hilarious and relate-able, plus you described her character very well without babbling.

I didn't see any obvious spelling or grammatical errors, and the flow was great. This was a very fresh and original idea that I really enjoyed reading. Thank you so much for requesting a review! ((:

Good luck with any future reading!

Jesi

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing! :D Your comments have really made my day!!

~foundriapenguin


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Review #16, by moonbaby11 Peek-a-boo

10th May 2010:
I'm here to review! Get ready to eat! :D

Oh my gosh, I thought this story was hilarious! I loved all the mermaids thoughts, and how Cedeic was fii-ine.

I really didn't catch any spelling or grammer mistakes so good job!

No, I do not think you should add more to this. It's short and sweet, and you shouldn't add anything. Remember too many cooks spoil the soup! (I don't even know if that makes sense in this case, but oh well)

Keep writing!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing and your comments about length! I was unsure of it at first, so now your input makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside :D

~foundriapenguin


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Review #17, by Aether Peek-a-boo

10th May 2010:
This is so cute! :) I love this idea! The writing was good. The tone was really colloquial for such an old panting, but I found that part kind of endearing. This mermaid has been hanging in a bathroom perving on perfects for so long... and she still loves it. Her tone strikes me as someone who enjoys spending her life perving on people (though, if given the chance with Cedric Diggory... *laughs nervously*).

It could have been longer and more descriptive, I felt, about the mermaid herself. I didn't pick up any meaning/theme behind this one-shot, which is what I usually like to find. But overall, it was a cute and enjoyable snapshot. Great work!

Aether

Author's Response: ahahhaa, well, I'm glad you enjoyed it! And I appreciate you all of your comments about the length...I was unsure of it, but your opinion will really help my decision!

Thank you so much for your review!

~foundriapenguin


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Review #18, by _Lady Marauder_ Peek-a-boo

8th May 2010:
:D O my gosh i have NEVER read anything like this!!! Ive never read anything with that mermaid before! Im impressed that you even thought of it, honestly. I dont think I would have been able to write a whole fic from her perspective.

Anyways, I thought her voice was good in this. Thinking about how cute Cedric is etc. It kinda goes along with the image we got if her in canon, the flitty giggly mermaid :P

All in all, I really enjoyed it, it was a good read!!
~~Chelsea

Author's Response: oh my goodness ^_^
Thank you so much for this flattering review! I wrote this story for a challenge, actually. xD I'm glad to know my idea worked out!

~foundriapenguin


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