That was unexpectedly (well not really because you said it in your summary) but still, unexpectedly grim. It's sad to think of Neville's situation and I remember being a bit taken aback when JKR revealed what had actually happened to his parents once Bellatrix was through with them.
This made me think of how one should always take the time you have with your loved ones and cherish it because you don't want to regret that your last words to them were harsh.
A few points (pardon my editorial bug):
"with big grin eemingly" - "with a big grin seemingly"?
"[ploped] down in a vintage leather armchair" - [plopped]
"ready. Then as if on [que]" - [ready."] [cue]
"[Your] much" - [You're]
"[arms] full length" - [arm's]
"appartates" - Apparates
"[wisked] us" - [whisked]
You could also add more details of what Neville was seeing around him in his environment as there is a lot of dialogue but sometimes you don't see what the people are doing. I also think if you were putting this from the older Neville's point of view, looking back, it would give a lot of depth to it.
Not sure if you ever plan on revisiting this, but just in case!Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I agree that I could have used more detail and descriptive language, but I'm glad you got the point I was trying to get across with this! Oh and thanks for the spelling help. When I wrote this, I didn't have a beta:( Never a good idea. Anyway, Thanks again! Report Review
I m not wearing socks ha ha ha!
Anyways, the story was nice and the idea was better...
Keep writing... :)Author's Response: Thank you for the support! Report Review
It's not good! It's the best!Author's Response: Really? Thank you so much! Report Review
It's a nice start, but I think it could really benefit from some additional detail. Right now, parts of it read a bit like a list of events rather than a cohesive story. Also there are a few silly typos (such as the 's' missing from 'seemingly' in your second paragraph), but you'll probably catch them if you just do a quick read-through. Oh, and I'm not wearing socks :)Author's Response: Thanks for the CC. It helps! Report Review
I liked this! You had some grammer mistakes, but I'm just picky about this stuff. ;) Anyway, I really liked the idea of this. Poor Neville.
You're a good writier, keep it up!
9/10Author's Response: Thanks I'm glad you like it! Am I really a good writer? Thank you so much! Report Review
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