Hello! Here with a review as promised :D(hidden_secrets from the forums btw)
Wow! This was just... wow! I honestly loved this. Like really really really really loved this! It was short and sweet and simply beautiful!
The writing was gorgeous! How are you so good?? Ah, I just love one-shots like these. They are too perfect and never fail to put a smile on my face. I was on your page awhile ago, but for some reason i never read anything... hmm, I wonder why :/ Well, now I'm kicking myself for not. This was such a clean, beautiful read and I love love love love it! xx
Overall a gorgeous one-shot that put a smile on my face and I'm adding this to favourites :D 10/10 of course x
~ Eilidh xx
Review 101!!! ( 1/50)Author's Response: You are far too kind! Thank you so much for the lovely review. I hope you'll be back and will stay next time you visit :D
Marina Report Review
I thought I'd pop by and give you a little review for this piece! It was ever so lovely, and I really did like this. The tone was so gentle and steady - it made me feel all lazy and warm like a cat in the sunshine or something :) I think you write fluff pretty well! Yet, even though this is squishy and nice, your writing is still so delicate and pretty. I can't explain it, but this piece feels quiet, as though every tiny moment and sight is magnified one thousand times. I loved this: Then, once again, they’ll separate like spider from web, joined by a single thread - and how you used it earlier on, too. It's such a unique way of expressing them, and is so imaginative, again making me think about the consideration that's gone into this, even if it isn't overly long.
Another thing that really made me smile about this was the way everything seemed to be personified and thought about - just like the spider simile - even down to the weather. "The evening breeze tucks itself..." is such a gorgeous way to start your paragraph, just because it makes the elements that much more alive and personal. This whole piece was just so gorgeous - really truly :)
Laura xxx Report Review
Oh wow, this is truly beautiful. Your writing has a very ethereal, dreamlike quality to it in this story, which suits the piece perfectly. Even though there wasn't much plot - and I fully understand there wasn't meant to be - the small 'snapshot' of their lives was just beautiful and told us a lot about their relationship.
The actual relationship and dialogue between Victoire and Teddy was well done also, although in a way it was heartbreaking. I found myself wishing that they had more time together. I actually think this could easily be expanded on as a story to perhaps a short story or novella if you ever wanted to.
The only thing I would say is that I wish there was a little more dialogue just to gain more of an insight into their characters - but it doesn't matter really ;)
Well done! Report Review
I love the fluff. It's calming, relaxing...definitely how I imagine Victorie and Teddy's relationship. It seems so easy...so light and airy. So natural. And before I go any further, I'm gonna nitpick on one thing:
"Her aunt is welcomes them into the family home with a smile and cries of “ma chérie!”, taking their bags to their rooms as they retire to the parlour." -you don't want the is in there. Other than this small thing, grammar was good and there were no other errors.
My favorite part of this story has to be the teasing between Teddy and Victorie, the banter of 'quit staring at me.' It made me laugh a little bit because it definitely made them seem younger, as if they were kids, not the young adults who had only a few days before returning to the real world. I also love the description of the house and sun setting. It was so creative and just...it was amazing! You did really well with the fluff writing!
~Santa Report Review
I love the language you used here. It just flowed from one word to the next and there were things to see in each word and line. I almost just wanted to wrap myself in the beauty of it all!
This left me feeling serene and calm, enjoying the peaceful moment these two had together.
xCharAuthor's Response: Thank you very much :) Report Review
I really like your writing style. The level of language and the way you made the story flow is really amazing. It was the perfect length, I think. It stops at the perfect moment.
FleurAuthor's Response: thank you very much! I'm glad you enjoyed it :) Report Review
Hi, orderofthephoenix here from the Blue v. Bronze review thread :)
Oh my... wow!! This is so beautiful. It absolutely blew me away :) The descriptions are so vivid and real and the lack of conversation complements the narrative perfectly :)
I don't have any critcisms at all. You've written this ship wonderfully and, to be honest, I'm just lost for words.
Sophia xxAuthor's Response: ahh thank you so much! Teddy/Victoire is one of my favourite ships ♥ Report Review
A MARINA FICTION THAT I HAVEN'T READ. (!!) Because of your lovely challenge, I'm here gobbling up stories from everybody and anybody I can, which means that YOU are definitely somewhere on the top of my list to review. So here I am! Ready with my... fingers... to type you something lovely.
THIS WAS BEAUTIFUL. And I said that in caps because I want you to picture me screaming it. Not that I scream things often. It just seemed appropriate here. Anyway, it really was. Marina, your attention to detail is just astounding. I loved each and every little bit you stuck here, which is... lovely. This is my favorite line, I think: "The sun, now neatly tucked in, steals the light from the parlour." The way you describe the sun as "tucked in" is unique and wonderful, which is. unique and wonderful! :P
You have such a talent, m'dear. And I've told you this before, I know, but I wanted you to see it again. Everything you write is lovely. Everything you write is full of little tiny things that make me squee like a maniac. If I may, I'd like to announce myself as your main fangirl. I'll be your groupie. Definitely.
This was - can I say it again? - lovely. Really, really lovely.
xxRinAuthor's Response: Rin, it's official. I'm awful at review responses. I just don't know what to say other than SQUEEE and then dance about my room in happy joy. But I feel that doesn't really translate well onto the page. So yeah...
I ADORE YOU. Report Review
Your descriptions are really very lovely. Their relationship has a feeling of innocence that fits with the title, and yet something deeper as well. It's really great writing, I love it. I'm a fan of this ship :) You write them very well. I really love your banner too, by the way, it really suits the feeling of the story perfectly. A lighthearted kind of air with deeper currents underneath. I wish it was a longer story, actually, I'd love to see more Teddoire from you.Author's Response: thank you so much! what a lovely review :) I completed my teddy/victoire novel earlier this year, so wanted to write something shorter this time instead. writing fluff is something of a challenge for me. you're lucky no-one died or something equally morbid didn't happen ;) thank you so much for stopping by, it's made today even brighter :) Report Review
Jesi here with your requested review! (:
Personally, I thought this was perfectly fluffy! :D I consider anything that makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside to be fluff. Their unspoken feelings, and the fact that they are happy in their silence contributes to the fluff factor.
When writing fluffy pieces, it's important to keep a wistful quality to both the passage and the characters; almost as if the time passes by effortlessly. Like that saying goes, "Time flies when you're having fun"- this is a great example of fluff, and was very well-used in this one-shot. (:
If you think about it too much, then it's not as fluffy as something that you could write on a whim.
I hope my random snippets of advice could help! Thanks so much for requesting a review~ I really liked your characters and their story. It left me with a big smile on my face!
JesiAuthor's Response: thank you so much! It thrills me to hear you think this is fluffy enough, and your advice will really help me for the next time I try and write fluff :) - Marina Report Review
Um... what am I critiqueing this for? It is obvious that you are a writing goddess. End of.
Seriously, I completely envy your talent. You have such a wonderful way with words that I could only ever hope to achieve. Your description is out of this world gorgeous. Your use of imagery is perfect, and you describe a scene completely clearly and bring out small details in it. It's just. stunning, really.
The plot was lovely. On the surface it wasn't about very much, just a moment spent between two people, but you made it so multi faceted. It was more about what you left unsaid, and that gorgeous last line which left it so open ended.
The characterisation was perfect too, completely original and engaging portrayals of Teddy and Victoire. The dialogue use was lovely too :D.
Um... critique? So this isn't a fail of a review :P. Make it longer? I wanted to read more :).
Simply perfect Marina, not that i'd expect anything less :P.Author's Response: oh Becca :) You don't know how much your praise means to me, I have this silly smile on my face right now because of you. THANK YOU!!! Report Review
this one is so cute. and lovely. and again it shows how amazing you are at capturing a moment. perfectly. my mum said that she never realised what an amazing writer you are. This is defiantly (HAHAHA) a far higher quality of work than some of the spelling and grammar mistake riddled pieces I have read this afternoon. haha dont tell them that, i love the entire book. it made me cry so many times
xAuthor's Response: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ thank you so much :) Report Review
The first thing I've got to say is, WHAT BEAUTIFUL USE OF RHYME. It made the title all the more meaningful, but it didn't seem like you were just rhyming for the sake of it either. It was subtle and all the words seemed as though they were supposed to be there.
Your descriptions were to die for. To. Die. For. I am completely and utterly jealous of them, and I would hate you if they weren't so amazing that I couldn't do without them. STUNNING.
Liked the almost bittersweet sense to the relationship. They could be more, but they're not because they're NOT TOGETHER. As I so shrewdly picked up on :P.
It was just beautiful ♥Author's Response: no, YOU are stunning :) thank you so much for reviewing for me, dearie ♥ Report Review
lovely! completely enchanting! i adore it! the writing is so soft, so tender, so gentle. where did you get the idea? w/j :)Author's Response: I'm not really sure where I got the idea from... sorry! thanks for reviewing! Report Review
This is an excellent one-shot. The description is so vivid that one feels as though they are right there beside the characters, seeing the old house and feeling the summer sun. I also enjoyed how there is just enough romantic hints to make it light fluff, but few enough that it is not overpowering, which is very easy to do in a fluff piece.
The characterization was very intriguing and made you wonder about the characters. The way they know each other so well automatically suggests their deep friendship and romance, and additionally adds an interesting depth to the story. I must say that I like the way Victorie is portrayed in this story; so many make her vapid.
As for style, as I earlier mentioned, it is excellent. It makes me want to read more, which might be my only complaint. I would wish for more length, but I understand that when the story is over in the author's head, it is perfect. Nothing else need be added. Again, the description was the best part, personally, when reading it.
Grammar and spelling was overall excellent.
I hope that this review helps you in some way!Author's Response: thank you ever so much! Report Review
Marina, this is gorgeous, seriously!
I don't think I have anything else to say for it but that. It was gorgeous and it was sweet, and you wrote it well. It was a treasure to read.
ColletteAuthor's Response: aww thank you Collette! ♥ Report Review
I say this iiis OUR fluff. Probably pure romance more than fluff but still so, so cute.
I don't know whether I was meant to be able to see elements of CMW Teddy and Victoire in these two but I definitely did. It might have been wishful thinking on my part though...
Imagery = to die for
Description = to die for
Dialogue = -dead-
Loves it lots and you must write more like this
xxAuthor's Response: ily SO SO SO much ♥ thank you! Report Review
You? Can't write fluff?
What NONSENSE! This was amazing as per usual! When ISN'T something of yours amazing?
Firstly, the description? It made me die. Really. I had soo many favorite lines in this!
"Hills stretch up to catch the last few rays of sunlight as they paint zebra stripes across the grass." - That was just so colorful and pretty. I wish the sun could do that here, but its California. Things are hidden by clouds of cigarette smoke. :P
"Sleepy eyed they will rise early so that they can squeeze the minutes from the daylight like juice from an orange. On the cusp of independence, they’ll cling to every moment they have together until the sun finally sets for last time." Those two lines were just BRILLIANT. This pretty much makes me feel like I fail at writing and at life in general. How. HOW DO YOU DO THIS?! You wrote this so beautifully and so idyllically, gah! Again, me = fail at life. You = love.
I should probably stop my stupid praise of you because I probably sound like some sort of creeper man. (even if I sometimes stalk you...)
I love your writing. I love your description. I love you.
SeanAuthor's Response: Sean... I really don't know how to respond to this! I woke up this morning and read this, and no kidding, I had a spring in my step for the rest of the day. This review made me feel SO good about my writing, I can't tell you. Not only that, but you did make me laugh a tiny bit too. I can't believe you stalk me, but I suppose that's your choice.
you're so lovely, THANK YOU ♥ Report Review
This was beautiful!
I wouldn't really consider it fluff, but it's certainly not angst! I do believe you were the one trying to stray away from that in at least one of your stories? If so, well, congrats. I think you can safely say that you managed it here.
This was cute, mind you, but nothing particularly fluffy. There were no embarrassing moments or banter, and it wasn't disgustingly romantic.
However, not every story should be like that.
I like that this felt very realistic yet flowed poetically. It flowed very nicely and I didn't find any word that seemed jarring or misplaced, and that's always a good thing, I think.
Not to mention the mastery of the English language is impeccable, and the lack of grammatical errors and spelling mistakes is refreshing. It gives it all the more, a polished look, that I can really appreciate.
I really enjoyed this all, especially the last line. For some reason, it stuck with me.
I have nothing to criticize except, perhaps, the length. But that's just my personal preference. I know how hard it can be to write something so eloquent and include many more words. Yet, being a wordy person, I cannot refrain from doing that, myself.
However, despite it's length, this is quite enjoyable, I'll admit.
LindersAuthor's Response: Wow, thank you so much! Yes, it was me who was trying to stay away from angst and I think this is the furthest I've gone... I couldn't really give it a genre, so fluff was the nearest I could get.
I know it's short, but as it didn't particularly have a plot I didn't think I needed to string it out :P
thanks so much for reviewing! xx Report Review
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