I liked it. Alot. Sweet, cute. She's a great character and thank god she's not a Mary Sue. It was a great chapter and deserved a lot more reviews than it has.
Goodluck with your writing,
Aleks. Report Review
that was extremely well written and had a great story. :)Author's Response: Thank you! :) Report Review
So sweet. I have a soft spot for the Marauder's too, especially Sirius (James is too annoying, Remus too bitter, Peter a rat... or so I find).
And OC's! Love love love.
The tragedy in this was in the way you convinced me to dislike her at first... and then I thought she was amazing.
If you did write a chaptered story, what would it be about? Sirius trying to win her back? Their school days?
xEAuthor's Response: Thanks! Sirius is the best haha. Yeah, I kind of wanted her to be a character like that. She's got good and bad about her. It'd probably be about their school days. I wrote a bit more about them but cut it for length. The backstory I wrote was pretty interesting. :) Report Review
You need to be careful with Brynn. Yes, this is a rough sketch of her from the reader's eyes, but there's an arrogance about her that reminds me a bit too much of a Sue.
You're also making the "fixing boys" thing like it's something that happens, that it's a good thing.
If Sirius tries to change in your fic, it has to be of his own volition. If Sirius wants to fix himself, it has to be of his own volition. Someone can be the catalyst yes, but he needs to take the initial steps to make it become real
I'm sorry if I sound harsh - like you, I've had a soft spot for Sirius, and I just find it offensive that he needs a girl to be the only fixer of all of his issues. She can certainly think that - I think that'd be a nice fault for her to have - but having Brynn actually be the solution to all of his problems, it's just.I find it offensive to Sirius, and I find it rather Sueish in general.
Other than that, the narrative and the dialogue flows very well.Author's Response: You make a good point. The thing about Brynn is that she's one of those people who needs to fix things. She can never be completely happy about any situation, about any person really. Sirius isn't really broken, he's just having some difficulties getting over the extremities of war. But, she's convinced herself that he's broken, and that she needs to fix him. Though, you bring up a good point. Thanks. Report Review
I really love this story
But the order of the events confused me at some points but it was great other than that!!Author's Response: Thank you! :) Report Review
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