That story was great. I can't believe it was Barty Crouch 2 at the end, I kept rooting for them to make it, and get away free! You have to keep writing!!! Report Review
I really liked how you had no idea what was happening until the end, because it seemed like they were the good guy, but in reality they were a death eater. I also really liked how it started moving right away, and there wasn't any sort of lull in the story. It was really great! Report Review
First of all, thank you so much for entering this in my challenge! I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to get around to reviewing it, but I'm here now.
I'll start with your hook, because that is the basis of this challenge. I thought you did a really good job of pulling in my attention and immediately establishing the tone for the story. Your first sentence - or, rather, first line - combined with the title pretty much gave the plot of the story. However, an escape from Azkaban is such an interesting plot that I think any reader would be crazy to not want to read more after your hook. So good job with that :) One thing that I really liked was how in your opening you used the whole, "I am free" thing, and then how you went on to use that in the ending as well. Not only did it tie everything together nicely, I also think it added complicated dimensions to your main character and their thinking process.
Another thing that I really enjoyed about this was your description. I've never checked out any of your other stories, but it seems to me like you're really good at describing things. You used a lot of vivid descriptions that really made me feel like I could see the scenery and, maybe it's just me looking too far into things, but it seemed like the fact that the narrator noticed and described the boring scenery so vividly just shows how appreciative she is of simple things after escaping from the dreary Azkaban (I think it's a she...I feel like I read that in there somewhere but I don't know for sure).
The only advice I have for you is some nit-picky things. In the sentences: "The skin of my forearm that was torn ragged and bloody from swimming the long expanse of ocean to reach land, though you could still see some blackness on the skin. I sighed; it was completely ruined. Was it even possible to get another one?" it was a little unclear to me what exactly she was talking about. Was she wondering if it was possible to get another skin on her forearm? I'm not sure what you meant by this, but it confused me.
Another confusing part was when you wrote: "I cursed the wind and the rain but continued making my way through the miserable weather. It was hard traveling, but at least I knew that there was no way they would follow me. It had to be a tornado or hurricane or something, because this was no ordinary storm." It seemed a little unclear what the 'It' in the last sentence was referring to exactly. Parts like these made the story seemed a little jumbled.
One thing that I must applaud you on is how you told the backstory of the narrator without launching into full-on flashbacks or something like that. I liked how you sort of integrated explanations into the story, and you didn't put them all together. I really hate reading stories that start off with the life story of their characters (i.e. "Ashley is 16 and blonde with blue eyes. She has a brother named Michael and her mum died when she was 3" ect. ect.). You didn't give too much unnecessary information, and you didn't push it all together. As I said, you sort of laced her history with the actual plot of the story, which is really good.
I think it was interesting how you had the narrator at first just remembering her family and simple things, and then as she nears the village she starts to wonder if her family is glad that she's gone now. It sort of made me realize just how insane the narrator really was; up to then, she had seemed at least relatively normal.
I can't think of much else to say to this (: I thought this was a really interesting look at what it would be like to escape Azkaban. It sort of made me want to read The Count of Monte Cristo (not sure if you've ever read it, but it's a very good book and it has a prison break in it). In response to your author's note, I'm even more impressed by this now that I've learned it's out of your comfort zone. I think it's really important that everyone tries to write outside of their comfort zone, and I'm glad you attempted this (: Thanks again for entering my challenge, and check back after the deadline to see if you won!
Cherry Bear Report Review
This story is the kind of story that you don't like that you like.
Looking over that sentence I realize that it doesn't make any sense at all xD
Here we go again...
This story was dark, evil, and the exact opposite of what I like about the world.
Saying that, I absolutely loved it... (?)
I swear I make no sense at all.
In order to make this review not totally a pointless waste of your time I say that you write this really well even if it isn't in your 'comfort zone'. It's a really good story that sent chills down my spine while reading it. However, I don't get why the main character is suddenly paranoid about going into the village- he seemed like a pretty cocky person before then.
This probably shouldn't count as a review considering it made no sense, but do I still get cookies? (sorry had to ask xD)
signed your very confusing fan,
NixieAuthor's Response: Hey, thanks so much for reviewing! (the first one for this story!)
Thanks for elaborating. I swear smoke came out of my ears (was that Harry in POA?) as I tried to understand that first sentence! xD
Well, that happens sometimes. Stuff that we don't like ends up appealing to us. I'm very glad that happened to you with this story.
Well, I suppose spending four years in Azkaban can make a person slightly crazy. (haha that's my excuse anyway) And he/she (I never decided on a gender) is fearful of being caught. Being near people after all that time...
No, it more than counts as a review! Thank you so much!
And YES! Of course! Cookies for you! (whatever type you want, though I would recommend the chocolate chip)
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