This is really, really, REALLY good!!! Definitely one of my favourite HP fan-fictions I've read. Fantastic, mate. :)Author's Response: OH, it's so nice of you to say that! I honestly had given up on the story for a bit simply because I didn't know how to continue it, but I'm glad that you're enjoying it so far. Thank you for the review, and I'll see what I can do about getting up another chapter! :) Report Review
Intense I love your style of writing, it captured my complete attention all the way through. Beautiful, it's the start to something dark, something extraordinary. I can't wait to continue this mysterious journey. :)Author's Response: I'm glad that you are enjoying the story so far, and it's so nice of you to say that you like my style of writing :) Thank you! I quite like writing darker things - mostly because I relate to the majority of it as opposed to mushy romances. And I like moving at a faster pace. But enough of my rambling. Thanks again for taking the time to read and review! :) The next chapter is in progress! Report Review
I absolutely love this! I watched FlaShforward as well so i can make the connections in character ane Such fairly easilyAuthor's Response: Thank you! I'm glad that you're enjoying the story and it's great to hear that you're a fan of FlashForward as well! Hopefully there will be more updates in the near future. Thanks for taking the time to read and review :) Report Review
i really like this story alot! it's really interesting so far. I wanna know what Lucy is thinking! One thing I don't get is why Scorpius didn't check up on Rose after the blackout? That's what I thought he would have done. Otherwise, great great story and can't wait til the next chapter! 10/10!Author's Response: Well, there's no real reason as to why he didn't check up on her, other than he was sort of busy. But I'm sure she was in his mind somewhere. If I remember correctly, she does make an appearance in the next chapter, which should be up... eventually :P It's been written though! Thanks for reading and reviewing! :) Report Review
This is RonNiffler here with your review!
So I've watched flashforward and was wondering are certain characters suppose to represent characters on the show? Like Dom is she suppose to be that one lady who got pregnant, the agent person?
I wonder who's funeral Scorp was at. And is it really his fault? Gosh that would be so sad (hopefully he doesn't do anything drastic)!
And then Albus and that girl met at the pub! Ahhh it's all coming together!
Why is Scorp not worried about Rose? He hasn't even thought of her yet! I mean aren't they dating! How rude!
Once again your detail was fantastic! But don't forget even when your doing dialog you can still have detail! But really other then that great job!
This chapter seemed to flow much better then the first so yay! Improvement!
Your characters are getting more depth to them which is good! I really am starting to like Scorp. Albus is still a maybe. I mean he seems like a good guy, I just haven't really seen much of that side of him.
Well great job and great chapter! Keep up the good work!Author's Response: Yes, I think I based a few of the characters in this story off of the ones in the show, but very loosely (as in, just the flashforwards are the same). Dom's vision was supposed to be like Janice's (from the show), but obviously their jobs are completely different. I think the only one that's remotely close to the show is Harry's vision and Mark Benford's (from the show), but you'll learn more about that later (if you decide to keep up with the story, that is.. :P).
I'm glad that there was improvement in the flow! Yay! :) As for characters... I think that you most likely won't like the way that Albus was developed, so he may need a little work since I think his emotions/actions/characterization jumped around a bit.
Thanks for leaving yet another helpful and lovely review! They really mean a lot! Report Review
This is RonNiffler here with your review! Sorry for the long wait, but I'm here now! Better late then never eh!
All right I was stalling a bit to review your story because I've never been a big fan of when TV shows and fanfiction collide, but at the same time I was really excited because it was Scorp/Rose.
The first couple of paragraphs were really good with detail and flow, but you didn't exactly reel me in. I kept reading it and jumping around to other sites because I wasn't interested. Now I know that sounds cruel and mean, but I'm being honest with you. The rest of the story was extremely interesting and I was stuck reading it. I don't want you to think of this as me telling you your intro is horrible because it was really good, just compared to the rest I felt you need to reel in those who only read a couple of paragraphs before deciding if they want to continue.
Now onto were I praise your wonderful story!
I've read way too many stories were no one puts any detail in or they use detail on useless things. Your story has detail, but it's not over powering. Like the line: his left arm extended in something of a slight curve, as though someone had been under it when he had fallen asleep. Was really good I could clearly visualize it and it was just brilliant!
Your flow throughout your chapter. There were a couple times were it felt slightly forced (like you stopped writing for a moment when you were lost on what to say), but this happens a lot to writers so no big deal.
Albus: Well he's so mean to Rose! But I like him at the same time! It will be intresting to see if his vision comes true.
Rose: Don't really know much about her to decide if I like her or not, well have to see.
Scorp: Like him so far. It will be cool to see what his character develops into.
All in all great job! This story has great potential!Author's Response: Thank you for the review! The wait was really no problem!
As for the things you critiqued, I'll be sure to go back and give those first few chapters a good look and revision. It was really just a description of/a look into the MC's life, so that's probably why it's so boring :P
I'm glad that you liked the detail and characters, and I'm very grateful that you decided to give the story a chance even though you don't prefer fics that collide with TV shows. But, just to clarify, this isn't really a crossover, just an adaptation.
Thanks again for taking the time to read and review! Report Review
loved it and can't wait for the update...
JennAuthor's Response: Thank you! The next chapter is finished, but I have to wait for another story to be validated before I post it. So it should be up soon! Report Review
What an interesting start. I am really looking forward to the next chapter.Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it :) Report Review
very exciting update! Hopefully Rose won't...Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! All (or most) will be revealed soon enough! :D Report Review
~MarciaAuthor's Response: Thank you! :) Report Review
Wow, this really seems interesting. I don't even know what else to say because I've been completely drawn in. The idea for this story is unlike anything I've read before, and I love when I stumble across a story like that.
It really is horrible what happened in the world due to the blackout. So not all wizards fainted? Since the Healers were there and everything? i can't even imagine all the accidents, must've been terrible. That was the horror factor, which you really expressed greatly.
Then, the mystery of the blackout and the effect it had, i.e. witnessing a future moment, adds a great touch of mystery to this whole thing. Overall, I think you have a really good story in the works and the ending especially made my interest and curiosity intact. I'm favoriting this and I'll be sure to check out the next chapter. :)
Keep up the great work. :DAuthor's Response: Oh, thank you for such a positive review! As I read it, I was just waiting for something that I did wrong since it was so long, but I'm glad you thought I did well with the horror and mystery elements! I'll be sure (to try) not to disappoint!
Thanks again for taking the time to read, and reviewing! :) Report Review
Oooh! This is going to be a good story. I can tell!
It's very original and very well written. You have just the right amount of speaking and descriptions; not too much of one and not too much of another, so that's good.
This is also the first (or, well, I THINK it's the first... I can't remember reading any others...) next generation fic I've read that already has them (i.e. Scorpius, Rose, Albus, ect.) out of school. I like it because it's so unlike anything else I've read.
I spotted a few errors:
"bottle but Al held it just out of reach." - There should be a comma before "but" ;)
"So quite cocking about all the time so" - It should be "quit".
"He gulped down nearly half of it in a matter of moments." - Personally, I think this sentence would sound better if you just used the word "seconds" instead of "moments".
Other than that, everything else was great! This story has great potential and I honestly cannot wait to read more.
9/10 - only because of the little mistakes ;)
Awesome job!Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you think it's so original and well written. *blushes* But it's also very helpful of you to point out those little mistakes. I'll fix them ASAP. :)
Thanks again for taking the time to read and reviewing, the next chapter is in the queue! Report Review
Wonderful! I've only ever watched the first episode of Flashforward but I can tell I'm really going to like this story!
Future Al with a ring on his finger? :D Is he killed by some scorned woman? What did Scorpius see? I hope it wasnt something bad about Rose because they were adorable and Nina Dobrev is gorgeous/beautiful/love.
10/10Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter! And I'm sure all (or most) of your questions will be answered in the next chapter! It should be up in a few days :) Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Wow. This is really interesting! Who is that girl whose going to kill Albus? Well I guess I'll have to keep reading to find out.
~MarciaAuthor's Response: You will! All (or most :P) will be revealed in the next chapter, which is in validation as I type! Thanks for reviewing, I'm glad you think it's interesting! :D Report Review
Cool first chapter! The only thing is, at the beginning you said Rose was Scorpius's wife then later she's just his girlfriend. But that's the only thing I really noticed and it's minor. Well written. I'm going to follow this story. Can't wait to see where it goes. I've never watched FlashForward so this is all new ideas to me.Author's Response: Ah, I did? I'll be sure to go and fix that as soon as possible! Thanks for pointing it out! :) I'm glad you liked the chapter, and that you're going to follow the story. Means I must be doing something right, which is always good.
Thanks again for taking the time to read and review! Report Review
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