Reading Reviews for Knock You Down
  
87 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Ray Six

21st January 2013:
This is really good! I can't find the sequel though - it's not listed on your stories. Can you link it on your profile? I can't wait to see what happens next!

Author's Response: I'm not sure I posted it? Idk it's been a while since I got on here so... I'm so sorry :P Thank you for taking out the time to read though :) AK xx

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Review #2, by LittleMissPrincess Six

14th February 2012:
Awwhh, i hate the ending, but its good.
Like, most of these stories, are all SOO fake, and like this is the most likely ending.
so yeah.
Happy endings don't come to everyone

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Review #3, by lilypotterfan123 One

19th December 2011:
Ak, this story is great so far! Love that nickname the Lilster. I can imagine Lily being their mathmaker, Rose and Scorpius I mean. Because when people say, they're made for each other-they just don't know it yet. Everyone knows what's coming next, but its usually full of unpredictable humour, romance and fluffiness. Everything seemed so realistic, says the girl who's talking about a story about wizards. I mean the characters and dialogue seems realistic especially as you've based Lily on yourself.

10/10
Bex x

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Review #4, by OliveOil_Med One

30th May 2011:
I know it has taken me long enough to get this review done, but I am finally getting back into my review requests, now that I am asking for them again myself. But I will make sure to give you plenty to read and lots of feedback.

From a technical aspect, I don't find a lot of things to say about the story. The English and the grammar seem very sound and you have a good grasp of your own skill in writing.

But there were a few things in your story that took me out of the story and forced me to wonder 'what?'. Stories that make you think are always wonderful, as long as they keep you in the story. But when contemplations pull you out of the story (out of the four walls, so to say).

And, I do find there are quite a few of these such moments within your stories.

For instances, the idea of Albus, Rose and Lily all living together after their graduation struck me as a bit odd. Wouldn't they have rather lived with friends? And I can't recall a single one of my friends having done the same thing after their graduation, choosing to live with their siblings. This could be the case, even if it seems rather Freudian to me, but like I said, more the point is that an instant like this forces a reader out of the story, and that in itself can be a bad thing.

There's something I'd like to add about a personal pet peeve of mine. Nicknames are something that are a lot less previllant in British culture than in American, Canadian, or Australian cultures do. That means, of course, that nicknames are something that aren't very common stories depicting true British culture.

Let's take a look at the Harry Potter books for example. We see very few cases of characters having nicknames in the books (Ron, Tonks, and Bill, maybe a few others). And despite where you see in too many fanfiction, Hermione is never called 'Mione (that was something invented by too many authors). This may be something that is more personal pet peeve, but I also look at this as being an Americanism, and that is something that can quickly ruin any Harry Potter story.

It is something that is incredibly difficult for American authors to overcome (ignoring your own cultural upbringing is not easy), but what helps is studying a lot of stories written by British authors and making friends with the British writers on the site.

Now what are some words of advice I can offer in terms of the future writing of this story? One big problem with a lot of romance stories is that outside the actual romance, there is no real plot. I know the main point of the story will be to see Lily and her signifigant other together, but that by itself rarely makes for a good story. Consider what else you want to come from this story, and be strong about it.

That's one chapter, with two more to go.

Author's Response: hi! ^_^

thanks so much for getting to this, no matter how late! :) Thank you for that about the technical aspect, I must thank my beta for that :P I fail at commas XD

Anyway, about this being an out and out romance novella; it was intended to be that. I know that, personally, at the end of a stressful day, I would love to read a mindless romance story :P this was meant to be that. This was on purpose :)

But I thank you for pointing it out to me - the sequel does have a major plot so maybe once you're done with this, if you want, you can check that out! ^_^

love
Ak~


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Review #5, by peace2lovepotter Five

18th May 2011:
Hey! I reviewed after reading this story, and i said i was going to go and look at the sequel. Can you tell me which one of you stories is the sequel, because I couldn't see a little thing saying sequel in any sig, so?

Author's Response: I'm so sorry! It's mentioned at the end of the last chapter, I think? No? Oh I'm so sorry! :/

It's called Here Without You! ^_^


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Review #6, by peace2lovepotter Six

16th May 2011:
Wow, this is good. Going to go and check ou sequel! 10/10 :)

Author's Response: Aw! Thank you! :)

Hope you like it! ^_^

love
AK~


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Review #7, by ravenclaw_princess Six

31st March 2011:
Aww, that is such a bitter sweet ending. I really wanted Scorp to be with Rose. You captured the emotions of Rose and Scorpius really well in this chapter and I could feel Rose's heart breaking. While I didn't like how it ended, It was realistic.

I enjoyed reading your story and it had plenty of humour through out that I really enjoyed. Sometimes it was paced a little fast and but over all the story was of a good length and nothing was drawn out to much. It's interesting as it started as such a Lily/Adam story but it ended very Rose/Scorp.

Overall, great job :D

Author's Response: Thanks so much! :) Sorry for the late response, I've not been on my HPFF much these days :/

anyway, I'm glad you liked it! ^_^

Ak~


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Review #8, by ravenclaw_princess Five

31st March 2011:
I'm so happy Will went to Adam and told him what happened. While what he did was silly, I like his honesty. Adam had plenty of time after Will told him to go to Lily and apologise, I still don't trust him.

this chapter flowed really well. I loved how Lily described her love affair with books. I could just imagine her in that book shop.

This chapter flowed really well and the pace was good. I also liked the interaction between Al and Lily. It was a nice heart to heart between brother and sister, very sweet :)

Author's Response: Will, in my mind, is this really nice guy, who fell for Lily the moment he met her. Just, as cliche as it sounds, he didn't realise it until much much later :P He just wants her to be happy :L

and thanks again! ^_^

Ak~


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Review #9, by ravenclaw_princess Four

31st March 2011:
Good chapter. I really loved all the drama in it. Rose is being a lovely supportive friend and you can see her denial, but yet she trying so hard to be strong.

Adam was totally irrational, and slightly creepy. We really don't know much about him yet but I'm sure something just isn't quite right.

This chapter flowed well in its own right, but I felt like there were parts of the story missing, like it could be expanded out to a novella or novel length. Ie, there has hardly been any mention of Will, yet here they are really good friends, and also apart from the first date, there really hasn't been that much more happening between Adam and Lily, yet she's talking about love.

This chapter though was really nicely written and you captured the emotions really well.

Author's Response: Haha! I'm in two minds about Adam, truth be told. I want him to be the perfect guy for Lily, but then, unbeknown to me, I made Will perfect for her :|
So, Adam is coming off as a shady character XD

anyway, I'll explain more in the sequel! ^_^ thanks for giving this a read! :D

Ak~


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Review #10, by ravenclaw_princess Three

31st March 2011:
That was quite a long chapter, but it still flowed well and had a much more settled pace.

Personally, I'm not a fan of subheadings like 'rose' etc. I feel that the story should be written in such a way that it is apparent to the reader that the point of view has changed. Although I do realise this is harder with first person stories.

I like how this chapter gave a little more insight into the characters and their history together. Their backgrounds, especially what happened between Scorp and Rose fitted in well with everything we know so far about their relationship. The scene was also really sad. I would love to know what Scorpius was showing.

I did find that Rose's internal thoughts were very similar to Lily's. This may be deliberate, I'm not sure, but I thought I'd point it out.

The story though is really enjoyable and I like how it's not all about Lily any more.

Author's Response: Rose and Lily are best friends for a reason ;) They have very very similar minds ^_^ Only, Lily is a bit more mature whereas Rose is the one who can't make decisions XP

Ak~


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Review #11, by jane pinkerton Three

28th March 2011:
awww poor rose! and what a jerk scorpius is!! i mean, given i'm sure there's like another side to why he rejected her or something, but agh! jerk face. i will say though.i give him props for letting her kiss him even though she had just recently thrown up. lol!
the only thing between lily and adam though is that they're already acting like a couple right there in the beginning instead of the usual 'still a little shy because it's our first date'
and goodness gracious it's a good thing albus didn't see them kissing. that would've been baaad news. haha!

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Review #12, by ravenclaw_princess Two

27th March 2011:
Well done on chapter 2. I really enjoyed it. Lily remained consitant with the first chapter and was fun to read.

My eyebrows raised slightly when I read the words 'cell phone'. I'm in the mind set that a similar thing exists in the wizarding world, but it's a magical device. Saying cell phone screams muggle technology and I just buy it.

The chapter flowed well, but it moved really fast. In saying that though, I thought the romance was quite sweet. Adam is saying all the right things to make Lily just swoon over him. It makes me slightly suspicious that he has a hidden agenda. At any rate, I'm inrigued by him.

Overall, another good chapter. Well done.

Author's Response: I always thought that the NG kids would have cellphones :P Anyway, glad you liked it! ^_^

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Review #13, by ravenclaw_princess One

27th March 2011:
Hello, ravenclaw_princess making a start at last.

This was a very animated and engaging first chapter. I like how it was from Lily's voice, I feel she gets forgotten sometimes. She had a certain sarcasm and sense of fun that I liked. She also seems very confident about herself until something happens to evaporate all that (like falling over twice).

The realtionshop between Al, Rose and Lily is nice. You really captured the close bond between them. I laughed at the trick they pulled on Al. You have also nicely set up what is likely to come with Rose and Scropius.

I'm not a big fan of the narrative voice in stories such as "I’m not telling you or my roomies how work was" and "I haven’t told you how he looks, have I?" I find it breaks the flow of the story a bit, but that might just be me. On the whole though, the story flowed quite nicely.

I wasn't a big fan of list line either..."Groaned from the ground. Haha, I made a funny! Lily made a funny!" It really broke the flow and wasn't really that funny.

On the whole though, I enjoyed the first chapter and I was smiling most of the way through it.

Author's Response: I have a knack for cracking horrible jokes XD so sorry for any mental scarring I've caused XD


Ak~


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Review #14, by jane pinkerton Two

26th March 2011:
hiii! so another good chapter! but i do have a few criticisms...the actual kiss was good, but i feel like it could've waited for their second date, especially since Albus is already so protective over her! which also kind of surprised me that she had invited him up to the apartment, but i suppose any girl would want her date to come up! hehe!
i'm veryyy curious about adam's character...i can't tell if he's legitimately interested in her or if that's just me looking for something to be wrong with him. lol! can't wait to read the next chapter :)

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Review #15, by jane pinkerton One

25th March 2011:
so definitely not a pathetic attempt at Lily! In fact, I think it's really cute! Its kept me interested to see just how they'll meet up next!
I also like the little comment you made about Scorpius being the best friend from outside of the family. made me laugh cause it's true! it always seems like the family is just one big best friend!
I like the way you use the first person for Lily. Some people go kind of crazy with it and make the character come out almost a little crazy themselves with over exaggerated thoughts, which yeah does happen, but not like every thought a person has! So i think you have a nice balance of it :D
All in all, great first chapter! hehe!

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Review #16, by orderofthephoenix One

24th March 2011:
Hey! I'm here with your review :) Since you didn't specify a chapter, I've reviewed the first chapter. Feel free to rerequest for more chapters; I really liked this :)

I love next gen so I was excited to read this. Especially with Lily as the main character. She is often missed out, so I'm glad you asked me to review this.

My favourite part has to be where Albus wasn't listening and they tricked him! Lol!

You need to work on your speech punctuation. For example: '"And that's what matters, I think." He finished wisely.' should be '"And that's what matters, I think," he finished wisely.'

Your characterisation of Lily was ok but there was one part I didn't like. The way you've described her (aced all subjects), sort of makes her seem perfect. Except for her talent of tripping over her own feet! :P I'm not going to say she's a Mary-Sue, because I don't think she is, and I'd have to read the next chapter to see what her character is like. But be careful when characterising people. :)

Great first chapter! :D

-Sophia x

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it :D

Lily didn't ace all her NEWTs, just the ones she needed ;) There's a slight difference :P

thanks for getting to this so fast :D


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Review #17, by TenthWeasley Six

23rd March 2011:
Hello! This is TenthWeasleyWriter from the forums, here with your requested review. Normally I only read the first five chapters of a fic, but because yours was only six and was completed, I decided I might as well go ahead and read the whole thing - leaving off the last bit wasn't logical. And I am not sorry I did!

You have a knack for writing humor that I simply don't have, and I love that so many people can succeed where I (in general) fail. :P I laughed out loud at several parts, so you've definitely got a funny bone! As for clichés - it was a bit cheesy at parts, but not gag-me-with-a-spoon so, so I don't think you need to have any qualms in that particular area. :)

The only thing I might suggest is that, from time to time, some of your scenes seemed a bit rushed. I don't have any specific examples in my head, but it was just a feeling I got in reading through your story. However, the overall story length was perfect, and I like that you didn't drag the story out.

I think that's about it from me! Really liked the story - well done, indeed! Thanks so much for requesting a review from me, and feel free to come back any time!

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! :D


some scenes are that way because, well..I don't know xp

anway, thanks for getting to this so fast :D

Ak


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Review #18, by Danny One

26th February 2011:
I love your approach at Lily! I would adore her as a best friend, and I love that your writing style kida says that she's writing in a journal. :P

Author's Response: thanks so much! :)
Ak~


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Review #19, by Z Three

2nd February 2011:
Pathetic. Rose is not acting strong or cool just pathetic. Just kidding! It was actually really interesting but got a little sappy during Rose's speech to Scorpius, but on the whole it's not bad.

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Review #20, by Nashira Six

20th January 2011:
Hai there!

My name is Tess and I'm here for your requested review!

WHAT I LIKE:

-Humour. I think that's brilliant. You made me laugh so hard sometimes and most of the story is really funny. I like that very much and I think you should use that as much as you can, because many stories have witty remarks too, but they are not really funny and you certainly know how to make people laugh (me at least)

-Narration. I think you have a very nice narrative style, it's concise but it lets us enough details to be able to imagine accurately and you let feelings show nicely.


WHAT I DON'T LIKE:

-Sudden change of atmosphere. I think that it's really disconcerting when you are reading a story when you are all sad, feeling extremely depressed and suddenly everything it's ok now. You should try to develop a little more how is that characters are going to change their emotions. For example, when Al and Lily are at the kitchen and he hugs her and everything is alright. I like the idea of her brother helping her that way and it's even realistic, but maybe you could explain a little further how was her emotion change instead of just saying he comforted her and then he made her dinner. Am I making any sense at all? If not, feel free to ask!

-Flashback, POV changes, etc. Okay, I'm really, really picky about this kind of stuff. I think that when you are going to play a scene in a past time, you shouldn't really tell the reader. I believe that with simply writing something like... "I remember that time in sixth year, Rose had been completely smashed and it hadn't been pretty" then insert here the whole story you wrote in italics. I think I've never been a fan of that white lines that separates times or POVs.

WHAT SHOULD BE WORKED ON:

-Flow. I think that even when the story is really easy to read and you don't get stuck, but sometimes it goes so fast that you don't give the reader any chance to finish with one scene when other thing is already happening.

ABOUT LILY:

I love her. She's hilarious and I couldn't picture her any other way. I think you've described her perfectly and I really, really think she's an awesome character.

ABOUT THE STORY:

I like the plot a lot, I like too that it's short but has enough material to nicely develop the plot and doesn't just go round and round the same stuff all the time, so I think that is really good.

ABOUT THE WRITING STYLE:

I like it, I think that writing in third person is really difficult, but you do it quite well, I believe that practising you will become a really good writer!

I think that's all from me, I hope I wasn't too harsh, I really think this story is really good! And I read the sequel first chapter and loved it, I think it's very nicely written, an I'm in shock about the ships and everything else!

Anyway, have a great day!

~Nashira.

PS: I think this was the best chapter ;)

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Review #21, by ronhermione4evr One

17th January 2011:
Poor pathetic Lily...but I feel even worse for Al. The poor guy didn't hear right and thought for a moment that his sister had some serious issues ;)

Anyway, it's ronhermione4evr from the forums, here with your review!

First of all, I was a little bit uncertain about the pace of the story. Most stories start off with more of an introductory chapter, which you did, but I do think that we could've waited for the collision a bit later on so that we would know how our beloved characters act. Also, it couldn't have hurt to mention why Scorpius was there. Had me a bit confused at the moment, but I figured that the question would've been answered later on.

-ronhermione4evr

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Review #22, by NeverGotHerLetter Three

15th January 2011:
Hey!! Last review!
Lets go for the CC first:
Oh, Moody? You mean that war hero who as killed by Voldemort himself?” You need to put a w to make was :) - sorry I'm being picky.
Next...
All of us had been sitting in the Gryffindor Common Room, planning the party when Rose walked up to us and asked us, “Hey guys, what’s up?”

You say that, and then later, you say,

“Heyy Lily! How are you?” a drunken Rose came stumbling toward me.
I thought Rose was already there, sober? How come she's suddenly there twice? Ah! That got me confused. But then I realised, this was later in the night. You need to say that it is, otherwise it's not clear.
There's some other things, like spelling and grammar, but they're not really that important so we don't have to worry about it.
And now on to the good stuff!!
When Scorpius was 'kindly refusing' Rose, I found it so so emotional. My stomach like plummeted or something, it was so sad. Although, I really really like your characterisation of scorp, I think it was really good. i like how you made him a gryffindor, it makes it something different as people usually make him in slytherin. Also, i like how nice and kind you made him, so unlike draco; i think he would have been more like his mother, Astoria Greengrass, who I believe would have been a really lovely kind person.
So yeah! Good job! If you'd like me to review more chapters, then post another request in my Review Topic :)
Oh and I love the chapter image - Logan Lerman is my dream Albus :D x x x

Chapter 1: 8/10
Chapter 2: 9/10
Chapter 3: 8/10
Good Luck wi' the rest of this! ~NeverGotHerLetter x x x x

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Review #23, by NeverGotHerLetter Two

15th January 2011:
Aww, this chapter was sweet :)
A couple of things: I think when Adam was saying how beautiful Lily was, that it was a bit full on -- I mean they had only just met right? But that's just my opinion, it gave a romantic effect nonetheless. :)
Another thing; this line:
“No.” he said smiling back. “I was going to say that I was supposed to ask you out to dinner. But considering the amount of coffee we’ve consumed, I don’t think we’ll be sleeping any time soon.” he added sheepishly.
What does dinner have to do with sleeping? He's making it seem as if dinner will lead to her going home with him and sleep with him, which she didn't comment on, so I'm thinking you didn't mean to write that.
I really liked the kissing scene, nice and romantic; a really good end to the chapter.
~NeverGotHerLetter x x x

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Review #24, by NeverGotHerLetter One

15th January 2011:
Hellooo!! It's NeverGotHerLetter from the forums here!!
This isn't a pathetic attempt at Lily! I think it's great!! a good job at Lily just out of school :) I like how you made her move in with Albus and Rose, that was really sweet.
I liked it, although sometimes you rambled a bit, like when Rose played the trick on Albus. I think you could have left it at when he said WHAT???!! and that would have been much more effective.
Other than that, it's really good! I love how close you've made Rose and Albus, and I like how Scorp got involved in the end.
The end was really really effective, can't wait to read the next chappie now!!
8/10 x x x

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Review #25, by CARPE DIEM One

30th December 2010:
Hello! Diem here from the forums. Ahh I was so excited to have a Next-Generation story to review; it's my favorite era. xD Also, I'm thrilled that you chose to have this take place post-Hogwarts. I always think it's great to have an adult perspective on the Wizarding world, what with jobs and responsibility and such, instead of just teenage drama/angst.

The beginning of the chapter seemed to introduce a lot of characters at once - mainly Lily and her family. I take it this was your subtle way of giving us a feel for Lily's character and background as soon as possible, and it works because of the first person point-of-view. If it were third person, I'd say it were too rushed. I'm going to caution you against the overuse of parentheses, as it seems a bit informal to me, and perhaps suggest you try using dashes sometimes instead, as they seem more formal to me and have essentially the same effect.

Getting back to point-of-view, I enjoy the story being told from Lily's mind, even the momentary slips into second person "you." She has a very distinct voice, if slightly immature, perhaps because of the sarcasm. I love how she acknowledged how cliche the moment was when she locked eyes with the stranger. Lily is fun; I would be friends with her.

The part where she trips made me literally laugh out loud. I cannot tell you how often I trip over my own feet, so I could completely relate, and the way you wrote it was hilarious.

Bah! I love Albus! I want him as an older brother. I ADORE the Lily/Albus sibling relationship. Their chemistry is fantastic. It's so cute that Al is living with two girls and tries to put on a show of indifference, when deep down he loves them both, plus I'm sure he enjoys having an insight into the female brain haha.

Scorpius! LOVELOVELOVE. I'm such a disgusting ScoRose shipper, and I love that they're getting together in this story but they're not the focus, so there's no way it can be another cliched ScoRose story. Of course he's training to be an Auror... I bet Daddy Draco just loves that. I also like that you had them all being in Gryffindor, instead of Albus joining Scorpius in Slytherin, as most Next Generation authors do.

I'm definitely loving this first chapter, and it makes me want to read more. The ending, I'll agree, was a bit abrupt... To flesh it out, maybe mention how she plans on encountering him next, her planning out what she'll actually SAY next time, or something to that effect. Anyway, great writing. I think I'll favorite it! Feel free to re-request later chapters, if you'd like. ^^

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