This was a really nice take on Remus and Tonks’ relationship- I enjoyed it immensely! I especially liked the flashbacks on Remus’s past relationship. It made his excuse for staying way from Tonks a lot more believable and solid. I honestly can’t believe how terrible and heartbreaking that little side-story was! On their honeymoon?! SO sad! :( If you hadn’t written it so nicely, I’d have thought it was a little too dramatic/over the top, but it definitely worked.
One thing I’m a little puzzled about was wouldn’t Remus have been arrested for killing the girl he loved? (I’m assuming he confessed because it seemed as though her parents knew he’d done it from the ‘look of disguts’ upon their faces.). Even though he’s a werewolf, he still murdered someone…
‘I still hadn’t forgotten the incident.’ –haha I’d imagine no-one could ever forget about the time they killed their new wife.
‘I loved Tonks with all the half of my heart that was still intact’ – so this made me cry.
I really love the idea for this, and it was fabulously descriptive and able to evoke a lot of clashing emotions inside me as all your writing seems to do lottie :). The ending was very sweet and lovely and made me feel all fuzzy!
(the quote was perfect)
-Annon ♥ Report Review
Hey, I love the idea behind this, the reason he won't get with Tonks is because he is trying to protect her, he's scared that he might hurt her!
It's so sad but you manage to convey the emotions perfectly, it really makes the reader feel like there there with him!
You have a great piece here, the characterisation is spot on too! :)Author's Response: Hey! :)
Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked the idea of this - that was pretty much my reasoning behind that too. And I'm also really happy to hear that the emotions came through.
Aw, thank you so much! Thanks for reading and for the lovely review! :)
- Charlotte Report Review
You have nothing to worry about with this one shot! It was absolutely fabulous!
I had never really considered another reason for Remus to refuse being with Tonks before but this is very interesting as it offers another point of view which I have never even considered let alone read about before.
I found it really interesting that you made it so Remus had injured the love of his life before and the worst that he could have imagined had now happened and that is a lot for even the most unfeeling person to get their head round let alone a sensitive person like Remus.
Your beginning seemed to me to be very ominous with his refusal of Tonks. Then going into a very idyllic scene with Remus and the unnamed girl. It just seemed to be telling us what had happened without actually saying it you know! I love the way you also made the scene almost perfect but then when the full moon appeared you showed both of them to be really scared.
I could never have imagined Remus doing something like this even before the Wolfsbane potion, it just seems so OOC but it just shows that it can actually happen.
I'm glad you included what happened when he did get with Tonks though. It just rounded the whole story off and helped to seriously improve my state of mind but it also helped me imagine Remus back in his character in his sweet and sensitive self!
Well doneAuthor's Response: Hey!
Aw thank you so much! That really means a lot to me and I'm so glad you thought so!
Yep, I think that's why I was intrigued to writing this story - I wanted to develop some kind of backstory for the reason why Remus was so hesitant and against being with Tonks. I've never thought of myself as a particularly original writer, so to hear that you've never read something like this before was great!
The OOC is something that a few reviewers have commented on, and perhaps it is just slightly unrealistic, but I'm glad that you nevertheless thought that it could happen. And yay! I'm so pleased to hear that the ending worked out well!
Thank you so much for reading and for the really lovely review! It really put a smile on my face. :)
- Charlotte Report Review
That was really good, i'm pretty sure i understood it.. i think. this is really well done and is fantastically writtenAuthor's Response: Aww! Thank you so, so much! Reviews like this make my day! :)
Thank you so much for the lovely review!
- Charlotte :) Report Review
I'm always a bit hesitant about reading Remus/OC, simply because of the werewolf/secrecy aspect, but I really liked this! I felt that you dealt with the issue well and your OC, while unnamed, was pretty developed for just a one-shot. Your Remus and Tonks were perfectly in character, and I liked the way you slipped Mrs Weasley in as well, and added Teddy in at the end. I can't find anything to critique as all in this story, and for your first one-shot it's really pretty good!
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Aw thank you! I'm glad you thought I dealt with Remus' werewolf issue well and that the OC was quite developed! This story is probably the story with the most complex plot, but I'm so glad you found the characters 'perfectly in character'. Such a compliment, so thank you!
Thanks for the really, really lovely review!
- Charlotte :) Report Review
I don't know if you've ever come across me saying this or not, but flashbacks are one of my least favorite literary devices in fanfiction. I'm always skeptical of them because I often feel that they are just randomly tacked on to a chapter. I'm putting the flashbacks in this chapter in the middle of the road by my standards: not just randomly tacked on, but not the best I've ever read either. (Coming from me, this is a compliment regarding flashbacks.)
Right off the bat, I don't see a better way for you to have included Remus's memories, especially since this is a one-shot. It's often difficult to include deep or complicated backstory in a one-shot . . . there's all this stuff to say sometimes, that is actually relevant and important, but that isn't the story itself, if that makes sense.
I have to say I was shocked at Remus's memory about the unnamed woman! How awful! No wonder he was traumatized. Honestly, the whole thing disgusts me a little, but that's the point, isn't it? That Remus is also completely disgusted and horrified with himself. It does seem like an extreme way to explain his worry and aversion to relationships, but at the same time, I do admire it when writers don't shy away from the more wolfish aspects of Remus's character. He IS a werewolf, after all.
By the way, I really like that quote you included about not needing a better thing.Author's Response: Hi Alopex! :D
Gah, sorry for the late responses! I've been replying to them rather sporadically, but I hope to finish the last two tomorrow hopefully!
Hehe I haven't come across you saying that before, but I've now learnt something new about you ;) Hey, thanks for saying that at least mine aren't tacked on :P I really appreciate your honest feedback!
Yeah.. it is a bit disgusting.. it was kind of a spur of the moment plot from the quotes I was given from two of the challenges and a banner from the 3rd.
So yeah, thank you for the nice review! :) And your honesty as well :)
-charlotte :) Report Review
Hey, I thought I'd come read this since you mentionned it! I really enjoyed this. I thought your characterisation of Remus was very good, and it was an interesting alternate reason for his hesitance to accept Tonks. My only iffy point was the fact that Remus forgot the moon- but then again, it worked with the plot and didn't ruin the story at all :) The use of ambiguity with keeping the OC unnamed was really good- almost like Remus couldn't even bear to remember the name. Anyways, I really enjoyed this! It's a great one-shotAuthor's Response: Hi! :D
Awh, thank you so much for reading, and reviewing :)
Yes, lots of people have said it's a bit unrealistic, but I suppose it's vital to the story :/
Thank you so much for everything ^_^
-charlotte :) Report Review
Hi Charlotte! I'm here with your review. I wasn't confused but I wasn't sure if I had properly understood it, with the unnamed OC. I did. :)
So I thought this was a great story and really cleverly constructed. I loved the memories too.
I loved the use of ambiguity, keeping the OC unnamed, as if Remus couldn't think of her name because it was too painful.
It got to the point and it was a really nice read.
I thought you had perfectly characterised. Tonks and Remus felt extremely real and Remus' emotions were in great depth which JKR didn't go into so much.
My one piece of advice (which is barely something useful) is if you wanted to, you could have more description to introduce the setting and his feelings when he realised he had killed his love. And at the same time, I'm not sure whether it is completely to character how Remus forgets about the full moon. He was always quite a careful character.
That's not important though because it is the only way for Remus to kill her without it getting extremely unbelievable.
Overall, this is a fantastic story and I loved the snippets of memories and the lovely writing. It is great. :)
Claudia xAuthor's Response: Hello Claudia! ^_^
Lol I'm glad you understood it! And thanks for the compliments :)
Ooh; yes, I suppose I could add in a bit more description, another thing I"m not too great at. And well, Remus forgetting the moon is something everyone has been reviewing about :P I can't really think of any ideas.. ooh I should start a Help Needed topic - you know what? I think I'm going to do that! The one idea I have is rather weird :L
On their honeymoon, they first went to the American Samoa, then, to Australia. (These two place's time zones are 24 hours apart, and so they forget that, and Remus thought the next night was the moon, but it was actually this night, because of the 24 hour time zone difference, and how that means they miss one whole day. UhhÃ¢Â€Â¦. yeah.. Not a lot of sense right? :P And it's rather ridiculous :L
ANYWAYÃ¢Â€Â¦, thank you!! :D Glad you liked it ^_^
-charlotte! Report Review
Hi Charlotte! *snowball* I picked this story to review because of the Oscar Wilde credit - love him. :)
I totally went "aww" at the end. True love! Very sweet. The memory of his killing a past girlfriend (did I get that right?) was really sad and horrifying. Poor Remus. Since you ask for critique, I think it works as a one-shot very well. People often put too much in or leave too much out. You've left out just enough to create an interesting backstory, but didn't fill the entire thing with backstory. I did think there was a tad too much flashback, but I'm not a big fan of them, so you can take that or leave it. Just opinion really. Let's see, formatting looks lovely, of course. I think you did well with characterization on Remus, and the brief glimpse of Molly Weasley. Tonks was good in this as well.
Some of the jumping-around between times in your narrative required a re-read - I thought the proposal was to Tonks and didn't notice it wasn't until I got to the end of the second flashback (which I also thought was about Tonks at first). I kind of like the vagueness there about the identity, because it's different from how I'd write it (and I like that). Now, you have one paragraph where Remus rages about memories haunting him, then the next paragraph he goes to the Shrieking Shack where memories no longer haunt him. It seems a bit odd, like it doesn't make sense with the internal logic of the story.
Small grammar issue:
The years old memories -> The years-old memoriesAuthor's Response: Hello! :)
Thank you for the read! I never even heard of Oscar Wilde until the challenge I entered, but I'm glad I know about him now!
Anyway, thank you! Yes, you got the story right ^_^ Thanks for your opinion! There are a lot of flashbacks, but I think they're all needed to tell the story..? I'll definitely need to reread my piece and edit it after all these lovely reviews from the snowball fight :)
I'm a perfectionist, so it's nice that the formatting is lovely! :P That does sound a bit odd, I shall take a look at that as well. And also, thanks for pointing out that mistake :)
Thank you for the read and the lovely review :)) Report Review
I liked it. :) Remus is one of my favourite characters and Remus/Tonks is one of my favourite pairings. I think you did Remus' character justice with the conflicting emotions he is feeling and would probably always have felt occasionally. At times, especially in the beginning with Remus and Tonks I wished for a bit more of the conflict in his emotions but you brought in some of that later. What I mean is, not just saying that he loved her but was afraid for what he could do to her, but showing a bit more of how he really wanted to be with her maybe almost giving in to the temptation at times and then again his feelings about how he sees himself as dangerous. But as I said some of that you showed later on even though I was left wishing for a little more in the beginning just before the first flashback. What you could have done though a bit more of was showing how or why he loved Tonks instead of only saying that he loved her.
I think you did a very good job with the memories. Although I think that especially with what happened in Harry's third year, he had reason to be afraid, this still shows exactly what he was afraid of. At the same time this shows more of why people would have been afraid of werewolves who were otherwise nice and good people. Even if they wanted to be nice to someone like Remus, many would be afraid of mistakes that could happen and then wouldn't give him a job or something. I can also see that Remus might have tried more to be normal when he was younger and would have more easily convinced himself that he could live like anybody else then, until something happened.
As a side note, the temptation quote is one of my favourite quotes. :) As a whole you did a good job with this story!Author's Response: Hello :)
Awh, thank you very much! I think you bring up a very good point. I will definitely look at that, I never really thought about WHY Remus loves Tonks..hmm.. so thank you for telling me about that!
Thank you about the memories. I thought the flashbacks might not make a lot of sense, so I'm glad everyone seems to understand the story and the attempt to explain Remus' feelings.
Once again, thank you very much for reading, and for the nice review! :) Report Review
Snowball fight review for you! This was such a powerful story; a brilliant, original idea that explains so much about Remus and his reluctance to marry Tonks. You were true to Remus' character and the thoughts and emotions portrayed were real and believable. And what a heartbreaking thing to have happened! It's impossible not to feel the pain Remus felt. A brilliantly written story.Author's Response: Hey! :)
Thank you so much for the compliments! I'm glad the emotions and pain was conveyed alright, since I'm a very insensitive person in real life.
Once again, thank you so much for reading, and for the very nice review! :) Report Review
Hey, orderofthephoenix from the Snowball Review Fight here :)
Aw, this is a really sweet, emotional story. I have to say, at first I didn't realise that the flashbacks were of Remus and an OC. It wasn't until the unknown female died that I understood what it was all about. *Oops*. So I went back and read it all over again! :)
You portrayed Remus' torment very well, especially when he lost his first, true love, and made it very believable.
Good use of the quotations and flawless grammar as well.
Happy Holidays :)
Sophia xAuthor's Response: Hey!
Thank you very much! I'm not very emotional myself, so I'm glad I at least can put some down in words. I guess the flashbacks are a bit confusing, but I'm glad you got the story :)
Thank you very much for reading + reviewing and the nice compliments!
Merry Christmas! :D Report Review
Firstly I'd like to apologize for not getting this review to you sooner; my life has been incredibly hectic these past few weeks and it's been hard for me to get anything done. Due to my preseverances to my beta responsibilities and the House Cup, I haven't had time to read this story until this evening, so I sincerely hope that you this hasn't bothered you; I wouldn't blame you if you were a little annoyed right now. Anyway, lets talk about Remus, he's a lot more interesting.
Remus has always been without a doubt one of my favourite characters, so you wouldn't believe how happy I was to find a review request on my thread for a Remus story. Due to the way he is portrayed in the books, I'm quite used to reading about the wize and just wizard who's always there for everyone. The emotion that you managed to convery in this one shot brought out a completley different side of him that JK rarely ever showed in the series. You showed a weaker, more corruptable side to him, which makes for a nice change from the brave, dying hero he is exhaustedly portrayed as on the archives. Your depiction of his love for Tonks and his cosequental heartbreak over her death was spot on; I could really feel his pain whilst reading this.
The emotive language almost brought a tear to my eye; which is saying something because that very rarely happens with me. I also love your use of description; you use the perfect balance, not too little and not too much. My only suggestion would have to be to leave the underlining and boldening of the quotes out. I know I may sound quite petty at the moment, but it kind of disrupted the flow of the writing. When read aloud they aren't meant to stand out, but the bold and underlined text give that impression off to the reader. My suggestion would be to instead list the quotes in the author's note to let the readers know who they're by.
I also really enjoyed the structure. At first I wasn't getting all of the time-period switching, but after a while I could really gather the effect they were having on me, and they contributed greatly to the highly emotional atmosphere in this story.
Overall this was a great One Shot, I can't really find any fault with it, and trust me, I don't often say that. I'm happy that you requested I read this, please feel free to request again, I'd love to read more of your stuff.
-Katie (JaneTwilight)Author's Response: Hey!
Don't worry about the lateness - I don't notice these things much, being busy myself! I'm not bothered at all, and not annoyed at all! In fact, I'd like to say thank you for your dedication in getting it done, and a huge thank you for such a long, awesome, helpful review!
Thank you very much! I'm glad I portrayed Remus in a totally different way (without meaning to)! I'm glad that I was able to invoke such a powerful emotion! I understand your 'flow of the writing' thing, I'll take another look at it, and possibly change it!
Thanks very much! I thought the time jumps might be a bit confusing for some readers, but judging by the reviews, they aren't!
Awh, thank you very much! I'm very grateful to your amazingly helpful review! I'm quite surprised by all the reviews saying it was very emotional, I'm usually (actually never) emotional at all, so I'm surprised, but quite pleased!
Thanks very much Katie :) I appreciate it heaps! :D
Hi! Maja here from the forums with your (long overdue) review.
I'll start this off by saying that I'm actually not a big fan of Remus/Tonks, but I'll try not to let that influence my review. :D
The plot was good, and your writing style is generally quite high quality. There were a few grammatical errors and sentence structure issues that grated a little, but all in all it was well written.
The flow from each section didn't confuse me personally, so I think you're fine there.
I have one major issue, and it's a plot one, rather than any writing style stuff. This is the issue of the death of Remus' ex lover. It seems ridiculously implausible for him to have stayed with her on the same day his transformation was coming up, because he would have realised just how much danger he posed to her. Remus is a very careful character, not in the least reckless as James and Sirius were, so it strikes me as pretty odd that he would do something like that. Anyway.
Good story overall; I enjoyed it. :D
Good luck with your writing!Author's Response: Hey!
No worries about how long overdue it is, but rather, thanks for your awesome review!
Haha that's okay. Thank you very much! I'm glad you found it okay, and I'm especially glad that my writing style is of high quality!
That's perfectly fine. I do agree with your argument to some point, but to justify that - Remus became the 'more careful character' after that event. However, that part is integral to my story and I can't think of any way to change it... Maybe he was drunk? haha
But thank you very much for your kindly worded review! :) Report Review
Really good ! I like the way you portrait Remus :) please R&R my story.. Just put ekroman as author :)Author's Response: Hey!
Thank you very much :)
I'll try to, but I'm very busy right now!
Thanks for your read + review though! :) Report Review
This is RonNiffler from forums and I'm here with your review!
So I really don't know what to expect. This is my very first Remus/Tonks story I've read! Goes to show having a review page can really open one up to new section of stories!
In all I really did enjoy this. I never lost my interest and the whole time I was just dying to read more!
Detail lacked a bit. I find it had to write from first person and still include plenty of detail. You did better then a lot of people would, but you know what they say. The more detail the better! =D
I really didn't see any grammar mistakes, but that may have been because I was so absorbed in you story! If you're worried though you can always get a beta. I for one find mine extremely useful!
Your writing style with jumping around was very unique. I've read a couple stories like this and have never really decided if I liked them for not. The way you wrote yours though was very excellent and I'm starting to like this form of writing.
It was a bit confusing when Remus killed that girl, at first I thought it was Tonks, but you cleared that up pretty quickly.
That really does explain now why Remus has always been so careful. It was so sad though!
Well let me just say you did a great job and it was a pleasure reading your one-shot!Author's Response: Hey!
Oh, thank you! Haha, I didn't know what to expect either when I wrote it!
Thank you very much! I'm glad I held your interest!
I completely agree with you. I still have much to do in terms of improving my writing, and detail is probably something I should work on for my next story, (and edit this one!) That's great! Spelling and grammar is kind of my strong point, so I probably don't need a beta :)
Awh, thank you so much! I'm so glad you found it unique! I strived to make it sound like a story. I hate those stories that go - The next day blah. Or have the dates. It just gets confusing and it's so unoriginal! So I'm very pleased you found it unique and excellent!
Okay, I'm glad that I didn't leave you confused for long! Sadness was a theme that I was trying to convey, so I'm glad that got through!
Woah, just thank you so much for your lovely review and helpful feedback! Thanks! I really appreciate it! :) Report Review
This is your challenge creator here, finally reviewing your submission! I apologize immensely for the delay.
You said in your author's note to let you know if the flashbacks were confusing, and on the first time through, they were for me. Each scene made sense on its own, but I was left confused as to how each fit together. After reading your author's note, though, I read through it all again, and everything clicked for me. I think naming the character would have made it easier for me to understand.
Having said that, I don't want you to think that I didn't enjoy it. Quite the contrary! The piece was both moving and poignant. With each snapshot, I gained a deeper understanding of Remus' perspective, and where his apprehension comes from. The paragraph that actually affected me the most was the one that began with, "I have no recollection of what I did." The utter hopelessness of that paragraph was heart-wrenching.
Moving onto the quotes--I didn't know you were using two! What a pleasant surprise! These are actually two of my favorite Oscar Wilde quotes, so I was ecstatic to see them both in here. The two quotes were so different, yet you utilized them quite well. I think each fit the respective character perfectly, and reflected their powerful emotions.
This is a fine piece of work, especially for your first one-shot. Thanks so much for your submission--it was a pleasure to read!
ChristineAuthor's Response: Hey!
Thank you for the review! No worries about the lateness!
Yes, I thought they might be confusing... I did think I should've given her a name, but I'm horrible with names and it might've thrown off the whole story.
But I'll think about adding in a name...
Awwh thank you so much! Thank you very much (: Well firstly you gave me #10, but then i switched from 10 to 14, because I thought I couldn't use 10, but then I realised I could use both, so I did, and wholla :)
Thank you very much Christine!
:) Report Review
You had me crying during that, and I've never cried while reading fanfiction before. I'm not easy to make cry. You deserve a medal. :) Anyways, I really loved that. It was so full of emotion. The part about Lupin and his first wife was so sad.
The banner is beautiful and a great insperation. Good job with this. Keep on writing.
10/10Author's Response: Hey!
Awhh thank you so so much!
Wow, i'm surprised, but
That means alot :)
Thank you very, very much Report Review
This fic was beautiful. It really is sad though. I am in tears. You filled in all the blanks that Remus' character leaves us with. Well done! I love this!
P.S. 10/10Author's Response: Hey!
Thank you so much (:
Awwh I"m sorry that you're crying, but I"m glad I was able to provoke such an emotion :)
Thank you so much! :D Report Review
Heya, Ella here!
What an original and interesting piece! I really enjoyed reading this, and found it to be a highly believable and satisfying answer to the questions posed by JKR's writing on this pairing.
I definitely thought that the scene jumping was well handled, which is not always easy without using "flashback" etc - which I loathe as it just seems like lazy writing! Instead, your use of time markers is much more subtle and keeps the flow going.
As for the general writing quality, it's definitely pretty high! The only thing I did notice was your tendency to jump around with tenses - for example "I would die for her. Because I loved her." would probably read better as "I would have died for her, because I loved her." as the option is no longer available to die for her. Or something like that... I may be waffling! Anyways, other than the tense thing it's got good flow, good grammar, and good spelling, and the descriptive prose is lovely.
One question - why did he forget the full moon? This might have been left unanswered for stylistic purposes, but it just felt like something that needed explaining; given his general carefulness it seems too OOC to have happened without a good reason. Again, not exactly a major thing, but it would just help to complete the otherwise very compelling exposition of his character.
Seriously though, this was a very thought-provoking and enjoyable read; please request again in the future!Author's Response: Hey!
Thank you so much!
Wow I'm glad you thought I did the flashbacks okay, they were kind of hard to write!
Thank you so much! I do agree with you about the tenses, thats something that confuses me and something I shall now take a further look at.
Thanks for the question, I'll answer it sometime soon because you do have a point!
Thank you so much for reading & the lovely review! :D Report Review
It's a very nice piece of writing :)
Somewhere in between I became confused, but by the end I understood the plot behind the story.
Very good :)Author's Response: Hey!
Thank you very much!
Yeah I thought it might be a bit confusing, but I'm glad you got there in the end :)
Thanks :D Report Review
This was a great story. It fills the reader with a sense of mystery and hope. The mystery of who the girl was and if Remus will attack again (ignoring what happens in the actual books). Also a hope that Remus and Tonks are able to live together without worry (again disregarding the 7th book). This was very well written. The quotes you chose fit perfectly. I have not posted any of my stories yet, but when I do I hope they are as well written as yours.
orangezauberAuthor's Response: Hey! (:
Thank you so much!
I'm sure your stories will be :)
Thank you :D Report Review
I quite liked this!
I hardly ever read stories that focus on Remus and it was nice to read something different ;)
I liked this idea, but I was a tad confused at the end.
You went from Remus being angry with Tonks to being happy with Tonks and their baby? I would have liked to have read how Remus finally made the decision to let himself get close to someone again.
Also, at the very end you first say that Teddy is sleeping, then a few sentences later you say that he is playing with blocks. You might want to fix that ;)
Overall, this story was very good. The writing was great; your descriptions amazing. I would just work on describing what had made Remus change his feelings ;)
9/10Author's Response: Hey!
Thank you very much (:
I know right! Even Marauders stories are all focused on James/Lily.
That's true! I'm glad you pointed that out, I'll see how I can change that, and maybe add in an extra scene.
Thanks for telling me about Teddy sleeping, next second playing as well! Obviously I didn't notice that.
Thank you very much for your feedback!
It really is helpful, and I'm grateful you took the time to read and review, thanks! :) Report Review
this was a great story. i could imagine everything happening and also, Tonks' sadness and longing 4 Remus could be felt through this fic. great job!^_^
Harry and GinnyAuthor's Response: Hey!
Thank you so very much!
I only just posted this, so you made my day.
Thank you so much, honestly, you have no idea how happy I am now!
:D Report Review
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