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Reading Reviews for A Galleon For Me
  
12 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Vania A Galleon For Me

26th February 2011:
Wow, that was really funny...and weird, but in a good way.

Author's Response: Thanks :D Precisely what I was going for!

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Review #2, by purplewings721 A Galleon For Me

18th August 2010:
Okay, so that first line of yours, totally made me crave something sweet. Random I know, so onto your actual story.
Wow, that was definitely something else. I feel like this was happening in some intense and psychedelic dream sequence, for some odd reason. I will now have visions of flying ice cream for the rest of this week.
This was short, sweet, and simple - I loved it. I liked the atmosphere you created for the ice cream shop. It was very fun and light, and just plain old enjoyable!
Very fun read, and keep up the great work!
-Camila :)

Author's Response: Thank you! All you people are spoiling me too much with such kind reviews!
I'm very happy that you liked the story and the words "intense and psychedelic dream sequence" made me smile so wide my cheeks started to hurt :D And yes, I walked around with flying ice cream in my head for a while, too... But it'll pass, it'll pass! ;)
Thanks!


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Review #3, by ericajen A Galleon For Me

18th August 2010:
Hey Adrielne! (:

This story is lookin' way good. It's very humorous and fun and lighthearted. And it's based off of such a creative idea. I love that it seems as though this idea just inspired you and you went with it and managed to write such a lovely piece of it.

I didn't notice any spelling or grammatical mistakes at all, so well done there. It was very nicely written in general, really. It flowed well and there were no areas where I stumbled over the writing.

Well done!!

Erica

Author's Response: Thank you, Erica! You know how much your opinions matter to me and getting praise from you in doses as high as today is making my head as big as a certain Marauder's, too... ;)

I'm glad you like this story. It was my first try at humor fics and the enthusiastic reply I got made me want to go even past that level of absurdity and write "Harry Potter and Making Friends in Cupcake Land". End of shameless self-marketing!

Once again, thanks for taking the time to read and review!

~ Ada


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Review #4, by mizzxpearl A Galleon For Me

18th August 2010:
HAHA!

I just HAD to read this story as soon as I read the summary. LOL I have to ask, where did you get the muse to write this?! It's not like anything I've read before!

I really enjoyed it! It was light hearted and humourous all the way through. Just when I thought the chaos was going to end, something else just happened. Poor, poor Florean, he never even got the chance to proove himself!

I loved it! Honestly! :D Keep writing!

Author's Response: Wow, thanks for such an enthusiastic review! And as for my muse... She came in the form of AVPM Lauren-Draco Malfoy rolling across my desk saying "and what business does George have with OUR Florean? Another silly little bet?".
Obviously, the mental image had me writing in an instant. And I myself was surprised by the effects of it! :D
But wait, I feel an odd sensation in my head. It's growing... and growing... and growing...
It's Potter. James Potter.
;)


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Review #5, by Northumbrian A Galleon For Me

18th August 2010:
Florean was robbed! Robbed I tell you, a victim of circumstances entirely beyond his control.
Writing comedt is difficult, writing slapstick is almost impossible (describing a pie in the face is never as funny as seeing it in my opinion). But you've done an excellent job here, well done.
I've always wanted to use the words "unfeasable decolletage" you had the chance here, shame you missed it.
N

Author's Response: Ahh, you and your liking for difficult words! ;)
Thanks for the very kind review! I can feel my ego growing way past warning limits...


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Review #6, by propertyoftheHBP A Galleon For Me

16th August 2010:
Well, this was certainly "most unusual comedy"! Haha, I loved it. It was like those crazy TV shows or picture books where everything is happening and breaking loose at once, which I'm sure is what you intended. ^-^

The thought alone of Florean Fortescue thinking he can throw a scoop of ice cream, five paces back, right into the sundae dish is hilarious and a sight to behold. Add in the screaming fat lady, a bunch of kids, and a whole lot of bugs and you've got an entirely different story. ;) Strangely enough, I can actually see this happening in the wizarding world, especially where George is involved.

The dialogue from both Fortescue and George was hilarious and came off as pompous and extravagant from both sides. (I'm not sure if that's what you were intending, but all it did was add to the crazy humor of it all.)

I loved it! It was hilarious, and like I said above, fit the name of its challenge quite well. ;]

Author's Response: This story was actually based on an extremely funny dream I had. I'm glad you liked it so much - this reaction is exactly what I was going for! I'm glad you think that it's believable in its' absurdity!

But honestly, HPFFers, with all these kind reviews, I'll be a big-headed, pompous prat in about a week! ;)


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Review #7, by melian A Galleon For Me

8th August 2010:
That was a really fun read! One of those he-would-have-done-it-in-any-other-circumstances things, I think, but so funny! You painted the picture so well and I could really see it all happening, especially the ice cream sailing into the low neckline of the summer dress robes. Excellent little one-shot. :)

cheers, Mel

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad that my first humor fic is getting some good reviews ;) I'm glad you liked it!

Thanks again!


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Review #8, by TallestTower A Galleon For Me

6th June 2010:
This is definately a unique one-shot and a most unusual comedy! I love the idea! Florean Fortescue flipping an icecream through the air was inspired and I love the chaos that went on. It seems wherever George goes there is mischeif!

I loved the characters in this. The fat lady with two poodles was hillarious - I can imagine her outrage vividly, and poor Florean trying to apologize!

The ending was brilliant, and concluded the one-shot perfectly. I thought this was very well written, with lots of humour and was a unique one-shot. I really enjoyed reading this - thanks for posting!

Author's Response: Hahaha! It does seem like George is quite the mishief magnet. This story was inspired by a real-life situation and was wonderful to write, exceeding my own expectations. I'm glad you had as much fun reading it as I had while writing!

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Review #9, by MrsKatieGrint A Galleon For Me

1st June 2010:
Bahaha! That sure does sound like an interesting day! That was cute! And totally made me laugh! Everything was smooth, but at the end, I felt like things were kinda rushed.. I dunno. Thats justs my opinion.
But on the bright side, it was a very cute/funny one-shot.:)

Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I can see where the sense of it being rushed comes from, but it was supposed to feel that way, as many things happen all at one time :)

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Review #10, by foundriapenguin A Galleon For Me

13th May 2010:
Hi, this is foundriapenguin from the forums!! I'm too lazy to log back onto my account right now xP And I'm such a terrible person! I can't believe I took so long to review. :( Usually this does NOT happen.

Anyways, great story! It was so hilarious, and such a creative idea! I haven't read a story with Fortescue's shop as the center setting. The characters are definitely "in character." Umm you asked about the title? Ahaha it's great! The summary does "sum up" basically what happens in the story, which is great! It's good that the elements of this story are so interesting because I often see summaries like that that do not catch my attention, unlike this one! (:

I spotted some grammar mistakes that I think could definitely use some re-working. I'm getting the impression that you want to include that a lot of stuff is happening, but sometimes you make sentences into realy long run-ons. Here's an example:

""I'm sure of a win," George mumbled and sat back, watching the many people in the Parlour, all enjoying their own desserts, some accompanied by the oddest of pets, but his attention was soon drawn to one particular group."

Now, you can only put so many commas in that sentence! I would separate it after "sat back" and then just make a new sentence starting with "he." Do you know what I mean? It just goes on and on and then I forgot what was happening to whom.

Overall, though, I thought this was very amusing! Brownie points for creativity (:

~foundriapenguin

Author's Response: Thank you!

Yes, quite a few people pointed out the too-long sentence structures. I'm addicted to them in stories, though, so it may prove to be a hard habit to break (I didn't win the write-a-story-with-one-sentence contest at my school for nothing!), but I certainly will try my best! ... Yeah, that sentence was quite long, too. Oops.

Thank you again for the great review AND for the brownie points!

Adrielne


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Review #11, by Miss_stephanie A Galleon For Me

9th May 2010:
Goodness! I literally started laughing out loud when this story came together. What a fiasco! I thought it was simply brilliant, and the characters you brought into play were simply perfect for this hilarious situation. I think that you did a wonderful job of portraying George and Florean. Even though Monsieur Fortescue was merely a back round character in the books, this is exactly how I would picture him from a more in-depth depiction. Fred and George have always been two of my favorite characters because of their ability to bring exuberance and humor into any situation. George didn't even have to do anything in this case, but his ability to profit off of serendipity was amusing.

You did say that you wanted me to be mean, which is difficult, because I was quite taken with this one-shot. Nonetheless, there were a couple of issues I had.

You mentioned the summary, which does a good job of catching the reader's attention with it's sheer absurdity. I would recommend substituting the word 'combine' for 'add', simply because it would flow better.

Your grammar and spelling is almost beyond reproach. I just have a few small points.

- '"Of course I don't! No one could possibly manage to do that!" George replied remembering his failed attempt to flip a pancake. The dried remains of dough were still stuck to the kitchen ceiling in the Burrow and his ears rang whenever he remembered how loud his mother yelled at him for it.

I had a canon issue hear. Molly Weasley was always highly competent when it came to spells and charms of the household nature. I think that she might have difficulty removing a pancake stain from the ceiling, but she would eventually get it off. Her difficulty may still provide her reason to screech loud enough to scar her young son :)

- '"I'm sure of a win," George mumbled and sat back, watching the many people in the Parlour, all enjoying their own desserts, some accompanied by the oddest of pets, but his attention was soon drawn to one particular group.'

This sentence seems to run a bit, and doesn't flow right. You may want to consider changing the comma after 'Parlour' into a period. Then insert the words 'They' and 'were' before the word 'all'.

- 'But at that moment the small girl whom the father called ran in obediently, shovel of dirt and worms in her hand (probably more bugs than dirt, George thought).'

You should insert an 'a' right before 'shovel'. You also might want to use the word 'full' after 'shovel' for better flow. There should also be an 's' at the end of 'hand' since this is a young girl, and I wouldn't expect her to carry a shovel with one hand.

- 'Everyone in the Parlour held their breaths as the girl just barely regained her balance while her father rose from his seat abruptly to catch the end of the massive shovel, which was hovering precariously right behind the poodle owner's back.'

There is no need for the 's' at the end of 'breath'. You also might want to think about moving the word 'abruptly' up in the sentence so that it is after the word 'rose', for better flow.

I really enjoyed this fic, and although I do not have a lot of experience with humor fics, I can honestly say that this one struck my funny bone. It was a terrific play-by-play on your part as well. Thanks for requesting a review on my thread. Feel free to bring any more suggestions my way.

Author's Response: Thank you HEAPS for this review! I thought you'd pick more at the play-by-play (it sounded a bit confusing to me when I was editing), but I'm glad to see that was not a big issue :)

I'm very glad to find grammar and spelling pointed out to me - English IS a second language for me, after all.

I promise to fix all mistakes over the summer!

Adrielne


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Review #12, by Singularity A Galleon For Me

29th April 2010:
Very clever and fun. I loved the mass chaos in the middle!

Author's Response: Thank you! It's what I was going for :)

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