Reading Reviews for New Divide
  
9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by maskedmuggle Blessing in Disguise

6th August 2011:
Hello Lauren!

Long, long, long time no talk! I realise you posted on my review thread more than half a year ago, and it's been bugging me the whole time, so I finally decided to give you the review you deserve! Even though you haven't been online in awhile, I hope you'll still see this some day! So sorry for the wait and for my really horrible procrastination!

First of all, I thought this was quite a lovely story. The plot, characters and everything went quite well together and it was an enjoyable read.

Plot - I really liked how you had Nearly Headless Nick as the 'main' character, rather than writing about the Marauders, as many, many people do. This, I think, makes your story unique. I was wondering who the boy crying would be, and almost thought it would be Snape, so it was quite a surprise to see Sirius! Anyway, since this is about plot, I loved Nick gliding around, and then doing his 'typical surprise entrance' - I loved that!

Characters - I liked pretty much all your characterisation. I loved this line from Dumbledore! "He gives the place character" - I can so imagine Dumbledore saying that! As for the Slytherin kids taunting Nick, and the Marauders, they were all great. I liked how Nick put the 'insecure boy' (Peter) in the hands of a gentle, tired, ragged looking boy (Remus!). Very nice descriptions! As for Nick himself, I found him very well done, and I thought it was an interesting insight into his mind. For Sirius, I was quite surprised for him to be crying like that. But, we don't know what 11 year old Sirius was like, so it's a very different idea to what people usually write (Sirius being all carefree and not-carish that he's not in Slytherin), so I thought it made your story feel more real.

Other - If you wanted to know, I think the Brit version of the word Specter is actually 'spectre'. Wondering why are there dashes/hyphens in this bit? "a gentle-, albeit tired-" Not sure why, because personally I wouldn't put any. I find it surprising that the Black family would accept Ravenclaw, possibly. Only Slytherin is more likely and believable. One other thing is Sirius referring to his mother. First he calls her 'mum', then 'Walburga Black' and then 'Mrs. Black' (really weird, you don't call your mum that, no matter how much you hate her!). Just for consistency purposes and to make it more believable, I would probably change it all to mum. No spelling/ grammar/ punctuation errors are jumping out at me!

I suppose if I was trying to offer you helpful feedback, I would say that what's missing from your story is emotions and more description. I would have liked to see more emotions from Nick and from Sirius. How did they feel exactly? Some more feeling and thoughts as well. The writing right now is good, but if you were aiming for something of a more higher quality, the writing would be the thing to improve on. Other than that though, a well written story!

- maskedmuggle, Ravenclaw :)

Author's Response: Maskedmuggle! I'm so sorry that this is so delayed; I was super caught up with my studies, but I'm back on HPFF now! Thank you so much for taking the time to review :)

Wow, I appreciate the compliments very much. I wish I could attribute deciding to have Nick as the "main character" to my own creativity, but alas, it was because of the challenge. Nonetheless, I'm very flattered by the praise on my characterization.

I didn't know that about specter/spectre, thank you for the insight! I'm not sure what possessed me to put hyphens there; I'll go back over it in my edits.

As far as the Ravenclaw thing goes, I guess I always just assumed that that was the one "acceptable" house, on the off-chance that some Slytherin-born children don't follow in their family's footsteps. After all, Ravenclaws are witty, and the ones I can most easily see being "evil" based on their personality traits, if that makes sense.

Haha thanks for pointing out that inconsistency with Sirius's mom! I hadn't even noticed. And I'll go back and try to beef it up a bit emotionally. Thank you so much for the feedback; although it was long-awaited, it was much appreciated!


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Review #2, by WhatAboutRegulus Blessing in Disguise

29th January 2011:
Hello there :)

I only found 1 mistake that I can see :P

"To his surprise, it was the shaggy-haired student that he seen" instead of he try "he'd" Works a little bit better :D.

All right, now time for the review part. OMG this was so good! Poor Sirius wanting to be in the Slytherin house but being placed in the Gryffindor. He seemed pretty distressed, if you wanted to you could make it a little more dramatic (kids usually do that) but your way is just fine to :)

Overall I think this was a very good story. Everything about it was amazing, good vocab and everything!

Nice Work! Feel free to request me anytime for stories!

WhatAboutRegulus

Author's Response: Ooh, thank you for pointing that out! I hadn't even noticed during my read-throughs; I'll change it right away.

Wow, I really appreciate all the praise! I'll definitely consider making him a bit more melodramatic, as your point makes a lot of sense.

Thanks for the review! I will definitely be visiting your thread again. ^^


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Review #3, by Roonyskatoony Blessing in Disguise

29th January 2011:
Hey!

Sorry it's taken so long to reply! Weekends can be a bit hectic!

Anyway! I did enjoy this, it was nice to see Sirius as such a small boy, most tend to have him as some womaniser even at the tender age of 11 (which can admittedly be amusing but still, it gives him more of a chance to grow into it!). I liked the introductions of each of the canon characters, it was easy to imagine their later relationships :P

I also enjoyed your characterization of Nearly Headless Nick as well, he was absolutely perfect!

Well done!
~Roonyskatoony~

Author's Response: No worries; I completely understand about weekends being busy!

Haha yeah, I like to think that Sirius started out his Hogwarts days with some insecurities, instead of being all crooked grins and smooth lines from the get-go.

Haha I'm glad you enjoyed the bits of canon I threw in there! It was fun figuring out a way to have James and Lily interact for the first time.

Thanks so much for the review!


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Review #4, by greylady_Ravenclaw Blessing in Disguise

4th January 2011:
I loved this. A lot. Nick is one of the characters of the book I, for some odd reason, always had a soft spot for. Possibly because he scared Ron and made him all cute and eek. Anyways, on with the actual review.

The flow is well, though the end seems a bit rushed. As distraught as you were making Sirius come out to be, I can see him taking longer to come 'round. That and if I'm not mistaken, Sirius is a bit stubborn, meaning he would fight his point. Though with him being a lot younger, the personality can be morphed and changed.

One thing that made me feel a bit... edgy? (probably wrong word.) was the use of Voldemort being called You-Know-Who. From my understanding, he wasn't called that until after the first war. Although I could be wrong.

I love how you made Nick. He was different, but not in a bad way. I can see him acting this way. He is a charming ghost, after all. I am curious to know who the rat-faced Slytherin is, though. I also love how you hinted to James and Lily and Peter and Remus. Love them.

Overall, this was very, very good. 9/10

Author's Response: You have a soft spot for Nick? He always kind of annoyed me haha. To each his own, I suppose. ^^

Yeah, I definitely get that. I was even somewhat worried that the ending was rushed when I wrote it. I will definitely go back and revise that. I like the idea of adding in a bit more of Sirius arguing back and stubbornly refusing Nick's logic.

I wasn't quite sure what to call Voldemort. Was that not used until after the first war? Hm, I'll definitely research it and change it if facts call.

To be honest, I don't remember specifically which Slytherin I was referencing there... Haha, that's embarrassing. It was probably Avery, Mulciber, Crabbe, or Goyle; I just can't remember which! I'm happy you picked up on the references to the Marauders and Lily. ^^ I thought it'd be cute if Nick had a role in how James and Lily met.

Thank you so much for taking the time to review! I will definitely take your suggestions into mind as I revise this.


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Review #5, by Sirius Blacks lover Blessing in Disguise

24th April 2010:
aw! This is so cute! It was interesting to see how Sirius must have felt upon first being sorted into gryffindor. Good job!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Yeah, I'm really happy that this challenge allowed me to delve into Sirius' brain at that exact moment, as I've always wondered about it. Thanks for the praise :)

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Review #6, by sofimac16 Blessing in Disguise

22nd April 2010:
I really liked this. It's something different and I've never heard a story told from a ghost POV before.

Great job!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I must say, the ghost POV idea credit goes to innocent because of the challenge idea, but it was a really cool thing to try out! I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for the praise and review!

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Review #7, by evans_4eva Blessing in Disguise

19th April 2010:
Ahhh Nick's so nice!!!

Author's Response: Haha yes he is. ^^ He was always very kind in the books, so I figured he'd be willing to boost Sirius' morale in any way possible. Thanks for the review!

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Review #8, by ValFish Blessing in Disguise

17th April 2010:
I don't think I've ever read a story from the point of view of Nearly Headless Nick, but I have to say, this was very interesting.

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it! Writing from Nick's perspective was a bit more difficult than I anticipated because I wasn't sure exactly what his temperaments were like, but I'm happy you approved of the result. Thank you for the review!

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Review #9, by SecretDragonRider Blessing in Disguise

15th April 2010:
Ow, this was so nice! A bit sad at first, but I liked it how you ended the one-shot. Makes me look at Sirius through an other point of view.
I hope I will read any more stories of yours!
x

Author's Response: Aww! This review was such a wonderful surprise :) it made me smile. I'm so glad you liked it! I really liked the idea of writing Sirius in this circumstance, because it obviously took him a while to warm up to the idea of being a Gryffindor before he befriended the Marauders. Thank you for the review! And as for more stories, I currently have two WIPs that I'm in the process of writing second chapters to. xD

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