I really like this story, it gave me a load of great laughs! I can't believe it's finished! It's so sad, but I like that you left us an ending we can imagine; by the by - what do you imagine the end to be ( I know it's your story but I'm really curious)?
You've done a great job on this story, and I love the girls name: Amayasin Rosalie Black! It's so, so beautiful! Rosalie is one of my favourite names! What does the name Amayasin mean, I'm curious!
Eleanor. xoxoAuthor's Response: My ending, warning I coming up with this off the top of my head, would be Sirius joining the order so he is afraid to put Silene and Amayasin in danger leaving Silene to believe he doesn't care. Sirius regrets it but won't do anything about it. Then about 3 to 5 years later he sees Amayasin and Silene go to the ministry to change Amayasin's last name to Hollands and Sirius gets all upset. Then Sirius would get an urgent O of P message and remembers why he didn't contact them and that would be the end.
I actually made up her name all by myself. I was playing around with the words 'my sin' and it turned into Amayasin. So my sin is actually the meaning in a weird way. And thank you for reading and reviewing my story! It means so much to me :) Report Review
OH MY GOD! Sirius and Silene are together after all this time. I have been waiting for this moment for a while now. I feel kinda bad for Silene though, because Sirius never replied to her letters.
If Sirius died in the fight, I would drop-kick "You-Know-Who" out of the universe. Sirius better not be dead... or else.
Anyway, great chapters as always. Hope there are others just like this one in the other stories. :DAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I loved that you read this and reviewed. You seriously deserve a gold star! :) Well the ending was left up to you. I hate making no room for imagination endings :) Report Review
I really liked this chapter! I definitely think you're doing better with details. Especially for new writers it's good to experiment with different techniques before you find a style you're comfortable with, and I think this is the best chapter yet! It feels a bit rushed, but you did great! Can't wait for the next chapter!Author's Response: Thanks :] I need to think where this story is going.
But I will try to update soon. Report Review
great chapter!!! i cant wait for more, so update again soon!!! =]Author's Response: Thanks! I'm attempting to find my head(it temporarily got lost) and see where this story is heading :] Report Review
good chapter, update soonAuthor's Response: already waiting. even if it took me a while but please forgive. thanks for reviewing :) Report Review
Hi again! I just checked the website for the first time in a LONG time and your chapter was validated just today! Quelle coincidence(there's suppose to be two dots over the first 'i' but they wouldn't let me)! haha so I liked this chapter but it felt so short! Halle (correct the spelling if I'm wrong) seems like a good character. You definitely have a nice base for her. I like how you're giving her more of a dynamic feel (Silene hating her and Remus not minding her) but that little part could use more details! You're really good at descriptions when you do it, so I recommend doing it more! Have the scene play out in your head and write down everything you see then go back and cut out some unnecessary tidbits. Or act out the scene yourself (I know that sounds stupid, but it works!) Acting it out yourself gives you an inkling of how she feels when it's happening and what would actually be said (also details!) You could even go a whole day as Silene, imagining different scenarios that seem so whack, but you'd be surprised at what you find works. I tend to think about it right before I go to bed (heheh... not a dork!) imagining myself as different characters. This is mostly because I take forever to actually get to sleep.
Alright so next part. Again, details! Sometimes we can be super lazy and not feel like adding them, but one chapter that is uberly amazing is better than a couple chapters that are missing something. Take your time while writing, really think about everything you put down. I admit, I don't always do it, but it does help!
And for Sirius' POV again. I'm going to give you an example of what I mean by detail (just because I can)
Your quote: "'Evans,' I said."
For this one I would say something like, "I looked back at her briefly then returned me eyes to the girls in front of me. "Evans," I drawled, my throat scratchy as I anticipated what I knew was coming. The crowd leaving the Great Hall carried us with them, but Lily was persistent."
See how long you can make those three words! Some details are really just to create mood and make a picture in the reader's head. And once the reader can really imagine what you're describing and connect with the story they'll remember your story and want more. The plot gets them to read the story, but it's really connecting with it that gets them to stay.
So again, loved the chapter. You still have a few things to work on, but nobody is perfect :) And I know what you mean by high school being busy! I am always swamped with work (This weekend alone I have an annotated bibliography due for English, I have to work on my Alg II worksheet which takes me hours, I have to read two long boring articles for history, study for my OPT in French, AND write out an entire character analysis for theatre. I had other work but I finished them in class!) So I definitely won't be writing this weekend. I really think your grammar isn't all that bad, I only noticed a few mistakes and they weren't too bad. I notice that you get more readers with the more you write. I read some of the stories that have the most reviews and readers and see what they do to make it work. Sometimes it's just the plot, but other times it's what details they include and how close the reader can connect with the main character. You want the reader to feel like they're the main character so they hate everybody they hate and feel like the character is a real person! You definitely have a good start for that!
And as I always say, love the plot, love Silene, keep writing!
~xoxostarstruck~ Report Review
haha i love it! Author's Response: Well thank you :] Keep reading (and reviewing). Report Review
This was absolutely Amazing : )
I just love stories like this !
More Chapters please ... This story has been added to my favourites : )
Well Done . JilyRonks xoxAuthor's Response: Thanks so much. More chapter are on the way I just need to find time to write them. Keep reading :) Report Review
its getting interesting! but just go over some of your grammar, you've made a couple of mistakes with spelling, but im sure those were accidents! keep up the good workAuthor's Response: Yes they were. Haha. Thanks for notifying me and I'll make sure to check that next time. Thanks for the review :) Report Review
Aw! First of all, I want to thank you! That was so sweet to mention me. I need to go cry in my corner now...
Just kidding! So first of all just want to say LOVING THE STORY! The line "Lily can do that too! Can everyone do that. Oh my gosh I really need to go get my nails done," was like, really funny! It really shows who her character is. I really can't raise my eyebrow either! I have no idea how other people do it! I also can't roll my R's and my Spanish teacher always yells at me when I don't and I keep trying to tell her, but she doesn't get it.
Anyway. "Nahh, pink doesn’t much a lot of my shoes." Instead of 'much' it should be 'match'. :) Just thought I'd point that out.
"He starred, and starred. He kept starring..." Just one R. Lol sorry I'm reading while I'm reviewing. What I do to avoid little mistakes I missed while writing is I read over before I submit it. Yes, very very annoying (and you can stop reading now if you're getting bored of my weirdness) But I usually end up catching those mistakes that may confuse people or ruin the flow of the chapter. I'm moving on now...
"...Silene glared at me with her blue eyes, and her swollen lips in a pout..." Love the description! That's all I really have to say about that...
"...Who needs to know why putting a dragon nail with elf blood makes things go BOOM!? I personally like when things go BOOM. Hey! maybe this does come in handy." LOL! Loved that part :)
"...Suddenly some what sat besides me..." Someone. Lol sorry if I'm coming off as a dork.
Geez. I think it's Sirius :D Things definitely stir up now! Oh jeezums please update soon! Now I'm really dying to see what happens next! Was that enough T's?
Also I really liked the whole Remus/Silene thing. That was really sweet :) 10/10!
~xoxostarstruck~Author's Response: aww thanks. &&I love the constructive critiscm(if thats how you spell it). &&I will update once I can because school is starting now and I'm already over my head with being class president and running a meeting and homecoming and i'm taking geometry and oh my.I'm rambling so let's just say I'm busy but I think I will post by the end of the week . Report Review
hello. keep writing the story! dont give up! i love it :)Author's Response: Not yet. I'm on a roll right now with this story. Thanks for the review it means tons for me. Report Review
good chapters!!! i bet its sirius. update soon!Author's Response: oh thanks and you have to wait for the next chapter to know who it is. Report Review
I absolutley LOVEEE this story (: keep writing please or I will cry D: I need to know what happens next! I really like it and I can't help but smile and giggle like a fool while reading it. Love love LOVE it! keep writing!:DAuthor's Response: Aww thanks, and yes I will keep writing this. Your review means a lot to me, so thank you so much. Report Review
I loved the note from her father. That's so sweet!! Another great chapter, as always. What I really like about your stories is that there's something really shocking or important in all of them (whereas I tend to have tons of filler chapters!) Jeezums pretty please update soon!Author's Response: Half way done with the next chapter but I am pretty sure I am going to queque(or however you spell it) tonight since your reviews made me want to write so so so much so thank you for everything! Report Review
Haha you do deserve a review! I'm guessing it's Remus. I kind of thought it was him the entire time but I wasn't sure, but now I'm PRETTY sure. Loved the chapter!!! Especially the whole Sirius romance thing.Author's Response: Yay! Remus is such a sweet heart...maybe
* scary music plays here * Report Review
You didn't say who the guy was! Eek I'm about to die!!! But I loved the scene with the parents, very interesting. I also wondered while I was reading if anyone overheard her and Trent talking! Oh my gosh I would die. Loved the chapter :)Author's Response: haha. BTW you might have hit the hammer on the nail ;) Report Review
Oh gez I HATE YOU! I need to know who he is, so I'm cutting this review short. Partly because I really really really want to know who she's making out with and partly because I'm angry with you for not saying!
Haha jk, love the chapter :)
(But I'm still angry with you)
(I just realized I ended up making this review long... and I'm making it even longer by continuing to type so I'm stopping now)Author's Response: Your rambling is very "Silene Like." Lol. Report Review
Oh my gosh I totally expected her to tell Sirius! The title fooled me O_o Haha another great chapter. I continue to love Silene. She's really interesting and fun and yeah. Next chapter now!Author's Response: Silene is definitely the funnest character I have written about (I have a flare for sad, or dark stories.) so I am excited this character is easy to write. Report Review
Once again, LOVE THE STORY! Such a short chapter!!! ah well I'll just move on to numero 5! And I really like the way you write. Silene's like a normal person who's all weird and crazy and stuff. Many cookies for you :DAuthor's Response: Oh yay! I love cookies. Report Review
I really like all the little details you put (Like Goyle) Silene's rambling head is kind of like me. Except I think about failing a class to keep me from laughing or crying. It's really weird because I don't even have that class anymore... Anyways! I love the story. I did notice a couple run-on sentences (I'm kind of an English freak...) so I would look out for that. I do that too sometimes though, especially when I have everything in my head and I just want to get it down! Lol And I really liked the flashback :)Author's Response: Thanks for the critiscm, makes me want to improve :) Silene's rambling is basically how my mind works all the time. Report Review
Lol I really like how she blamed it all on Lily, that was classic. I also saw the rest of your chapter titles and realized they all started with "Telling." I can be so slow sometimes... Yeah so I give this ten thousand thumbs up! Can't wait to see what happens!Author's Response: Don't worry I am so slow too, i ran into a wall yesterday in a class room i have been in for two years striaght. So you are not on that ship alone :) Report Review
So you left review[s] on my story and I decided to return the favor :) I really like the plot and there's some definite potential! I'm absolutely in love with Marauder romance. (I've been on Marauder roleplay for the past two years, shhh don't tell anyone, that'll ruin my rep) So I'm really interested to see what comes next!Author's Response: Don't worry your secret is safe with me ;) Thanks for returning the favor, you so totally deserve a gold star Report Review
good chapter like sirius POVAuthor's Response: I just love Sirius overall. lol ;)
Thanks for reading and reviewing Report Review
That was quite enjoyable. I rather liked it that you start to complicate Silene's character a little bit more. I'm feeling the plot is thickening. It's also nice that you showed us her parents the last chapter- it gives her more background and enrichs the whole story. Remus-Silene-Sirius relationship promises to be intruiging. I like your sense of humour,too. So keep writing and please update soon.Author's Response: Thank you so much! You seriously just gave me the extra push i need to keep writing this story. :D Report Review
So I noticed that you were looking for a banner and I just came to drop by and tell you how to get one.
Go to the-dark-arts dot net make an account (it's free and completely easy) and then go to the HPFF requesting arena and just request one there. There is a format that you would have to use though, it is located on the HPFF banner requesting front page.
I hope you get a banner!
the dark arts is also at the right side of every HPFF page, after the quick links.
Have an awesome day!Author's Response: Thanks so flipping much!!! I would have never of though of that!! Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection