4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MonoxideLullaby Hurricane of misery

1st August 2010:
I like this so far I'm definitely going to continue to the next chapter but you came to me for the critic in me hah so here we go,
it's a little confusing when you switch from Rowena to Draco I'd recommend doing something like this:

Draco's POV

***

Rowena's POV
Don't actually put their names haha, just the divide would help catch on faster instead of needing to see the name to know who's thinking it.

And just some minor things, major pet peeve of mine is when people mix up your and you're haha, " “what I couldn’t take is if something happened to you. Your all I have left”" There was also a mix up of their and there but only the 2 so it's not a big deal (:
also, at the end of a lot of them talking there's no periods so they finish talking and it looks like this"

other than that I really like it (: very minor criticism I'm liking this a lot so far (: on to the next one

I was also wondering about the winged comment? I'm sure you'll explain it more but it has me thinking of freaky wings growing out her back haha.

-Missy

Author's Response: Thank you for your honesty and your critque. I am working on seperating their POV's and will watch my grammer bette in the future.. She does have very light wings, but she hides them.. she'll reveal them later in the story

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Review #2, by WakeMeUpWhenSeptemberEnds Hurricane of misery

25th July 2010:
I was just wondering if you could read my newer chapters on a story kind of like this and give me some more ideas because i seriously need it

Author's Response: Since your a fan of slytherins and Romance you should check out my other draco fanfic called our own prison and tell me what you think. I am pretty proud of it but could always use revisions

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Review #3, by WakeMeUpWhenSeptemberEnds Not a Victim; not a Freak

24th July 2010:
ok, not trying to be mean or anything, just a bit of constructive critiscm here like you gave to me
you really should indicate between draco's pov and rowena's pov
also, why does her father hate her so?
i think you should make draco fall in love and show her who he is, and then he would recieve some horrid punishment, but he deems it worth it for this girl whom he helps escape. forgive me for writing your story for you. force of habit. anyway just some ideas for you.

Author's Response: Actually sweetie.. I enjoy the constructive cristism. Rowena's father was a purist. He was decieved by the woman he loved when he found out she wasn't even Human. He unjustly blames Poor Rpwena.. Your plans are kinda where I am going.. I have a major soap-operaish Revelation planned too!!

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Review #4, by Steph Hurricane of misery

5th July 2010:
I love the story, so much as I can after one chapter that is.
But there is i few things you might want to think about. When you change point of wiew it would be a lot eaiser to understand if you wrote Draco's POV.
And when your coting the song lyrics it's much eaiser to under stand if you cursiv the text.
Otherwise i find the story really good. I can't wait until next chapter

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your creative criticism. I think it's important if you see both POVS. So you can understand the past histories that make them so much of who they are. for chapter two I have decided aganist using lyrics but instead giving a companion song I suggest you listen to while reading the chapter. I just couldn't recreate the lyrical magick I had with "our own prison" in this story.
I hope you enjoy chapter two. It's kind of short but it's a transition chapter.
I hope I can look forward to you contiuning to be part of my creative process..
If your bored, check out my other Draco fics..


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