Reading Reviews for Visions and Revisions
14 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Whisperer I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker

25th September 2010:
"He doesn't trust this game of hide and seek, sitting here, immobile, hoping not to be found."

Through that line you perfectly portray his situation. I can remember the fear I always used to have off hide-and-seek. I hated hiding, waiting for the inevitable moment when I would be found and I would lose. Hiding in the dark closets, being eaten away by my fear. The use of "hide-and-seek" evokes all of that.

I've read almost all of your other stories-both one-shots and longer ones--and the greatest thing about your writing besides your skill of writing beautifully is your exploration of human emotion, of this world we live in. Like all the great writers past, you delve into all the great issues of being human. And because you couple this with the Harry Potter world, you give depth to these characters that are so easily portrayed as simply names on a page more so than people that exist beyond the words.

"For autumn is exactly itself - nothing more, nothing less - the dwelling place of those boys who are no longer children and not yet men."

I love the parallel between the nature's seasons and the seasons of human life. In summer, everyone is invincible, carefree ('boys') and in winter, they are burdened by the long passing of the year, the coldness in their limbs ('men'--which I subconsciously read as 'old men').

I love it. :)


Author's Response: Thank you, Iva, for the wonderful review!

It's true, hide-and-seek does have an element of irrational fear, especially when you're a kid. And in James' case, it's so much more serious, but I imagine him feeling like he's playing a twisted game of hide-and-seek because he's feeling so insignificant and ineffective, like a little kid. Something I've always thought doesn't get enough attention is how young they were when they died - it was a lot to place on their shoulders, and I think it makes their story more tragic.

I am so touched and flattered by your review and your comments about my writing of human emotion. Really, it makes me so happy to create that reaction in a reader. I really appreciate it!!


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Review #2, by LindaSnape I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker

3rd September 2010:
I think that this is my favorite line of the whole thing: He has always loved autumn. Autumn is when the air smells crisp, like apples, and the wind is brisk against his face when he flies. It's a perfect characterization of fall.

It's definitely how I could see James looking at fall. James and Lily both seem like fall people to me, I could see them both enjoying the season of autumn.

I absolutely loved your characterization of James. I think that you're spot on with his personality, especially when his mind is telling him to give up and he won't.

I think that him not being able to fathom the word 'can't' is quite realistic for his persona.

This was so gorgeous and yet so sad because we all know what happens to James, but is also poetic and lovely and beautiful.

The flow and description were awesome, and the pacing was magnificent as well. Not to mention there were not glaringly ugly and obvious grammatical or spelling errors to make me cringe. So that made it all the more nicer.

Great job!


Author's Response: Thanks, Linders!

James is a fun guy to write. I think he's often portrayed as pretty one-dimensional, and while I enjoy the goofy-arrogant-prankster James, I also like looking at him in greater depth because I think he's a pretty great person and character. When I decided to write this chapter about James, it was a bit difficult because I already wrote a previous one-shot about him with similar scenes, set during his time in Godric's Hollow - and I didn't want to be really repetitive, so I was a bit limited in what I could write here. But I'm glad it worked out anyway.

Thanks again!


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Review #3, by LindaSnape I should have been a pair of ragged claws

3rd September 2010:
How could you consider this a fail? Honestly, I think you are too hard on yourself. This is gorgeous, and I don't care if you think otherwise, it is. :P

I absolutely adore this.

I feel that both Helena and the Baron were in character. If I had anything to nitpick, it would be his name. I don't know, when reading it, it seemed oddly out of place. Like it was too modern or something.

However, that's the only thing I can really criticize.

I absolute adore the description and characterizations (like I mentioned before). The pacing and flow were also very nice.

I must admit my favorite part is where Helena shouts at him that she'll never be his for that seems very in character with her haughty and proud character.

Not to mention, I swooned when I saw the mention of T.S. Eliot. I absolutely love his work. Although, I'll have to revisit that poem. I haven't read it in quite some time, and forgot much of the threading of it.

From what I can tell, though, you are doing it justice. Don't be so hard on yourself!

Very lovely work!


Author's Response: Linders, thanks for the lovely review! I'm glad you enjoyed this. Founders is just such a daunting thing to write, at least for me personally. I see your point about the Baron's name. I actually spent quite some time agonizing over his name, searching the internet for names that might have been common in the 10th century - that's how I found this name, though really, how can you ever know the accuracy of everything you find on the internet? XD

As for Eliot and his poem - I have always loved the Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, and something about it made me think of the one-shots I was about to write for this piece, so I'm hoping it will help give the whole fic a sense of cohesiveness. I was worried the whole thing would just come off seeming disjointed, with four one-shots set in different eras and seasons and with the different concept pairs that were assigned with the challenge.

Thanks again for the great review!


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Review #4, by momotwins I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker

22nd August 2010:
I have to say, I was really excited to see that this chapter is about James. I don't think I've ever read any Marauders from you, so I was very interested to see your take on it.

I can definitely see James as an autumn-y person. This period in his life is sort of the autumn, isn't it? Just before winter's death. I love your references to his age, where he's really still got a lot of the boy in him though he's really a man. It isn't at all in his nature to hide, really, it would have chafed at him a lot. Great job.

Definitely a perfect description of Valor/Heroism. Loved it.

Favorite line: And with a sickened feeling in his stomach, he realizes hes begun not to trust himself.

I love this. It seems like it helps explain how he could have let Sirius talk him into changing their Secret Keeper to Peter. Brilliant insight.

Author's Response: When I first started planning out this story, I wanted to write about only minor characters, or those that can be considered fairly minor - Helena, for example, and then later on I plan to do Percy and Neville. As for James, I don't know if I'd consider him a minor character because of how popular and overdone he is in fanon - but considering the loose theme I'm trying to go with in this collection of one-shots, I couldn't really think of a better character to use than James for the Marauders Era.

I would agree that this period of his life is the autumn of his life (with the added advantage of actually taking place in autumn - clever me, har har). And then I played around with the fact that, even though death is imminent at this point, for most of his life autumn has been a very lively time: friends to reconnect with, pranks to perform. I personally have always found something really invigorating about autumn, even more so than spring or summer.

I always think James and Lily's age is something that isn't played up enough. To me, it's kind of a big deal. They died when they were 21. That's about the age all my brothers are, and I still see them as kids. It always makes it seem so much more tragic to me.

Thanks for the great reviews!


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Review #5, by momotwins I should have been a pair of ragged claws

22nd August 2010:
It's not a Founders fail at all! I really liked it. It was fantastically dark and textured, and managed to have just a taste of Middle Ages to it without being overwhelming (too much "period" style dialogue reads strangely, and the real thing is next to indecipherable). I like your interpretation of the Bloody Baron in particular. I think you got closer to the real thing than any story I've ever seen that mentioned him. Helena is perfect too, the jealousy and resentment clouding everything else about her. There's some regret there, but not enough to overcome the defiance and anger.

Favorite line: tell her to die knowing that I am her Helena, and not yours!

Wonderful job!

Author's Response: Thank you! :-)

Yeah, as far as dialogue, part of the reason I'm so afraid of writing Founders is that I'm just not knowledgeable enough as to the linguistics, vocabulary, culture, etc. So I just try to write a bit more formally and hope it's sufficient. XD

I got my inspiration for Helena's interaction with the Baron from Cedrics Blueyed Girl's "Forever Stained." I'm happy to hear you liked the characterizations!

Thanks again!


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Review #6, by holunder I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker

20th August 2010:
So, you know what?
This is a great one-shot. I especially love your portrayals of James and Lily, it always feels so sad but even more so realistic. Not only in this one-shot, but also in your other stories.
And this makes me really look forward to the Hogwarts and Next Gen one-shots!!

Author's Response: Thanks very much! I'm hoping to update soon!

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Review #7, by AndrinaBlack I should have been a pair of ragged claws

19th August 2010:
Don't say that! This is not a fail at all. I think you managed really well to incorporate everything that was asked for in the challenge and to do it well.

The only critique I actually have now is that this sentense has a slightly strange word order: "She lets fly from her lips a vulgar word she learned from the boys at school." Maybe "She lets a vulgar word she learned..." instead.

I really identified in the beginning with Helena. I don't especially like the winter (most of the time) and I love the sea. You also got through the feelings of physical and emotional cold and helplessness in this. This was as a whole a very beautifully written piece. Maybe the part with the baron was a bit more rushed, but I understand that because that wasn't the main focus of this story. Helena's fear and helpless feelings are apparent there too. I must also say that you did very well with present tense. That isn't always so easy to make work. :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm particularly glad the emotions came through, as I have never considered myself especially good at the emotional stuff. I also liked hearing that you were able to identify with the character. I appreciate all of your comments!


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Review #8, by angeless7fallenstarsong I should have been a pair of ragged claws

17th August 2010:
:) I loved this!

By your second paragraph, your poignant writing style is obvious ("The sea sang her name, but she turned her back to it."). You also create an atmosphere of curiosity ("She was not safe there, where she might have been found"), which draws the reader in. :)

Something that I really liked was your play between Helena and the cold, and how it follows her in her misery until it consumes her at the end of the story.

I think that this must have been the first Founders era piece I've ever read. You've written this so well it's made me want to go and read more... I'd love to see this turned into a novella or short story. :D Please?

Anyway, thanks for a great read. Ta ta!

Author's Response: Thanks for the awesome review! This challenge is a really interesting one because Alopex gave us so many different elements to play with - so I needed to make the season relevant to the character. I've neglected this story for awhile and am going to try to update soon. This will ultimately be a collection of 4 one-shots, though this chapter will be the only Founders Era.

You really should check out some more Founders! It was never really my thing, but I have read some Founders fics that really sucked me in. There's one by celticbard that comes to mind, and also one by GirlDetective85. If you're ever interested in reading more Founders, you should PM me - I can give you a few recommendations. ^_^

Thanks again for the great review!


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Review #9, by The Empress I should have been a pair of ragged claws

4th May 2010:
Hello Melanie dear! I am here from the review exchange :)
I'd read this before, but apparently hadn't reviewed -hides- SORRY

This is NOT Founders fail, you goose. It's beautiful. The way you've written Helena is perfect, in my opinion, for her character. Though we don't know a whole lot about her from the books, I think you've interpreted her well. Her guilt and remorse, as well as her never-ending pride. She comes across as selfish and child-like in her pride as well. Brilliant.

Her reasons for stealing the diadem are well written as well. We knew she was jealous, but this takes it deeper. And the interaction with Dunstan was great also. SO LOVELY

Am adding this to my favourites, of course. Beautiful story dear. I would love to read the rest of it!


Author's Response: Thank you so much, Shiloh! I promise to read and review yours shortly!

Glad you liked how I wrote Helena here. This was heavily influenced by Alex's one-shot about this very same scene, but I wanted to redeem my Helena a little more than she's normally written. I wanted to show her obvious flaws, but also show her in a light that would make the reader sympathize with her a bit more.

I'm hoping to get the next few chapters up soon. I've written half of the second chapter, but I got a bit stuck, so hopefully it will work itself out soon.

Thanks again!


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Review #10, by Kelly I should have been a pair of ragged claws

3rd May 2010:
That was very nicely written, brilliant idea to write about :), thank you for that eye candy of story. =]

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing! Glad you enjoyed it. :-)

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Review #11, by TheDirigiblePlum I should have been a pair of ragged claws

18th April 2010:
I felt really sorry for Helena at the end! Never thought that would happen as in the book I didn't really like her. You got her aloofness really well, and sometimes it's great to read about a character you don't like rather than one you do.

The murder at the end tied in well with the cold theme of winter, as most of the murders I've ever read have been described with words that make me think of anger, blood, passion, angst etc. In other words all things that bring hot/ burny images to mind. It was very subtle and you really felt the coldness. Made the wintery landscape feel that bit chillier. :)

Am looking forward to the other stories!

Author's Response: I'm so sorry it's taken me forever to respond to your reviews! I really shouldn't, as you are one of my most dedicated readers and reviewers and I appreciate it so much! I'll make it up to you somehow. :-)

I'm glad you were able to feel something for Helena. I wanted to redeem her a little bit, and create some sympathy despite her bad behavior.

The seasonal theme was actually pretty difficult to plan out for the four chapters of this (next few chapters coming soon!) The season could just BE there - it had to be an important part of the story. So I'm glad I was able to make winter carry some meaning in this one.

Thanks so much for reviewing!


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Review #12, by alyosha I should have been a pair of ragged claws

11th April 2010:
This probably goes without saying, since all of your stories are so wonderfully written, but i really quite liked this. You are so good at describing things.

And I quote,

"Her breath rises in a delicate cloud in the chill air."

Just everything about this story is so good. I think the isolation of Helena comes through the descriptions as well, a girl alone with only a raging blue fire for company, and a hole in her boot. She may have gained wisdom with the diadem, but she was a fool to take it in the first place.

I am always intrigued to read Founders Era stories, as they are so often under-represented on this site. And I think your portrayal of Helena was one of the only times where I could actually see where she was coming from without fully hating her personality.

So to avoid writing a review as long as your story itself, i shall just conclude in saying that this was well done.

And Nantes has to have made you the best banner in the world, or thereabouts

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review - I'm sorry it took me a long time to respond!

That line you quoted was actually an afterthought, because I thought that part needed a little something extra. It clearly paid off, but it was so funny to see that line quoted, out of all others!

I am also intrigued by Founders stories, for exactly the same reason - they're a rare find. I've always been afraid to try it myself, as period pieces are not my forte, but I love to read a well-written Founders.

I wanted to redeem Helena a bit - keep her obvious flaws, but make her a bit more sympathetic. I think her story was a sad and lonely one, so there is some room there to feel for her.

Yes, the banner is lovely - I fell in love with it right away. And it was actually in the Up for Grabs section! I couldn't believe my luck in finding it, because I was near to tearing my hair out, trying to figure out a good banner for a collection of one-shots about largely unrelated characters.

Thanks again for the review!

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Review #13, by Kimya I should have been a pair of ragged claws

11th April 2010:
I can't ever understand how you can wrap your head around the concept that you are in any way, shape or form a terrible writer. I read your "Aloof as a Bard" as well and i have to say, both one-shots were very promising.

As for this in particular, I absolutely loved this! The concept and theme you were pulling over from this story was very traditional, and original at that. You don't see these kinds of fics here, so I'm glad you wrote outside the box a bit. It's very sweet, very nice. There was nothing too obvious about it, but Helena's personality was very clear without too many words. Thanks for this!


Author's Response: Thanks so much, Kimya! Glad you liked it, and thanks for the positive comments. :-)


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Review #14, by Cedrics Blueyed Girl I should have been a pair of ragged claws

11th April 2010:
Mel!!! It has been far too long... and for that, I am the failure. You in no way failed with this piece. I never ceased to be thrilled, shocked (in a good way, of course), and inspired by your writing.

I don't know how you ever manage it, but you are an absolute genius - your writing style is so original, so interesting to read, so... I just don't know what. I'm sure you could think of the word for it because you always think of the perfect word for everything.

I especially enjoyed this piece because it was another take on the ultra-mysterious story of Helena and the diadem. I wrote a story about it, too, and I really enjoy reading other author's interpretations of things I've written about... especially you =]

Even though you have such small space, you bring Helena to life so well. The first few paragraphs perfectly embody her grace and what she used to be. I sympathize with her so much in this story, whereas, in mine, I rather hate her!

I'm really glad that I clicked that link in your signature. You never fail to impress me.


Author's Response: Alex!

How ashamed am I that I haven't responded to this yet?? There's really no excuse for it, especially since you were my first review for this fic!

And I KNOW you wrote a story about Helena too, silly, because I read it and loved it, and you should know it was really an inspiration to me when I was writing this one-shot. Your portrayal of this scene was excellent and really motivated me when I was struggling with writing this one. :-)

I've noticed there's a tendency to write Helena in a wholly detestable way, so I wanted to do something different by showing how a person might also be able to pity her, even though she did such a terrible thing.

I'm really glad you liked this! Thanks so much for reviewing!


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