Are you still writing this story?

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So funny and cute and aw bill can find a flaw with the savior of the world :) Luv it !

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I did not mean to post the review two times. The first time I tried to post it, there seemed to be network problems. I was instructed to resend the review. However, the first attempt was apparently successful.

Author's Response: its all good thanks for the advice.

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My initial reaction was to state you need to get a beta reader, but a beta reader should be used to give a story polish, to catch the odd mistakes (such as typos and changing tenses.) A beta reader should not be used to give the writer a crash course is fundamental grammar and punctuation. If this was to be graded, the plot would be a B or higher, but the writing would be an F or D.

You have run-on sentences. You writing questions but rarely use question marks. You capitalization is inconsistent (such as ALL personal nouns and the first word of a sentence). From all evidence, you didn't bother with the very basic concept of using a spell check. All of this is just off the top of my head. It got to the point that it was painful to read.

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My initial reaction was to state you need to get a beta reader, but a beta reader should be used to give a story polish, to catch the odd mistakes (such as typos and changing tenses.) A beta reader should not be used to give the writer a crash course is fundamental grammar and punctuation. If this was to be graded, the plot would be a B or higher, but the writing would be an F or D.

You have run-on sentences. You writing questions but rarely use question marks. You capitalization is inconsistent (such as ALL personal nouns and the first word of a sentence). From all evidence, you didn't bother with the very basic concept of using a spell check. All of this is just off the top of my head. It got to the point that it was painful to read.

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You really need to do a spell and grammer check and read over ur chapters. i reakon they would be good if u did that but i just found this really frustrating 2 read because of all the typos

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I'm loving! Must read the next now! xD

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Good Chapter, I was wondering how you would give Freds POV.

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Good chapter I like the 3rd person better. can't wait for the next one.

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This was wonderful. I read all three chapters in one go and I loved them. Some errors here and there, but over all its a wonderful story.
Good luck.

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Your good at both first and third person. I think you'd be a great author. I liked it a lot and can't wait for the next chapter!

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That was ingenious
Really it is...

Author's Response: Thanks i never had a sister and always wanted to voice how i would feel about a sister of mine having a boyfriend.

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This was such wonderful chapter. I think Bill's bet was fantastic, I would love to have seen the payback from Fleur.

Author's Response: I was planning on adding it but it would have extended the chapter way too far plus I dont think fleur would have collected on the bet she would have just played with him.

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Another good chapter, looking forward to the next one

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It was good! I thought their reactions were really authentic Can't wait to see what Charlie has to say.
Update soon!!

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Good first chapter, looking forward to the next

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Hey really cool story idea! I liked this, I can't wait to see who is up next...keep writing!

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