For some reason, Iíve never been a fan of song fics. I canít quite pinpoint what it is, but I suspect that itís the random lyrics threaded through the story- they really break up the flow for me Ė and unless I can hear the tune in my head, they make no sense either. :P
However, I actually had a great time reading this. I love the song you chose (it worked so well with the plot), and Iím always going to be thinking of this story if I listen to it from now on!
I liked the way you wrote Snape. You managed to capture all his yearning and love and regrets all into one neat little package, and the overall effect was really quite powerful. The imagery and metaphors were fantastic.
My heart goes out to Severus, as it always does when reading Snape/Lily. Thereís something so pathetic and yet loveable about the tragedy that is Snily. This was a very heartbreaking piece of writing!
One thing Iíd just comment on is that I donít think the dialogue between Snape and Dumbledore at the end is necessary! The story is really great without it, and you donít need it in there.
Iíve had so much fun reading all your stories! You are a truly talented writer. :D Thank you for all your commitment to Ravenclaw and Quoth the Raven *hugs*
-Annon ♥ Report Review
Hi there! I'm here with your pass the parcel review.
I really liked this fic - you capture and convey so much - how much Snape does love Lily and how much he does regret that day after the DADA OWL exam.
Some of the imagery you used was quite fantastic. I loved the idea that every corridor or classroom housed memories of him and Lily and they seemed to speak only of Lily, as if anything else that happened in them were insignificant and not worthy of note. I also liked the idea of the odd taunt that escaped James's mouth now passes freely, unchallenged by Lily - because that truly shows the end of their friendship and I thought you conveyed that very well.
There is also a fierce tragedy in this too - because you capture Snape's inability to move on - he is really only hurting himself by clinging to the past, but he just can't let go and I thought you portrayed that brilliantly.
The only CC I have give, is that I think you should remove the last three lines - the dialogue between Snape and Dumbledore and the line after that - just because I think they don't add anything to the story (and that Dumbledore - Snape dialogue is used far too much, it's nearly becoming cliched), and I think the ending with the last line of the song is perfect.
Anyway, great little song fic you have here. I thought you did a fantastic job exploring Snape's emotions and you really hit home how much he loved her and how truly sorry he was for calling her the name he did. Great job!Author's Response: Hello!
I apologise for the late response! I did read this earlier and it really put a smile on my face, but I haven't really had the time to respond till now! First off, thank you for reading and leaving such a nice review! :)
Thank you so much! I'm so glad that you thought the emotions of Snape were conveyed and portrayed well. I don't think I was using imagery so purposefully when I was writing this, hehe, but it's great to hear how it came across for you!
You make a good point about that quote being slightly cliche, and I can really understand where you're coming from - perhaps it is quite disruptive to the flow.. I'll definitely consider it when I edit this story, whenever that may be.. but thank you so much - I really appreciate the CC!
So thank you so much for leaving me such a lovely review and for all the nice things you've said! I really appreciate it! :)
- Charlotte Report Review
I'm not much of a Sev/Lily fan but this was amazing! Your characterisation of both of them, especially Severus, was flawless, he felt so real and so like JKR's Severus. Even James, who barely appeared in it, was perfect. Absolutely no mistakes anywhere (I tried to find one after seeing your comment about critique, but I got nothing), and it just flowed so beautifully. The song fits so well with them and with the situation; the quote at the end finished it off perfectly. Heart-wrenching. I love it!
(p.s. your first song-fic? Seriously? It's amazing!)Author's Response: Hey! :)
Thank you so much! Your review really made my day, really! :) You are much too nice. Severus was flawless, he felt so real and so like JKR's Severus? Wow. That is probably one of the best compliments I've ever gotten, so thank you! I'm so glad I entered in the writing challenges that gave me the song and the quote :P Yep, my first song fic! :D Once again, thank you so much for the absolutely lovely review!
Charlotte~ Report Review
loved this! the song choice is perfect, and it seems like a logical part of the back story of james/lily/snape. please keep writing! i look forward to your next piece!Author's Response: Hey Elizabeth! :)
So sorry for not responding to this review earlier! I rarely get reviews, so I rarely check them. But when I do get reviews it really makes my day :) So thank you very much!
I'm glad you enjoyed this! I love the song too, it was given to me as part of a challenge :P
I will try to keep on writing, people like you encourage me :) Thank you so much for the amazing review! Sorry this response has been so late!! But really, thank you for the review, and I appreciate it a lot. :) Report Review
Ok, let me make one thing clear to all those people out there (my sister, mainly) who think I'm hopeless with pop culture (um . . . actually, that's true). I do actually listen to the radio! So I've probably heard this song before! But I am not familiar enough with it to actually "hear" it in my head. That's normally why I don't read songfics very often, because I hardly ever know the songs. (Hopeless with pop culture. I know.)
Anyway. That was a chatty, irrelevant way to start a review. (I have a tendency to do that sometimes.) So this is your first completed piece of writing? That's very exciting. I believe you're also on the younger side of average age of writers around here, so that's cool too. Writing can be really personal, and for a lot of us, it takes a lot of guts to post something on the internet for the whole world (ok, the world mostly doesn't read our stuff, but it could if it wanted to, right?) to read.
I normally give a thumbs down to a really mopey, feeling-sorry-for-himself character (emo, is that what they're calling it these days?). However, Severus Snape can pull it off because, well, he's kinda mopey and, dare I say, pathetic in some respects. Mopey, depressed teenage Severus? Yup, I buy it.
I also thought the song you chose was particularly appropriate. There's no doubt Severus was quite attached to Lily. I believe he had an unhealthy obsession. I don't believe that's what the song was originally intended to reflect, but it comes across that way due to the narrative surrounding the song lyrics. One thing that tends to annoy me about songfics is when it seems like the lyrics are just randomly plopped in because the writer liked the song. In this story, the lyrics and narrative are related, which is a plus in my book.Author's Response: Hi! :D
Yay! Haha, it's okay. I actually never listen to the radio. And I had never heard of this song until I got it for the challenge. Taylor Swift though, has some rather nice songs I think.
Hehe, am I really? I feel like I'm the average age of HPFF forum goers anyway - not counting the intimidating staff! Thank you! It was only a few months ago, but it feels like ages since I posted this o_O
But yeah, thanks for the lovely review! I don't tend to read song fics, and I only wrote this for a challenge, but I'm glad it turned out okay! :D
Thank you! Report Review
I barely ever read song fics, mainly because I just don't find them matching up to the song in an interesting way. It's all teen love and boring mush mush. :P
So I did really enjoy this though, it actually expanded on Snape and Lily's relationship - or lack there of - really well.
Snape was perhaps a little too soft, in a way, in this but you did make him believable and I had a little sympathy for him.
You touched on his Death Eater friends well and everything else that is important to mention if you want to make it deeper than teen lust.
You had no dialogue which usually just makes it a little less interesting for me but I still really enjoyed it and your descriptions of his feelings were full of depth. :)
Great job! This was a fantastic read.
Claudia xAuthor's Response: Hi Claudia :)
Hehe, me too; I never read song fics unless someone asks me to or whatnot.
I'm glad you liked this :) I guess I find dialogue hard! Come to think of it; I try to avoid dialogue in most of my stories because I can't write them as well√Ę¬Ä¬¶o_O
Thanks for the lovely review! :) Report Review
I was very excited to pop over to your page and read something! And I LOVED it...it was brilliant. I'm just such a huge fan of unrequited love. As evil as that sounds, it always make for the best heartbreaking stories and the best place to pull emotion from.
You can usually melt the iciest heart with a quick peek into someone who DIDN'T get everything handed to them in life. You made Snape human without being whining or unrealistic. So props to you on that.
I'm not a huge Tay Swift fan...but I did admire this song in conjunction with the one-shot. It was a very lovely story overall. It was a pleasure to read.
Lindsey 10/10Author's Response: Hey Lindsey! :)
Awh, thank you so much for jumping over and reading one of my fics! It really means alot to me! *fuzzy feelings*
I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Thank you so much! Thank you so much for reading, reviewing and for all the lovely things you said ^_^
- & now I must go and review your 2 stories :P- Report Review
Hello, gingersnape from the forums with your shamefully late review! :(
Before I begin my rambling about the actual story, I must say that you picked an amazing song! I was very happy when I saw that I would be geetting to read a songfic to Untouchable, and I think the piece did the song justice, so major points for that!
I really liked how this story seemed to grab me right from the beginning with it's beautiful language and the way the words seemed to flow in a wasy that really amazed me. It seemed to set the mood for how Snape felt about Lily very well, without making it an unnatural part of the story.
Anyway, I liked how it made me get a sense of Snape's emotions and overall it was amazing. I'm not usually one for songfics, mostly because I tend to skip over the lyrics, but because I love this song so much, I did actually read every word and it was astounding what it added to the story.
So yes I did like it, and no, I can't find anything to give you CC on for this. Have a wonderful day, and please accept my apologies (and whatever's in my pocket: a gum wrapper, a folded over piece of duct tape, and a bit of cat fur, well that was on my pocket, but I'm throwing it in anyway!) for taking so long to do this!
Congreats on being the first songfic to truly take my breath away,
-gingerAuthor's Response: Hello! :)
Don't worry about the lateness, I know real life can be busy, and I just appreciate you taking the time to review this for me! :)
Thank you so much! Though I like Taylor Swift's music, I've never heard of the song Untouchable until I got the challenge, so I'm glad I participated!
Awwh thank you so much for the compliments. You're really making me smile like mad :)
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review this, and I am grateful. And I hope you know that! :) Report Review
Hi! orderofthephoenix back again!!
I absolutely adore Taylor Swift's music so I had to read this. I don't usually read Snape/Lily fics but you made this work really well with the song. You explained Snape's feelings and emotions perfectly; I really feel for him :(
Sophia xAuthor's Response: Hey!
Thank you very much for the nice review! I'm glad I got across the emotions well, because I'm a very insensitive person in real life.
Thanks for reading & reviewing! :) Report Review
I'm here from the Review Tag thread over on the forums to take a look at your piece. I must say, I am a fan of the Lily/Snape pairing, although I rarely read fics featuring them. This piece was very sweet...and heartbreaking. Unrequited love, especially a love as pure and dedicated as Snape's, is unbelievably tragic. I think you did an excellent job relaying Snape's desperation and frustration without making his internal dialogue too melodramatic. Otherwise, your writing was solid, with no obvious typos. This was a very enjoyable piece, maskedmuggle. I'm glad I had an opportunity to read it.
celticbardAuthor's Response: Hello!
Thanks for stopping by and reading my fic :D
It's a bit weird that personally I'm not a fan of Lily/Snape. I only wrote this for a song fic, but otherwise I would never write this pairing, and I never read it.
I'm glad you thought I did a good job relating Snape's feelings, and that my writing is solid!
Thank you very much for the lovely review! :) Report Review
I loved that. I also loved how you included your favourite line of DH, the one where Snape says, "Always." This story had a lot of emotion ot it, and it was really good.
I could really feel for Snape. A couple years ago, I felt that same way about a guy, but I've moved on now. Snape never did move on. This fic sheds him in a whole new light to me, since I've never really liked Snape, only felt bad for him.
10/10Author's Response: Hey!
Thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I wouldn't say it's my favourite line, but it definitely fitted into this story and helped move it along. Thank you so much! I'm glad you found it had emotion in it :)
That's cool! Before book 7, I absolutely hated Snape. But after he turned out to be a good guy... in some ways I still hated him for hating Harry.. but I don't hate him as much now, and respect him for loving Lily so much he helped save Harry!
All in all, thanks for the great review! :)
This was beautifully crafted. I wanted to write a Snapelily fanfic, so I was scrolling through looking for one, and...
Wow. Seriously, I could not have written it better myself. I'm jealous. Now I don't wanna write one because it won't be as good as this!Author's Response: Hey :)
Thank you so much!
Don't be jealous! I bet if you tried you could do something really good :)
Thank you very much though!
:D Report Review
that realy was beautiful, and so very sad...Author's Response: Thank you very much!
Well I'm glad you thought so, because that was definitely an emotion I was trying to convey.
Once again, thanks for reading + reviewing! :D Report Review
Wow - this is such a good portrayal of unrequited love. I'm kinda jealous (my own attempt at this very pairing is somewhat drier)!
Anyways, on to the review, and I have a confession - I tend to ignore song lyrics in stories. However, I have made a special effort to actually read them. And whoa, they really do enhance the story. I may have to completely re-evaluate my attitude to song fics (congrats, I never usually change my mind on anything). I think you've managed to use the lyrics without being too limited by them. I love the way you've sometimes shown how they fit exactly, and sometimes don't, as Severus can't even get that little bit of comfort. While you do revisit the same themes, it's done in an evolving way, so that it doesn't become repetitive. Perhaps strengthening that evolution might be good (but that's only a maybe idea - really, I wouldn't change much about this fic, it's pretty much spot on in my mind).
Really nice fic overall - very believable, very compelling, very well formatted. So impressed that this is your first completed fic!Author's Response: Hey!
Awh thank you so much! I find that hard to believe - I'm sure you're exaggerating and yours is just as good, or better ;)
Haha thank you! The song lyrics pretty much inspired the whole thing.
Thank you so much! :D
It means alot, thanks for taking the time to read and review (: Report Review
hey its twitch from the forums with your reveiw (:
Nothing haha. Great job!
Wow I would have never guessed that this piece is from someone new! I mean really, I could see this being written by some of the greats here at HPFF. I think you wrote it well as a songfic, and I know you said you were concerned with whether it related too much/too little but I think it was a good balance. I enjoyed this very much! Thank you!
Really, I'm being hit with potential vibes from you right now so when you're big and famous here on HPFF, you better remember lil' ole' twitch :DAuthor's Response: Hey! (:
Awwh, thank you so much! That means alot :D
Lol haha thank you very much ^_^
and of course I will remember you!
One of my first reviewers ;)
Thanks :D Report Review
Hi this is RoseWeasleysPatronus from the forums, Ava here to review.
Well I can't say I'm a fan of Taylor Swift but I really enjoyed reading this story. I'm not even going to bother commenting on spelling and grammar because I'm so bad at it i couldn't pick out if some spelt was as 'Woz' seriously.
It was a rather hearwrenching kind of story, Snape/Lily ones always are, He is a tragic soul who loved someone so much... I mean just look what he did for Harry simply because he was her son.
I think you described the emotions beautifully, the story woz (hehe) well written and I thoroughly enjoyed it!
Ava xxAuthor's Response: Hey!
Awh, thank you so much :D
Yes, Taylor Swift is awesome ;)
I type with spellcheck on, and my spelling is rather good so I usually don't have problems with that anyway!
Awh I know. I felt Snape's thoughts really fit in with the song.
Lol, thank you so much! :D Report Review
It was beautiful. Pure poetry. And that is saying something because I am in no way a Snily shipper.
P.S Will review stories huh. In that case If you get the chance please read and review my story Sweet Irony. Thanks ahead of time.Author's Response: Awhh! Thank you so much (:
That means alot :D
Haha yes, of course, I shall try ;D
Thank you! Report Review
This is so sad I nearly cried. But it's really really good! I enjoyed it a lot.Author's Response: Awh! I'm sorry about that ><
But thank you so much!
That means alot :D Report Review
This is so beautifully wrote. I really loved it, :)
xAuthor's Response: Hey!
I can't thank you enough!
Thank you so much :D
You just made me smile! (: Report Review
Hey this is ElysiumJayne from the forums. I was super excited about this fic. I think it's amazing well done, 9/10
x elyAuthor's Response: Hey! Awh I haven't submitted it yet but I guess you found it ;]
Thank you so much! :D Report Review
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