I love minor characters so I was really excited to see what you would do with Rosmerta. I've never read a story with her as a main character before! :) I really like her so far - she seems like such a Ravenclaw! Her wit and sassiness is wonderful, and I'm sure she'll need when working in the Three Broomsticks!
Lucius was perfect. Of course he would be that cocky as a fourth year. He was awesome. So was Rita! Love how she's brutally honest and up to date on all the teenage dramas - very Rita like. ;D I can't wait for Tobias to make an appearance. I adore Oliver Wood, so I'm very excited to see how you've made his father.
Lovely job! I really think you should continue - it seems like a very funny story so far. ^_^Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review! I'm so pleased to know that you're connecting with the characters. I'm definitely going to continue this story now...I'll just have to find a way to balance out updates between this story and my Next Gen project, Serpentine! Hopefully it will all work out! Thanks again. Report Review
Hi there! First of all I think you have a lovely banner! I was so surprised to see the characters you chose to write about when you requested a review. Very daring and also extremely interesting! I think this story has a lot of potential and you should definitely write more!
I would love to see you develop Rosmerta more, as I don't think I've ever read a fic about her and she's a great character. Lucius WOULD be like that...oh Malfoy boys. Overall I think its a good scene and you mention a lot of characters that I would love to see interact. First of all, Rita Skeeter is great! I can definitely imagine her acting this way when she was at school and I wonder how well Rosmerta and Rita would get along in say the Hogwarts era. Its an extremely interesting concept.
Also Oliver Wood's father?! YAY! I love Oliver Wood and picking these parent/adult characters to write about was very creative of you! I would love to see more.
The only criticism I can give would be to watch your characterization of Rosmerta. I know she's supposed to be quite pretty but if you go through the story idealizing her in the eyes of every boy it will get old. Not that you've done that I just wasn't sure if you were looking for insight on future chapters. I like how the two girls are sassy and Rita was born for this kind of teenage drama.
I think its clever. Stick with it! Let me know if you get new chapters up!
~LunnahAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for the review! Yes, I LOVE that banner! The things you'll find in Up for Grabs, incredible, just incredible! I'm so pleased that you're enjoying these characters and the way they fit together. Thanks for the advice on Rose. I'm definitely shying away from Mary Jane, here, but I suppose it will take a few more chapters to flush out her flaws as well as her greater qualities. The insight is definitely appreciated. I'm definitely sticking with the story, and I'm so grateful for the review. Report Review
You had me from the first line! Hilarious.
First, to comment on your post on the forums. I love reading about lesser known characters. It does give more freedom to the writer, as you've said, and it always proves to be interesting.
This chapter was very short, but holds a lot of information. I liked the inclusion of a young Lucius. It not only gives the readers a time frame, but he always makes things fun.
The ease in which Rita and Rosmerta communicate is refreshing. They're clearly good friends. I can believe it too, which is great.
Troubled romance right from the start, as well. I like it! I can't help but associate the name Tobias with Snape, however.
Your grammar is wonderful, and the story flows naturally. You easily shift from one scene to the next without any confusion for the readers. Good job :)Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review. I've gotten several comments on Tobias' name. His nickname at school is Toby, so hopefully that confusion will go away. I just wanted to choose a name that had already been used because in the muggle world, you always find people who share your name. Why not with wizards? Thanks so much again for the very lovely review. It was a pleasure to read! Report Review
CHALLENGE REVIEW #6.
Hello, it's me again! This is such a great start :) Amazingly well written, as always, and with great flow too.
I love Rita. She's hilarious, and just like she is in the books. I can kind of relate to this Rita though because I tend to be a little too honest sometimes as well ^.^
I'm liking the character of Rosmerta too. I've never really registered that she and Rita would've gone to Hogwarts, and if I had I don't think I would've thought about the other canon characters and what year they'd be in at Hogwarts.
I'd love to see where this is going, and I think I shall. 9/10 :)Author's Response: WOW! Have I told you recently that you are one of my favorite reviewers? Legitimately. Did you know you've reviewd 5/10 of my fics, to my knowledge? Yeah, that's pretty amazing of you! So I owe you a gazillion thank yous for making my head grow larger. (:
Rita is my favorite character to write, not only in this fic, but in general, too. I think the book gives us such a great woman who we love to hate, and it's too much fun to explore the feisty young woman she must have been. I must have something wrong with me, because I know for a fact you are NOT supposed to like Rita Skeeter! I just can't help it! I'm so happy it's rubbing off on others (:
Funny story about how Rosmerta came to be the main character in this fic. It was written for a challenge in which I based the story off of a banner at TDA. I loved the banner, but wanted a canon character to go with it. I went through my mental rolodex, and the brunette I came up with was Rosmerta! Haha, and from there, it just snowballed. I couldn't find anything specific on when she was born, other than that she was older than the marauders, and I simply couldn't help but include Rita. It also means I get to play with Lucius and Bellatrix and others! Too much fun! That particular era, just before the marauders, for some reason really intrigues me. It might just be my favorite.
I really appreciate your review, and I can't thank you enough for reading not only this, but so many others of my stories. You're an angel!
Summer Sun and Lots of Fun,
Ha! I've definitely seen situations like the one Rosmerta is in here and I sympathize. Lucius is so presumptuous - it's actually kind of adorable and I feel bad for him, being shut down like that.
Also, I loved Rita's gossip! Somuchfun, and yes, that was meant to be one word.
Interesting start!Author's Response: Hahah thanks so much for the review!
Yes, Lucius was very fun to right. He's much more harmless and pathetic when he's younger.
Rita is my favorite to write! Love that girl to death. Glad you liked her, too!
Thanks so much for taking the time to read and review. I really appreciate knowing that someone is reading and enjoying my stories!
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Hey! Sorry it took me so long to review! I was waiting for you to get your banner up! There it is, so here I am!
I really liked this! It was quirky, funny, and fun! I never even suspected that the blonde was Lucius until you said so! I thought it was very cute.
I really want to know more about Rosmerta and Tobias' relationship. Why did he dump her? Why does she love him so much? Hopefully, I'll find out!
Quick question: is Tobias a canon character, or an OC?
I like the banner. It's pretty and seems to fit the mood of the story. Thanks for entering the challenge!Author's Response: Hey! No problem. It took me a while to respond, so we're even. ;) Haha
I'm really glad you enjoyed the read. Dropping the Lucius bomb was my favorite part of writing this story, and I love all of the reactions to it!
All the answers to those questions and more when I get the chance to update! (: I'm horrible at that--I'm always torn between updating and submitting for a new challenge, and I usually choose to start a new fic. Nasty habit I need to work on!
Oliver Wood's dad is only ever called Mr. Wood in the books, so I made up the name Tobias, but he does in fact exist. I picked Tobias because it seemed right for that time period, and it's been used before in the books. (It only makes sense that, like in the muggle world, more than one person would have the same name!) He shares a name with Snape's dad.
I love the banner, too! It really caught my attention, and I worked the mood off of the banner. I tried really hard to make them fit together with ease since that was the point of the challenge.
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, and for issuing the challenge! Hope you make more in the future!
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Hello! This is Foundriapenguin from the forums.
Great start! I loveee the conversation between pompous little Lucius Malfoy and Rosmerta!! xD It's hilarious!
I think it's interesting that you've put Rita Skeeter and Rosmerta together. It seems a rather unlikely pair to me, but I'm interested to see how the whole thing plays out!
You write very well! I have no grammar complaints.
~foundriapenguinAuthor's Response: Hey, there!
Glad you enjoyed the humor in there. It was too much fun to write!
They sort of came together in a great moment of serendipity. I was looking to place Rose in a year with a canon character, and I found that Rita worked within the time frame I was using. I just so happen to love writing her character. A lot. (See Beetles and Butterflies!) ;) So I've sort of got a funny relationship between the two mapped out.
Thanks very much for the review! (And the compliments!) Poor grammar is one of my pet peeves. I'm the obnoxious friend who can't help but say "YOU'RE DOING WELL!" every time someone says they're "doing good." Haha
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Here from the forums!
Lucius Malfoy? I wasn't expecting that. Sure, he's be cocky, but younger than Rosmerta? Surely not... Hang on, I see Lucius/Rosmerta down in the box. No way! I'm intrigued to how that might come about... If Lucius is in school, where's Snape? And Bellatrix? And the rest of the Black family, namely Sirius? Where are all the insane people?
Rita Skeeter. We never really see her in a positive light in canon, so it's refreshing to see someone putting a positive spin on her. Especially as she's the bane of Hogwarts era (okay, so her and Voldemort).
Yay for characters that don't get much play! Tobias Wood... I didn't even know he was called Tobias. The only Tobias I knew of was Tobias Snape, father of Severus Snape, who should be in Lucius' year. I think.
This is a really nice start. Good luck with your story!
xEAuthor's Response: Hello, there!
Isn't it a great surprise? I get to catch everyone off guard pretty well, which is always amusing. (:
All I know is I read somewhere that Rosmerta was already working in Hogsmeade when the Marauders were in school, so I think it's safe to assume she might be older than Lucius. She's not that much older in my fic, anyway.
Well, the ship in the box is mostly because of Lucius constantly trying to make it happen...though she may have her moments of weakness... ;)
As for Snape, he's younger than Lucius, in the same year as Potter, Sirius, and Remus. They're 8 years behind Rita, so they're not at school. Bellatrix is in Rita's year and will feature, as will Narcissa, who's a year behind Lucius. I used the HP Lexicon for all of these years to keep it canon. (:
Thanks for appreciating my characterization of Rita! I really enjoy humanizing her. I suppose a big theme of this fic is sort of exploring what pushes people to take a turn for the better (or for the worse)...I'm looking at you, Lucius and Rita. But of course they're only human underneath, and only in high school!
Oliver's dad was never given a first name in canon that I know of, so I wanted a name that had already been used in canon. After all, just like in RL, people sometimes have the same names. I think it's kind of funny how everyone feels a desperate need to always have an original name for characters. It's so much fun to name them, so I totally know where it comes from. But I just thought of it and knew that it fit him well. So, yes, I got the name from Snape's dad. And sorry! Snape won't be in this! He's a year or two away from attending Hogwarts.
Thanks so much for your comprehensive review and questions! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Hi MissSpitfire from the forums Estelle Black on here with your review that you requested.
Well I must say this story is good, I especially like Rose and her personality very nice.
Rita is a great friend, wonder what will happen between Rose and Tobias?
Please tell me when you update, i would love to read what happens.
Estelle XOXAuthor's Response: Hi!
Thanks so much for taking the time to review. I'm glad you like my characters! They're a pleasure to invent and write. I'll be sure to request another review when I update! I really appreciate your interest in the story and your lovely review. (:
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Hello! 'Tis Broomsticks from the forums with a review for your lovely story.
I loved the light hearted tone to this story. I mean, who doesn't like to see Lucius Malfoy get put in his place? Especially by Rosemerta! I loved the humour here, it was so much fun to read. The ending intrigues me - I want to know what's going to happen!
There was really good detail and description here. Not exactly heavy metaphors and imagery, but that can drag a lighthearted story down. However, there was really good physical description of the characters and their emotions. I loved the beginning:
The boy’s mouth was open so wide that he could have fit a goblin inside.
When people use HP referances in their description, it always makes me smile and reminds me that we are in Harry Potter world :)
I love Rosemerta already! She seems sassy and witty and able to stand up for herself. I love that Rita is her best friend because I think their personalities are suited. I can imagine them both loving a bit of gossip.
Also your characterization of Rita was really good. E.G:
"Rita playfully hit her and acted for a minute as though she might not spill."
I thought that was such a Rita thing to do, to try and grab her friends interest. Her brutal honesty was also very in character.
The characters were all very believable. Especially Lucius, ugh... so arrogant...!
The dialogue was great and very realistic. The wit and sarcasm was great and made it very amusing to read.
- Plot so far
I'm really interested to see where this goes. The summary is very interesting by the way, and would draw me in if I read it. I want to know what happens between Tobias and Rosemerta! I love her character... or did I already mention that haha?
- Favourite parts/Vivid parts
“Love is blind.”
The girls, no strangers to this business of unrequited love, let out a heavy sigh.
That was such a comical moment, I could imagine it vividly.
The grammar seemed fine to me which is always a great thing to do. Thank you for putting the effort in to proof read your stories, it makes a HUGE difference.
Sorry, I don't have any CC for you so this isn't exactly the most helpful review. However, I hope it's given you the feedback you wanted. I can't wait to see where this story goes and I'm adding it to my favourites! Thank you for posting :)
P.S I'm in the 'Pick me' competition too... maybe I shouldn't have left you such a gushing review seeing as we're competetors. Grrr...! ;)Author's Response: Hey!
Wow, this is one of the neatest reviews I've ever received, in both senses of the word. (It is both cool and organized!)
Tone: Yay! I usually write slightly darker pieces, but I've lately been lightening things up. I'm happy to see that people get my humor! And to hear that the ending was satisfying is great. Endings and beginnings--the bane of my existence.
Description: A lot of my other writing is more "beautiful," so whenever I read this over, I always think it's horrible. It's much more simple (and I went even simpler in a recent story!) But I'm trying to vary my writing styles and stay away from purple prose. So I'm glad you found it to still be descriptive and could picture the characters. I tend to write fics that don't center too much on magic, so I always like to throw in minor magical details to remind myself and the readers that this is still HPFF. :) Happy you picked up on it and enjoyed it!
Characters: Thank you! And I'm happy you can see them together. Some people who are very set on the Rita we see in canon are not easily able to see them as friends. :/ You've really hit all of the traits I'm going for with each character! Don't we all love some good gossip?
Dialogue: Thank you! I speak out loud while I write dialogue and it seems to work well for the most part...even though it makes me look/sound slightly insane.
Plot So Far: Really? This is probably the biggest compliment you could have given me, and incredibly reassuring. Summaries are twenty million times worse than anything for me. I actually hesitate to post fics because my summaries are so horrible. I've fallen back on using quotes that capture the essence of a fic or chapter, so I always worry about my choice. I love your review so much that I'll definitely request another--so you'll see what happens!
Fave/Vivid Parts: Story of my life. (:
Grammar: Thanks for your appreciation! I'm the friend everyone can't stand because I'm always on grammar patrol. In 4th grade, we all had to write up poorly proofed paragraphs for the class to correct...everyone failed mine because I was so tricky and nitpicky. I felt so horrible and mean afterward!
No, no! This was incredibly wonderful! Everyone loves a good pat on the back every once in a while. ;) And you've helped to highlight my strengths so I can focus on them and bring those out in the future. You've given me extremely detailed feedback!
Thank you so much for your fave, love, and support! You're my review hero.
PS- Hahaha WOW! Then double thanks! Now I'm curious to go read yours! And I shall, as soon as RL decides to not be so rawr. (Rawr is definitely not an adjective. Still, it's the only appropriate sentiment in this situation.)
Haha very well written (:
You portrayed the characters wonderfully :DAuthor's Response: Thanks so much! Really appreciate it.
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V, you come up with the most smashing ideas. I can actually see this friendship between Rita and Rosmerta being something that really happened. It's something that very well could have fit right into canon. Rosmerta showed herself interested in gossip on occasion in the books, and she's very warm and friendly (runs a bar, so you know she's a people person!)
The bit with Lucius was funny, and I especially loved this line:
"Ahh, I see. And by future girlfriends, are you referring to imaginary witches or the two young men sitting beside you?"
That is all kinds of classic. XD
The only slight criticism I have is that some of the speech and mannerisms sound like they're a little more modern, rather than a few decades ago. It's just an overall feeling I get. But then again, I wasn't alive in the 60's/70's, so I can't say for sure that they didn't talk like this. :-P
Anyway, based on your Rita characterization in Beetles and Butterflies, I'm really looking forward to reading more of her here. And Rosmerta as well - nobody ever writes about Rosmerta! I'm sure the story will be fabulous, and I'm looking forward to reading on!
MelanieAuthor's Response: !
^That is my happiness squished into a punctuation mark.
Thanks so much for taking the time to R&R this! That friendship was pure luck, and I'm so happy about it. I was just scrolling through the lexicon, looking for canon characters who were born before the marauders when WHAM I saw Rita. And you know me: it just had to happen. Not I get to show her transitioning into the woman she became! Glad that so far people don't think I'm completely off my rocker.
Hahaha Isn't it great to be able to make fun of Lucius? I've always wanted to verbally abuse him. I have a few good ones saved up, hopefully. :)
I'm so glad you pointed the thing out about speech and mannerisms! I mean, I knew I was writing way in the past, but for some reason that completely slipped my mind. I think I'll comb through some of the dialogue, etc. and see if there's anything I can add or get rid of. I think I may need a tad of research. This fic takes place in '68-'69 school year.
Thanks so much for your thoughts! I have a couple of challenges I need to get through the queue, but with such an unusually short backlog these days, I may have an update sooner rather than later. Yay! And it's so touching that you actually remember Beetles and Butterflies. (:
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I felt like your portrayal of Lucius and Rita were perfect. I love this. Lucius would be arrogant as you showed and Rita would be a major gossiper. I love this. I favorited it. Very good keep it up.Author's Response: Thanks so much! I really appreciate it! :)
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I'm actually really intrigued by this idea. I love originality and so far, this seems to be full of it. Nearly all of the submissions to this challenge have been one-shots, and honestly that's what I expected all of them to be this. But you are actually crazy enough to write a novel(la) about unrequited love and such, and while I thought that something like that would turn out constantly dark and depressing, this is actually pretty humorous. Not to mention the fact that, while my fanfiction horizons really aren't that broad, I've never read a story about Rosmerta. I'm definitely interested in seeing what you can come up with in this story (:
I'm going to start off by complimenting you on having not one, but two unrequited love situations in this (and it's only the first chapter!). That's two times the pain! The misery! The awesomeness! :D I liked how, rather than starting off with Rosmerta merely entering the Hall, you chose to focus on the way Lucius was gawking at her (by the way, I was totally surprised when you dropped that name in there). I blabber on about this in all my reviews and on the forums, but I think an important part of writing is learning how to show and not tell. Rather than telling the readers that Rosmerta is flirtatious and completely desirable, you show us by showing how even Lucius Malfoy fancies her, and I really liked that.
At first, I was a bit dubious at reading that Lucius would act like that. Somehow, I can't match that gawking fourth year with drool forming in his mouth with the consistently unruffled Death Eater, but when you pulled out the dialogue I definitely started to see the resemblance. The witty banter between them made me literally laugh out loud, and I think it's very fitting that Lucius is cocky and delusional enough to believe that he can snag a seventh year bombshell. I think my favorite part is when she's tell him she's untouchable (obviously Lucius is not the only arrogant one) and he starts calling her Miss Untouchable. For some reason I found that extremely funny :D
I'm a little bit more iffy about Rosmerta's character. I haven't really gotten to know her very well yet and I'm interested in seeing what she's really like beyond this desirable and untouchable Ravenclaw. I was glad when I read that she loved someone who didn't love her back, if only because I thought it gave her character more dimension and definitely steered her away from the Mary-Sue direction it seemed like she was headed. I definitely want to see more of her misery, if only because I'm strangely sadistic like that ;)
Another character that I was really interested in this was Rita. Whenever I picture Rita Skeeter at Hogwarts, I think that she must've been the most awful person ever; in this you've actually managed to make her likable while still retaining some of the qualities that make her who she is (particularly her brutal nature and penchant for gossip). I also enjoyed how vengeful she is, because it fits perfectly with the woman we see later; I can easily picture her being so loyal to her best friend that she would get revenge on Malfoy by doing what she does best: gossip. I don't know that I could pull off Rita Skeeter half as good as you do.
I've always been more of a description writer, so what I really love about your writing is the dialogue. I know a lot of people struggle to make their dialogue realistic, but you seem like you don't have any problems with that. I could definitely picture a conversation like this actually taking place, so props for that. I also liked how seemingly easily you transitioned from one point to another through dialogue. I just felt like you put effort into ensuring that the conversation started at a certain point and ended at a certain point and included all the necessary points that you wanted to make in between without making it seem too contrived. This probably doesn't make any sense to you, but it makes perfect sense to me, and I liked it! :) I think my favorite line of dialogue (besides the whole Miss Untouchable) was the last one, if only because it gives more of a glimpse into the vulnerable pain of an unrequited lover and, as we've already established, I'm sadistic like that.
Well, that's really all I've got to say about this. Thank you for entering my challenge, and I hope you had fun writing for it! It really doesn't show at all that you only decided you wanted to enter a day ago ;) I'll definitely keep be looking out for when it's updated; I can't wait to see what happens next. Check on my profile page within the next week (most likely within the next few days) to see if you've won the challenge, mmkay? Thanks again for your submission!
Cherry BearAuthor's Response: Wow! :) You have no idea how much this brightened my day! This made me even happier than the fudge I've been stuffing into my mouth to relieve the pain of calculus.
I think that most people on HPFF develop an area or two they feel really comfortable with (next-gen, female OCs, etc.) My niche seems to be picking characters who have a bit to go off of, but who weren't such a big deal in the series. I LOVE them. Thankfully, that seems to make every story a little original in that, you don't see many Rita or Rosmerta fics to begin with! Crazy is absolutely the right word to use-IÃ¢Â€Â™m usually a one-shoter. But I had the idea, and I just had to go with it. I'm glad you're liking the humor! Usually, the relationships I like to write are darker, unhappy, or impossible. But I have a weird sense of humor that is a little dark, so it lightens it up while hopefully not seeming out of place.
I'm so happy you liked the opening! I have so much trouble with those. My favorite teacher once told me that before you can begin writing, you must know exactly how it starts and ends. Lately, I've realized that if I start off by just describing one character and a single thing they're doing, without naming them, it seems to work nicely, subtly. (And here it was a big help, because the Lucius name drop, as you noticed, is part of my dark humor later on. It's so funny to just picture readers saying WHHAT???!!)
Lucius was hard to write. (I've written a little of him older, but purely nasty characters are hard for me.) I got to thinking, there's got to be a reason he's so evil in the end. You just don't start off like that! So I tried to give him a personality that would have the right ingredients to form his future self, but toned down and sort of harmless--he's only fourteen! I was worried about his characterization, though.
For Rosmerta, all I really had to go off of was that in the future she has the Three Broomsticks and is beautiful. I almost never sort characters into Gryffindor. I have an irrational fear of cliches. More on Rose: She's not doing so well in her classes--she uses her street smarts a lot more than her book smarts. She's very sassy with a twisted sense of humor and a hopeless love for Wood, which will cause her to do stupid things. She's not the most popular girl because of her personality at times (she *is* Rita's best friend), but definitely ogled at. SheÃ¢Â€Â™s the kind of kid the teachers sort of worry about and most younger kids are scared of, but whose friends always know sheÃ¢Â€Â™ll make it. And she's a drinker. :)
Funny story. All I knew was that Rosmerta was older than the marauders. I went to HP Lexicon to figure out how old to make her, and I saw Rita's birthday at the right perfect era. My absolute favorite character to write is Rita Skeeter. We get along very well. I think I like to humanize the ones that seem horrible in the books. If you liked Rita, read my one-shot Beetles and Butterflies. It's Rita/Lockhart--your semi-sadistic self will love it. :)
Embarrassingly, the dialogue part comes from me having imaginary conversations out loud. It works. I go for a few minutes until it sounds right out loud and then I type it out. Try it! It's fun and silly.
Thanks so much for posting the challenge! I'm nearing graduation, so I have way more spare time, and I really want to get back in the swing of writing. I specifically looked for a challenge with a close deadline so that I would force myself to write. It was fun and it's gotten me back on track, so thank you. And thanks for your lovely review!
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