Reading Reviews for Life in the Fast Lane
  
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by naflower05 Chapter 1: Bad Influence

10th May 2010:
i like it so far. update soon!! =]

Author's Response: Thanks
Estelle XOX


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Review #2, by RonNiffler Chapter 1: Bad Influence

7th May 2010:
Hello!

This is RonNiffler from forums here with your review. Let me just say I am really sorry for the long wait. But I'm here now better late then never right?!

Ok I'm going to be a bit blunt. Your first couple paragraphs (about to the sixth) were slightly dull. I mean they weren't bad or anything just compared to the rest of the chapter it seemed almost boring. Now don't get me wrong, in any other story this may just be the interesting part, but you actually know how to catch your audience. So I just think that you should probably make your intro a bit more interesting to reel in your audience.

Ok onto my loving it part of the review! It was just so unique the whole story line and everything! Brilliant! I love how she's a part girl with poor innocent sweet Remus. Really who would have ever thought the two of them would ever go together? Really true brilliance you go there.

And then when Sirius asked if Remus wanted to know what he would do with her! I was hiding behind my hands I thought Sirius was going to say something MUCH different. I was shocked though when he wanted Remus to get rid of her. I always imagined as Remus as being reasonable one not Sirius.

All I can say is that this is a great story. A little bit more detail couldn't hurt, but other then that wonderful story!

Keep up the good work! =)

Author's Response: Hiya,
thanks for the comment, i will check out my story and change it a little when i can. thanks for taking yourn time to review this, it means a lot to me.
:)
Estelle XOX
P.S: glad i surpised you with Remus and Sirius ;)


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Review #3, by maskedmuggle Chapter 1: Bad Influence

26th April 2010:
Hey (:
I'm from the forum, here to review!
First off, it was quite a good first chapter.

Your writing is pretty good, however in some places you should take care of commas to make sure the sentences make sense. Perhaps you could get a beta to concentrate on fixing your grammatical/punctuation errors. (You have no spelling problems).
I found quite a bit of errors throughout the whole thing, but listing them to you one by one would take up way too much space/time. So for example: "some about how hot Alex looked and others about (add in a HOW) no one will (WOULD, stay in the same tense) be brave enough to take him on after what just happened."

Just one thing that sort of bugged me because I like perfect spelling, punctuation, etc. slytherin should have a capital, so it's Slytherin.

I found that this bit probably could do with fixing, as it didn't make sense:
"Oh fun, is that what you call it or her?" Sirius asked raising one of his brows at me as if he was teasing me.
"I do!" I growled at him.
I think Sirius' question was a Yes/No, and when Remus says I do, that's confusing because it doesn't answer Sirius' question.

So far, the plot is interesting, it would be intriguing to see where you will be taking this next. I think your characters are to canon, especially when Sirius goes, "I know what I would do with her," That is so typical Sirius! However, you surprised me when he had sort of positive thoughts, instead of negative ideas, which is good because it is more original!

Overall, I think you did a good job (:

Author's Response: hey thanks for the comment i have been comtemplating about getting a beta for my story, i think it is only best if i do.
thank you so much.
Estelle XOX


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Review #4, by onlyimagine Chapter 1: Bad Influence

26th April 2010:
First off, you're suppossed to say "fifth year, seventh year, etc" not "fifth GRADE". They don't have grades. They have years...
Your writing was okay. You had a few grammar errors so you might want to go back and re-read ;)
This was an interesting read, but I thought it lacked plot. You just seemed to be going on and on about random stuff and then finally at the end it starts to get a little more interesting because there's an actual problem (which is what every story needs to keep it entertaining...). So... I hope you're planning on adding another chapter to this story and getting an actual plot going ;)
Also, I must point out that it is very unlikely that the students would be aloud to have that type of party at Hogwarts. Students getting completely wasted? Not likely to happen, but this is your story after all and you can do whatever you want in it ;)
Just work on your writing a bit; use bigger words; maybe get a beta for those grammar and spelling errors; and try to be a tad more detailed so your descriptions can come out clear and vivid in the reader's mind.
This was an okay start ;)
7/10

Author's Response: hi sorry for the late reply,
but thank you for the review.
Estelle XOX


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Review #5, by Capella Black Chapter 1: Bad Influence

15th April 2010:
Well, that is definitely one unhealthy relationship! It's also an all-too-common one, and I completely believed the characters. I really liked the way you started with Abbie's perspective, so that we could see that she wasn't being malicious or evil; she just doesn't see how her actions affect Remus. I also liked the way Remus got her home and was a gentleman, but wasn't amused or pleased by the prospect - again very believable.

James and Sirius' intervention was nicely added, so that we could see a third perspective on things. Possibly even more of this would solidify this part - perhaps they could allude to previous incidents, as I'm sure they wouldn't be judging her on this one night alone. Still, a really nice touch, which adds complexity to Remus' dilemma.

Generally, I'm not a fan of random school party fics, but this one managed to avoid being cliched, for which you deserve yet more credit. Where are the teachers though? Surely they wouldn't allow drinking games? Still, hardly the first time things have got out of hand at Hogwarts!

One tiny thing - the grammar in the dialogue is occasionally confusing, such as when there is a comma separating two sentences - "Don't say it, You know what I am not going to 'ditch' Abbie, she may be a handful..." However, this is not a problem in the story in general; rather something to maybe have a clean up on when you've got time.

All in all, a very believable snapshot into an unhealthy relationship - it's no wonder you placed!

Author's Response: thanks...
for the comment and taking the time to read my story.
Estelle XOX


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Review #6, by madelgranger Chapter 1: Bad Influence

14th April 2010:
hey, it's madelgranger from the forums with your review. this is a really interesting idea! there are a couple of things I'd maybe do to improve it, but it's a great story so no worries there. first off, you should capitalize Slytherin and Hogwarts has Years, not grades. sorry about how nitpicky that is; those sorts of things just bug me. beyond that, I'd suggest getting a beta to help you with some grammar issues. but otherwise, I thought this was a really good beginning and your ideas and characterizations were sound. great job!
~madelgranger

Author's Response: Hi thanks for the help,
and thanks for the review i will look at getting a beta.
I will tell you when i update
Estelle XOX


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Review #7, by twitchy_little Chapter 1: Bad Influence

13th April 2010:
hey its twitch from the forums with the reveiw you requested :D

-"the fifth grader" I think that was a little slip haha. 'fifth year'

-"She your girlfriend." should have a question mark.

Thats all I saw grammar wise. I would suggest having the party take place in another houses common room (ravenclaw or hufflepuff maybe?) Just because it was way to hard to believe that even if the party was in the great hall, that kids would get away with drinking. I mean, the teachers wouldnt leave them unattended in the great hall. So other than that it was a nice first chapter :D Happy Writings!

Author's Response: Hi thanks for the review,
i will fix it up editing the grammar.
thanks for correcting me.
I am glad you like this story i will tell you when i update.
Estelle XOX


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Review #8, by crestwood Chapter 1: Bad Influence

11th April 2010:
I loved it. The only criticism I can give you is you said seventh grade instead of seventh year. But that is just my OCD talking. Otherwise lovely fic. And congratulations on 3rd place it's not easy to rank high in a challenge.

P.S If you get the chance please read and review my story Sweet Irony. PLEASE! It would mean a lot.

Author's Response: thanks for the comment, I am glad you liked, it is one of my faves.
thanks for the congratulations. Yeah i didn't think i would even get a place but boy was i surprised.
Estelle XOX
P.S i have read your story and left a review :)


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Review #9, by Ava Pearce Chapter 1: Bad Influence

11th April 2010:
Hi, RoseWeasleysPatronus here to review from the forums ;)

Haha Abbie... what are we going to do with you?
Hmm. well Abbie is an hilariously insane partyholic type person but has managed to wrap Moony around her little finger, so to speak, I guess the saying 'Opposites attract' is true, in this case at least.
Now I really liked your characterisation of Moony in this but I'm not sure whether he would have honestly told James and Sirius to go shove it considering that Moony sort of relied on them, they were his only friends. But in the end, we were never given Moony in this situation so we don't know how he would have reacted. I would have liked to hope he would have reacted as such.
Now about Sirius and James, I liked the characterisation, and this isn't a pick at you, but I've gotta say guys, bit hypocritical don't you think?
She's wild? Have you looked at yourselves in the mirror lately???
Ha, I really enjoyed reading this and congratulations on coming third in the challenge!
10/10
Ava xxx

Author's Response: Hey,
Thanks for the review, Yes Abbie is Hilariously insane with her partying but that's how I wanted to her. Yes she has Moony wrapped around her little finger. hehe.
I was also unsure how to write the Remus part, but I always thought if it was a friend of his he would be very protective.
Um. Yes I have looked at myself in a mirror lately. Lol
Thanks for the comment, I shall tell you when i update.
Cheers Estelle XOX


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Review #10, by saffy22100 Chapter 1: Bad Influence

11th April 2010:
this is realy good! you're a really talented writer. the plot just really flows and it's just... like you're in a movie. You probably don't recognise me, but I'm Saffy in vikki222's sotries. We all wrote it together, we are also writing a new sotry called The Morning After. It's not validated yet.. but we're also doing it with the Kayla Ross girl. Her name is Charlie Singer. The new story will be posted there. Anyway, this was really good! I've always checked out The Three's reviews because... well it doesn't have too many and i'm always happy when I see that you've reviewed yet another one of our chapters. Thanks for being such a loyal reivewer! This is, seriously i good fanfic.

saffy
x

Author's Response: OH wow that's some thing cool to know, I am so glad that you like my story, wow it made you feel like you were in a movie, Thanks for the complement.
I will be sure to check out the new story which is coming.
Please stayed tuned I will update it as soon as I can,
Thank you for the wonderful review it means the world to me
Estelle XOX


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