So I am normally and extremely picking slash reader. But this story was just amazing! It had me smiling and blushing the whole time. Your writing style is just beautiful. I loved it! Report Review
OMG this was amazing! Write more you are one of my new favorite authors! Write more like this one I loved it! Report Review
Wow! That was really good! Sorry that I'm reading this a bit late, but once I read it I really wanted to review. What I liked about this was that you took a pairing that often comes off as a bit strange, and made it into a really beautifully written one-shot! I also liked the description at the beginning, and how Albus was sort of awkward throughout the whole thing compared to Scorpius, who seemed really confident.
Great job! Keep writing! (; Report Review
I love the way you write, especially the way you described Albus feelings. The story caught my attention from the beginning and held it until the end. Well written! Report Review
WOOO! :D YAY FINALLY A SLASH AL/SCORP FIC WITH A SATISYING ENDING! I swear, all the others are kinda odd... and don't end right... but this one, is PERFECT! I actual adore this. I love it. 10/10 and SO favouriting.
Whoa, that was hyper! xD Report Review
I LOVED IT!!!
and thats coming from a ggirl.
it was so sweet!! Report Review
Well, for a first 'full on intense slash fic', as you put it, I thought it was really good! Just one part I wasn't so sure on was that Scorpius seemed quite confident and didn't appear to have any thoughts that Albus would reject him - especially as Albus says that Scorpius hadn't given any kind of indication that he was gay in the past. Just my thoughts, hope they help! =)Author's Response: Thanks for the review. And I'm not sure, actually, to me, I find Scorpius incredibly confident. He's used to getting his way so I kinda think that he thought it would happen the same way, this time. If that makes sense? Anyway, thanks again for the review. Report Review
Hey there! It's EnnaBellaPotter here (finally) with your promised review.
First of all, thank you so much for entering my Ultimate Passion Challenge! I truly appreicate the entry and all the time you spent writing it :) It's wonderful to feel as though I've inspired someone!
Second off- wow. I really don't have much more to say! This story absolutely blew me out of the water. I hate to admit it, but I've never actually read a slash story. It's not that I'm against it, I've just never really stumbled across one and have never really had the time to look around for a good one. But wow- it didn't even make a difference that this was slash! It was so good- SO good.
You're imagery at the beginning was fantastic, your dialogue was intricate and blended perfectly and the way you brought across the feelings of Albus & Scorpius really let the reader into their minds- it was as though I was feeling their emotions.
And the passion- wow. I must sound intensely annoying, with all these 'wow's-but I really have no other words to hone my amazement!! :) It's just that this story truly embodied my vision of 'Ultimate Passion' better than I could even imagine. Even it was between the most unlikely people- it was still just so perfect.
So, in a word, great job. I really enjoyed reading your story.
And again, thank you so much for entering! I will PM you very soon with the results of the Ultimate Passion Challenge!
Best wishes for future stories,
~EnnaBellaPotterAuthor's Response: Ah! Thank you so much! Sorry for the late response to this review- I always read them and then forget to respond. But thank you for taking the time to review it. Report Review
Well done. I love the descriptions and the character development. Kissing scenes beautifully written. I really think you could flesh it out - turn it into a longer story. Best Scorpius/Albus slash I've read yet. The only thing I didn't like is how Scorpius says Albus isn't a looker. I can't imagine any son of Harry's being less than a looker. Especially the son that inherited his piercing green eyes.Author's Response: Haha thanks. Really, Scorpius was just saying that to tease Albus- I get the feeling that he likes making him flustered. (: Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
OMG. That was great. I feel like we don't really see enough same-sex pairings in literature today, and that was really well written.Author's Response: Aw, thank you. Yeah, I'd like to read some more stuff like that too, honestly, but it's not really mainstream and it makes me sad. ): Glad to know that there's another fan! Report Review
OMG !! I LOVED IT! :D i really likedhow you portrayed Scorpius as outgoing and vibrant, the complete opposite of his dad and grandfather :) and the way Albus was reserved and serious. it was wonderful to read and i would love to see more!!
Let me know if you do please ! :D
X ;)Author's Response: Haha, actually, I'm thinking about writing a novella about them now because I've gotten positive feedback on this. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
aww... how cute :) I love how you could have them full-on having sex and make it sound meaningful. Like you're not just writing about sex. You worked their love into the sex and it made it bearable to read hahaAuthor's Response: Thank you! Haha I wasn't sure if it was too smutty. It was a little graphic, but I'm glad to know that I didn't make it something completely vulgar to read. Thanks for the wonderful review! Report Review
Aw... it was precious! The imagery melded wonderfully with the story line, and I loved how you discribed Albus- studious, intense, uncertain. And Scorpius! You did such a good job blending their motives, shedding their layers. The ending worked- it tapered off really well and didn't leave the reader hanging.
Very nice work!
-DaniAuthor's Response: Aw, thanks. (: Report Review
To put it simply: Beautiful. 10/10Author's Response: Aw, thank you! Report Review
This was really good! I really loved the passion and detail in the intimate moments that you gave, and that it was tasteful as well. You're a great writer!Author's Response: Aw, thanks. Report Review
Hey there, this is doratonks14 from the forums here with your review! :)
Wow.just...wow. This was beautiful. Gorgeous. Slash can sometimes be a little iffy for me, especially when not done right, but this was perfect. And I'm a diehard Rose/Scorpius shipper, so Albus/Scorpius has always been one of my least favorite slash pairings but this was just wonderful.
First, I loved how awkward Albus was. And how he kept reminding himself that they were guys. I thought it was very realistic and it really fit with my picture of Albus. I felt so bad for him when he was all down on himself for not being good looking and not having a lot of girlfriends. Again, this sort of self-consciousness makes him just that more real and that much more likeable. He could be any awkard, unsure teenage boy and that's what makes this awesome.
Like seriously, I dunno what to say. This was just fantastic. The language that you used and the images that you created were beautiful, and I could feel the passion between the two. The emotions that you invoked where phenomenal. Ahh, I'm gushing like a fangirl, but I can't help myself. Super, super good.
You asked me to take a look at your paragraphs, and yeah, they are really long. Here's my general suggestion: when you switch topics in a paragraph, switch it. For example, in the first paragraph, I'd create a new paragraph after the word 'chaotic'. You're first talking about Albus's feelings/experiences with the water, but then you go in depth and describe it for a long time. Then I'd create a new paragraph right before this sentence: "Albus had never been to a beach before, but it was a great feeling, standing there." Again, you go back to talking more about Albus, and not the beach.
The only other thing is that when you have people speaking, I'd make those separate paragraphs of their own, and then make a new paragraph for any explanation/reaction to them. For example in the paragraph where Scorpius suggests that they go into the cottage, make a new paragraph before you go into the whole description of the place.
Honestly, the paragraphs aren't that distracting, and the only reason I went into all of that was because you asked me to. :)
Again, this was simply amazing! You are a phenomenal writer, please feel free to stop by my thread again with something. Adding this piece to my faves, and 10/10!Author's Response: THANK YOU SO MUCH! This is seriously one of the best reviews I've ever gotten, it's so helpful! Agh! You're awesome! Report Review
Yeah, I liked it, you're a good writerAuthor's Response: Aw, thank you! Report Review
Wow I really like the slash and the personalities. Great! 10/10Author's Response: Thanks for the kind review! (: Report Review
Hey, thanks for doing my challenge! (:
I'm normally not a huge fan of Albus/Scorpius, but I liked this.
The beginning scenery was lovely, the beach sounds absolutly amazing. You used some great descriptive words to make me really feel like I was there.
I really enjoyed how confused Albus was, and the whole progress of coming to terms with his feelings throughout the story.
And I loved Scorpius' character. The part where he was shouting about malfoys having fun made me smile :D The only thing was that his character was a little inconsisant. One second he was talking about all these girls and being really playful and then next thing you know he's being serious and wants Al. That's not necessarily bad, it just makes it a bit more difficult to understand the character.
Overall I thought it was an enjoyable read, keep up the great writing :D and ahha it had a bit of smut, but who ever said smutty was a bad thing (;
ps. I found a typo aha,
"Obviously I kiss those girls because you're attractive. And c'mon, Albus, let's be honest, you're not a looker."
I'm assuming you meant because they're acctractive, not you're (;Author's Response: Oh haha yeah, that typo could definitely change the course of the story, lol. Thanks for the review, I'll keep what you said in mind when I go back and edit this. Thanks! Report Review
Just to let you know... I'm a closet slash fan, but I just needed to leave you a review!
I really like the opening scene and your imagery is rather breath-taking. Throughout the story, I was thinking that I REALLY wanted to be there. Hehe.
I was a little deterred, at first, because of the large paragraphs and I thinking breaking some of them up would give the story more of a flow. It's also easier on the eyes. Also, you have little one lines that are just floating around. These could probably be joined in a paragraph.
"Scorpius, then again, never had an older," Just a tiny mistake. I got that it was an older brother from the next sentence, but was confused at first.
I really liked Albus' character. He was innocent, confused, and ever so love. The fact that Harry doesn't own a huge house was a nice touch, I thought, because it creates a different level between Scorpius and Albus.
Overall, this was a yummy, slashy fic that I'm glad I read!Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review! Your advice is really helpful. I've started to notice that my paragraphs are huge. I feel like I don't want to under-describe, so I guess that's why they're huge. I'll get to work on separating them and hopefully writing shorter paragraphs. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection