Reading Reviews for Epitaph
  
11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Cherry Bear Through the Looking Glass

7th July 2010:
I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to review this, and I'm immensely pleased that I finally got off my lazy bum to review this today. This is so incredibly well-written that I have to envy you, especially if, as you say, you are "not too happy with this chapter" and you are "planning on editing ti sometime soon". I can't imagine there's many changes you need to make (in fact, the only thing I noticed was a minor typo in, "The last shred of calm he had was gone and he began failing his hands"). If you are displeased with this amazing beginning, I can't imagine how amazing your writing is when you are pleased with it. I have no idea how it is I've never checked out any of your stories before - especially since we chat so often on the forums - but I'm definitely going to just as soon as I finish reviewing all these challenge entries. Anyway, onward with the more specific praise!

I'll start with your hook, and what can I say about it, really, except that it really did hook me. As did your second sentence, and your third, and your fourth, and so on. Not only do you clearly understand how to write a first sentence that grabs a reader's interest, you also understand how to keep that interest. I think you should be very proud of that, as there are too many authors who have a strong finish and a strong end and a gross middle (like an Oreo cookie - I've always thought the cream the worst part! ;D)

Stories about what happened to Sirius after the veil aren't exactly uncommon and, though this is the first one I've read, I think what you've introduced so far is incredibly original. The looking glass especially caught my attention, as it's such an interesting concept to incorporate into his afterlife, and I'm very very curious to find out what all this is and what is going on around him. It's a little strange, but along with reminding me of the Alice in Wonderland story, the way you wrote this was reminiscent to me of Edgar Allen Poe's short story The Pit and the Pendulum. The plots are different, but the way you wrote this just seemed very Poe-esque to me, with all its grim descriptions and mysterious air.

I think my favorite part of this is definitely the way you tell the story; I've never seen someone employ the policy of showing and not telling so well. You don't say, "After falling through the veil, Sirius loses his memory for a bit, thinks he's crazy, and has no idea where he is", for which I am infinitely grateful. I loved that you didn't even tell us that he couldn't remember who he was until halfway through the story, especially because there was so much foreshadowing of it before. In particular, that line about him finding the stick - which was so obviously his wand - increased my interest in the story by about a thousand and made me so over-eager to know how he had lost his memory and if he would regain it that I almost skipped ahead, which is something I never do. So congratulations on finally making my curiosity almost get the best of me; I assure you, it's no easy feat.

Additionally, I have a great deal of admiration for how the word 'death' brought a prickling of familiarity to his memory that he just couldn't quite grasp at. Going off the assumption that you've never lost your memory, you did an excellent job of imagining what it would be like that I can't help but be envious of. If being able to imagine what the emotions and actions of a person are in a certain situation - however bizarre that situation may be - isn't good writing, I don't know what is.

As I mentioned before, your beginning did an excellent job of grabbing my attention and keeping it. That attention was definitely kept until the last line of the story, and I really have to say that you had a strong beginning, a strong middle, AND a strong ending. The last line was just so unbelievably cryptic and shocking even though I already knew it; I nearly got goosebumps, I swear.

On one thing I do have to critique you, and that is that all entries were supposed to be only one-shots. Since this is so unbelievably amazing and I know you to be full of repentance over your mistake (lolz), I'll reconsider though ;) Check back after the deadline to see if you've won, and I truly thank you for participating in my challenge and giving me the opportunity to read such a lovely piece of work. I'm dying to know what happens next.

Cherry Bear

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Review #2, by Capella Black Through the Looking Glass

5th June 2010:
Awesomely awesomely awesome. That was my first impression. As I continued, I worked up to amazing description, wow, I wonder what's going on, ooh this is so atmospheric and I love how original this is, but the main impression was of awesomeness and a need to read more. Where is more? Need more!

OK, so as to the questions you asked: confusing? Not at all. Don't get me wrong; at the start I had absolutely NO idea what was going on, and even now I have only the very briefest of concepts, largely revolving around the main character being dead (I assume this is directly post-veil) and being Sirius Black. But throughout the piece, it's clear that the reader isn't supposed to know anything else, and so you don't feel confused, merely intrigued.

Which brings me to your second question: does it hold the reader's interest? Uh, yeah. Really, yeah.

Clearly a fan; please re-request when there's more (I need more!) so I know to come back and heap more praise onto you!

Author's Response: I am so unbelievably sorry that it took me so long to respond to your review. I've been away from the HP world. It's still no excuse, though, and I'm really sorry.

Thank you so much for your wonderful comments!! I'm glad that the chapter held your interest and weren't overly-confused. I'll definitely re-request once I get the next chapter up. Thank you so much for everything! Your kind words mean sooo much to me. Once again, I'll really sorry for the delay!


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Review #3, by stoirmeacha Through the Looking Glass

2nd June 2010:
I really liked the writing in this, and the way you didn't reveal who the character was until the end. I thought you conjured up the senses really well, and Sirius' confusion was really well presented.

I felt the last sentence could have done with a pause in the middle: "His name was Sirius Black, and he was dead." to give emphasis to both points and especially to the last point.

Overall, I really liked it.

Emma

Author's Response: Thank you so much!!! :)

I'll definitely add a pause to that sentence; Thank you so much for pointing it out!

Thanks for reviewing! :)


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Review #4, by legendaryy Through the Looking Glass

28th May 2010:
I cannot wait to read more! Very well written.

Author's Response: Thank you!!!

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Review #5, by Friday_Star Through the Looking Glass

28th May 2010:
I really really liked this! The tense, mysterious kind of sense were really well done and the slow revelation of information was fast enough to keep me hooked (: . I'm really looking forward to the next chapter of this!

Keep up the great work!!

xx

Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time to review!! I think the next chapter should be up soon-ish. Thank you so much for your encouragement!! :)

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Review #6, by soliloquy Through the Looking Glass

26th May 2010:
As you know, I'm obsessed with your writing. Seriously. Obsessed. Whenever I feel uninspired and unable to crank out anything decent, I come here and read something of yours. If I want to write something funny, I read your more humorous fics. If i want something sad, and somber, I read your more serious fics. I'm obsessed.

You have this amazing skill to entrance the reader within your world. You paint this beautiful picture of what's going on so concisely that really -- you may think it's short, but it really packs a punch! As soon as I started reading the first few lines, I knew -- I was going to be hooked. Just like how I'm hooked on everything else you right. It's so realistic, and all your characters are so well done -- even though we've seen Sirius for, what? Just a couple paragraphs and words? It's brilliant.

And, plus, Syfy's Alice? Wonderful. I'm obsessed with that, too. :P Hatter is a hottie...cough. This doesn't need editing at ALL. It's just, the most genius thing. Martha, knowing you, this is going to be a terrific story and you've got such a wonderful beginning. The words are rich and the imagery is beautifully written. It's like perfect poetic prose.

I'm obsesseddd. I'm hookeeddd. I cannot stop rereading this. FAVORITED. I'M GOING TO STALK THIS LIKE CRAZY.

Loff you, girl. ♥

Author's Response: Awww, Tanya!!! *blushes* You are way too nice to me. Seriously.

Holy Cr-acker jack!! (hehehe) I don't even know how to respond to this. You are just sooo kind. Thank you so much for totally making my day.

Alice is awesome!! Hatter...*sigh* Aww, see now I have to go watch it again! L-O-V-E it!! Thank you so much!! I've got a few ideas of where I want to take this but I'm kind of unsure about them. We'll see.

Must...stop...rambling.

Thank you so much! Love you lots!!


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Review #7, by Aether Through the Looking Glass

17th May 2010:
Great beginning. I really enjoyed it.

What I like the most about this chapter is that the reader feels the same sense of disorientation that Sirius feels at the start. We're not quite sure what's going on, who is narrating, or where the narrator is... just like Sirius. I loved that part.

I noticed that you said you were going to edit this again, and I think that's a good idea, if only to fix some of the typos I see. I don't usually list them in reviews, but I know it's hard as the author to pick them out yourself. Here's a few I saw:

because = became
failing his hands = flailing his hands
to hold on to = to hold onto
to tried to make out = too tired to make out
realize the it was = realize that it was

Another thing I think you might be able to edit for, to make the story flow smoother and be more descriptive, is the verbs you are using. You have a great command of language, and it's clear you have a clear picture of the setting. However, using a verb that needs a preposition after it like "wake up," "sat up," or "make out" can interrupt flow and just generally doesn't sound as nice as a single, descriptive verb. You write well, but I feel as though you could be more descriptive by using better verbs.

Excellent start! This chapter does a great job of getting the reader interested in your story. :)

Aether

Author's Response: First off, I just want to say how incredibly sorry I am that it took me so long to respond to your review. I've been away from HPFF for a while. I know that's no excuse after you were so kind to review. I'm so sorry!

I'm so glad you pointed that out! The same thing happens in Pedro Paramo - the reader is disoriented and confused, just like the characters. I really wanted to convey that in this story.

Thank you so much for pointing out those mistakes. I'm definitely going to fix them when I edit this (which should be pretty soon).

I'll make sure to keep that in mind! Thank you so much for reviewing!!! Once again, I am truly sorry for taking so long to respond!


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Review #8, by Lexis Through the Looking Glass

13th May 2010:
Hey there, Lexis here from the review thread. A very good opening chapter. I'm intrigued, curious and wanting the next chapter, all the things that should be happening with the first 1000 words of a story. One tiny issue, there are some cases of repetition in your story such as "information" in the final few lines. All this needs to become a perfect work is ten minutes spent reading over your work, as dreary as that sounds I believe that this is the only thing keeping you from a 10/10 review.

Now get to work missy! I want the rest of this in my review thread before the end of the week, a nice big 10/10 stamp in hand! 9/10

Author's Response: *does happy dance and promptly trips over feet*

Thank you so much! I'm glad that it does grab the reader's attention. My main concern was that no one would make it to the bottom of the page.

I've been known to have a tendency to repeat myself...over and over again. I really appreciate you pointing that out, especially since I'm editing this...today? Tomorrow maybe?

Hehehe, I don't think I've ever been called missy. It makes me laugh, though. Maybe I should have everyone refer to me as missy!

Yes, sir! I'll have this edited by next week. Hopefully. Thank you so much for taking the time to review!!! Your review has encouraged me to write and, more importantly, edit (since I always seem to get lazy about the editing part). Thank you!!


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Review #9, by Drecklin Through the Looking Glass

11th May 2010:
Here from the forums! :D

Firstly, I must say that I don't normally read fics about Sirius because I never really liked him in the first place. That being said, I have to admit that I really like this story so far. The way you described this kind of afterlife place had me just as confused as Sirius at first which honestly brought a unique quality to the story. Usually you only see that with first person stories! I know this is a prologue but I am already hooked :P

Constructive criticism wise all I can say is that you have a few grammar mistakes here and there(but who doesn't?) and you used a lot of repetition. At the beginning you used 'his hands' a lot in the same paragraph and it distracted me a little. As well as 'the wall' before he knew it was a looking glass. Maybe you could try reading some iffy parts out loud before posting them. I know it sounds silly, but it helps weed out simple mistakes(I do it all the time :P)

Anyways I am really excited to see where this goes, and feel free to request reviews again! This is a well written story that's not overbearing, 10/10!

-Sarah

Author's Response: Whoa, there's someone who doesn't like Sirius? *gasps* I never knew such a person existed!

Nah, I'm just kidding.

Have you ever read Pedro Paramo? This fic was inspired by it. In it, the author brilliantly made us of fog, stream of consiciousness and non-linear prose to reflect the confusion of both the characters and the readers. That's kind of what I'm hoping to do here. It's not really all that evident in this chapter, but (hopefully) later on, it will be.

I'll definitely go back and do some major editing. I've been known to go a bit overboard with the repetition (*headdesk*). Hehehe, I'm looking forward to reading it aloud and watching the confused looks on everyone's faces. Ooh, I should do it on the bus!! *ahem* Sorry, I, uh, tend to ramble and get distracted really easily.

Moving on...

Thank you so much for your review!! I can't tell how glad I am that you enjoyed it. I'll re-request as soon as the next chapter is up.

Thank you!! :)


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Review #10, by PadfootStripQuidditch Through the Looking Glass

10th May 2010:
this is Astariel from tda and i have to say i do like the story! it goes quiet well with the banner! XD lol

onto the writing. you have some miss...placed words, haha. like: because ,instead of, became. You've two other occasions of that happening. only 3 in total, but otherwise what you've got so far is pretty solid. I'd love if it was a bit longer, but that just maybe because I'd like to read more!
Great piece! Can't wait for you to continue.

Author's Response: First off, I'd like to say that I'm honored you took the time to review my fic. I adore the banner! As soon as I saw it, it was like...whoa! Perfect for the story; it's exactly what I was looking for. :)

Oof, sorry about those. I'll go back soon as edit it. I feel so awkward re-reading this because it's so short. Normally, my chapters (at least for multi-chaptered fic) are much, much longer. This chapter is incredibly short by my standards but I'm hoping to expand it a bit when I edit it. Hopefully, that'll be soon-ish.

Thank you so much for reviewing!! I can't tell you how happy and honored I am that you read this. Thank you!!! :)


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Review #11, by Siriusandmeforev Through the Looking Glass

9th May 2010:
DO NOT EDIT THIS CHAPTER!!! I love it just the way it is!! Great story! Please update soon!!
PS I was your first review !!!

Author's Response: Thank you so much!! I'm flattered that you like it the way it is. If I do edit it, it'll only be minor things - a couple words or phrases. Nothing too major. I'll do my best to update this as soon as possible. Thank you so much for reviewing!!

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