I like your story! Just I hope sometime, Dean and Beatrice will date. :)Author's Response: Thanks for all the feedback!!! Sorry I haven't been posting more, my life got a little swamped and I didn't get a chance to finish writing and revising the next chapter! :) Hope you read it when I post it. Report Review
Please.. I'm wishing for Dean and Beatrice! Hope my wish comes true! Report Review
Aww): Dean+Beatrice forever.. hopefully. :) Report Review
NO! She belongs with Dean!! Report Review
Awww poor George! It's like a love triangle.. Woohoohooohoo! Hope she can get with dean.
-Kat. Report Review
The new girl.. I like it! Pick Dean not George:) 9/10, I really like this! Report Review
Haha I don't care too much for the Weasleys either! Ughh I always feel like Beatrice.. Always getting picked last /:
Good chapter, gonna keep reading! Still don't know what she looks like, though. Hope she can get with Dean! :) Report Review
I like this story! It's cute, sweet.. I really like Dean, so I like this, I'm gonna read more :D Just a little more description, maybe? I have no idea what Beatrice looks like.. But I like the Seamus parts, you've got that spot-on! :) Report Review
The storyline is awesome. There are a lot of grammar mistakes but it's easy to figure it out. Great job! Are you going to finish?! Report Review
I think this is a fantastic story
Update soon please
Cannot wait to see who bea ends up with
xxxAuthor's Response: Thanks so much! This was my first fan fiction and sometimes it seems hard to push to the end, but reviews like yours help!! Report Review
Alright, so here goes...
Overall, the story is very interesting and I really enjoyed these seven chapters. One thing that concerned me and well it is probably just me but you should try and change your format a little and also make it consistent because in places it deviates from the rest... The indentations were a little distracting and annoying... Sorry...
Your grammar is good most of the time... I like the simplicity and fluency in your writing... Well done!
There are a few typos and a few commas out of place; nothing big though and I suppose one or two proof reads would remove those errors...
One thing that I noticed in your earlier chapters was that the structure of a few sentences was rather questionable. However, this problem has been relatively fixed in the later chapters, so good job on that!
Okay, so as far as the story is concerned the plot is being developed well but I understand your concern. The idea does deviate from your summary. I have not seen much protection from Dean with regards to Beatrice. Their relationship has not been developed and I would like to see a little more interaction so the readers can gather Dean's feelings towards Beatrice as well.
Another thing is that the summary promised a little preview of pre Ginny, George days as far as Dean and Beatrice are concerned and although you have given a little of that in your first chapter, I was thinking may be you could develop on that in passing through memories or even dialogues.
You could also add a little complexity to your story by introducing George, Dean and Beatrice in a love triangle... It would make the story a little cliched I suppose but would definitely maintain interest of the reader...
Good Luck and keep writing...
Rating: 7/10Author's Response: Thanks this helped so much, I was kind of afraid to write flash backs, but I've practiced with it in other stories so they flow well. And I do need to put some in, and since I have some time, I think I'll redo some chapters. But for the love triangle thing, it wouldn't work too well in the plot I already have thought out. Thanks again! Report Review
I love it that George is so in love with her already :)
It's great that he's been chatting to Hermione, and I love the interaction between the two of them in the library, especially the part about doing homework xD
Great chapter!Author's Response: thanks so much! i loved writing this chapter! Report Review
I think the plot twist with George and Beatrice is a really good idea!
The only bad thing about this chapter (and it's not particularly bad!) is that there's no Dean/Beatrice interaction, but I'm guessing that's coming soon, so no worries :P
The makeover is another good idea, and I think you've done it in a nice way too, so well done!Author's Response: Yah, I think I cut Dean out a little too much in the last couple of chapters. She was trying to avoid him...but I do have a scene between them planned. If you want I could send you of outline of the whole story?! Thanks for reviewing!!! Report Review
Another good chapter!
Again, I love how you change the perspective on the novels - JKR never mentioned the possibility of Dean having a new girlfriend, and it always irritated me slightly that she never went into detail on the minor characters :)
Keep it up! Report Review
It's great so far!
You might need a little bit of help on the grammar, but I love the plotline. I particularly like your characterisation of Dean; he's never mentioned much in the books and it brings a whole new perspective to everything :P
Great start! Report Review
good so far!
a couple spelling mistakes, but dean's hot!Author's Response: ik dean is a hottie! and i don't have a beta reader so sometimes those little mistakes sneak by!! thx for reading! Report Review
Awww... poor Beatrice. Why must you be so cruel? I bet you laughed evilly as you wrote this. *sniff*
Haha, anyyywayyy, another great chapter!!! Plus a beautiful image. Did you make that yourself? (Where can I get one of those?) I can really relate to what Beatrice is feeling, and also, your Hogwarts is so canon. I read a lot of stories where I'm thinking, Is this really Hogwarts...??? They incorporate too much romance and too little actual school. But I think you've found the perfect balance, so keep writing!!!Author's Response: Thanks so much for being my first review! i loooveee you so much!! lol anyways I'll edit those couple of awkward spots, and i have the 3rd chapter finished I'm just editing and revising it and i have a mini 4 chapter thing to and I'm excited to post them knowing that people are actually reading them!
This chapter is so great!!! I can't believe it has no reviews. Silly people. It's amazing how true to the book you stayed. Seamus still has a penchant for blowing things up, and Snape still picks on Harry, Ron, and Hermione especially. (I always wondered how Snape would look to someone who wasn't his bitter enemy.)
The only thing I might suggest is looking over your grammar a little. An example: "The voice spoke again, getting up from a chair on the other side of the room and walking to the couch." It's hard to visualize how, exactly, a voice can get up from a chair.
Apart from that, this story is great and sweet and romantic-ish (so far) and please, please keep writing!!!
P.S. oh yeah... I was supposed to ask you how you can beta my story. Haha, oh well, I guess you remember now. Report Review
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