Hello, Reyes here.
This was a pretty good one-shot. I love the relationship between Rodolphus and Bellatrix, despite how "bad" it actually is. It's sad that it took Rodolphus that long to realize that she "cared" more about Voldemort than him. But, I did manage to chuckle when Bellatrix spoke up to him in his cell just to see if he were still alive. A smart little comment, just like her character.
The flashback scenes were good as well, though I think you could have led up to them in a more simple way such as a trigger or something. Just to make it even more smooth. Still, they were good the way you did it. ;)
I also enjoyed the fact how Rodolphus wasn't the one to instigate torturing the Longbottom's for info. He just followed after his wife, foolishly I may add. The same could be said for his brother and even Crouch (another funny bit in this story, can't believe he snapped at Bellatrix like that).
All in all, good story. Wish it were a bit longer in chapters to fully see Rodolphus' background, but I enjoyed it as a one-shot. Good job.
-Reyes91Author's Response: Hey Reyes! I'm sorry I took a while to get back to you...you can blame school.
Haha, me too! I guess that's why I'm so drawn to this pairing, there's still something there amidst all the obvious dysfunction, something that's worth talking about.
About the flashbacks, you're not the first person to mention using triggers and I think it's a really good idea too! Whenever I have the time and feel like revamping, I'll do that. But thank you for pointing that out to me.
I never would have assumed it was him, to be honest. I always thought it was her idea, in the books, Bellatrix was the one who did all the talking and JKR never gave poor Rodolphus a voice. Writing the events from his perspective changes that. Even if he does submit to her, he still speaks. I hope that makes sense to you...if not, drop me a line :)
And yeah, it was foolish which shows a lot about his resolve. Throughout the fic she always seemed to get her own way and he was left to follow her around. Initially she followed him and now he has to make up for it.
Heck yes! It was her fault in the first place and each character showed their resentment in some form or the other. Barty chose to snap at her which, to be honest, someone had to do, don't you think so?
I do intend to write more of Rodolphus in the future but I am glad you enjoyed this =]
Lia Report Review
Hey Lia - I'm here. Can you believe it? I apologize for how long it's been, I really do. I took a bit of a break from HPFF. I think I've read this a good three or four times through, and I promise to do my best and cover everything. I liked this. While those are generally loaded words on HPFF, I promise I'm completely honest. For me it filled in a profile for an obscure character. Bella a bit as well, as I don't have much of her on my mind regardless.
And I would like to put out the idea that while I like something that doesn't mean it's perfect. And for me liking is about as high on the chart as you can get - unless I love it, but I didn't even love the books (don't tell anyone!) so you're in good company ;) Anyways, long winded introductions aside, what say you we get started on this here review? You say you want a revolution? Wait.. no, you say you want a review that tells you if the story makes any sense or if the characterizations are all right. So let's go.
I'll start broad spectrum and talk to you about the writing in this piece. I think writing definitely changes from work to work and as you get better with time (at least, that rings true with me), so for this, there are only a few instances of your narration that strike me as unbecoming and slightly cumbersome to read. XD That unbecoming thing was a joke, by the way. The last part was.. well, a glorified truth. Okay. Now let's point out these instances. I can use two sentences rather early on that, well, there is nothing really wrong with, the style and the way they look set off a bit of... uneasiness.
"It wasn't difficult to detect the sarcasm laced in his voice but she said no more."
"Whipping my head around, I saw my wife gripping her shoulder then I hit the ground."
Right. These could easily, very easily, be ripped apart. The different clauses within each of these two sentences. They feel and look jagged, and I think that's what is supposed to be conveyed. Rodolphus has his eyes on Bella and then he falls, all very abrupt like I'm sure it happened. The first line I quote, about detecting sarcasm and how she said no more, feels a bit, well, rushed. There are thoughts that are trying to be conveyed and they do a good job, it just has a bit of a ragged feel, and while I wouldn't change it, I would consider maybe in the future just cutting those into two sentences you know. "He laced the sarcasm on thick. Bellatrix stayed silent." It isn't as obvious that she's purposefully ignoring him, but it is definitely there. I dunno, this, of course, is just a thought. I'll move on before I begin to get long winded.
Oh! And on a technical note, in the books they never substitute 'Merlin's' for 'God's'. It was pointed out to me in a forum somewhere, and when I went to reread GoF - well, it's true. They say 'For God's sake!' - they don't see Merlin as a heavenly figure. They DO, however, say 'Merlin's beard!' when they're surprised, I think as a euphemism for swearing. Just for future reference. =)
'Areas of Concern' time! Let's see... what're we looking at? Rodolphus's and Bellatrix's charactization and if the story makes any sense. From the story we see that there is a goal of ol' Roddy's. (I don't think that's an acceptable nickname for Rodolphus, but we're going with it) He wants his love's.. well, love. And we can see that he had it at one point in time. Bella followed him to the gates of you-know-where, that's not something somebody does all willy-nilly, but it looks like he took that love for granted and now it's his only solace, one that he can't find. So, for characterization and the character as a whole, I thought you did fine with him. It does feel like there is a small gap somewhere, and I agree to an extent with BB about Roddy feeling slightly absent compared with Bella, but I definitely think he's a lot less flat than Barty Jr. (that's a sentence ending period ;D) Jr.'s only got two lines, character wise, I'm okay with him being rather in the background, because he his. And Roddy is the narrator, we get into his head just by the way and the words he's speaking. I think you did a good job there, and now we move on to Bella.
What can I say? I like this. Bella actually loved someone. And of course she did, while she idolized the hatred of Voldemort, she definitely wasn't the same person. And this story gives me the impression that it was Roddy that drove her away. In short, I like Bella's characterization, it follows well with her obsessive nature and she's different, in Hogwarts I mean, than when she was an adult, something I never thought of before, but something that most certainly makes sense.
The story did make sense. I had no problems with the section changes or any of that. It was easily followed and while some the sentences were a bit lax on the flow, the whole thing was definitely leading somewhere. Once again, sorry about how long this took me to do. I hope you forgive me, and thank you again for requesting me, I enjoyed this.
JacksonAuthor's Response: Hey Jackson!
Nothing is ever perfect, regardless of how you feel about it so I understand where you're coming from. Lol, I don't mind your introduction, most people get straight into it so this is refreshing...and hilarious! I would reply to your Beatles reference but I can't think of anything witty enough...sucks, huh? This summer was particularly different in terms of how I respond to reviews. If I see that you're making sense then I wouldn't take offense to what you say. Besides, constructive criticism never hurt anyone.
I do understand what you're saying about those sentences, especially the second one. To tell you the truth, that one always used to bother me for some reason. Anyway, yes, I will remember that point, thank you. Ooh, well ok. Honestly, I try to avoid using blasphemy so that's why I use Merlin. Since you told me that then I'll use another alternative.
Haha, well, Roddy is waaayyy better than Rod! That's an interesting way to put it. I've never thought of him taking Bella's well, 'love' for granted at all...it's something for me to think about. Rodolphus Lestrange has always been a character of interest for me, especially in his pre-Azkaban days with his wife. Sometimes I used to think he followed her to the gates of you-know-where and not the other way around.
Roddy being slightly absent than Bella or do you mean Rabastan? Well, yeah, he and Barty Jr are meant to be background characters anyway but seeing that Rabastan is Roddy's brother, he would play a bigger role, if you can call what I've given him that. My intention was it to be Rodolphus' prime moments in his life which indirectly included Bellatrix; the latter just happened actually. It's like she took up all of the space when she was with him, so much so that he can't see himself not including her or making reference to her in some way.
You're right. Of course she did. She wasn't always a homicidal maniac, was she? You really think he drove her away? I'm curious now, lol. I'm wondering what on earth did I write to give you that impression. I dunno, if you read this response and have the time, please drop me a PM.
I was rather surprised to see I had a review on this story and even more surprised when you said I requested it. That was ages ago but don't worry about it! It took me a while to give a decent response to this anyway.
Thank you for reading and reviewing after all this time and leaving some insightful opinions and suggestions!
This was a very intriguing story, and I quite liked it.
If I had any criticism, though, it is the fact that you jumped around quite a lot. That, however, is to be expected in a tale told in the first person, I would assume. However, I find the two experiences that mattered the most to his narrative were when they were captured and the events that took place right before it.
Although, it was quite interesting to hear about Rodolphus' life. He has always been my favorite character (aside from Severus) due to the fact that I knew someone that could roleplay him in a way that I thought was well done, and since then he's only grown on me. We know little about him, but what little we do know about him seems to be spot on in this tale.
I quite liked this.
I also thought that Bellatrix was quite in character, and I love how she punched a hole through their wedding picture. I also adored the fact that it annoyed Rodolphus so, and the fact that her fanaticism sometimes got to a point where he couldn't say no.
I do love that while Rodolphus resented his wife, he couldn't allow her to be in harms way, either. He looked out for her like he did when they were children, too.
I would recommend in the future, perhaps, (if you were to make a similar story to this or to revise this one) to make these flashback sequences triggered by something he smelled, heard, or felt in Azkaban.
I really liked the repetition at the beginning and the end of this story. It tied it all together quite nicely.
As far as spelling, grammar, and syntax errors - well, I didn't find any noteworthy one so kudos there. I always appreciate pieces with that polished look.
I also commend you on making me pity Rodolphus. Sometimes, people just make him into a vulgar bully with no emotions or feelings other than an unattainable lust for Bellatrix. It was nice to see him able to process things outside of a wife that never truly loved him - at least, not the way he loved her.
LindersAuthor's Response: Hey Linda!
First of all, I'm glad you like it. Not many people picked up all the subtle things in this story or even if they did, they did not comment on them. So thank you for that.
The reason I jumped around a lot because he was sort of recounting the major/important points in his life, most of which included Bellatrix. It's like she centres on everything in his life. The first scene was suggested by someone though I can't remember what she called it...when you repeat a scene. Azkaban was one thing, then he started to remember his childhood and then all the other things as time progressed. I hope that makes sense, if not PM me and let me know.
As I've told the rest of my reviewers, I felt like I needed to do him some justice. I felt like he had his own story to tell that could put to rest all of the other ridiculous ones assumed about him. He is a favourite of mine too.
Believe me when I tell you I am thrilled that you noticed that! This is what I was referring to when I meant the subtle things. I loved writing that scene in particular, where he comes in and finds her there in the middle of her room. You could say that the marriage ended as soon as he saw that picture.
Despite how she treats him or what she puts him through, I think he will always love her. It's like he goes with her just to keep her out of trouble, even though he knows full well that she can take care of herself. In a way, she must always have him with her too. Like when he joined the death eaters, so did she.
About the flashback, I've never thought of it that way, you're the first to point that out so thank you.
Yay! Soon enough, we can form a club! I always felt sorry for him. Every fic I read, it was her going on and on about Voldemort while he just stood all statue-like in the background.
Thank you so much for your review!
Hi Lia, BB from the forums here with your review.
I have to say firstly that I'm really impressed with your characterization of Bellatrix. I've read my fair share of Bellatrix stories, but this one oddly enough, rings the most true. I especially liked her as a young girl. You captured something kind of indefinable, but whatever it is, it's spot on.
I also liked the flash-back sequences. I think you handled that well, the time was clear and happily unconfusing -- I always expect disaster when other writers use flashbacks, call me paranoid. You had a very clear handle on events and how they unfolded, and canon-wise it was beautiful. Well done.
I did find the additional characters of Rab and Barty a bit flat though. I think it's probably due to the shorter length and so a lack of writing space to flush out their characters, but even so it kind of distracted me from the writing. I will commend you for trying to characterize Barty through dialogue, just be careful it doesn't come off as cliche. I also liked the characterization of Rab as a child, it was neat seeing him that way since I've only delt with his character as an old. But once again, don't be afraid to spice things up with some originality. You don't have to use stereotypical concepts (like a two year old who speaks in broken sentences) to convey certain character traits.
I hope this review was helpful. Thanks for coming by my thread. 7/10
BBAuthor's Response: Hey Blissbug!
I'm glad you're impressed with Bellatrix here. I was rather worried about writing her but I also don't believe that she was always utterly insane either. As Rodolphus recounted the changes he witnessed, I think hers was rather prominent in his mind. I'm thrilled you liked Bella as a child as well...she was a rebel then but without a cause.
Hmm. Looking at it now, it really was all about Bella and not so much his brother and Barty. If I had to include those two then this story, as you said, would have been much much longer.
I do get what you're saying about how Rabastan was conveyed, or rather the way his character was introduced.
About the flashback sequences, thank you! I rather thought they were well done myself =]
You gave some very helpful points and I really do appreciate your input. I think I will stop by your thread again :)
Thank you so much for your time!
Hey! Here for your requested review!
I thought you had a very good grasp on this. It was very believable and I pictured everything happening with every word. I kinda felt bad for Rodolphus, reflecting back on the memories he had with Bella. The part with Frank and Alice, that tore my heart, seeing them suffer that. Even though we know they were tortured by the Cruciatus Curse, it's still something I don't want anyone to have to endure.
Overall, very well done! I enjoyed it, even though it was a tad long for my liking, I still enjoyed getting into the mind of a death eater. You don't see that very often and it was refreshing. :)
xxAuthor's Response: Hello my love!
You know, I always felt bad for Rodolphus Lestrange. He always got the short end of the stick with everything and I thought that I should really do him some justice here with this fic. I like to see things from his perspective and not Bella's. It's really sad because I think he would've followed her anywhere.
I really tried with the Longbottoms and I agree, that is something that no one should have to endure at all, especially in their own home.
Heh, sorry about the length it was supposed to be shorter but I really couldn't help it.
I'm really glad you liked it. Somehow, I like to tell my stories from their point of view, they are still people behind those masks after all.
Thanks for your review!
Lia. Report Review
Very nice. I really liked it. You mentioned you were worried about your plot, flow, and characterization? Well, I must say you did excellent on that. The flow was perfect, and I felt like you really go to know Lestrange. The plot. It was amazing, honestly. I don't say this often, you are the first actually, but you should consider making this a whole story. The plot has many different levels you could play with easily. It was fantastic, truly. 10/10 easily.Author's Response: Hey,
Thank you so much for your kind words! I think I've taken Rodolphus under my wing, if you could call it that. I wanted to do him some justice and perhaps show his side of this unhappy marriage. One minor character that is sort of underestimated.
I'm really glad that you like my story. I'm not so sure I could turn this into anything more than it already is though, but it is something to think about anyway.
Again, thank you so much.
Have a nice night.
Lia. Report Review
Here with the review you requested :)
Okay, when he mouths 'aurors' and you said that it was their cue to leave, I was slightly confused on what they were tlalking about. Was the nod to do with the aurors, or was it the signal to leave? Sorry if that's hard to understand.
I have to tell you, the part where Crouch shouts “you crazy bitch” to Bella I just burst out laiughing... So wasn't expecting it.
Umm...why would he have to 'see' to know if his wails had stopped or gone quieter? I think he just have to listen really hard to hear if he was still gently crying.
Omg!! I was chuckiling away at myself at their smart remarks about not going anywehre and seeing if he was still alive...lol.
I don't think they got beds in their cellls, just small empty cells
I really liked the part where he's a little boy with his grandfather, you described the picture really well. I never read a piece about when he was little before.
The part where he is on the Hogwarts express, I don't think he would fall asleep if he is just across from the girl he has a little crush on. Just my thought on it.
I like Bella at this part, the way she's fierce and doesn't care about anyone else. So much like Bella.
I'm writing this while reading it, sorry if it's slightly jumbled. I think you kind of lost her when she said 'not bad', Bella is a stuck-up missy who wouldn't give anyone a compliment, even if it was to save her life, and she's a Black, so they see themselves above everyone else.
Also, Bella seems like she works on her own, she doesn't need anyone else and if she has 'friends' that they are just her little toys to play around with. So her suggesting that they'll 'stick together' doesn't sound like her. He'd probably suggest that they stick together, but she wouldn't reply and just walk out, she works better on her own.
Because of this, I don't think she would be the one who would come looking for him and speak out about being worried about him not talking to her. I think they'd blank each other until the one who isn't talking starts talking again.
Just a little thing, the first De's met up and became members while they were still in school [Sirius said this] and they called themselves 'The Knights of Walpurgis'.
Wow, I love the part where she is in the room, practically destroying the place. That was Bella all over!! Ha!
Awe, no. That was terrible, my heart just contracted when they went into the Longbottom's happy home :( evil.
My overall comment is that I seriously don't know why this doesn't have more reviews, it was a absolutely lovely read and I thought you did a really good job with them.Author's Response: Hey!
No, I understand what you were trying to say. I meant it to be that when Rabastan mouthed "aurors", they had to leave immediately, the nod wasn't the cue.
I see what you're saying about Barty's crying, it actually came to my mind while I read it over after posting it so I shall change it. Thank you.
I also get what you mean about Bellatrix saying not bad, I think I'll change that part too but as for Rodolphus, I don't think he'd developed a crush on her as yet, I think he was a bit curious especially after her little display at the train station.
I liked the "we'll stick together" part because I thought it was cute, it sort of showed her in a different light. I don't think that she was as far gone at 11 years old not to have someone look out for her and even if she refused it, he would've still done it anyway.
People say that Bellatrix never really loved her husband but I think that came after she became involved with Voldemort and his power, which is one thing that Rodolphus could never have given her. I do think there was a time, especially during her Hogwarts days that she did care for him, which I tried to show. As I've written, she became a bit worried, you could say that Rodolphus was always the one giving her attention and since he got caught up in his own life for once, I do believe Bella got a bit jealous. As Rodolphus said to himself during their conversation on the Tower, she almost sounded worried, which would indicate that it wasn't normal behaviour for her.
This is one pairing I'd love to play with in the future, I think I need to do Rodolphus some justice.
Ahahaha, yeah, I thought the sarcasm was a nice touch, it suits them. I'm happy I made you laugh :)
I hope I've replied to all your comments here, if not, feel free to ask a question in my MTA thread.
Thank you so much for your insightful review! and enjoy your weekend.
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