In The Shadows I Dwell,
This was great first chapter. It explained all that you have changed and why but it also has feeling and sets the tone for the coming chapters. I'm so glad you don't have a morose and apologetic Draco because at this point he wouldn't show that weakness. Hermione was great in her feelings and thoughts on everything. I felt her characterization was spot on for canon.
I'll be reading on...
Megthechef43 aka Meg Report Review
GHAH. Cliff Hanger - you know i love these in books, until there are no chapters after it :P/ Great story so far. I love how you jsut kept witht hte book, except Hermione of course. Can't wait to see what goes on next. this is such a cool thing. Also wonder what Draco iis hiding? Did Harry and Ron get caught?Author's Response: Hi,
Yes, I love my cliffhangers, and I'm really hoping to get back into updating this regularly now that I have a lot more time on my hands, hopefully trying to wrap up a lot of my WIPs within the next year or so!
I really wanted to do something a little different and show an alternate type universe situation I guess, I suppose it could be called that, and I think a major part of that was sticking to canon in a way, while still be separate from it, and I'm really hoping it works - because I was trying to find an excuse to make Dramione believable in a different way. :)
I'd glad you're liking it, and I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to getting around to replying to your review, I really appreciate it :)
~ Ash Report Review
Ooh! So Draco knows something. Very interesting indeed. I'm struggling a bit to figure out where you're taking Draco's character, but in a good way. He seems to be hinting at a willingness to trust Hermione and possibly even help her. All of these events would be playing out after the day when Voldemort murdered Charity Burbage and tormented the Malfoy family for Lucius's questionable loyalty. It seems that Draco is feeling more than a little disaffected.
Hermione's reactions seemed very much in character. Her loathing continues to trump her desire to know what Draco knows, if only by a small margin.
There was one line in the story that sounded very awkward: "I serve a purpose here, as we all do. Do not doubt what movements are already in motion, the actions that cannot be changed." This sounded unusually formal, almost Shakesperian. Out of place for Hermione, anyway.
Also, I noticed a couple of places where you could have used a comma, such as "He spat standing"
Overall, this chapter was well written.Author's Response: Hi!
There's really a lot behind this Draco, he's a character who at times there's a lot to more to than it initially seems and I wanted to present him in a what which he comes across as almost unreliable, because let's face it, he really is. Death Eater, now student, he really deserves no-one's trust, almost not even his own. His actions later will prove this hopefully, I've just got to get around to posting that! :P
Ahh Hermione, she's always such an interesting character, but luckily for the story she's not as stubborn as Ron, otherwise there would really be no story.
The only explanation or blame I can place on that line is the fact that I'm a Literature student, it's more than possible that I was feeling the influence of Shakespeare or someone similar when I wrote that, but hopefully I shall get around to going through and correcting it at some point, there seems to be a few lines that are far too formal for the story when I go back and look at it, so thank you for pointing it out! I'll add it to my edit's document to be changed when I go through and edit it. Also thank you for pointing out the comma being needed, I either overuse or under use them so I'll be looking to fix that up as well!
Thank you so much for your wonderful and helpful review! I'll look at correcting all the things you've mentioned as soon as possible!
~ In The Shadows I Dwell Report Review
OK, so forget my suggestion about elaborating on the contents of the Muggle Studies class in my review of the last chapter. Alecto's lecture was pretty much what I expected. It might have been nice to throw in a few more gritty details, just for the shock value, but overall I think you captured it.
Poor Hermione. It's great to see McGonagall trying as hard as she can to protect her, but she really is in quite a fix, isn't she? I realize this would ruin the entire notion of the story, but I just want so badly for her to run away and track down Ron and Harry. I'm a sucker for canon that way, I suppose.
The scene at Dumbledore's tomb was a touching reminder of how the war began in earnest.Author's Response: Hi!
The Muggle Studies class being mentioned in DH was always something that interested me, so I wanted to make sure I gave it some attention as I always wondered how awful they could have possibly made them, aside from obviously turning them into brainwashing sessions. When I actually started writing this I set out to write it as a 12+ so I didn't want the gritty detail, but now that it's M I think I probably could use some more, considering it probably needs that shock value.
Hahaha I think we all want her to run after them, but she can't it just won't work if she does. Plus I don't see her as someone who runs from a challenge, so her running away might be a little OOC for this Hermione, she's been strong this long, she can manage a little longer. :) *cough many chapters*
I really wanted something to gently remind the reader about the war, it's easy to forget that it had to start somewhere, so that's why that part exists.
Thanks again for all your wonderful reviews!
So one thing confused me a bit from the get-go. What, exactly, was the "deal" that McGonagall was proposing to Draco and Hermione? It seemed as though all she did was ask them to help protect the younger students from the Carrows. I'm hoping that I didn't miss something important.
Moving along, I liked Neville's conversation with Hermione. I did lost track of who was speaking at one point in the conversation, so you might want to sprinkle in another couple of dialog tags, but the dialog itself was convincing and moving. Hogwarts is going to be a dark, troubled place.
I would have liked to see you go into more detail about what happened in Alecto Carrow's muggle studies class. It's obviously a very dark, unpleasant situation, and I think you could have added something distinct to your story by spending some time on it.
Five chapters in and I have to say I'm enjoying myself. Let's see where this goes next. Report Review
It was really sad to see the sorting and the opening feast sullied by the presence of the Carrows and the events surrounding the school. It really drives the point home, though. A great way to emphasize the differences.
Your Sorting Hat song was clever. Too bad about the formatting not working right. It will definitely make a difference when you get that -- no pun intended -- sorted out.
Snape's one line, "just eat already", stole the chapter. Brilliant. So perfectly in character for the man!
And I can't wait to see what bit of information McGonagall has for Hermione and Draco. You're building up for a great start to what promises to be an awful term... Report Review
This chapter was really inspiring. I felt uplifting to read Hermione finding her courage and taking control of the situation in spite of the darkness swirling around her.
Your writing was much, much better than the prior chapter. I didn't notice any glaring spelling or grammar mistakes. In turn, that made the chapter much easier and more pleasant to read.
Poor Ginny. She was obviously an easy target for the dementors, considering how worried she is about Ron and Harry. I hope she comes back stronger.
Draco felt much more in character in this chapter. He wasn't hostile, but he wasn't warming right up to her, either. Much like you'd expect him to be in public. You also tackled the issue of why he was alone on the train, which I liked.
Keep up the good writing! Report Review
I really enjoyed the emotions of this chapter. Especially at the end, you did a terrific job of making the reader feel the sadness and isolation that Draco and Hermione shared.
When Draco admits that he wishes things were different, I did find that to be a little out of character, compared to how you've portrayed him up to this point. It just felt a bit too soon for him to be opening up to Hermione quite that much. Not so long before, he was insulting her, calling her mudblood, telling her that "her kind" didn't belong. I felt like it should have taken a bit longer for him to warm up to her.
His explanation of the Carrows was appropriately chilling. Everything sounded perfectly in context.
Your grammar in this chapter was a bit rough. The paragraph that begins with "I'd never sat in complete silence on the way to Hogwarts before" seemed particularly in need of attention.
So far, I'm enjoying your story, even though Dramione's aren't usually my cup of tea. Report Review
So I was immediately intrigued by the notion of Hermione returning to finish her seventh year, leaving Ron and Harry to their own devices. For Hermione, I think you covered the most important issues she was likely to face: her parents' safety, her relative isolation from the rest of the magical world, and the specter of the Muggle-born Registration Committee. I'm eager to see how you handle that last one.
Your portrayal of her obliviating her parents was touching. Very easy to visualize and feel the emotions. Then her introspection at the train station and on the train seemed perfectly in character.
I was a little curious how Malfoy came to be by himself, rather than surrounded by his usual gang of cronies. I suppose it will become more clear as the story progresses.
All in all, this was a good first chapter. It definitely leaves me wanting to read more. Report Review
Well this chapter was good!
There was an advancement in the plot, and there's a new twist with these images of Harry and Ron appearing.
I loved your scene with the Imperius Curse! I thought you wrote it really well. You also got the reaction from Hermione spot on, and it drew parallels to the Goblet of Fire, when Neville suffered seeing the Cruciatus Curse.
Another great chapter :) I can't wait to see this Harry and Ron plotline...
-accioHPFF! Report Review
I love this story, but I'm going to start with the small problem I have with this chapter, because I rarely have any feedback that tells you about a problem I find.
I found this chapter to involve a lot of running around, either running from Neville, Parvati, or the Tomb. I think maybe there was a little too much running away from things in this chapter, although I guess it helped you to bring a lot of information to light.
You did manage to show us a lot in this chapter. I liked the way that she noticed the drawn in symbol at Dumbledore's tomb, it seemed fitting. Also, the Tale of the Three Brothers was an interesting detail to mention there was good, considering how close the Elder Wand was.
Also, I liked how you showed that the bad feeling between Hermione and Lavender has seemingly disappeared because of the situation. It does seem realistic that they would call a truce of sorts because of the bleak situation.
I also loved how you managed to show her distaste of Divination in this chapter, it was just one of those details which we didn't really need (I don't think), but it was a great detail to add. Report Review
You didn't just make Draco and Hermione grow close, there still is some (a lot of) bad feeling between the two of them! If they were suddenly becoming closer, I think it would be too unnatural.
I did spotted a few mistakes along the usual lines, mainly heterographs such as your/you're, its/it's, etc. Because they're pronounced the same, very little flow is lost because of them. It's just something worth noting.
I can't wait to carry on reading, but bye for now! :) Report Review
This is just amazing.
I loved the way that you managed to bring in this back story as to why Hermione can stay at Hogwarts. Also, it was really great to read that she didn't magically think of it alone- it took someone else pointing it out for her to truly question it. :)
I wonder what's going to happen to Hermione, I thought the Carrows would have known who she was by now.
There were a couple of places in this chapter where I got stuck, unfortunately. Mostly, it was a lack of punctuation, which meant that it was hard to tell how the sentence was supposed to be broken up. This something minor, but it's just an observation :)
I'm glad that you also managed to get back the Splattergroit cover that Ron was using to hide his absence from Hogwarts. That would have been very important in protecting himself and his family from the Carrows, and the rule of every wizard going to Hogwarts.
Great chapter, as always.
-accioHPFF Report Review
Here I am again! :)
This story is just so great.
Admittedly, not much progressed in this chapter. Instead, it seemed the main focus was on filling in the situation, and clarifying a few things.
Firstly, the way that McGonagall asked Hermione and Draco to watch out for the younger students was so weird, yet normal at the same time. I can't imagine her doing that in the books, but it seems to fit her character. I think that was a really nice touch.
I like the way that you explained the dormitory situation with Neville. That just shows how empty certain parts of Hogwarts are, and emphasises the gloomy, lonely situation there.
:) accioHPFF Report Review
My last review was counted as 2011, so I thought I'd have to come and leave another one. What a shame! :P
This is really great, but I'll start with the one problem with this chapter because I never seem to have anything to say. There were a few times when you made a mistake with your grammar. I noticed it mainly when you used speech, because you often used a full stop instead of a comma. Apart from the odd mistake, this was really good.
*enters normal review mode*
I don't know what to say! I can't wait to find out what McGonagall needs to tell them.
I like how subtly you're introducing the Draco/Hermione. At the minute, it's just Hermione feeling sorry for Draco. I'm glad that you haven't rushed into it, because I'm not a huge Draco/Hermione fan and here, you're developing it gradually. :)
We didn't see a lot about the Carrows in this chapter, but I can't wait to see how you build their characters.
Lastly, the sorting hat song was brilliant, and it was a really great addition to the chapter.
-accioHPFF! :) Report Review
My first review of 2012.
A. M. A. Z. I. N. G.
I'm glad that this is moving slowly, with the first three chapters getting us to this point. I think that because it's not rushing through, you can give us so much detail about each of the characters, and how they feel.
The flashbacks are really good and I think they add quite a lot to the chapter, and the story in general, because they provide some good information and insight into how Hermione feels.
I can't wait to see this progress now that it's got to Hogwarts, and hopefully some of the questions that I'm asking myself will soon become clear. :)
Happy New Year! :) Report Review
I'm back! :)
This was really good, again.
I don't really read this type of story normally, but after reading Chapter One, I was itching to read Chapter Two.
+ Here's the review. Well... the useful part.
I liked the way in which you managed to capture the part of Draco's personality that we barely see - his insecurities. I love that this isn't following the books, because you've shown a part of Draco's characters that is rarely explored. :D
A civil conversation between the two of them?! You managed to make it work as well, they seemed an equal match for each other.
One thing that confused me slightly was the mention of Umbridge... Did this idea just come to her? To me, that was one section which slightly confused me...
Anyway, I'm a fan :D
-accioHPFF! Report Review
Yippee! *does happy dance*
I have another fic to read!
I love this. You started it so well talking about beginnings, and then the scene at home. It was brilliant. We kind of knew who the character was before you told us, which was brilliant aswell. :)
You seem to switch between canon and non-canon, which I find interesting. You've got the Muggleborn Registration Commission set up, and I don't know what's going to happen. I'll have to read more. :P Obviously you intend to go back into canon with this, so we'll see what happens :)
There are loads of questions I have, but I guess I'll have to read on to find out the answers!
-accioHPFF!Author's Response: Hi!
I can't believe you went and found this after my rambling in the SFCP! :P Either way, choosing Hermione was a big decision, I knew I wanted to split the trio up for this, and it was almost Ron that I left behind, but I figured he would be angry and upset about it forever, and Hermione wouldn't hold a grudge so she was the person to take on the new beginning, but it was so close to being Ron!
I really wanted to create something set in canon but with it's own little twists, it'll switch in and out quite a bit, particularly towards the end where canon really takes on a major role in the story itself! The MBC is one of those little subplots but it makes many returns due to how much trouble it'll cause!
Thank you so much for taking the time to stop by and read and review based off my crazy ramblings!
~ Ash Report Review
Who? Who? WHO!??? Must find out who is behind the door!
Before that though... great chapter. This really filled out the details of her deception, which I have been puzzling over since it was first mentioned. This was a great reveal - clever and intriguing, and perfect for the situation. Loved it.
Also loved watching Umbridge collapse - she would want Hermione out, but she would also want to save face with the Ministry, and so her actions here are perfect. Really good characterisation, which added to the story as a whole beautifully.
And so onwards...Author's Response: Ahh the suspense! Although as a whole I don't like cliffhangers, this one I felt was necessary as it moves the story into a whole new direction. Plus, it sort of breaks up the chaos of this single chapter, which I have to admit probably took almost as long to write as the upcoming Gringotts chapter as they both relied heavily on the events presented in the book itself for such major events.
I just love torturing Umbridge, Hermione escaping would have realistically been one of her worst nightmares, and I just felt she would have hated beyond anything else because it defies everything she set up for the Ministry and of course, the deception had to work down to the last detail, which took forever to work out! Although I'm glad it worked out in the end!
Thank you so much for all your reviews, I feel awful that it's taken up until now to finally answer them all! Thank you for the effort you have put into reviewing all these chapters with all your words of encouragement and brilliant advice! :)
- Ashlee Report Review
This is definitely my favourite chapter so far! I love how you've pulled together all the major plotlines - what's going on with the whole apparition thing, how Hermione and Draco actually feel about each other, and the missing details about the trial. This chapter just has a completeness and flow that's brilliant, and each new piece of information was both interesting and compelling.
And the ending, oh how I love the ending. So much so that the next chapter is beckoning me franticly...Author's Response: I felt with such a long story there would always be those chapters which tied the major plotlines for that section of the story together and this was perhaps one of the first of about three which I have planned in my notebook dedicated to this one story. Although with 100 chapters I felt I needed to be somewhat prepared lol! Although then again, I have to throw something new into the mix with each chapter so I hope I achieved that here too!
I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter, and the ending, the ending I feel is always the most important part of any chapter, and of course any story so a lot of what I write has a strong focus on where it will end inevitably. I don't know why, but I do write most of the last few paragraphs first, this chapter was no exception!
Thank you for reviewing! :) Report Review
Glad to hear she's finally letting some of her burdens go - she has to deal with the hearing, and she has to deal with being at war, but all her secrets as well were just too much. So hurrah - glad she's finally given some of them up and started looking after herself.
The stuff with Ron and Harry is getting curiouser and curiouser - will she (and thus us) ever find out how and why she's seeing them? And what's up with Harry's note? I love how there's so much yet to be revealed in this story - you really keep the suspense up!
Off to find out what on Merlin is going on!Author's Response: I can tell you one thing, having just written the chapter, you won't find out why she see's Harry and Ron until Chapter 86! Although there are small clues as to why she only see's them sometimes scattered about here and there, and the answer at first isn't obvious even if it is revealed... I do love a good mystery and the creation of suspense is quite fun for me too!
I also don't believe Hermione has the strength to bottle all her burdens up. Despite her being a strong character in the books I just don't think she would be as strong without Harry and Ron so I felt she would react differently in a situation such as this.
Thank you once again for reviewing! Report Review
Yay! Go Seamus, go Seamus... I'm so glad one of them has worked out what's going on, and that he has managed to not get all judgy about it. That's cool, as she needs someone to talk to about it, and needs some reason to begin thinking about a possibility of an 'us'. It also was nice that he realised at this point, as the impact of him dating someone else gives Hermione the push to confess, which otherwise might seem a bit OOC.
Glad the hearing's been postponed (as it means more Draco/Hermione tension time) though I was surprised at her forgetting it at all - must be the impact of Draco's new relationship!
On to read more...Author's Response: I believe Seamus is an underused character, I always loved how his role in the books unfolded, and he always seemed rather intelligent, that's why I chose him to be the one who managed to work it all out. I also felt that perhaps the events of The Order of the Phoenix would have taught him to be slightly less judgy and more open minded about things that one sometimes doesn't quite understand so I felt he was perfect for the role! I also agree on Hermione not being one to confess suddenly, she seems to be more logically minded and calm and collect with such things.
I do love my Draco/Hermione tension time, and you were right in saying she forgot due to the impact of Draco's new-found relationship. I always seem to find things like that weigh on my mind, so why not hers as well, even the brightest witch of her age might have slightly less academic concerns occasionally :P
Thank you for your review! :) Report Review
Wow - that last paragraph really captures the turmoil she's in right now. She wants him, but she doesn't want to risk everything else, when she already has so little. I love the conversation she has with Luna, Ginny and Neville - it really validates her anxiety, and explains why she isn't willing to risk telling them yet.
Still, poor Draco! He's putting his heart out on the line and she keeps putting him off and coming out with what must sound like pretty lame excuses. I like that he's getting impatient here, getting to his breaking point, because Draco isn't a sap, and this really fits his character.
Loving it, must read more!Author's Response: Hi,
Unfortunately for Hermione, love is not always straightforward and it's one (and really the only) thing I know about love. But this is Dramione, it's full of impossibilities and probabilities that could just work, and it's what I love most about Dramione funnily enough.
Hermione is being rather awful I agree, and I never really thought Draco to be a sap or even weak even until I really saw him portrayed in HBP but his impatience is just one of the things I love about him. I think Hermione would be reluctant if Dramione were real, that's just how I see it though :)
Thank you once again for your review and thoughts, they are wonderful!
- Ashlee Report Review
Ooh! I wonder what had Draco so absorbed in his potion?! And I can't help but wonder what the significance of that final clue will be - nicely written, as it gives us a hope for a plot twist but without giving away what said twist will be. And, what is the phial about? So many mysteries, I can't wait to find out what's going on!
Poor Hermione - hope she starts feeling better soon, but given her current choices I don't see it happening! Does seem odd though that there wasn't a mention of the upcoming trial, but I guess that's just a sign of how many worries she has!Author's Response: Hi,
Thank you so much for all the reviews! You could not believe how wonderful they all are!
As always I have only really one reply to your questions, which goes along with the elusive nature of the potion itself - all shall be revealed in later chapters. I am really working towards tying every loose knot in the final chapters possible so if not before then, all answers will be revealed.
I often feel sorry for this Hermione, I sometimes think I give her too much to worry about, but then I remember she is always fretting about one thing or another and I feel somewhat better about my choices.
Thanks once again for ALL you reviews! :)
- Ashlee Report Review
Cliff-hanger alert! And thus, alert that my review will not be all that long, as I need to go find out what happens next! Love the tension at the end of this chapter - will Hermione be able to pull off her half-blood status, or will she be kicked out. Love your Snape too - very curt, very dismissive, but never actually cruel or vindictive - the perfect double (triple?) agent.
Great stuff, must read more ASAP!Author's Response: Thank you so much for your reviews! I'm only just getting around to replying to them all, I'm sorry it's taken me so long!
I personally love using Snape in this, I try not to make him cruel but rather as you picked up very dismissive instead. I try to make him seem somewhat tortured but I suppose that doesn't really come across so much yet. He was the perfect double agent and I suppose this is why he holds so much intrigue for me as a character.
Thanks so much for your review! :) Report Review
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