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Reading Reviews for Defying Nature
47 Reviews Found

Review #1, by AlbusRox14 I'm Not A Natural At Everything

22nd February 2011:
I so love this story! At the beginning I was like wow, another vampire story? But I kept reading - thank god - and it really shaped up! (Well to start with Kelsi is way different from the cullens, which i what I was worried about) Please put up chapter nine soon!

I'm adding this story to favorites!

Author's Response: Awh, thank you so much! i'm so super happy you liked it enough to favourite it, and i'll put up nine just as soon as i can :D

Thanks for the review! ^^

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Review #2, by AlbusRox14 It's Natural to be Frightened

22nd February 2011:
Well, I liked it.

Kelsi didn't give them a chance! And Remus definately would have changed their mins if they tried to ostricize her! She's being so stupid! No!

Author's Response: MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY.

I read this through the other day and was just sat there going 'NO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!' at her. Lordie, she's a little thick in parts :P Don't worry, hopefully she'll be a lot less mental in future chapters and settle down a bit more :D

Thank you for the review, it made me smile :D ^^

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Review #3, by fire witch I'm Not A Natural At Everything

15th July 2010:
lol i love the end line :P

Author's Response: Haha, thanks! I like that line too - possibly my favourite part of this chapter xD

Thanks so much for taking the time to read and review my story! I much appreciate it ^^

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Review #4, by Lil_Miss_James_Black Nature At Its Most Brutal

9th July 2010:
Wow, amazing story so far...

I'm going to go and keep reading now :)


Author's Response: Awwwh, thanks for being so sweet! It always makes me happy to log in and see reviews like this one waiting for me to reply, so thank you so much!

I'm glad you like it, and thanks for reading and reviewing! ^^

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Review #5, by Isannah Lyte I'm Not A Natural At Everything

8th July 2010:
No idea what will happen, but it had better not include a lot of blood. This is making me sick. (Jk, Jk) But really, this is a good story and I like it. Aw, Kelsi and Sirius, how sweet.

Author's Response: Awwwh! To be honest, if you don't want blood...well, the War is only just beginning, so it's going to get worse as it goes on... sorry! :P

Kelsi and Sirius are sweet together, I think, and I'm glad you think so too! xD

Thanks for reading and reviewing! ^^

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Review #6, by Isannah Lyte Tracking is in My Nature

8th July 2010:
Oh, I don't know...*pretends to think* kill her? Yeah, well, this story is still creeping me out. It had better have a happy ending or I'll stalk YOU b/c of all the nightmares I've been having. (Jk, Jk) You're still a good author, though.

Author's Response: LOL! This made me laugh! :P

Happy ending? Mebbe, mebbe...you'll have to wait and see xD And nightmares? :S Sorry about that...

Thanks for reading and reviewing! ^^

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Review #7, by Isannah Lyte A Natural At Killing

8th July 2010:
Wow. That is.really creepy, I have to admit. A vampire w/ a conscience. You're a really good writer.

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you like it, because this is one of my favourite stories to write at the moment, and has sorta become my new priority now that Traitoress is finished (just waiting to update now!).

Thanks so much for taking the time to read and review me, and I'm glad you like these so much! ^^

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Review #8, by StickyDate I'm Not A Natural At Everything

3rd July 2010:
So I've read each and every chapter and I must say that I am so happy I didn't pass up on this story. You've done so well with each and every character and I congratulate how you give us a little dose of Kelsi's past in every chapter, while still managing to keep her a mystery. Your describing and flow is very good as well, plus Kelsi's vampire innermonologue moments, are great and some are completely hilarious! I'm offically addicted! I'm so happy that Kelsi is starting to find her feet and is striving to be somewhat human. Also, I love the thought of her and Sirius together, but I want her with Remus too! I'm tied! They're both great! Keep up the good work, and I can honestly say I am excited for the next chapter and what lies ahead! 1000/10!


Author's Response: Wow! I'm actually so happy that I seem to have converted you to Vampire/HP crossover - even though this isn't really like the others - and it's brilliant you like my story so much!

I'm glad you like Kelsi's inner monologues. I had great fun writing this chapter - she's loosened up a bit more now so I can start making a few more jokes, slipping in some more humour etc.

Remus/Kelsi? Hmmm, well, it's a possibility, but the dynamic for this story so far is firmly Sirius/Kelsi because the human/vampire idea is more intriguing to me at the moment. The vampire and the werewolf getting together just seemed so overdone, and I thought that Sirius would suit Kelsi better :)

Thanks so much! ^^

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Review #9, by StickyDate Nature At Its Most Brutal

3rd July 2010:
Great first chapter! I kept coming across this story and even though I really dislike vampire/HP crossover like stories, I decided to give it a try and I admit I am so glad I did. I am so surprised this isn't really like others I've read before. Kelsi is great so far! Not OTT and handled wonderfully and not mary-sue like in other stories I have read. I actually really want to continue! You've really sucked me in. Great job! 10/10


Author's Response: Awh! This review made me smile! It's so great to hear from someone who (like me) didn't like vampire/HP crossovers. One of the reasons I started writing this was because I wanted to try and put a new spin on it, make it more original, so I'm glad that you like it!

I'm really glad that you like Kelsi, seeing as she's the main character :) It's great to know that you like my story so much, and I'll update as soon as I can!

Thanks! ^^

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Review #10, by WildFlower I'm Not A Natural At Everything

1st July 2010:
Loved this! What more can I say. You have a fantastic story here Hyenni, with a brilliant OC and the way you write the other's is perfect :D I completely love the fact that Kelsi and Sirius have agreed to go out with each other, and at first I thought Remus would get rather jealous, but I like how he gave them the go-ahead, sets it apart from the other stories out there :) I loved the flow and description of this chapter as well! Just love this story in general! 10/10 update soon!

XOXO WildFlower!

P.S. My fave character(s) definitely Kelsi and Sirius ^^

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so grateful for all your reviews and the praise is just the icing on the cake :P

I quite like this chapter too, but I have to say that my favourite chapters so far are probably coming up...Number Ten is quite intense and I'm quite excited that I'll be posting that soon :P

I'm glad you like Remus giving the go-ahead :P I thought that some people were still holding the Remus/Kelsi hopes but hopefully this proves that it is possible for the two of them to be only friends, without romance involved xD

Thanks again for taking the time to review!


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Review #11, by music_is_inside_of_me Tracking is in My Nature

23rd June 2010:
Hey its musiclover :)

I think Kelsi is quite a unique character. I think you have the perfect amount of dialogue and thoughts/descriptions in this story. And that's something I'm usually veryy picky on :)

I feel like Kelsi was a little cliche. You kept mentioning things like her beauty and her power and how the realted to her being a vampire. It got a little repetative but it didn't interfere with the storyline/plot.

This is such a unique story! I don't think I have ever read a vampire fic where the vampire has run away and is now coming back!
The only thing I would like to point out is the fact that everything happened when she was younger. Like she got bite when she was 4 is fine but her remembering James and them being best friends when they were only four. For the first two years of their friendship they couldn't even walk or talk.

Other then that I think you have a really good plot and characters going :)

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! I really appreciate the feedback :)

I've just edited some of the chapters to try and weed out the repetitiveness of the whole 'vampireness' - you aren't the first person to point it out to me, but thank you! I'm also glad you think I got the right amount of speech and descriptions, because I always agonise over that sort of thing!

I know it happened when they were very young, but Kelsi is sure to cling to her human memories, right? And James...well, having a best friend just disappear like that on you, plus her parents being the first influential death on your life...it seems to me that he might remember something of that magnitude :)

I'm glad you like the story and thank you so much for the feedback!


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Review #12, by DownWithTheCarrows113 Tracking is in My Nature

21st June 2010:
This has been an amazing story so far and its really interesting seeing it from the perspective of a vampire! I haven't read a FF so far that was in in the POV of one and I enjoy it! So much different than I had expected! :)

Author's Response: Wow! I'm so glad you like it!

I thought that having the story from Kelsi's POV was definitely the most interesting way to about the story, as it meant the story would be a lot easier to explain, plus you get her impressions of everything.

I hope it was a good different to what you expected ;)

Thanks for reviewing! ^^

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Review #13, by fire witch Tracking is in My Nature

21st June 2010:
heehee update soon. i loveded it

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it, and don't worry, I'll be updating it soon!

Thanks for taking the time to review, I really appreciate it.


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Review #14, by Jenny Tracking is in My Nature

21st June 2010:
I loved the reunion between Kelsi, Sirius, James and Lily. Lily was being the overdramatic person that she always is, and James and Sirius were so nice and supportive. I love them! I think Ray and Verdan are going to be pissed when they find out she deserted them. Maybe they will try to track her down and kill her or something. If they do, then they really were never good friends. I can't for more. Update soon! :)

Author's Response: Awh, I know...Lily is overdramatic, isn't she? I loved writing the scene in which she starts yelling at James :P

Ray and Verdan...well, you'll have to see what happens with them. They will appear later in the story, but I'm not telling what they will be doing... ;)

I will update soon!

Thanks for reviewing! ^^

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Review #15, by WildFlower Tracking is in My Nature

20th June 2010:
What can I say, Hyenni, it was brilliant! :D I'm sooo happy that she found James and that she's reunited with Sirius and Lily as well. You have everything downpact, I love how you describe her little adventures around London and I loved how you added Molly and Arthur in there! And the Auror's guarding the Potters' house - I could totally see that! Ugh, I don't think I won't to know what Verdan and Ray are going to think once they realise she's ditched them eeek! Anyway, well done Hyenni! I can't wait for more! It just keeps getting more and more interesting! 10/10

XOXO WildFlower!

Author's Response: Awh, ta very much! I loved slipping Molly and Arthur into the story - Arthur particularly comes to play a fairly big part in the story later, so I figured, hey, why not add him in now?

Thanks so much for taking the time to review, and also for making me a favourite author :O


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Review #16, by WildFlower Reverting to Nature

15th June 2010:
OH! Love, love, love this! Kelsi is a wonderful strong free-willed OC that isn't too over done and you've kept her consistant throughout. I am so glad that she has chosen to go back to Hogwarts to be with her friends and longing to be somewhat human - I hope things go well when she reunites with the Marauders and Lily! I can't wait for more, so please update when you can! Fantastic story! 10/10!

XOXO WildFlower!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! It's brilliant that you like my story so much, and all your reviews so far have made me smile, this one included! I'm really happy that you like Kelsi, and the reunion with the Marauders is coming up so don't worry ;P

Thanks again! ^^

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Review #17, by WildFlower It's Natural to be Frightened

15th June 2010:
I forgot to mention this in the previous review, but I enjoy how you've written the cliques and snotty girls in Hogwarts like Marlene. Not OTT, just perfect! XD Plus Lily is so funny to encourge Kelsi to keep going against them - hilarious! AND OMG! I looked at the cliffy and was like NO but then I realised there is another chappie up so phew haha! OMG! Please let the Marauaders accept her! I reckon their animal reactions were perfectly described - poor Kels though! Anyway, must keep reading!

XOXO WildFlower!

Author's Response: Haha, I based some of the cliques and girls on some of the stuff in real life, so it made it a lot easier to make it less OTT ;) And I thought it would be just like Lily to encourage some kind of rebelling against the top cliques - after all, later on she dies fighting Voldemort :P

And now I feel guilty because I know the next chapter won't tell you much about the Marauders - that's not until chapter 7...sorry ;)

Thanks again for reviewing! ^^

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Review #18, by WildFlower Unnatural Monsters

15th June 2010:
"Don't pass judgement on me," she snapped, and I squared up to her anger. It would be so easy to pick up my knife and sever her jugular...but that would be stupid - I cracked up laughing at this - perfect I love Kelsi! I'm so happy that her and Remus have contected, that is the best! I'm seriously loving this more and more! I love how she's relaxed and more human around the Marauders and I especially love that James hasn't brushed her aside and welcomed her as a sister despite the years gone by. I love how you are avoiding the cliche vampire (and the wimpy ones) you've made Kelsi your own, and the tattoo rules! Good idea! Great story Hyenni! You're doing a wonderful job! *skips off to read more*

XOXO WildFlower!

Author's Response: Wow! Thanks! I have to admit I like that quote too - it just seemed to have a 'Kelsi' ring to it, and it fitted the moment perfectly. And James always struck me as the kind of character who would believe in family ties - plus, they've known each other since they were tiny babies and it would be a bit heartless of him to brush her aside when he doesn't know what's been going on for the last eleven years ;)

I'm glad you think I avoided cliche and thanks again for reviewing! ^^

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Review #19, by WildFlower A Natural At Killing

15th June 2010:
Whoa! I love the way you describe Kelsi's hunger and pain, brilliant and real! Also, I love you included her noting the different smell with Remus and also having Remus realise she smells different also - werewolf and vampire ftw! Great job incorperating the Marauders and the map also! The the way you wrote her killing the centaur, it was scary and I could almost imagine it in my head as a movie! Anyway, I must read on! 10/10!

Author's Response: Thanks! I really appreciate all the reviews you've given me and all the nice stuff...wow!

I'm just happy you pick up on the stuff like the different scents and the map. Also, the part about the centaur is probably easy to imagine because when I was writing it, I could see it so clearly - it seemed like the absolute perfect way to go, you know?

Thanks again! ^^

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Review #20, by WildFlower Naturally Defiant

15th June 2010:
Well, you could say I'm officially hooked XD seriously, I'm completely in love with this story! I would leave a long review, but I really, really want to continue reading haha!

XOXO WildFlower!

Author's Response: I'm extremely flattered you find this story so interesting! ;) And I'm especially grateful you take the time to review each of the chapters, and they're such lovely reviews too!

Thanks again! ^^

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Review #21, by WildFlower Nature At Its Most Brutal

15th June 2010:
Hello, Hyenni! :D

Brilliant start, and what a brilliant character Kelsi is! I feel I'm going to like her already. I love how you let us know some things about her past life and her personality, but didn't fully give it away so she still has this mystery about her. And I can fully see Dumbledore being appointed her Godfather well done! Everything flowed nicely and I loved your discriptions, especially when she fed and her vampirism. Anywho I must read on! 10/10

XOXO WildFlower!

Author's Response: Wow, this was a lovely review! It made me smile a lot! I'm glad that you liked it so much and that Dumbledore being appointed her Godfather made sense to you - he is the sort of person who would make a good one, isn't he?

Thanks so much for reviewing! ^^

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Review #22, by alesya Reverting to Nature

14th June 2010:
another chapter would be nice xD

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you like the story, and don't worry, another chapter will be along shortly ;)

Thanks! ^^

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Review #23, by Myriad Reverting to Nature

13th June 2010:
I’m getting more and more nit picky as I go along. This is a good thing though :)

“If it was a jogger, then if one separated from the group, I could perhaps finally feed.” This sentence read strangely round about the commas. The wording is off I think.

“If he wanted to live among humans, he was welcome to it, and I wouldn’t spoilt it for him.” This needs fixing too. Your tenses seem to switch half way through the sentence.

Nice touch putting Fenrir as one of the werewolves Kelsi is travelling with. I hadn’t really been expecting that.

You’re doing a really good job showing Kelsi’s human side. She’s obviously getting a lot of her humanity back the more time she spends among them. That’s an important detail to add. It makes sense as well.

Kelsi says after killing Charlie that she had never killed a wizard before, however, earlier on she talks about feeding off the inmates at Azkaban.

Something seems to be changing in Kelsi. First she gets a conscious and starts to show a little humanity, not she’s having dreams…not to mention what she’s dreaming…maybe I’m just reading too much into things, but this is an interesting, and unexpected, turn of events.

“’Watch out, wizards, here I come,’ I muttered with a wry smile at my little cliché…” acknowledging a cliché doesn’t make it ok. I’m sorry, but you’re doing a pretty good job of avoiding them until now. I really think you should change that line so that she doesn’t say something so cliché.

I love the last line though :)

Author's Response: Okay, thank you so much for pointing out all the grammar errors etc that I made in this chapter! I think it does take a second eye to notice everything that I don't catch.

When Kelsi says she fed off wizards in Azkaban, it also said she didn't kill them - that she was young enough to be able to resist finishing them off. But they did die fairly soon afterwards, so she wasn't directly responsible. This would be her first time with powerful wizard blood in her system ever, and her first wizard blood since she was tiny.

I'm glad you picked up on the entrance of her conscience, and the dreams also serve to show that she's not quite right anymore. However, I'm saying no more...

The cliche part you spoke about - that really got through to me, and I'm definitely going to go back and change that. I don't really remember what inspired me to write that last bit, but it's not going to stay there much longer :)

The last line is also my favourite part of the whole chapter ;)

Thanks for reviewing! You are an angel! ^^

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Review #24, by myriad It's Natural to be Frightened

13th June 2010:
“Marlene’s hatred for me grew for me as I became better friends with Sirius…” I think here you’ve used ‘me’ too often. Just in to close of a proximity to one another. It might read better as ‘Marlene’s hatred for me grew as I became better friends with Sirius…’ Just a thought.

I love Remus. He’s so cute. I really like how he gets Kelsi and wants to help her. He’s such a sweetie. I’m glad he’s there for Kelsi, I’m glad they have each other. I would think that there is a budding romance here, except the pairing thing says Sirius/OC which leads to believe otherwise. I think I like it better that way though. Remus and Kelsi are probably better off as friends.

“A few minutes later I was streaking along the corridors as fast as my thirsty state would let me. Which was pretty fast.” That last sentence kind of kills the mood. It’s dark, and kind of suspenseful but then that sentence pretty much makes that go away.

When Dumbledore talks to Kelsi, he says her name too often. I can understand the dialogue being a little more formal, but that should be more on Kelsi’s end than Dumbledore’s. He was never much for being overly formal when talking to students. Your dialogue everywhere else is fine though.

I like the cliffy. I want to know where she’s going! Probably not to the Potter’s, though I think she will come back. I’m also curious about what The Marauders really thought. Something tells me they weren’t really as disgusted as Kelsi thinks. Taken aback sure, but I think they’ll accept her in the end.

Author's Response: Another great review!

I really appreciate the notes you give me on my sentence structure, and I'll definitely be going along to edit those parts which you've been pointing out to me! Especially, thanks for pointing out Dumbledore's overuse of her name! I was writing this at different times so I guess I didn't realise that I'd used her name a few lines before.

There is no romance between Kelsi and Remus - for one reason, I think it's a bit cliched to have a vampire and werewolf fall for each other, and another - I felt that it would be a bigger dilemma if Kelsi fell for a human instead of a werewolf. Remus is more of a brother to her than anything else ^^

Thanks for the review! ^^

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Review #25, by myriad Unnatural Monsters

13th June 2010:
“There’s no better way to beat the b….. than looking better than them.” That’s just all kinds of awesome.

I’m interested in why Remus is going through the motions of dating someone he doesn’t like. Is it because he’s a werewolf and he’s trying to fit in? I also really like where Lily says “It’s not ridiculous, it’s Hogwarts.” This line says a lot about the school and the student population.

“Remus isn’t particularly brilliant, but he’s a Marauder so I stick with it.” Aww poor Remus. And he’s my favorite too. I know this Lola chick is a fictional character, but I’d really love to smack her right now.

The last bit of this sentence here: “’Well, they can’t,’ I said confidently. It was true - it’s nearly impossible to bully a vampire.” Is stating the obvious. You said in one of the replies that you were afraid readers would forget Kelsi’s a vampire, and you really don’t have to worry about that. You’ve done a great job of sneaking in things to remind us, that we don’t need you to state the obvious. And Kelsi’s being a vampire is such an intrinsic part of the story that there’s really no way we’re going to just forget. That being said, I love that that you’ve given her a conscious. You’ve made this vampire very human. I can’t imagine that was easy to do, especially with the internal struggle to behave herself she’s got going on. You’re doing a great job with that.

I love how Remus’ blood calms her down. It’s strange, but it’s a nice touch. The monster’s together line is very cute.

There were a lot fewer lines that stated the obvious, and as a result the pacing was much better. You did a really good job with this chapter. I like Lily in this. I like that she and James are dating, but she still acts like she doesn’t like him. Poor James just can’t catch a break can he.

There were a few places where you’d missed words while typing. Like, I think you were just typing really fast and skipped something. Just here and there, but MS word wouldn’t have caught it. You should go back through and check it over for things like that.

Author's Response: Wow, another great review! Thanks so much!

It was actually quite difficult to get Kelsi's personality to fit together in this part of the story - to go from her murdering and feeling out-of-control to the shallow girls and their lives in Hogwarts. That was one of the reasons I included this scene, because I wanted to make sure it contrasted violently with Kelsi's old life. And I have to admit it was fun writing about those three awful girls ;)

Lily always seemed like the kind of person who would be too proud to go from hating James to loving him in public, so I felt that it was more natural for her to continue like that.

Thanks for pointing out some of the mistakes - I noticed some when I re-read it after this review, and I'll definitely edit this chapter to try and iron out a few errors.

Thanks again ^^

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