Reading Reviews for Veil of Time
  
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by blueirony  Veil of Time

8th August 2010:
Before I get started on the actual review, might I make a small suggestion about your summary? I never talk about summaries. Ever. But I really want to quickly say something. I know that you have lifted your summary straight from the text of this story and it works beautifully. But might I suggest that you include the sentence "The boy who would never know them." as well? Reading the summary, it is just a bit strange to see "The boy" and nothing else since it is clear that it is what Sirius is thinking. Just a thought! I don't know, maybe you decided to exclude it due to the word limit but I just thought I might bring it up.

Lots of people try and write psychologically, try to really delve into a character's thoughts. Few rarely get there. It is especially hard to do it in third person. And I think you did a brilliant job.

At the start, I enjoyed the repetition but I think it was a little bit disjointed? Some of the words started with "When", others did not. Some were long sentences, others were not. I love what repetition can do to a paragraph, but perhaps you could make it slightly more consistent in terms of what you are repeating so that if flows better? Because what you have there is something really enjoyable to read and it is a wonderful way to open the story.

I liked how there was the recurring theme that he did not want to think about James. It was simmering underneath the story and it made the entire story really flow and pull together, especially at the end.

The breaks in between the sections were very well placed. It is amazing that, even though there was no real plot to this, it still feels like you managed to pack an entire story into it. And I think the breaks contributed to that.

I'm not really sure what else to say! You really managed to get into Sirius's head with a finesse that I admire and almost envy. It was a beautiful insight into Sirius and it was very raw and very powerful. His character, his despair, the tiny lingering of hope, his thoughts, his emotions - they all rang through this so loudly and it was just a joy to read. A real joy.

Sorry for not really offering much in this review but I really am struggling with what to say since I just really, really liked it and I thought you did an excellent job. I don't know how to further express myself so sorry if this review has been all over the place!

Joop :]

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Review #2, by long_live_luna_bellatrix  Veil of Time

1st August 2010:
Why do you expect me to find things for you improve on? Your stories are so eloquent, there's not much people like me, who rely too much on dialogue, can do to suggest improvement.

It was quite despairing, touching look to Azkaban. The constant breaks made it seem all the more real, and was a good tool. The short sentences about James added nicely to that effect as well.

The real thing behind this was hope. Sirius gradually grew towards hope, drawing strength from his memories and use his apology to claw upward, to realize that he needed to apologize to a real person instead of stale air. The hope of Sirius grew and grew, as he focused on Harry and let his hope multiply itself, and it was inspiring. I wish everyone hoped like Sirius allowed himself to hope in this.

Sirius was right, that you can't apologize for being young even though you want to. That was a great speech in itself, nicely worded and thoughtful. It summed up at least one part of life's regrets and choices, for there are many venues.

And then "unsnarling them from their innocence". It was just a fragment of a line, but it actually affected me more than it probably should have. It conjured up an image of two young men being torn from one world into a more frightening one, and was so effective.

You had one grammar error, in the very beginning: "When he'd look at his arms and the shackles that bind him." That was probably meant to be 'bound'.

The one thing I would have liked to see was more of Remus. You said Sirius thought a lot about James, Lily and Remus, and he talked a lot about James and enough of Lily, but barely mentioned Remus. He wished his could apologize, that he could see his friend, and that it was his idea to become an Animagus, but there was a lot less contemplation on Remus than I would have expected. You set us up for Remus, and I would have liked to hear Sirius' opinion on him more.

Honestly, that was a great read and there's little I can find to advise you. I know you think negatively about it, but without an explanation, I fail to see why.

~lllb

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Review #3, by schoenemaedchen  Veil of Time

23rd July 2010:
What a truly amazing piece.

I want to say so much, but I don't know how to write all the things I'm feeling about your piece down into a comprehensible review.

If I'm to attempt, here is what I want to say:

What a great portrayal of the psychology of Sirius' situation...I mean...just wow. I think that must be exactly what he is thinking. He certainly has a lot of time to think, being in prison.

Just wow. What great writing. How you've portrayed his train of thought, how you've put his complex thoughts into words. How you've managed to tell so much about their friendship in about 2000 words.

You've put into words that is everything I love about Lily and James and their relationship with Sirius. About their attitudes of the war, and how different yet complimenting they were for each other. Most importantly, that you see the role that Fate and decisions have played in their life.

This is a piece that is just incredibly done! I can't honestly say I've read much fiction of this quality. Thanks for sharing!

-schoenemaedchen

Author's Response: Um, thanks? I'd love to write a more detailed response, but there isn't much to say. So... just thanks, thank you so much, and I'm glad you liked it. :)

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Review #4, by JLHufflepuff  Veil of Time

5th July 2010:
I am literally stunned at the amazing way you show Sirius's thoughts in Azkaban. I am fascinated with imagining anyone's Azkaban experience, as the very nature of the Dementors is to almost always hurl that person into a dark psychological place, which is another thing I love reading. It's almost like instant PTSD of some kind.

The way you set everything up is very effective, kind of setting the tone for Sirius's experience in Azk. with him Sirius trying not to remember the past - even the good things - put then ruminating painfully on it anyway. The thoughts he has about James and Lily are really poignant and significant, as well as they way he remembers and views his own actions.

I LOVE the fact that the tiniest sliver of hope for the future is what keeps him saner than he would be... The thoughts, "Would that Remus knew this" and "Would he ever get to meet Harry?" stand out to me so vividly. Those are his reasons right there.

I think your psychological, stream-of-consciousness style serves you well in this, for sure! I enjoyed reading it!

Please feel free to request from me at any time in the thread or just PM me if there's not an open spot. I want to read more of your stories!

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Review #5, by eternalangel  Veil of Time

13th June 2010:
Hello. This is eternalangelkiss from the forums. I'm so sorry it has taken to long to review this story, but here I finally am!

Firs of all, I want to applaud you on yet another phenomenal story. What I found most interesting about this story was your ability to mimic the human thought process with the use of short sentences mixing with long convoluted sentences and with the addition of repetitions. I found that this style added greatly to the story. It brings this character closer to us than we have ever seen him and develops his character beautifully.

There isn't much here that I can critique. I guess I could say that would have liked to see more of Sirius's external surroundings and how they affected him. On the other hand, I really liked the fact that this stays exclusively in his head.

Overall this is a incredible piece. Keep up the fantastic writing!

eternalangelkiss

Author's Response: Thanks so much for another review. :) I'm very sorry it's taken me so long to respond, but I was smack bang in the midde of exams and I didn't want to leave a one line response.

Ability to mimic human thought is born from my love for psychological novels. I love them, and my own stye of writing leans very much towards it. Though, personally I believe the long verbose sentences aren't entirely faithful to the style, because they clearly are a mark of the author imposing themselves on the narrative. Then again, as someone who believes that auctorial style is as important as the general style, I find it hard to be apologetic about it, lol.

I understand what you mean about wanting to know about his surroundings more, but when I was writing this, I wanted the focus to be more on his mental landscape than the physical landscape he inhabits. Which explains why there wasn't much description about the surroudings.

Thanks so much for reviewing, again. :)


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Review #6, by _hedwig_  Veil of Time

31st March 2010:
okay, this is the best piece of fanfic there is out there. No joke! you totally capture Sirius and his thoughts, his mind, how regretful he is for the mistake he made. i could have been able to tell it was him, and not like Peter Pettigrew or something stupid because his thoughts just made me think, "thats Sirius"
SO GOOD! :)

Author's Response: No joke? Really? Lol thanks! Only I think - given the date of the review - that you possibly can't be serious. I think the story is quite disjointed and not well-rounded enough, but then again I'm a bit too critical of my work. It's ben a very long time since I've thought I've written anything good. But I'm glad you reviewed. Thanks so much, and your words are much appreciated! :)

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