Wow, I just adored this story so, so much!
I could feel the pain that Lily had. Her thinking she is nothing important, that she doesn't belong anywhere.
I could feel her emotions coming off of her, the emotions of aloneness, and uncertainty.
She didn't want anyone to ever have the useful, magical, destructive power you can get from the stone.
She was full of so much negative emotions, and I really felt bad for her.
The ending sentence was really amazing though.
"Simple, right?" I really liked that.
It was a really good story, good job.
HufflepuffAuthor's Response: Thank you! Lily certainly felt alone, which many of us can relate to at some point or another.;) Report Review
I was a bit curious as to what this would be about, intrigued by the name and summary.
It's completely unlike what I expected -- but in a good way. A very good way.
This line in particular I found beautiful: "I often feel like I a live a thousand lives a day, and go to bed without one at all." I could understand what she meant there, having felt like it myself before.
I could relate to Lily in this story. I really enjoyed your description of her philosophy, which sounded a bit like me a times. Your paragraph with the onion and the layers also was very well written.
Your choice of words here was impeccable.
The idea of someone finding the Resurrection Stone... and then simply throwing it away was a fresh new idea that I really liked. Lily has a simplistic, and yet complex view that makes sense and yet... The ending especially was great, with her just throwing it into the lake. The last line made me wonder about people in the future... :)
An excellent one shot. Really made me think.Author's Response: I'm glad to see that many people can relate to Lily. I think that as we're a site of writers, many of whom young, that many of us are quiet, introspective in real life while brimming with thoughts underneath. That's certainly how Lily is portrayed.
I tend to worry about my word choice (or lack thereof), so I'm so pleased you liked it here! I've been wondering about someone picking up the Resurrection Stone for some time now, and have been trying to write this story for awhile. Good to see it's getting a good response!
There's definitely a future aspect... Mermaids are people too, right? Thanks for the review! I don't often get detailed ones like this. And, above all, I'm so glad to see it got you thinking. Report Review
Simply put, I feel like you and I are similar in ways. I relate too, too well to your characters. But good writing can do that to you. Make you feel like things are there that perhaps aren’t.
“I often feel like I live a thousands lives a day, and go to bed without one at all.” Yes, me too! I love the antithesis that I see popping up in your writing. It’s really fabulously underused. I’m glad to see it here. :)
Onions--reminds me of the short story called “Eleven.” Don’t know if you’ve read it, but it seems to fit with this paragraph.
I like that this story is in present tense. It makes it easier to believe the things that are happening. With a lot of good writing I read, I find that even if I wasn’t I feel like I was expecting the things that happened to happen. This is like that.
I’ve noticed it in a couple stories so far, but I love the way that you have the characters, who are quiet and thoughtful, tucking things away to refer to later--a filing system. It’s very realistic. I’ve found myself keeping things in mind to mention in a story later, or to write a poem about when I get home. I think a lot of people do this, but the way that you’ve labeled it is so apt.
I love that she went to Neville! Okay, I’m a little prejudiced here, because he’s one of my favourite characters, but just as she was deciding what to do an internal chant overcame my faculties and it sounded like “Neville, Neville, Neville!” over and over. I was so glad that she went to him. I like that he knows her, despite her own thinking that she’s a sort of nobody, that she’s very simple.
But the way that she’s willing to make decisions on a sort of simple basic, and does the right thing in a sort of simple way, is complex in its own way. In that it bypasses so much of what most people would have done in her place.
Very well-done--your language is so pleasant and moving to read.
(sprinkles, this time, shaped like hearts and smiles!)Author's Response: Well, I do end up pouring bits and pieces of myself into my writing, as many people do. So as you are a fellow claw, HP lover and writer, I'm only a little surprised you find yourself relating to some of my stories. That doesn't make me any less glad, though. :D
I've never read "Eleven," but I think of Shrek every time that paragraph is brought up. I'm a huge filer, always taking note of things then remembering them later. I just found a ton of post-its in my desk, with completely illegible scribbles on them that I need to decipher at some point.
I like Neville too. You made my laugh with your internal chants, as I don't think that many people would have had such a strong opinion. But as I was writing, I always knew it would be Neville.
The thing about a simple character was that it took extra work to EXPLAIN that simplicity. Because people are very complex beings, and Lily's no exception. She just sees simply, but that doesn't mean she's got a lot going on inside. It definitely took a lot to straighten her out on paper.
Thank you for yet another great review! I keep wanting to put off replying, so that I can keep coming back and enjoying them before thinking of something coherent to say in response. Report Review
I really, really like this! I love your description; it's detailed but not overly so and I can really picture what's going on as you describe it. I also really like Lily's philosophising, it's something different I've never really seen before and she seems very mature for her age which I think is fitting for the daughter of Harry Potter.
:DAuthor's Response: Description is one of my weak points, and a big one. Nice to know I got it ok here, but I'm still working on it. ;) Lily's philosophy is mature for her age, but I see it as something she was born with and slowly nurtured, something that's always been there. And yes, being Harry's daughter may have added to that. Thanks for the review. Report Review
This was a really neat idea, to have someone find the Ressurection Stone and not use it.
Teddy Lupin had slept over at the time; I believe it was Easter vacation. He’d told me of his nightly walks in the Forbidden Forest, kicking around stones and wearing out his eyes looking for a particular one. He’d been in an desperate phase back then, when he was growing up and wanted only his parents to guide him. But they were in a place where no one could find them.
This part made me very sad. It feels like I sometimes forget the agony that must have been Ted's to not have any parents.
Anyway, this is very well written. How Lily describes herself makes me feel sad and sorry for her. I really like the description of Neville's office, but I find it kind of weird that he just let's Lily keep the stone, like those on Story Seekers commented.
All in all, a great story and definately remerable. :)
-JollyAuthor's Response: Teddy is so much fun to write, many people forgot he's surely plagued by his parents' deaths. I'm the first to admit it's easy to forget, but I've always pictured him as a little boy, searching the forest floor for the stone.
Another thing I'll admit was that the Neville part wasn't particularly well thought out. After experimenting with about ten plots on this, I just wanted to write it and get it over with. I didn't put too much thought into Neville's reasoning, I just knew that Lily had to confide in someone and end up with the stone. Now that I think back, I know I left a pretty big hole there. Someday I'll patch that up. Thanks for the review! Report Review
This oneshot is beautiful. It simply makes me smile.
The opening part is brilliant. You establish Lily's character and environment very well, with just a few simple sentences. The cut back language without needles detail helps a lot to appreciate Lily's philosophy. Favourites
I’m not saying life is easy. But I’m saying life can be simple, if you make it that way.
I, however, like to think of myself as a see-it-all.
I often feel like I a live a thousand lives a day, and go to bed without one at all.
The resurection stone realy is agreat way to move the plot on. Lily's situation would have thrown anyone else in a difficulte situation. And it her solution perfectly highlights her wisdom.
This story's morale, may I call it that, is very positive. Accept resposibility when it falls on you, act appropiate, but don't overthink.
Pherhaps I'm already thinking over the top.
Thank you for this enlightend story.Author's Response: I did try to make the writing similar to Lily's philosophy, though I'm sure she herself could explain it in even fewer words. It took me awhile to find the correct problem for her to solve, but the stone and its implications did suit her. Thanks for the review! Report Review
The first thing I feel obligated to say is that I was not expecting any of what happened. Your summary was enough to pull me in to this story in particular, just to see what it was about. As I'm guessing was your intention, I never came close to the thought that maybe something like the Resurrection Stone would appear anywhere in the story.
This could have been really cliché (kids randomly find Resurrection Stone, must decide what to do with it), but it wasn't. Maybe it's partly to do with the fact that even though the stone had a major part in this one-shot, it wasn't the point of it, only a means of showing the point.
I like this Lily. I love how she's the kind of person who can make that kind of decision so quickly, and how you leave knowing that she won't dramatically regret it for years and years, even though you didn't say that in the text.
Thank you for such a good piece of work. :)Author's Response: Yes! Thank you! It took me several (and I'm talking eight or nine) tries to find a plot for this. I was planning this one shot to be about a girl who lives life simply, but couldn't find something dramatic to happen that worked! Maybe someday I'll publish my other attempted plots where Lily solved people's problems matter-of-factly, but the fact that you realized the plot was secondary is just fantastic.
Anyway, thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked it; as with the plot, I struggled a bit to get Lily right. ;) Report Review
I absolutely loved it!
I didn't see the twist with the stone coming at all; everything up until that point (and after, too, actually) was written very simplistically, like a day not out of the ordinary in Lily's life. Her little "philosophy", as she put it, in the beginning was perfect as well, just the right insight into her mind.
And this was such an interesting idea for a plot; of course someone would find the Stone sooner or later. (Especially with a bunch of students wandering where they shouldn't.) I have to say, too, that the "Simple, right?" at the end has an odd sense of foreboding that someday in the future another student will go through what Lily just did. ;)
Again, I loved it! Perfect length, characters, description, etc... 10/10!Author's Response: Thanks for the great review! I tried really hard to keep things simple, write them as if it were just another entry in Lily's diary. I struggled with the plot for awhile; I really wanted a problem for Lily solve simplistically, in a way few others would've thought of. I've had the idea of someone stumbling onto the Resurrection Stone for awhile now; I've always wanted to write a story about Teddy searching the forest for it, but his story also translated perfectly into Lily's plot in this story. I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
Number one: I actually adore the banner for this story and it was actually what made me want to read it in the first place.
Number two: That was such a great story! I love the ending where it just stops at 'Simple, right?' I think that it was very well written and I simply loved the whole thing :)
Dee, xAuthor's Response: Ah yes, the banner. I'd been eyeing it in the Up For Grabs section at TDA for a long time, and finally just snatched it. Then I had to think of an idea that went along with it. I thought that the girl on it had a knowing smile, the kind of smile that says "I know a secret to happiness that you don't", and thus Lily was born. I actually struggled with the rest of the story for awhile; it was a lot harder to write such a simple person than I'd thought at first. So thanks for the lovely review! Report Review
The begining was beautiful! I loved all the description of her family, and the peeling away the layers of people.
My two favorite lines of the whole thing are the line in the summary and the line about her being a "see-it-all." Both were just amazing.
And I'm glad she decided to throw the stone into the water, like she said, no one could fully handle that stone. And then tying it back the the begining by saying "simple right?" was great. It made me smile :D
-ronsgirl29Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I struggled a lot with a character that thought so simply (it's harder than you think to keep things simple!) and I'm glad you enjoyed it. The see-it-all was an idea I got from my own experiences and experiences with other people from school. Because there really are people who I think live a life through others. :) Report Review
I like this a lot. It not only has a sort of philosophical feel to it, it's also very amusing to read. Lily's comments on everything are direct, almost tactless yet because she keeps them to herself, they're acceptable. My favorite line by far was:
I often feel like I a live a thousand lives a day, and go to bed without one at all.
I don't really know what else to say besides that this one-shot is really stunning. It's well-written, nicely organized and easy to read. Lily's commentary makes the whole thing very enjoyable -- I like how she defines her brothers by which houses they're in. What house is Lily in? And the stone -- I'm glad the only plausible and 'safe' choice is to throw it into the lake; the only problem is where it'll land, and if some unsuspecting merperson stumbles upon it...what will happen? But, that's just me thinking far too much for my own good.
Wonderful one-shot. Favorited. :DAuthor's Response: Thanks! I rewrote this over and over again, trying to get something "philosophical", as you said, into it. The line you mentioned was one of the few that didn't get deleted as soon as I typed it. :)
Lily's in Hufflepuff, although now that I think of it her way of seeing things could probably land her in Ravenclaw too. It's up to you to decide.
Yes, I actually did think about the merpeople, but I liked the act of chucking the stone into the lake better than her blowing it apart with a curse (more symbolical, I suppose) so I left it the way you saw it. Besides, Lily's simple, not an overthinker like you and I. :P Report Review
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