Reading Reviews for Escaping Fate
  
91 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Jchrissy Chapter One

4th August 2012:
Wow, this wasn't at all what I expected! I don't think I've come across something quite so different before!

Your three main OC's remind me of the friends in sisterhood of the traveling pants for some reason, minus one, which is a really good thing because those books are my secret pleasure.

Anyway, this is such an original setting and very excited to read about. I'm so curious as to when the listed characters will come in. You've shown us a hint of magic with the loud crack during the Meridith scene.. nice name, btw. It really felt like it fit for some reason.

Your imagery is great, I got a good scene of where I was and what was happening around me throughout the chapter.

Anyway, this is an excellent chapter that really made me want to continue!

Thanks for being a great Gryffie and reviewing the podcasts!

Author's Response: Haha hi there! (:

I'm glad you liked the OC's and you're excited about the plot. I'll be honest, it takes a few chapters to get going, but it all makes sense eventually! :D Thank you so much for all of your kind words and encouragement! I really appreciate it. Haha oh and Meridith? It seemed like an appropriate evil step-motherish person kind of name. :P

Thank you again so much for reading and reviewing! It means a lot to me. (:
-Chanel


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Review #2, by CambAngst Chapter One

4th August 2012:
Hi, there! Thanks so much for doing your part to help Gryffindor take the cup! Here is your review.

Wow. I guess this first chapter was about as far from what I expected as you could get, unless perhaps it was set in outer space. ;) Paragraph after paragraph, I kept thinking to myself, "Alright, something magical is going to happen soon..." I felt teased and tormented, but in a good way. You crafted these three realistic, believable characters and plopped them into a setting that, at least for me, was quite familiar. Thus far, there is not a thing remarkable about them, which, in a HP fan fic, is quite a remarkable thing.

Ah, rural Texas, where it's God, country and high school football, mostly in that order. I didn't grow up in Texas, but I grew up in the rural south, so I can easily relate.

So first we have Melissa, who is apparently not the prettiest, but extremely talented and madly in love with a varsity athlete who is nominally out of her league. Next comes Alexis, the tormented rich girl with the horrible stepmother. Hmmnn... that crack when the two of them separated... Was that just a hint of something? Lastly, we have Caitlin, the fashion plate/athlete. She seems to have a crush on her fellow runner, which implies that she's a bit shyer than her social status would suggest.

So overall, an interesting start. Melissa maybe veers a bit in the Mary Sue-ish direction, but nothing that isn't easily fixable. How are you going to get some magic into this story? Will be interesting to see...

Author's Response: Haha hey Dan! (:
Yeah, it takes a few chapters for the magic to come in, but when it does it all makes more sense. :P Oh yes, I am so glad you can relate to rural Texas! It's pretty unique, in a sense! Haha.
Ah, Melissa.. Yeah she's... she's my baby, but she does have a few Mary Sue tendencies. I'm working really hard to try and reverse them, so thank you for being honest and letting me know so that I continue to keep an eye on it. Her personality gets explained in the plot, further along, but I am still trying to be careful with how I portray her before that! (: Anyways, that's my ramble for today!
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, I really truly appreciate it!!
-Chanel


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Review #3, by corbin2013 Chapter Seven

10th December 2011:
why aren't they talking? i feel like there's no sufficient context as to why the girls wouldn't be talking. i love it though!

Author's Response: It will be covered! (:
Thank you so much for your review! Stick with me; I should have a new chapter up soon! (:

-Chanel


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Review #4, by corbin2013 Chapter Four

10th December 2011:
had a hard time seeing how this was going to relate at first... but great idea!! my only question is how melissa's mother grew up in britain (theoretically having a british accent), but melissa comments on how she's never met anyone with a british accent. does she cover it up with magic? these aren't the sort of things that go away with time. great story though, i'm really enjoying it!!

Author's Response: Hi! I'm sorry it took so long to respond, but I really appreciate your review! (: Mel's mother (well both of her parents) have been in hiding for so long, that they've ridded themselves of their accents. (: It helps them blend in! haha. Thank you so much for your review! I hope you stick with me.

-Chanel


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Review #5, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Chapter Thirteen

27th September 2011:
Sorry for taking so long to read this chapter! Real life has been kicking my butt! Haha! I felt like this chapter more than anything is really a lead off to what's to come. My favorite part was this: 'of her Derek'. Because it just made her loss seem that much bigger. I don't think I really realized how much it affected her, I can understand why but to use the word 'my' infront of 'Derek' makes it seem that he was her property (not in a bad way) and she has technically lost her home too. And then that tied in with the beginning what what he said, 'Your arms are the very structure of what I call home.' It was a good play on words/metaphor.

I can see the budding relationship between Caitlian/Ron that would have unnerved me if it hadn't been for the small hints you have thrown in, in other chapters. Seems our dear American Girls are going to give Ginny/Hermione a run for their money, eh? I actually like the slight flirtation between the two, it's not overwhelming but then you add a bit of Ron/Hermione and the mere mention of Viktor made me giggle.

I feel like you have big plans for Harry (which, since your following the timeline of the books is understandable) but I don't just mean Voldemort and all those other things, I mean with his relationship with Melissa. It's interesting I think that Hermione wants him to so easily trust Melissa when she won't even wake-up at night and comfort her. She thinks Harry/Melissa are so alike and yet she would willingly comfort Harry, she has before and Harry isn't exactly the person I'd want to hug when he's overly emotional. I think that subtly shows though that Hermione doesn't yet completely trust her either but she knows she should.

Anyway, good chapter! Can't wait for the next one, hopefully I'll be able to read it ASAP!

Author's Response: Hello deary! :D
I am so gald that you enjoyed this chapter, and let me start by saying I am honored that you consistently take the time to read and review, even when I take months to update. (: Thank you so much for being so simply AMAZING!
I'm glad that you and my other reviewer both caught the "of her Derek" line, I felt like it was important, but it could be looked over easily. So I am pleased that it seems to be having the desired effect.
Ahhh, Caitlin/Ron/Hermione.(: That's all I have to say. :P
Harry is going to be quite the emotional character for a while. Uhm, I can't explain too much else, except to tell you that you're right: there are big things in store for Harry/Melissa. And yes, Hermione is a little bit of a hypocrite...it wasn't a mistake on my part, I kind of wanted to play on some of the character flaws in this chapter. And I'm glad you caught it!! (:
Thank you again so much for reading and reviewing, it really does mean sooo much to me! *huggles*
-Chanel


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Review #6, by CheeringCharm Chapter Thirteen

19th September 2011:
Happened more than I probably realised in this chapter but it's a great steppingstone out to bigger things, for instance WHAT is going on between Ron and Caitlin??? oh my... and between Harry and Melissa??? It seems like the dream-couples have some competition from the american girls!

Your writing is wonderful, really paints up the scene and settings of every part.

My absolute favourite part of this chapter was in the very beginning:

"She was having nightmares, of her old life, her old friends, of her family, of her Derek, and of what she could only assume was Voldemort."

The "of her Derek" made the loss seem so much more brutal and horrible, I didnt really get how much she loved him first but that made it clearer.

write longer! haha update sooner!

*Loads of huggles*

Cheery

Author's Response: Hi there! :D So, I think only part of your review got posted, but I could just be wrong! :P Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review, you are absolutely AMAZING! :D
I am so glad that you got a feel for Melissa's loss, and how much he (and her family) meant to her. I am really working on developing that part of her character. (:
I am trying to write more and update sooner, this college thing is just a lot different than I expected! Haha, but hopefully I should be updating soon! I'll keep you posted!
Thank you again, so so so much!!
-Chanel


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Review #7, by CheeringCharm Chapter Twelve

11th August 2011:
WOW! really, when i first saw this story my thought was, oh... 12 chapters, i might read and review the first, but that was quickly forgotten when your words captured me. I can without doubt say that i am so very impressed by the way you tell a story, the tone and style are really (in want of better words) great.

The action, the relationships, the plot itself are all really fascinating and makes me eager to read the next chapter.

the second point where i thought "oh, this might be hard to swallow" was when Remus and especially Harry was brought into it but as i continued reading you've really made it quite your own thing, of course the HP books will always come first but when i look away from them I really like your trio of american girls stirring things up at Hogwarts :D

My favourite of the girls that i'd like to know more about is Alexis, because it really feels like she's in for trouble but then I reallyreally like Caitlin! I am so happy that you made her a Hufflepuff and really hope that it will show that it's not the "spare" going into my house ;P

Cant wait to read the next chapter! and again, so well-written and well-thought out that I really couldnt tear my eyes away :D

*huggles*

CheeringCharm, Hufflepuff

Author's Response: Hello dear! I'm so sorry that this took so long for me to reply to, but I was out of town on vacation, and some real life problems came up!
I am so, so, so flattered that you gave this a chance, and read the story! I don't even have a clue what else to say...this review has entirely made my day, and given me a kick to get to writing again! :D Oh! And Caitlin is most definitely not the "spare" so no worries, I think you'll like what I have planned for her! (: Thank you so, so much! I truly, really appreciate it!
-Chanel


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Review #8, by Akussa Chapter Two

8th August 2011:
Hi again!

And finally, the mystery is... darn, a cliffy!

I enjoy this story a lot my dear. It is very well written and really seems like a multi-leveled story. What I mean is, this story has multiple characters and side stories that are all entertwined and give a great dept to the characters.
I like this idea of Diane being an ex girlfriend of Remus and I'm really curious as to what this is all about!

This chapter flowed very well. I like how the scenes followed each other even if they were separated by one happening on the other side of the world. I also didn't see any glaring errors so, congrats on another very clean chapter! Can't wait to read the rest, I am so curious!!! Great work!!

Akussa (Gryffindor)

Author's Response: Hello dear! I'm so sorry that this took so long for me to reply to, but I was out of town on vacation, and some real life problems came up! I can't wait to see what your opinions are on the rest of the chapters! Thank you so much for reviewing and giving it a chance!! :D
-Chanel


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Review #9, by forsakenphoenix Chapter One

8th August 2011:
This was definitely not what I was expecting when I first opened this story to read. But you have a very interesting first chapter and you make the reader want to continue reading. You've really built your three main characters up well. They're each individuals, they have their flaws that make them human, but together they have a special friendship. I'm interested to see how this ties into the Harry Potter world but I do enjoy reading a story that takes place in Texas at a regular school with regular girls and boys. There were a few issues with missing commas that interrupted the flow of the story but other than that, it was very well-written. Good job!

forsakenphoenix (Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: Hello dear! I'm so sorry that this took so long for me to reply to, but I was out of town on vacation, and some real life problems came up! Anyways, I am so glad that you enjoyed the story and that you stopped by to review! I am truly flattered and I hope you continue reading and enjoying the story! (: Thank you so, so so much!!
-Chanel


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Review #10, by Cleopatraa Chapter Twelve

8th August 2011:
Happy Gryffindor Monday!!
Hmm I have to say first thing first that was one terrific summary. Truly beautiful! Hmmm Melissa seems like a really interesting character and I really liked the interactions between the girls in this chapter. A burping contest?!? Hahaha! My favourite part in this chapter was definitely the part of you know the trio I hear they’re crazy.
Cleopatra ( Slytherin)

Author's Response: Hello dear! I'm so sorry that this took so long for me to reply to, but I was out of town on vacation, and some real life problems came up! I'm so flattered that you took the time to read through the entire story, and I'm glad that you enjoyed it!! Thank you so much, and I hope you continue this journey with me!
-Chanel


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Review #11, by gingersnape Chapter Four

8th August 2011:
OOH, another pretty chapter image! (I'm so easily amused; the majority of my reviews on everything start with me being like, "so you had a pretty banner and I had to read" or "I love your chapter image!" but oh well!) Me loves it! :D

Hehe, when Harry was leaning over the bathroom sink it reminded me of Draco over the sink for the caption contest and all the funny things people said for it! *random*

And that is a really long way to apparate, but I guess it works because there really isn't another way to get there in the Wizarding World.

And all those people dead... so sad. So many questions that need to be answered, but I suppose that is what the other... *counts on fingers* eight (and counting) chapters are for! :P

Anywho, another lovely chapter, so I can't wait for more! :) Hehe, I'm off for other things sadly, but poke me when I'm free and not reviewing this because I need to! :P

gingersnape, Gryffindor

Author's Response: ANNIE!! Hello! I'm so sorry that this took so long for me to reply to, but I was out of town on vacation, and some real life problems came up! I adore that you comment on my chapter images; no one ever does so I don't have a clue what people think! :/ Anyways, yes, the next eight chapters should answer many of your questions...and possibly pose a few more. (; you'll just have to read on and see! Thanks again!
-Chanel


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Review #12, by maskedmuggle Chapter One

8th August 2011:
Oh I like this! It's so different, being set in America! I really like reading about American school life, since I'm not in America! xD I really liked the first section, you introduced all the characters and the setting really well! I loved the band, and how they all play flutes! (Haha, since I play flute too). I could really relate to their conversation about 'higher chairs'.

Oh wow. Derek sounds hot. Lucky Melissa! I also liked how you had a section for Alexis and for Caitlin too. Right now, I'm getting the idea that each of them have their own interesting plot, but together as a group they will have another overarching plot. I'm really wondering what's going to happen to them next!

By the way, I really liked the poem in the summary. Great writing for this chapter! It kept me very engaged and 'into it'.

- maskedmuggle, Ravenclaw :)

Author's Response: Hello dear! I'm so sorry that this took so long for me to reply to, but I was out of town on vacation, and some real life problems came up! Haha, everyone seems to love the band bit! I'm glad, it makes me smile that people appreciate the nerdiness that is band. (: And you are very correct about each having a plot, but also having an overarching plot! Awe, you are the first person to comment on the poem! Thank you so much!! :D I'm glad you enjoyed the story!!!
-Chanel


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Review #13, by Ronsgirl29 Chapter Four

8th August 2011:
Nooo! Derek :( I mean, I know it's only been a few chapters and we didn't get to see a lot of his character, but it makes me feel bad for Melissa that she had to lose her boyfriend, parents, and grandparents all so fast! (Though what Alexis said about her thinking she would feel something if her twin died has left me with some hope!)

The part with Harry at the beginning was very intriguing, I can't wait to find out how that connects to the rest of the story! And reading about the girls in London doing magic should be great. Alexis already knew about magic, but I wonder if Melissa will be a natural at it even though she's starting a few years late!

Nice chapter,
Ronsgirl29 (gryffindor)

Author's Response: Hello dear! I'm so sorry that this took so long for me to reply to, but I was out of town on vacation, and some real life problems came up! I am so glad that you are enjoying the story, and I hope you will continue reading and sticking with the story! Thanks again!!
-Chanel


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Review #14, by SnilyJily Chapter One

7th August 2011:
Oooh! This was fresh and attention grabbing. I almost wanted to skip this review and keep on reading!

The opening lines grabbed my attention right away. They set the mood for the story and made me excited to read on, and I was not disappointed. You used lots of dialogue but balanced it well with description. There were a few grammatical errors but none that were too detracting. I'm interested in where you will be taking this.

Keep it up!
Your fellow Gryffie -SnilyJily

Author's Response: Hi there!!
Hahaha, well feel free to keep on reading! :D Thank you so much for taking the time to review!!
-Chanel


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Review #15, by gingersnape Chapter Three

5th August 2011:
CHANEL!! I AM BACK! :D

And I love the Chapter Image... so very pretty! :D

And then once the chapter started, I kind of didn't want to stop at all, so this is coming in one big (but slightly shorter than other reviews) paragraph! Well, after I end this paragraph of babbling nonsense! :P

Anywho, I've kind of lost track of who is magical and who is not (I know Alexis is and Melissa isn't, but everyone else I'm not really sure about.) so maybe some clarification in that area would be helpful in keeping the chapter smooth. This was really a chapter that kept me on my toes and now that I see how the magical world ties into this, I'm really excited for more of it! I think Alexis is my favorite character so far. I'm not really sure why, but osmthing about her makes me think she is the one I trust out of everyone. All the characters, save for the Order, are new, so it's difficutl to get a grasp on who is right and who is wrong, but I have a good feeling about Alexis. I'm not sure what I think about the Order members. I know they are good, but something still feels like they're not saying everything, so I just don't know. (And yes, I do have runon sentence issues! :couch:) I think this might be my last review for a while because I'm off to go do some more podcast reviews, but definitely poke me back over here to read more!

gingersnape, Gryffindor

Author's Response: Haha first things first, YOU ARE AMAZING! :D And I adore your reviews! (: Secondly, I think it's funny that you like Alexis...most people either love or hate her, there isn't really a middle ground. This chapter is so old it irritates me...:P Even in the year that has passed my writing style has changed so much, and so it's going to be a project of mine to go back and redo some of these first chapters after the story is finished. Haha I can't wait to hear what you have to say about the future chapter!
-Chanel


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Review #16, by gingersnape Chapter Two

5th August 2011:
CHANEL! I told you I would be back!

Hehe, I kind of read "Italian accent" as "Russian accent" because I can't read, so I'm cracking up at the description of the dance routine! Ahh, so great!

OH! And I love love love your chapter image! It's so very very pretty and ahh, I love it!

Wow, both grandparents in the same night, and they weren't all that old from the descriptions. Poor Melissa, though I am kind of curious at the odds of that happening.

WOAH! I know those people! *hugs the order* Kind of made me wonder what was going on, but that's all part of the suspense. I'm a little confused about the time frame this is happening in, but I think that might have something to do with the fact that I'm writing my review as I go along, so I bet something important will be explained, or maybe mentioned in the next chappie. :) Is this in GoF or OotP? *doesn't pay attention to details*

Oooh, not bitter, eh? How curious that is!

And Alexis is a witch? Now this has got my attention! *excited* Again, I think the girls were a little too 2010, but like you said, whenever you get to making them more 1994 will be fine, as it isn't that big of a deal. :)

Uh oh, this can't be good! I need the next chapter! Oh, and tell Drue she is awesome because Drue is super cool! I really like your writing style and this story in general, so I'll be you know... off in the next chapter! *runs away before writing anything else*

gingersnape, Gryffindor

Author's Response: ANNIE! :D Hiya!
I am so sorry it took so long for me to respond to your AMAZING reviews! Hahahaha, it's funny how much of a difference one word can make, eh? :P Haha, chapter images are my absolute FAVORITE thing to make. The odds probably aren't the biggest...But, you now, true love and all that sort of stuff; crazy things happen. :P
Hehe, gotta love the Order (: And it's set during Order of the Phoenix! Remus? Bitter? Never! Bahaha. Anyways...Alexis is...Alexis. I'm curious as to how you'll feel about her later.
Drue is the greatest isn't she?! I absolutely adore her! *runs off to see what is in Annie's next review!*
-Chanel


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Review #17, by Ronsgirl29 Chapter Three

5th August 2011:
Poor Melissa! Losing her parents and her grandparents in such a short amount of time :/ And she doesn't even know anything about magic, the girl must be so confused!

I like how you've made her a very strong character. If I were in her place, I probably would have not been as brave as her to approach Sirius, Lupin, and Arthur. I probably would have ran in the opposite direction, haha.

You're killing me with the little hints, "She's the only one left," The only what!? Haha but I know that I'll have to be patient and keep reading :)

The only typo I saw was that at the end when Remus is talking about Melissa, he says "Yes. Yes, he does," when I'm guessing you meant she

Nice chapter,
Ronsgirl29 (Gryffindor)

Author's Response: Hiya! I am so sorry that it took me so long to respond! I went out of town, and just got back in about ten minutes ago!! I'll add that type to my list of things to correct! Thank you so much for pointing it out!! Haha anyways, thank you so much for your very kind review!! Hehe, and honestly that's all I can really say without giving anything away, so, uh, keep reading! ;)
-Chanel


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Review #18, by gingersnape Chapter One

4th August 2011:
Oh Chanel dear, this story is definitly one you will be seeing my name in reviews for often! And not just because I owe you reviews and am addicted to reviewing, but because I'm hooked. I really like other stories. Okay, mostly I love well written stories, but the ones I appreciate most are the stories written outside of the magical world Jo has given us. New Orleans, Rome, Texas, anywhere that lets my mind explore somewhere new is always a treat, so this was exciting! (I think this is my first Texas story in a long time. Mostly I get the south or Europe in things I read! *excited*) I'm curious as to how this will tie into being magical, but I am sure however you do that, it will be great.

Your characters are already very dynamic. They are each their own and have good and bad aspects. I love how we get to see these very distinct personalities already, but just watch to make sure they fit their time period. They're not perfect, but I think it's still a very good introduction of our three main girls in a first chapter.

I'm so excited for more of this and I think I'll be around later tonight to review since I don't want to put off reading more of this for much longer. Oh! And I love your chapter image! Your graphics are so pretty! :D

gingersnape, Gryffindor

Author's Response: ANNIE! :D We just had a long discussion about EF, so I won't ramble here too much..:P I am SO glad that you enjoyed it, and I am delighted that you want to read more! Awe, and thank you for the comment on my chapter images! I'm proud of about half of them...:P
-Chanel


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Review #19, by Fluteline24 Chapter Five

4th August 2011:
I've been reading this, I swear, but for some reason I keep forgetting to review it. *knocks head*

Anyway, I really adored this chapter, and I could really sense the frustration and confusion between the two girls, and the hatred that Alexis has for the situation. I'm not really sure whether to feel sorry for her or to smack her head against the wall and tell her to be grateful like Molly was trying to tell her to be. I really felt terrible for Remus, he's such a tragic character to begin with, but for him to have to deal with his love get pregnant, and realize that he can never have her (much like Severus) really breaks my heart. I loved the scene between him and Diane, that was really well written. :)

Cant wait to read more! 10/10!

Gurtz, Gryffindor.

Author's Response: Awe! Hiya! :D
Thank you so much for your review! :D Actually, if I remember correctly, you began reading this, back on my old account, when it was...horrible. :P Anyways, I am so glad that you are enjoying the story and oddly enough, I am ecstatic that you want to hit Alexis. I love when people hate her! :P Oh, funnily enough, I never though about the parallel between Remus' story and Severus'. But yes, poor, poor, Remus. :(
Thank you so much for your review!
-Chanel


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Review #20, by daliha Chapter One

4th August 2011:
When I clicked this I was like O.o whoa! I'm intrigued how your going to tie this back to the HP universe, I like your characters but I don't think they're typical 1994 teens. But besides that I think this is a good intro.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! :D I really appreciate it!
-Chanel


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Review #21, by SexyDoorFrames Chapter Three

4th August 2011:
To answer your question, I didn't review chapter one because I had already read it & reviewed it :) Hello anyway! This was a really good chapter! I really enjoyed it. I like the bitter Remus, it's very realistic because Remus lost a lot in the war. The attack was a surprise, took me completely and I wasn't expecting it at all but I guess that is what you were going for :) It was very exciting to read about though. I am wondering what Melissa deal is. It has me all curious now. In fact, I find all the characters interesting and I can't wait to find out more.

- SexyDoorFrames, Gryffindor.

Author's Response: Oops! My mistake! :blush: Awe, poor, poor Remus. He really is one of my favorite characters, he has/had such an interesting, angsty life. Anyways, I'm so glad that you're enjoying this, and that it is keeping you curious!! Hmm, you're going to have to wait a few chapters to figure out Melissa...somewhere around chapter six, you might find some answers that you're looking for. (: Thanks for reviewing! I hope you continue reading!!
-Chanel


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Review #22, by Ronsgirl29 Chapter Two

4th August 2011:
Hello! RG29 here :)

I really like all the character developement you've got going. In two chapters you've given the reader a good taste of what the characters are like, and have set up some stuff that leaves the reader eagerly waiting. Like why in the world does Voldemort want Melissa! I'm definitely interesting to find out about that.

I like how you switch from the story focusing on the girls in America to the order back in the England. It was alittle confusing at first because I wasn't expecting the sudden change, but I figured it out quickly.

Really nice chapter,
Ronsgirl29 (Gryffindor)

Author's Response: Hi there! :D
I'm so glad that you're enjoying the chapters so far, annd that's all I can really say without giving anything away...(: Chapter six should answer a lot of your questions..but uh, until then, just keep reading! :D Lol. I'm glad you commented on the switch, because most people don't and I'm never quite sure if it works, or if it's just weird.
Thank you so much!! :D
-Chanel


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Review #23, by Christine_Nighting Chapter One

4th August 2011:
This is very intriguing and very original. I admit, when I started to read this I was expecting a Hogwarts story, not a school-story. And so I'm very very interested to see what you're going to do with this. You caught my attention from the very first start, especially starting off with a normal school day. Usually, I lack an attention span, but this certainly kept it.

Being that this is a HPFF story, I'm very curious to know how magic is going to be tied into this story and I can't wait to keep reading. A VERY nice job; I'm very impressed :)

Author's Response: Awe! Hiya Christine! :D
Thank you so much for this review, it means a lot to me!! Hehe, fair warning, I tried to take many of the "cliche" ideas, to add them in here and still make it original and readable. Because I don't believe cliches are a bad thing...*stops herself before she goes on a rant* I am so glad this kept your attention span, and that you liked it! :D Thank you SO SO SO much!!!
-Chanel


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Review #24, by Akussa Chapter One

4th August 2011:
Hello dearest!

What an interesting opening chapter! I absolutly loved it! Only with the opening chapter, you'd gotten me hooked to this story. I like your 3 main characters; they are flawed and strong willed and really work well together. Their boyfriends and relatives of sort (I guess?) well, they aren't as engaging as the girls but it's a good thing; they do not take all the space and stay in the shadows of the main characters so great job!

The dialogues are pure genius; it is so much fun to read through their conversation even if, don't get me wrong here, it doesn't always feel like it's 1994. What I mean is, they are 3 girls with very distinct and strong personalities and the way they express themselves, well, that is a bit too 2010. I know it's only 15 years but it's a world of difference; teenagers have changed a lot since then! (but don't change them though, I was simply pointing out my observation as an old lady who's been through this time period; those that weren't teens in 1994 will never pick it up!!)

If there is one thing I would suggest you work on, it's your ponctuation. I felt that it broke the flow at times because I had to re-read sentences a couple of times to make sure I rellay understood what you meant. Here is an example :

"After that the year is spent preparing for the next year’s stock show with rodeos every other Saturday at the town dude ranch."

When you read it out loud, there is no pause, no time to breath and the meaning is a bit lost, I feel. I would definitly suggest you look into that in order to improve this already incredibly great chapter. Great, great work!

Akussa (Gryffindor)

Author's Response: Wow! This is such an amazing review, I don't even know where to start!! :D Ah, I guess the beginning is a good place!
I am so glad that the characters seem different, and distinct to you, as that is one of my biggest priorities throughout the entire novel. I get what you are saying that they girls seem a little 2010, and honestly, if I could go back and fix that, I probably would, but as you pointed out, it's hard to write it if you didn't live it. I did live it, but I was just a few years old, so I didn't live enough of it to count! :P I am so, so SO grateful that you pointed out the puncuation issue. I have a fair few amount of reviews, and you're the first to bring it up, but it makes sense, and it is something that I definitely want to go back and work on, so it makes things more clear and makes the story more enjoyable! That sentence really is awful isn't it? :P Oh goodness! Well thank you so much for reviewing, I truly, truly appreciate it! :D
-Chanel


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Review #25, by SexyDoorFrames Chapter Two

4th August 2011:
Hi! I hope you're having a good day. This was an excellent first chapter and I really enjoyed it. You have a very fluid writing style that is easy to read and it captures you, I didn't stop for any breaks as I read this, which is unusual. I really like the characters you've created, they're very natural and lifelike. I enjoyed reading about Melissa's backstory, it was interesting and make me find the character all the more interesting. This looks like it'll be an interesting story and I am curious to where you are taking this.

- SexyDoorFrames - Gryffindor.

Author's Response: Haha, thank you so much for your review! I truly appreciate it! (: I am so pleased that you found the chapter flowed well, as that is always one of my biggest concerns when writing! I am curious, did you read the first chapter, or the second? Because the review is posted on chapter two..Haha, anyways, thank you for reading and I hope you continue to enjoy it! :D
-Chanel


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