Hey! Love it! Keep writing, please!!! Report Review
LOVE IT!! KEEP GOING PLEASE!!! Report Review
Thumbs up on all of it!!! Report Review
Oh God, I nearly fell out of my chair.
THEN THEY DID IT.
Effing hilarious. XD
But apart from that, the cliches, and the rather, um, rapid plot development, this was actually quite well written. :)
-Katie Report Review
Like the last review said you actually have talent writing wise. No msn/texting abbreviations and fail grammatical errors. But wow lol loff you've got to slow it down a bit unless your goal is to make someone laugh and if that's the case you're doing very well. Definitely keep writing, just try to read some other stuff and get a better feel for what's appreciated. For example, anything of Elysium's (she also writes Dramione) is pretty epic and a good example of how to write something thats entertaining as well as a bit more realistic. Report Review
Wow, this is hilarious! I don't think you meant it to be, but it's all the cliches of the Dramione ship rolled into one little chapter. You certainly don't waste time on the building up of plot or development of character - you leap right into the romance, leaving the reader to wonder how serious you can possibly be about this. The pacing is horrible, especially since this isn't a one-shot, but supposed to be something longer? What could possibly happen now that they're impossibly together? It would have been much better for you to spend time on showing where their feelings come from, especially since it's not a canon ship.
What surprises me most is the actual quality of your writing. Apart from the very immature "THEN THEY DID IT", you writing is polished and unlike that of most cliched Dramione writers. You have obvious talent, but are horribly misusing it, which is really unfortunate. If you want to know how to write a good love scene, check out timeturner's "Reckless" - it's not only tasteful, but realistic. Report Review
Hi, there! Apologies for the lateness of this review. >.<
Okay, let me just say that I used to be a Dramione fan about 5 years ago when I first stumbled upon HPFF. But as the series progressed and the characters developed, I've preferred sticking to canon ships. I'm telling you this just so you have an idea where I'm coming from. ;)
The story seemed to develop a bit too quickly in my opinion. I get that Draco is troubled and all, and he probably is feeling a lot at the moment, but I think he was too quick to give in to Hermione. I also don't think he would say outright that he's a know nothing ferret and his family is a disgrace or that he's lower than low. I would think Draco would still be a bit arrogant for that. But, the other things he said with regards to his annoyance with Hermione were okay.
As for Hermione, well, I was surprised that she gave herself to Draco so readily. They have over 6 years of hostility between them, and knowing her, she might need more explanation than what Draco gave her before actually being his friend, much less sleeping with him.
So basically I just felt everything happened too fast. I suggest you give the characters time to mull things over before jumping into the 'they did it' part. Allow them to develop, to come to their realizations at a more realistic pace, and allow the readers to enjoy their development as well. It has potential, yes, just needs a bit of rehashing. I'm sure you can work something tasteful out in the missing parts. The staff would be more than willing to help you with that. ;)
Technically, this was relatively well-written. I don't have too many issues with grammar or capitalization so good job there.
Best of luck with this story and again, apologies for the delay in this review.
G Report Review
HI! I have to tell you right now that this is probably my favorite story on the forums. I was seriously laughing so hard.
I try to write comedy, but I have never seriously laughed out loud at a story - be it published or not, and you had me CRYING.
This whole thing was just so amazing, and there are so many awesome and hilarious quotes to pull out of it. "Crabbe is dead, I have nothing left, I'm lower than low." Absolutely epic, I cannot tell you!
"So unbelievable and awesome" - it's just incredibly funny. I mean, the whole thing calls out so many different cliches about Dramiones and . . . well, it's great.
"What feelings?" she asked, her bottom lip trembling - I mean, you definitely got a perfect knack for comedy. And I don't use that word often.
There's not much more that I can say, other than this is a hilarious story, and I can't wait to read the next chapter!
Jackson Report Review
Then they did it. I laughed so hard! I really want to talk to the person you got advise from! XD Love it!
MM Report Review
So I was told to read this story and review. Well I have to say that I had a good laugh with the 'then they did it' part. But other than that, it really wasn't my cup of tea.
I guess I'm more of the cannon girl and I don't think that Hermione would ever go for Draco and vice versa.
Have a Nice Day!! Report Review
THIS IS THE BEST STORY EVER. THOSE STUPID VALIDATORS MADE YOU TAKE OUT THE SEX SCENE? CAN YOU SEND IT TO ME IN A PM ON THE FORUMS? I WANT TO READ IT! I LOVE DRACO!!! 1,0,0/10!Author's Response: OMG I know, Dramionefan! They did make me take it out. I had to PM several validators to just do that. At the end of the day I just got really frustrated!!!
I will totally PM you it because it's amazing, it's some of my best work, I think.
I lOVE DRACO TOO!! He's mine!! hahahahaha j/k Report Review
So I really like this. I agree with the last review about the cliche bit though... for example, the glistening tear :)
But I do love that Draco was always secretly in love with her. I totally think he actually is. Which is why it always makes me laugh when he's with Pansy...
Anyways write the next chapter! I can't wait to read it!Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing! I'm going to look at this whole cliche issue. Maybe I should read a few more dramione stories and try to make mine different.
I know what you're saying about Pansy! Gross!! lol. I never thought they looked good together. or sounded good.
Thanks so much for reviewing, I really appreciate your feedback! Report Review
I kinda like this :)
I think the story line, although a little cliched, is great. The love scene could be written better. I see you got rejected for NC-17 content, but there are tasteful ways in which to write love scenes, without going over the line. Maybe see the Staff Tutorials for a better understanding.
However, it reminds me of why I love Dramione's ;)Author's Response: Thank you so much! Is it cliched? I guess maybe, I know I've read some stories like it, but I'm hoping maybe I'll be able to pull it away from cliche, you know?
as for the love scene, it really could use some work. I am sure I'll go back and revisit it, I was just annoyed because I had to edit so much out of my work, you know? I didn't realize there were staff tutorials, I'll definitely check those out!
Thanks so much for taking the time to review my story! :) Report Review
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