hey girl, this is emily/polkadotpalms/bambelela/sixty from tda. idk if you still check this, but i figured id try getting in touch with you :) if you see this, email me? wantjoebiden at yahoo :) Report Review
This made me cry. My aunt lost her twin babies and because I was looking so forward to my darling cousins, it really struck a chord. You're really good at describing things in such a poetic way. :) Report Review
Just...gorgeous, Dani. It's gorgeous.
The imagery and the description were to die for. I loved it! Absolutely, positively loved it.
You write Scorose very convincingly - and for me to say that is kind of a big deal as I'm not exactly the biggest fan of Scorose. BUT you handled it amazingly. I loved it. I love you. YAY!
♥ ♥ ♥ Report Review
That's so sad...
~MarciaAuthor's Response: Thank you for reviewing! I know it is sad, but it was something I really wanted to get out :) Glad you enjoyed it nonetheless! Report Review
You're right, it is a beautiful banner!
You didn't have to add that rose is pregnant in your author's note, as I thought it was explained well without stating the ovbious in the story. "Cradling her stomache" was subtle enough for the reader to understand.
The tone of the chapter was melancholony (sp?) and you managed to keep the tone throughout. The only moment when it wavered slightly was when Rose smiles, simply because the description of the grass tickling her is a pleasant one. However, I like the contrast.
The characters were realistic and even though the chapter is short you still conveyed their personalities. You described them very well. My only criticism is when you said 'impossibly blue' as that is a bit of a cliche.
The dialogue was touching and refined. They only said when needed to be said, instead finding comfort in their silence. I thought that suited the tone very well.
My favourite moment is when you described Rose sitting down.
"She lets herself sink slowly to the ground, the red of her dress spilling out around her like a blossoming flower."
That was a very vivid moment which I could see clearly in my mind. I really like the comparison. I'm guessing you chose red to symbolize blood?
The only gramatical errors I noticed was one 'it' instead of 'is' and a fullstop where I thought a comma ought to be, but it worked either way.
My advice for the future is that when you are describing a moment or person, try and think of more abstract ways of doing so. Otherwise, stories tend to merge into a similar haze. Often when trying to think of a new phrase instead of the one you would naturally use, you'll stumble across a great metaphor thats original and refreshes your writing.
Over all it was very enjoyable and I, as a reader, could strongly visualize the moment you described.
Well done and thanks for posting!Author's Response: Oh, good! My problem was that I thought the stomach reference might be too subtle :P But I'm glad you got it!
Wow, thank you for the compliments! I've said it a million times, I hate it when characters are underdeveloped so in my fics I really work hard at getting their personalities across :) And you hit the nail on the head - this was more of a only-say-what-needs-to-be-said fic, so silence was key.
Yes! Exactly. I'm so glad someone caught on to the symbolism of the red dress.
I will definitely take that into consideration when I'm writing! Thank you so much for taking the time to leave such a detailed review, it really means more than I can say!! Report Review
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