possibly the most emotional story that iv'e ever read :) you had me in tears by the end. beautiful wording, and just utter genius, definitely worth staying up until 1:45am reading :DAuthor's Response: Aw, thank you! I'm so glad you thought it was worth it :D Report Review
Nice chapter, I liked it a lot! Despite, I hope that Harry and Cho will take off in the next chapters... ;)Author's Response: Thank you! And well...we'll see about that ;) Report Review
Great Story, I just have one quibble: You said Padma had trouble putting a face to Seamus and Lavender, two people who were not only in her house/year, but she also shared a dorm with Lavender for 7 years. Just thought it was weird is all, again awesome writing!Author's Response: Thank you :) And Padma didn't stay with Lavender for 7 years - that would be Parvati, her twin sister! Parvati, Lavender and Seamus were all in Gryffindor while Padma was in Ravenclaw. As I imagine it, Padma didn't know her sister's group of friends all that well and had her own friends, so I thought it was pretty normal.
Thanks for reviewing! :D Report Review
Awesome story loved it so muchAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! :) I'm really glad you liked it! ^_^ Report Review
Oh, wow. What a beautiful ending! Really enjoyed the story, it was a great fanfic to read, especially on a few characters that are mostly forgotten about. Just one thing: I'm pretty sure that in the sentence
In mid-November, on a day covered in cascading clouds, Hermione discretely called aside Cho.
'discretely' should be 'discreetly' Yeah, that's all. Keep writing!Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading :) I'm glad you liked the conclusion! It's been a wonderful journey for me to write and I've loved exploring the stories of minor characters.
Haha, thank you for pointing that out. :] I'll fix it!
Thanks again for reading and for going through this whole ride with Cho and the gang. :D Report Review
I loved it. Seeing the process of Cho growing. Great story.Author's Response: Thank you so much :) Thanks for supporting the story! Report Review
This is probably one of my favorite fanfictions so far, I think you did a wonderful job on it! Can't wait to read the last chapter. Keep writing!Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'm putting up the last chapter today and I'm excited you read this far! I hope you like it! ^_^ Report Review
oh, how I love this, let me count the ways..
you are SO insanely mature for your age. and utterly amazing. I am very glad harry and cho didn't end up together, and I think what makes this story so beautiful and resonating is how real it is - everyone has that experience of having to let go of a past love, of life sweeping in and overturning your status quo, but it is so rare to see that in fanfiction, and it is so rare to see this written well, and so thoughtfully, that I take my hat off to you. You aren't just writing pretty poetic pieces, you're breathing life into tired old characters and contemplating the mysteries of life beyond who hooked up with who. I take my hat off to you dear!
Today was a safe harbor, brimming with promise and friendship and memories. They had been children together and had lived through a stormy adolescence. The last few months had been a peaceful bay of happy, joint living.
so. much. squee for youAuthor's Response: Jo! I had no idea you were reading this! You've been sneaking up on me with reviews, but this one's the most surprising since I had no idea you'd kept up with it since last April or so.
Eek, thank you! Harry and Cho were never meant to get together (too many of my reviewers were fearful for no reason :P); they were meant to represent that life moves on and times changes things. And this story was written to show that fanfiction/fluff stories in general can be beyond the who hooked up with who stuff you mentioned. :)
Thank you, Jo! Seriously made my day to see that someone was still reading this story! ^_^ Report Review
I normally hate Cho as a character in fanfics, but I like her very much in your story. You turn her whininess into a justifiable trait, and you've certainly got a knack for creating groups of girls with lovely camaraderie. In BIR you've created a lovely four way friendship between Priscilla, June, Trista, and Lucy. Here you've got the bond between Hannah, Padma, Cho, and Alicia - would've never thought Alicia would make an appearance with the rest of the girls. :P What made you decide to put her in the story? When I read the books, I always compartmentalized her separate from the others because she was in Gryffindor. xD But anyways, the point is that every time, the friendships between the girls are always so easy going and fun - they know they can rely on each other, and they don't have a problem letting loose while they're around each other because they're just so comfortable and you have no idea how jealous I am of that. xD
It's so interesting reading about the different lives of the girls after the war, and how they want to follow their dreams, or find them, at least. Wasn't following this story before but I am definitely am now, you can count on it! It's really sweet and just makes me feel all happy inside. One of my favorite kinds of stories ♥
--jordanAuthor's Response: Jordan!
Eee, thanks so much for taking the time to read and review even if you don't like Cho! Ahh, of course Alicia had to make an appearance because I wanted some diversity with the Houses - we've got 2 Ravenclaws, one Hufflepuff and a Gryffindor. I put her in there because the foursome was based off my three best friends and me and that particular friend always struck me as a Gryffindor. Alicia, as a name, suited her, and I was like, "Hey, why not?" I mean, Alicia meets the rest of the gang when they live in the same area, so it seemed normal. Yeah, comfortable is a spectacular word! Definitely what I was going for. :)
Thanks so much for reading it! It's definitely a different kind of story on the girls finding their own paths in life and growing up alongside each other.
Thanks for the support, Jordan Report Review
WELL. Hello there. Me with your TGS review although it's been an awfully long time since you requested D: Apologies for that.
Cho isn't a character I am v. fond of. I don't think too many people are. But I think you write her well here, which is not honestly a huge surprise :P Your balance between description and dialogue is really nice--I like that it seems kind of effortless, like real life, because a lot of times things can get laborious between dialogue and description. But yours flows and sets up the intersecting lives of these three girls really well. I am a bit curious to know where Marietta is--since Cho was willing to go all nutso in the books in order to be friends with Marietta still I just assume that she'd be somewhere in her life. Things change though, and with your track record I wouldn't put it past you to leave her out and have it seem completely natural. Wouldn't either be surprised if you brought her in in a later chapter!
I love that Cho also comes off really Ravenclaw here. Not in, like, the fact that she's uber intelligent or anything, because being Ravenclaw is much more than that--it's having a kind of curiosity for life and a propensity to wonder at it, and that's beautiful here.
I wonder a bit about the characters--but know enough about them to know this isn't spotty characterization. Flow is your usual--perfect, if only in smaller snippets of a larger picture. I trust that you have the overarching sense of this story, because it always seems to work out even though we get more vignettes than scenes, per se.
Lovely work, dear, and I'm thrilled that you're working with characters other people don't seem to like to work with. (h)Author's Response: HELLO THERE. -wink wink-
No worries, I wasn't very fond of Cho before this either, but I wanted to have a go at her anyway. Okay, well, I never actually bring in Marietta - as I figure, Marietta being so pro-Ministry and all, she probably cut off ties with Cho sometime before graduation (in my mind, anyway), especially when things began to look bad.
Oooh, wow, nicely put. Cho as a Ravenclaw definitely shaped a large part of how I characterize her - intelligent, but not overly so. The other characters all have more and more importance as the chapters go on; hopefully, their progression is shown well. Ah, vignette scenes. If only I knew how to write without them. :P
Thank you, Lily! I really appreciate you taking the time to read and review! :D Report Review
good.waiting for the remaining chaptersAuthor's Response: Thank you! I'll be updating soon! :) Report Review
Yay! I've been so busy so I completely forgot about this story! I'm so happy you updated!Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much! Yes, I updated and I kept going where the original story left off. :) I hope you keep reading! Report Review
I'm the first one to leave a review! I feel so special! I think it's a shame that this story is not as appreciated as it should be. You're a great and very talented writer, you should have lots and lots of reviews here. There are many stories on HPFF and not all of them are worth reading, but this one definitely is.
Aw, no awkwardness between Padma and Theodore here. Although, of course, it had to change at some point as you're moving the story forward. And the scene between Padma and Fanny was funny enough.
There is, however, lots of awkwardness between Harry and Cho. Man, it must be such a strange situation, meeting him again after all those years. I think that once again, you portray the two wonderfully. Also, Harry moping around is well done. We've had lots of it in the books and this is as if it came straight from there.
I love that Alicia is making some progress here. We've got all of the girls develope in a way and now it's Alicia's turn. She's a very interesting person, I think I recognise myself a bit in her and that's why I like her. I'm looking forward to the next chapter and to finding out what's going to happen to her!
PS: I don't know what the girls have against green paint... ;)Author's Response: Hi! Can I just say it made my day to see all the reviews you left this story? It doesn't get much attention otherwise.
Thank you so much for saying that, though. This story is very special to me since it's based on some real life escapades.
Yup, the awkwardness between Padma and Theodore is dimming somewhat, but there's plenty of it with Harry and Cho to make up for it! Harry moping - I loved writing that. :D
Alicia's development, to me, is probably one of the biggest, alongside Hannah's. I definitely think she grows up as a person, so I'm excited to see that you like her!
Oh, and the green paint that they all pictured was lime-green: bright and jarring. They, of course, had to step in. ;)
Thanks so much for your support!
Typo first: I found one towards the end: "His face was newly wan and he gave Cho and imperceptible, tired stare, before deadpanning back to the wall." -> "...gave Cho AN imperceptible, tired stare..."
Lavender and Draco? Now that's an unlikely pairing! I love how you portray Hannah in this scene, especially when she tells the other girls that a hidden love affair would be too much work for her. That was so funny!
Aah, I remember Rita Skeeter. I think it's time for me to read that book again, just because that reporter was so hilarious. So Cho has finally found out that Harry and Ginny have split up. You know, here, I would have loved to know if she knew about it before or if Hermione mentioning it was the first time she heard about it. I remember Alicia and Angelina talking about it in an earlier chapter, but it would have been nice to have Cho's reaction when she first heard it - or just a general thought about how she confirms that this rumour is definitely true.
Once again, you manage to convey the awkwardness between Padma and Theodore wonderfully. It was so funny when Fanny called him over, they worked in silence and he then had to ask why exactly he was assigned to working on this. But I love that they finally talked about their past at Hogwarts. The two are making progress. ;) I'm looking forward to reading more of them, they're the highlight of every chapter. No matter how much I love everyone else, so far, I think I like Padma and Theodore best.
Talking about awkwardness, the scene between Harry and Cho was very interesting to read, too. It was funny because you wrote it so well how none of them knew what to say and because I could immediately feel how uncomfortable those two were around each other. I'm curious about how those two will develop, just like I'm curious to see what Alicia will do with her life.
Good work! :)Author's Response: Woah, typo alert! I'll get to fixing that, I swear!
Lavender and Draco is what they make up in their heads - it doesn't really happen, but I found it really fun to write! Glad you found Hannah funny, she's just oddly practical that way.
I wanted Cho to find out later than the readers because at that point, a lot of people knew except her. But I do find it interesting that you'd rather have had her find out first.
The awkwardness between Padma and Theodore...was incredibly awkward to just write. It's lovely that you like them the best! Everyone has different favorites, I suppose, but I ship them together too. :D
Cho and Harry's awkwardness is only slightly more awkward than Padma and Theo. All the awkwardness between the couples is fun to write! And Alicia has decisions ahead of her.
Thank you so much for the reviews, Iloenchen! Report Review
Haha, so funny when Cho complained to Hermione about the task sounding like a lot of work and then, at seeing Hermione's scandalised face, quickly adds that they should get started. :D Very funny, too, was the scene at the beginning when Cho and Padma were late to work. Isn't it ironic that the only one who seemed to be ready, namely Hannah, seemed to be the only one who started work later than the other two? The idea of there being a shoe missing and Padma just grabbing a slice of bread were both scenes that I've lived through. You have to be careful not to make it too cliche, this kind of stuff doesn't happen every day (at least not in my life and those around me), but so far you're keeping it balanced well and it still feels real and very hilarious.
You know, I was curious about when Harry and Cho would finally meet. To be honest, I'm not a huge fan of that pairing. I loved them in book five, but ever since book six was out it was clear to me that it was Harry and Ginny. That's why I was excited about finding out how you'd take on the relationship and how I would feel when reading about it. Not much has happened between the two so far but it was just enough for me to like it. If it had been more, I would have been put off. Here, you manage to show me the awkwardness between the two that I expected and at the same time, open up all possibilities. I'm looking forward to more interaction between those two.
Oh, and by the way, I like Ron trying to sneak an arm around Hermione's waist and her trying to get out of it. I've always figured her as someone who'd be embarrassed about that kind of stuff in public.
Merlin, I love that part about Padma and Theodore. When the two first interacted, you already hinted very weakly that there could be more about them. This proves my theory and was sooo funny with Padma accidentally stomping on his foot. And it's great how she tries to arrange her day so she won't have to meet him because she's too confused about him. I think she fancies the one who once threw frog hearts at her ;)
On a completely different note, I enjoyed the very last few paragraphs. Is it Alicia still being influenced by having met Angelina and talked about Fred? Or has she always felt that way? In any way, it's a perfect moment to bring in a reminder of the war and put everything into a new perspective.
What an awesome chapter! Report Review
Ah, I would have loved to see that poisonous camel that escaped. :P
Once again, I like this chapter. In the first part, you describe Cho very well. I loved the list of nice moments that broke the monotony of the day, that part was beautiful to read. Genevieve and Tom are, once again, wonderful to read about. The two are so funny and I like how you manage to keep their characters constant throughout your story.
Part two was probably my favourite. Alicia and Angelina were hilarious when they talked about George. I love how you brought the war into it, reminding us that this is only one year after Fred died and how people have moved on but still suffer from it occasionally - just in real life.
The boy talk was very well done, even with the equivalent of a broom closet. Awesome! I just never found out how Alicia knew which of the Weasley twins was better at kissing ;)
When the chapter went on with Hannah and boiling the eggs, my first thought was, 'not again'. Not that I don't like her, but we had a lot of complaining of her in the last chapter so I was afraid that this would be somewhat similar. But no, you managed to surprise me here by choosing a different theme and pushing Hannah's storyline forward. I'm looking forward to find out how the renovation goes!
You know, it's very interesting to read how you portray Hermione her. We only got to know her through Harry who, of course, sees her in a different light than Cho. I like this. I think your characterisation of Hermione is very spot-on. Cho does, of course, see her as the one who always knows everything and does everything right - she's one of the main heroes of the war, after all. But by making Cho discover that Hermione is only human you show how well you understand the former Gryffindor. Also, revising unfair laws is so like her, it made me feel like this was something I'd read in the books. From Cho's point of view, this must have been a very challenging part and you managed it perfectly. :) Report Review
In the beginning, you wrote, "Alicia in spiked silver stilettos, dangly green earrings and bright orange earrings". Is that a typo or is she really wearing two pairs of earrings? The way you write it, it sounds almost like a typo.
Anyway, what a beautiful birthday! You almost made me cry with your description of how Cho was thinking about Cedric. It's true, he was one of the many that died and are so easy to forget. He never found out that the war was about to start, nor did he know that the war is over now and how life went on for his friends and family. That part is so beautifully written! Poor Cho, I felt sorry for her. What a bittersweet birthday, spent with her friends and remembering the one who can't be there.
The bittersweet note was present all over the chapter. Cho thinking about life, about growing up, leaving things behind and discovering new ways. Even Angelina stepping in fitted. The friendship of Alicia and Angelina that is not what it once was, but at the same time the new friends that Alicia made and that are with her now.
Oh, and I loved that part about Cho arguing that she was born in China in the early morning etc. I've been celebrating far too many birthdays abroad and am like that all the time ;)
Once again, a great chapter. I'm still amazed at how you manage to create and keep up the bittersweet atmosphere for such a long time. Report Review
I don't know what it is about this story, but whenever I click the link for it on TGS, I get logged out of HPFF. o.O
Technical problems aside, I'm loving it so far. I read that chapter yesterday evening already until my batterie gave up on me so now I had the pleasure of browsing through it again. It was there that I realised how wonderful you are with your different storylines. All girls have got different lifes that you portray here - just like you did in the first chapter. They got together and now they're apart again, only, I'm sure, to come together again. It feels like threads that are twisted around each other but still exist on their own.
Hanna's storyline surprised me a bit. How hard can it be to work in a bar? I've done the job, I know that at times, it can be awful and I ended up mixing up orders and dropping food and drinks. That's fine but the way you describe it, Hannah does nothing but that. It all felt a bit exaggerated. But besides that, it was a good scene because it gives us an insight into Hannah's character who's such a soft and delicate girl that I love reading about her.
I love how familiar faces keep popping up, names that I've heard and who you're adding more to than what we learned in the books. Penelope Clearwater is a good example, it was hilarious when she swept through the office and remarkable how Alicia got away from her again.
I also enjoyed the reappearance of Theodore Nott. When I first read his name, I thought I had missed something - wasn't he that evil guy from Slytherin? But then, you explain it wonderfully and I was left laughing for the rest of the chapter.
Good job! :)
Ilona Report Review
Ah, once again a great chapter. I just have a tiny bit of criticism here. I'm sorry but I didn't get the first sentence. It sounds beautiful, really, but I still don't understand what it means. Some air is flowing in curls - something to do with smoke? In and out of the flat, and then the colour of honey? In the end, I had come to the conclusion that the flat was on fire... ;) As beautiful as it is right now, maybe you could make that more clear?
Besides that, I once again loved the flow of your story. Everything moves along great, taking me from one scene to the next. Your characters seem more alive than ever. I love how you add little conflicts without emphasizing them too much - Alicia sneaking out of her job earlier, Padma having hexed her sister's ex-boyfriend etc. They are all part of the world you've created here. They make Cho, Padma, Hannah and Alicia feel real and they make the story more interesting. You've got an eye for such details and you're very good at brining them into your story.
The last scene was very nice, too. I wasn't too sure if I understood Cho's reaction when she heard about Hermione changing department, but in the end, you explain it all. Not only that, you also make me curious about the next chapter - which I'm now eager to read. :)Author's Response: Thanks so much! And as for that...it's one of my weird descriptions again. It isn't on fire - it's just that yellowy dusk color, haha! The air flowing in curls is just a description of wind falling into your face.
Thank you, though. I really am glad you liked the other sections and characters! And Cho's reaction is so typically Cho. :D Thank you for the reviews, Iloenchen and sorry for how long it's taken me to respond! I absolutely loved reading them!
Hello Celeste! As promised, here's your review.
I like the beginning of this chapter. The first two sentences were great because I knew exactly how Cho felt. I think everybody has had days like that, so everybody can relate to the beginning.
The idea of describing how the three girls take their lunch break was very good! It reminded me a bit of a movie, I've seen some where it was done like that and it works perfectly. You introduce all main characters and make it interesting at the same time. The flow here is wonderful.
And then the three girls meet up for lunch. That left me wondering a bit. Do they return to work afterwards? Or are they lucky enough to have each Tuesday afternoon off? Lucky girls! It seems a bit of a coincidence that none of them has to work that afternoon...
What I really enjoyed was the conversation between Cho, Hannah and Padma. It felt very real. The girls are gossiping and complaining about work and doing what I'd do if I had such a nice lunch break, too. ;)
I think you've written a wonderful first chapter. There are two ways of starting a story - right into the middle of action or beginning slowly. You've chosen the latter here and you're one of the few who can actually make it work. It was so well to read that I almost forgot to review before continuing to the next chapter - it just flows along so nicely. Great job! Report Review
I absolutely loved this chapter!! Cho seeing Harry again was absolutely hilarious! It was also so believably awkward and your dialogue was superb as always.
Cho seeing Harry really helped the plot flow, too. It feels like things are finally beginning to change. Padma had a really good section in this chapter, too. I can't wait to see where you take her relationship with Nott.
Characterization was good. I also want to take a moment to say that you're doing a great job bringing in other characters besides your main four (ie. Angelina, Suzan, Penny) without taking away from the main story line. I'm also so glad you chose Padma. I love her spunky personality and it's nice to get to know her character better.
Great job! Can't wait to read the next one. Report Review
So I absolutely love how much we're really getting to know Cho in this chapter. She seems like she's having a really hard time with her life right now, with being on her own and trying to grow up and do something with her life. I really like the valiant effort she's making to be friendly towards Hermione.
The only thing that got me in this chapter was when Angelina was talking to Alicia and she said " His brother's done what he can to put back the Wizarding Wheezes, but George's still a mess." Is Fred still alive in this story? The use of "his brother" makes it sound like Fred survived the war, and it sort of threw me off.
But otherwise, your characterization was great. We're really seeing great character development and it's all very on course.
Dialogue is funny and realistic as always!! And the plot flow was better in this chapter, with Hermione being introduced.
Great job!! Report Review
Absolutely amazing chapter! I'm actually turning twenty very soon, and you managed to capture my feelings perfectly. You described them so eloquently, too. I absolutely adore your narrations, they are so very lovely.
Dialogue was great! Felt very natural and in character.
Flow in this chapter was great, but I feel like the overall story is moving along slowly. So far it's just been average days in Cho's life (well, besides her birthday) and I'm very curious to see where you're going to take the plot.
Characterization was good as always. I really liked the appearance of Angelina here, you did a great job with her character and her reunion with Alicia.
Great job with the chapter, though! It was very realistic and very well written as usual! Report Review
I loved the dialogue in this chapter!! You're great at making things both believable and funny at the same time. Most people really overdo the humor and make it seem very calculated. Not you though!! I absolutely love Padma and Alicia. They're hilarious
The flow in this chapter was a broken up, because all the girls were doing different things. I might try to tie their lives in more, more starting with Cho at work, and then have her visit Hannah. Finishing up with Padma and Alicia venting to the other two about their days at work later that evening. I totally understand that you want to show them all interacting with other people and at their own jobs, but it really makes it feel like four different short chapters.
Characterization was absolutely lovely in this chapter, though!! Even though it broke up the flow, this chapter really gave us a feel for each of the four girls and their daily lives. I really liked how we got to see each of them in their daily environments.
Great chapter, once again! Moving onto the next one now!Author's Response: Hi there!
Thank you again :)
The flow was kind of broken up, wasn't it? I didn't know how else to work with it, since if I had Cho going and visiting everyone, it wouldn't show their sides of the story as much. Cho's still the main character, but I wanted everyone to have their own storylines.
Thank you so much for reading, Atomic! Report Review
I'm not really a Cho fan, but I'm absolutely loving your story. It's so well written! Your descriptions are just so lovely they make me jealous. You are great at adding in beautiful details that really help the story.
The dialogue was pretty good. The "drunk" dialogue didn't really seem any different than the normal dialogue, but your descriptions made up for it. Otherwise it was all very good.
The flow was very nicely done this time. Your transitions are flawless.
The characterization also definitely improved in this chapter. Cho felt a bit more cannon, and you hit Hannah right on the spot!!
Great job!Author's Response: Wow, I converted a non-Cho fan? :D My goals for the story have been accomplished!
They aren't THAT drunk, just somewhat giddy (except for Hannah, who kind of rambles on), so that would probably explain the lack of drunken dialogue. :)
Thank you so much! I'm glad Cho felt canon and that Hannah seemed to be accurate.
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection