Aww, this was just so heartbreaking! D:
You are, without a doubt, the most amazing author I have ever chanced upon. It's astonishing the way I felt this story, how I felt Neville's aching sadness and oh! I just love it! Author's Response: Hey! Thank you so much for taking the time to leave a review. This made me smile a lot. I love Neville too, and I'm happy you enjoyed this story and felt his emotions. Heaps and piles of thanks! Report Review
Helena! This was an amazing debut about an equally amazing character. I think Neville has gone through the greatest metamorphosis from all canon characters. Even Harry hasn't developed that much through the years.
This was also a very daring attempt to use 1st person Present Tense POV. It's extremely tricky. Either you screw it up or make a gem of it; you have forged the Koh-i-Noor. I enjoyed every single word of it and didn't want your story to end at all.
Another reviewer has already pointed it out, but I can't seem to see past it: the exquisitely rich language you write.
Simply A-WE-SOME. Full stop. More of this, please. 10/10
And, if you allow me a bit of shameless self-plug, you might want to read my own Neville one-shot, What We Believe In, that starts from his promise: "Next time you see me, Iíll have done something to make you proud."
(datbenik513)Author's Response: Hello! Thank you for the amazing review, it honestly made me grin like mad. I completely agree with you, which is why Neville is one of my favourite characters, which is why it is even more awesome that you enjoyed my one-shot about him.
The fact that you didn't want it to end is some of the highest praise I've ever been given. I really really appreciate this review, not just because it's positive, but it's lovely that you took the time to share your thoughts.
I will check out your Neville one-shot asap! Like I said, he's a personal favourite. Report Review
Hi!, and Welcome to the Great Gryffie Egg Hunt! :) Just dropping by give your review. I love your story. It's wonderful and touching and very Neville. I like Neville's character and this story really shows him so well. It's a little sad and very sweet, kind of like it's main character. Thanks so much for joining the game and I think everyone is going to love reading it. :DAuthor's Response: Hey! Thank you so much. The Egg Hunt sounds like it's going to be heaps of fun, glad to be a part of it. I really appreciate it that you took the time to drop by and leave a review :) I'm extremely pleased that this was 'very Neville'. I love Neville's character throughout the books, as he undergoes such a transformation. I'm really pleased you enjoyed this and I can't wait till April! Thank you for organizing it! Report Review
Awww. So sad but so cute! I cried when Neville was talking to his mum, by the way. :)Author's Response: Thank you again for leaving me such a kind review. I know it's sad but at least we know that in the books Neville does go make his parents proud! I'm really glad you could connect with the story so well, I hope it didn't make you upset though!Thank you so much for your encouragement, it means a lot! Report Review
I love love love it. I cried a litte. It could be that I am an emotional wreck after watching titanic a moment ago, but I think it is because this is beautifully written. If i could rank my favorites this would be at the very top. I also thank you for helping me with my writer's block. I am writing a Neville fan fic and you have given me inspiration. I haven't been able to get his character quite right but this...wow. just wow.Author's Response: Oh wow thank you, I'm very honoured you said those things. Oh Titanic can reduce the best of us to weeping babies, but I'm sure combined with a sad fic it's even worse. I'm really happy I've been able to help you a little. Thank you so much for leaving this review it means the world Report Review
I love this, It's so very emotional and realistic the way he behaves and feels. So very Neville.
I'm really not good at conveying what i mean, sorry! I should stick to my one to five words reviews ;)
xAuthor's Response: Wow, thank you so much! I really appreciate that you took the time to review. I'm so pleased you found this was realistic and emotional, because Neville is one of my favourite characters. And your review was wonderful, don't worry. Thank you again & happy christmas!
TallestTower x Report Review
Beautifully moving story. I absolutely loved it on every aspect I can think of;
1) your characterization is perfect; I especially liked how you grasped Neville's very special maturity and how he looks at the world around him. The way you presented his grandmother was also very well done; the explanation Neville gives as to how she is the way she is, is believable and touching. I have to say I really loved Alice. She is a tough character to write considering her situation but you came through strongly.
2) the flow is quiet and even; much like the boy you chose as a main character and narrator. It is but a small moment in his life but one that would have immense repercussions in his life.
3) well written with a clean grammar; really, nothing to say here. You make a great use of a large and original vocabulary which gives this story an even stronger quality.
I really loved this little piece. I would have loved for it to go on longer but I also felt like this was just enough; just enough to let your self get wrapped up in the emotion and keep on thinking about it for a while longer.
Akussa S.S.Author's Response: Hello again :) Thank you for this wonderful review. Neville is one of my absolute favourite characters, so the fact that you thought I captured how he sees the world means a lot to him.
I guess that is why we like writing/reading fanfiction - it enables us to delve into the reasons perhaps why characters are like they are, so thank you for bringing that up.
I try to keep my grammar clean, but mistakes always slip through. I'm glad to hear this piece was okay in the main though.
As for length - I was considering Neville having a similar moment with his father, as it is a bit strange he doesn't speak to him that much, but I thought perhaps it would be too much of a repetition ;) But I'm really pleased you thought the length was okay, and I suppose wanting it to go on for longer is a good thing!
Thank you so so much. It was really lovely of you to say that this piece is moving, that means a lot. Thank you for this wonderful and detailed review!
TallestTower Report Review
This is amazing, once again.
Neville is an interesting and hard character to write about, as he's not your classic 'Hero', but you've portrayed him just right; He's got this really sweet edge that reminds you of a young child, but then he'll say something so mature of heartbreaking that you'll remember what he's been through. Your writing gives the story a lot of place to grow in the readers mind, and I'll probably be thinking about this for the rest of the day.
His Grandmother is interesting too; Tough on the outside yet you can tell she's really suffering..
Merlin, d'you know how much I love your writing right now? DO YOU?
10/10Author's Response: Do you know how much I love you right now? DO YOU? These reviews have absolutely made my day and inspired me to start writing again and a whole bunch of stuff! ;) I really love Neville, sometimes he's a bit of a pain, but I do think that he's incredibe and really comes into his own in DH which is wonderful! I think JKR developed him amazingly throughout the series, and I've got a bit of a soft spot for him- so to be told I wrote him well was wonderful! I'm not particularly sure this is what Nevilles inner monologue would sound like, but I hope I conveyed the emotion right.
Once again, I'm so glad you enjoyed it and you've been lovely to leave me this review! Thank you so much (And 10/10! Wowza!) x Report Review
AW! This was so sweet. It made me cry. I love Neville and feel so bad for him that he has to see his parents like this, I'm sure it's heartbreaking everytime. You did a wonderful job of conveying his feelings in this. I love it. Well done.
~alexAuthor's Response: Hey again Alex! Ahh your so awesome for leaving me these reviews. They really do make my day! Especially when someone tells me they love what I've written - it means a lot to me!
I love Neville too! He's one of my all time favourite characters. I agree it must be heartbreaking for him, that's why I was so pleased he gets to be awesome in the final book. I'm really pleased you thought I conveyed his feelings well!
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! :D
~Helena Report Review
Hey there ^_^
It's Rulilura from the forums. Was just perusinng your profile and saw the link to your HPFF page. Couldn't resist XD
This was amazing! You did such a good job capturing Neville's character, as well as his mother's. I love Neville so much and you did him justice!!!
All your stories are good. You write wonderfully.
Violet xxxAuthor's Response: Wow Violet a suprise review! Thank you so much! This made my day :)
Your so sweet to stop by, I love getting feedback. I'm really pleased you thought I characterized them okay, because Neville is one of my favourite characters too so you have no idea how pleased I was too see that you said I did him justice!! :) :)
Thank you so so much for your encouragement. I love suprise reviews! I feel so happy now haha. Thanks again ;)
Helena xx Report Review
Aw, this was so sweet! Poor Neville. I never really thoguht how hard it must be for him, his parents as they are. You really seemed to capture a good emotion in this fic.
It was very good for it being your first posted fanfiction! It was mostly grammer/spelling mistake free. So glad I got to read this! Keep writing!Author's Response: Thank you so much for leaving such a positive and encouraging review!
Yeah poor Neville, through out the first few books, he was never exactly popular and to think, he had a lot to deal with and a very sad past. One of the most heartbreaking things is that he keeps it a secret... so he has no one to sympathize or help him.
Poor Nev :(
Thank you so much for this encouraging review! And I could never stop writing haha!
~TallestTower Report Review
Wow, for a first post this is really brilliant. Congrats!
This story is simple, completely in character, and somewhat moving. It really captures who Neville is and his motivation for striving to succeed. I like the fact that you didn't have him dwelling on the negatives when he was with his parents - having him trying to see the best in the situation was far more poignant.
Moreover, you've managed to write fan fic which enriches the HP world, without it being a romance. That makes you awesome.
Your grammar and spelling are all fine too, which is a major problem in some other stories, so hurrah for that. All in all, a great piece, so I don't have any useful con-crit to give. Would love to see how you'd get on with a longer piece, involving more plot, so if you find the time to write one, please request again so I can R&R!Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing!
It's always nice to get feedback, even when there isn't any CC... wait, scrap that - it's best to get feedback when there isn't any CC! There are a few grammer mistakes here I know, but I tried to proof read this a gazillion times to eliminate as many as possible!
I wish I could write a longer piece, I will jump for joy when I do, I just don't have any inspiration at the moment. Oh muse, where have you gone?!?
Thank you again for leaving such a wonderful review, I will definately return to your review thread if I post a story in the future! (Fingers crossed!)
-TallestTower Report Review
Wow. This is really powerful. I think you've done a great job capturing Neville's feelings, and created some really nice moments. I also like how you portrayed his Grandmother, showing her sternness without making her too cold. The pacing was good as well. Great job. :)Author's Response: Wow - my second thank you to you today. First I was thanking you for leaving a lovely, inspirational comment on my blog, second for leaving a lovely comment on my one-shot.
I'm glad you liked my characterizations. I was worried Neville's thoughts were a bit too poetic/over-dramatic, but I wanted there to be more to him than the clumsy person people presume he is.
I'm really pleased you mentioned his Grandmother. Whilst she is always described as being strict in the books, there is a moment in OotP where she is very loving towards Neville. Ovbiously after that he shows he is an awsome person and slays Nagini... So everybody loves Neville. Yay!
Once again, thank you very much. I'm glad the pacing was alright - sometimes I tend to go off on a descriptive ramble from time to time...
I really appreciate you took the time to review, they make my day!
-Tallesttower Report Review
Oh goodness, love. I adored this. I am tearing up. This was so sweet and yet so sad!
I love that it was written from Neville's perspective. So many people seem to forget about him. It's sad, really, but apparently he's not as 'important' as the golden trio (that I could care less about).
I like that this wasn't anything phenomenal that he did, but a simple visit to his parents. (Though, I wouldn't say no to a recap of Neville taking off Nagini's head.) Ha ha, but I do think it's nice that you focused on him visiting his parents. It's something that I think he would treasure very much along with those gum wrappers that he drops into his pocket.
It was very in character, I think. I really enjoyed that Neville called himself stupid, but his vocabulary proved otherwise. It's almost as if he underestimates himself, which I feel is very in character, too.
It broke my heart when Alice looked sad because he was crying. It seemed very in character, mind you, but it was definitely very sad.
I like that he intends on keeping his promise, and doesn't just think that he's incapable of doing so - because I did see a radical change in him starting in the fifth books on, but very pronounced in the seventh.
So, very nice job! I really enjoyed this!
My only complaint would be that this was far too short. I enjoyed the descriptions, the scene, and the outcome, though. So I guess that more than makes up for the length. :)
I see you only have two pieces, I hope that you continue to write. I think you've got skill - more than some people who insist upon writing things for us when they make tons of spelling errors, grammatical errors, etc. Which, of course, are the bane of my existence.Author's Response: Linders - it was so good to recieve this review!
Sad stories are my favourite to write, though I have written some humour, because there is so much more emotion to convey.
I love Neville. He doesn't get the attention he deserves, considering what he has to bear. I had a strong urge to write this one shot, because I felt there was a lot more to Neville.
I am so happy and proud that you enjoyed this. I know there are grammatical errors - but editing will fix that. Hopefully they weren't too horrific!
As for the length, perhaps I could have written more... initially Neville would have spoken to his father in more depth, but I felt what had needed to be said had been said.
Thank you for taking the time to review! It means the world, I'm sure you know. - H Report Review
Hello! This is Foundriapenguin from the forums.
Excellent one-shot you have here. You have quite a gift for flow, and I love that you stick with the canon and the gum wrappers (: I also think that you've really managed to convey Neville's feelings very well for his parents and his grandmother. My heart really aches for him :(
As a reviewer, I couldn't help but notice that there are several missing commas, especially when you write dialogue. Here is an example:
"Come on, Neville." My Grandmother says gently, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.
It should be, "Come on, Neville," my grandmother says gently, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.
There are other little things like that in the story. They're not that important, but in case you want to improve your story to an even higher level (eek! :D) I suggest you check over the story and tweak those things.
Great job!!! I like the title, too. It really fits the storyline, you know?
~foundriapenguinAuthor's Response: Wow - 10/10 *Blushes*!
Thank you very much for such a fast respone and a positive review.
Ack, my speech really makes me nervous. I know it is a weak point and after asking my teacher to explain it, I only got more confused. Darn teacher! :P I will read the section on speech at the forums before I post again, but I will probabley look to get a Beta next time.
I'm planning on editing this soon! Thank you again for such a wonderful review. I'll definately do something about those pesky grammer issues!
p.s Still in shock at how quick that was, are you a secret ninja reviewer? Report Review
I loved it. Are you sure this is your first post it seemed so real. Neville gets no respect, but hes just as important to the series as anyone. COULDN'T GET MUCH BETTER THAN THIS!
P.S If you get the chance could you read/review my story The Other Side of Me. It is my first post to, and I would like some feedback.Author's Response: Yep this is my first real post. I wrote something for a staff challenge once, but then I deleted it and didn't come back on the site for ages. I consider it my first post anyway - it's my first real attempt at fan fiction! I'm really glad you enjoyed it, thank you for reviewing I really appreciate it and good luck with your story too! Report Review
Oh my goodness. This was wonderful, I'm nearly crying because it is so touching to me. For a first story, you did a very good job.
This isn't a story I usually read, since its in a first-person point of view and a one-shot but I am very very glad that I gave it a try. I wish there were more chapters to this, or even a second one-shot to see Neville after he fulfilled his promise to them.
Not having a summary available without clicking on the title might make some people skim over it, but the banner and title worked in dragging me in for a closer look. And having consecutive sentences starting with 'I' can be a bit distracting, but I still found this a touching story. I'm interested to see what you do next with your writing and I'm adding this story to my favorites. Happy writing!Author's Response: Oh wow - this was such a lovely review to read. I'm so glad you enjoyed it.. and super thank you for my first favourite! :D
I think about your advice next time I write. I understand what your talking about. It can get repetitive writing in first person - hopefully one day I'll find a good technique.
My next one-shot is just a light-hearted piece. It's not going to change the world, but it's refreshing to write something fun!
Really, it was so wonderful to get such a positive review. Thank you for taking the time to review - it means a lot!
P.S My computer was acting strange and I was having trouble with the summary after I added my banner. I'll go investigate... thank you for telling me! Report Review
That was so sweet! Neville is always forgotten in the background. I'm glad you wrote this. It's beautiful.
This was my favorite part:
Itís the only way to survive here. If for a moment you were to believe in the suffocating white walls, in what they contained, then those fragile seams which are barely holding you together would unravel, leaving you as a million tiny pieces. When youíre a million tiny pieces you donít want to be sewn back together again, you want to live in infinite darkness, because the light is too bright and the day is too real.
It's so expressive. You've got a lot of talent! Share it with the world. I hope you write more!Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! I know you understand that reviews mean a lot. I was especially happen to read such positive and encouraging feedback. This story was definately asking me to be written. I wrote the beginning out in hand ages ago and finally found the time to type it up and finish it!
Thank you again for your encouraging words - they inspire me to write again! Report Review
I gather from the review you kindly left for me that you are a young writer. I see great promise here - you have a wonderful sense of how to convey depth of emotion and feeling. I could clearly identify with Neville's terrible sorrow. I found your descriptions of the ward very spot on - that sense of helplessness that sometimes even carries over to the staff. Fine job - continue to read, write, and perfect your craft. You have a definite talent.Author's Response: Thank you for your kind review. It was so nice to see that someone had taken the time to give me some feedback.
Yes, I really enjoy writing, but posting is a daunting thing for me. It's scary having your work out there for people to judge.
I'm really glad you enjoyed it, thank you again for leaving such a positive review.
-TallestTower Report Review
Aawww... That was heartbreaking. Poor Neville. I can't even begin to comprehend how it must feel for a child to see his parents like that, so for you to be able to write something like this is an accomplishment in itself (at least for me).
I like your characterization of his grandmother here, very believable. And Neville's reactions are also in character. I think people don't give him enough credit, and I like how you made him very tender and introspective here - which I really think he is, he just so happens to be clumsy and forgetful and that's what people remember him for. Sad, really. But I really do like Neville as a character, and I like how you wrote him here.
Sometimes I wish I had my parents to stick up for me. I know they would love me, no matter how forgetful I am.
That line is a heart breaker. I think that pretty much sums what Neville must feel everyday. And the bit with the Drooble's Best Blueberry Bubblegum was just so... sad. Makes me so happy that things turned out okay for Neville in the end because he truly deserves it.
Technically, there were some issues like typos, capitalization errors and misplaced punctuations. In the dialogues, for example:
"Come on, Neville." My Grandmother says gently, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.
It should be:
"Come on, Neville," my grandmother says gently, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.
But these are tiny things that a bit of editing can fix. :) I'm not usually a big fan of the present tense but I have to say, you made it work in this one.
Overall, I found this very touching and I rather liked it. Good job.
P.S. Apologies for the delay in the review.Author's Response: My first ever review... WOOH! Thank you very much for leaving it and no worries about the delay, I didn't even notice!
I'm really glad you liked the characterization. You comepletely understood my view of Neville! I feel his character is sometimes overlooked.
As for the technical errors, thanks again for pointing them out. Despite asking my english teacher to go over rules about speech in class, I'm still not confident with it. In fact, I might go and read the info about it on the forums now. I will definately take this into consideration next time I post.
Although I proof read there are always sneaky errors that slip through, but as you say a bit of editing will sort that out.
I generally avoid the present tense as well. I started writing it in the past tense but it didn't work. My first draft kept changing tenses and eventually I settled on the present. I'm pleased you think it was the right choice.
Thank you so much for reading and leaving me my first ever review! I really appreciate it. I hope you enjoyed it.
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