Reading Reviews for James and Lily
  
27 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Luna Harris A game of truth or dare

16th July 2012:
its good but to be honest the shagging thing isnt what they would do or joke about in my opinion

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Review #2, by Potterlove1997 I love you well not really but almost

2nd March 2012:
No don't make them get over each other! :(

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Review #3, by scorpius_love First date

21st February 2012:
Awww cute :) keep updating!!

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Review #4, by the king Truth or Dare, Take 2

16th September 2010:
i like this its reaally good

Author's Response: Thank you!

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Review #5, by the king Unwanted encounters

16th September 2010:
BOOM!!! kick in the face by Lily! haha

Author's Response: I know thank you so much!

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Review #6, by leogirl10 Truth or Dare, Take 2

22nd July 2010:
YAY! that part when Lily confessed that she would marry James made me smile. i only had one problem with this chapter. TOO SHORT! I love reading this story and i want to keep reading it. Keep up the good work. I will be staying tuned!

xo leogirl10

Author's Response: I Know It was short but I wanted to get it out of the way and start another because there is alot coming in the next one! But thanks for reviewing!

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Review #7, by Hayleekins Sleepovers and Pranks

20th July 2010:
I like your story line, and your plot, but i MUST say that your grammer and speeling is... well extremely bad... I don't want to sound rude at all, I hate being mean, it's just some constructive critisism... If you add in more commas in the right places, or periods, then it will help the reader understand things more. It can get sort of confusing. I know, checking your grammer can be SUCH a hassle, but it really does things good for the readers! I think you could be a really good writer, but you'd need to work on previously said stuff :P
I'm sorry for sounding rude, I think you have good potential!
~Hayleekins

Author's Response: You did not sound rude at all! And i promise I will check it it is just that it has to be validated again and I want to put up a new chapter!

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Review #8, by alexis0599 A note and a promise.

15th June 2010:
love it write more chapters

Author's Response: Thank you I will!


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Review #9, by leogirl10 Unwanted encounters

14th June 2010:
love it! it was really short but as long as you update soon it doesn't matter. I LOVE James and Lily together. they r sooo cute. yay! ok, well i can't wait to read the next chapter.

Author's Response: Thank you I love hearing from you!1

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Review #10, by evanlyn Unwanted encounters

10th June 2010:
I really didn't like this chapter because you made Lily so nasty, I don't think you should make your characters entirely unlikable, slightly flawed isa alright (in fact its important, to make the characters more realistic and more dynamic) but not totally rude. This chapter needs more punctuation as well. But all in all its a good story.

Author's Response: Tahnks I will look it over

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Review #11, by evanlyn The Golden Question and The Golden Answer

10th June 2010:
This chapter was alot better!! The only thing is the way Lily is narrating sounds quite unnatural, some of it doesn't make any sense, like the last line:
Before I fell asleep I was sure of a couple things, I love James Potter, He loves me and we will get married one day of that I was positive.
Just read it over before you publish it and try to have it make sense.
10/10

Author's Response: Thanks soo much!

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Review #12, by evanlyn First Day Back

10th June 2010:
The structure of this chapter is really awful, not being rude, I'm trying to help you so you can improve the story. It's a good story but the poor paragraphing is really distracting!

Author's Response: I will try to change it

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Review #13, by evanlyn I love you well not really but almost

10th June 2010:
This is a pretty decent story the only problem is the structure (i.e the paragraphs, etc) but you can edit that. As for the actual story its all well and good to have Lily and James but there needs to be some other plot too.

Author's Response: I will try to change it thanks for rewiewing!

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Review #14, by evanlyn Laws

10th June 2010:
Some advice again, make sure you don't forget your punctuation especially with quotations, you should have a comma before the final quotation mark, like:
"James," I said quietly. Instead of "James" I said quietly.
But again I'm nitpicking it's a very good story!! I love that they are Head Girl and Head boy and you get to see what happens.

Author's Response: Tahnks and I will look over it and change it!

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Review #15, by evanlyn I do Not!!!

10th June 2010:
This is good, again, but I can offer some help to up the quality a little. Whenever a new person speaks they should get a new paragraph, also to authenticate it you could use UK spelling like mum instead of mom, of course I'm just nitpicking and fan fiction is for fun it doesn't have to be perfect, I'm enjoying this story very much!
10/10

Author's Response: Oh My Gosh thanks so much I will definetly change it!

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Review #16, by evanlyn A game of truth or dare

10th June 2010:
This is fairly good, but its not amazing yet, you need to maybe add in more detail about their actions and write the dares out. At least your grammar and spelling is good (I can't find any mistakes) sometimes on this site its not always the case!
10/10

Author's Response: Thanks! and again I cant think of qny dares

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Review #17, by evanlyn Sleepovers and Pranks

10th June 2010:
I like this, its very good, I really like truth or dare marauders fics, even though they are cliche still love them!!

Author's Response: Thanks I think There will be a lot of truth or dare in this story! but I cant think of any more good dares! can you give me some ideas.

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Review #18, by leogirl10 The Golden Question and The Golden Answer

6th June 2010:
It's a million times better than the first chapter. The grammar and the story. Although there are still some errors it's a lot better. I love it so much and James and Lily's relationship is so sweet and cute and I just love it. Great job. Please update soon. YAY!

Author's Response: Thanks. Again but I am trying to update soon but some chapters are not validated yet so once that is done i will update but thanks!

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Review #19, by leogirl10 First Day Back

6th June 2010:
OH BOY! AHH! Nice ending. And it is Slytherin and quidditch.

Author's Response: Oh my gosh thanks so much for the spelling erors I was wondering... haha but thaks a lot for reviewing.

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Review #20, by leogirl10 I love you well not really but almost

6th June 2010:
really short, but nice ending. Makes you want to read more which is what I am going to do.

Author's Response: Ya I know that it is short but i couldn't think of anything else but I will probaly edit and add more.

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Review #21, by leogirl10 Laws

6th June 2010:
it gets getting much better with the grammar. I love the story and the chapters are longer. The Characters are funny and great. You rush scenes a lot but that's okay. Alright. moving on.

Author's Response: Ya I m trying to make the chapters longer! I know when I read I hate a short chapter unless the story is really long. and I am trying to go through and add more to the scenes but Thanks!

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Review #22, by leogirl10 I do Not!!!

6th June 2010:
ok. Please reread all the chapters because you seriously need to take your time when writing to make sure that there are no errors in spelling, punctuation, or any kind of grammatical errors. Sometimes the sentences are worded weirdly. But I LOVE THE STORY! it's great but it would absolutely fantastic if there were no grammatical errors. It really does take away from the story. I like how you did James point of view along with Lily's. Enough said. I am going to read he other chapters now. By the way, I am going to add it to my favorites just because I do really like it so far.

Author's Response: Oh my gosh thank you so much and i 've been trying to edit it but i haven't done all of it but I will get to work. Thanks!

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Review #23, by leogirl10 A game of truth or dare

6th June 2010:
haha. I am not going to lie. That was fast but I, once again, I like it. You get to the point. It's really short again too but if you update regularly it doesn't matter. Also I like how you didn't make Lily the sweet innocent little virgin like a lot of other stories do. Also I like James reason for shagging other girls. Really good job so far but you really need to go over the grammatical errors. They can distract you from the reading sometimes. Alright. on to the next one.

Author's Response: I am Trying! haha and thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #24, by leogirl10 Sleepovers and Pranks

6th June 2010:
it was super short and there were some grammatical errors but I like the story so far. The setting, the characters, Lily's past, it makes me want to read more. I am going to read and review on the other chapters. You'll be reading more from me.

Author's Response: Thanks for reading!

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Review #25, by schoenemaedchen Sleepovers and Pranks

16th March 2010:
As promised, here is my review.

I agree with some of your other reviewers that the story itself is very promising. I must admit I had some trouble reading it though. The punctuation, above all, needs a lot of work. It's great to get a story first put on paper and as a writer, you understand best what your thoughts look like down on paper.

Readers, however, can't always understand your thoughts. We need good punctuation to know where your thoughts start and stop. After that's taken care of, grammar needs to be fixed. You have some conflicting tenses, spelling, capitlization...If you don't fix it, I think it really takes away from the wonderful ideas you've tried to incorporate.

I think your story has a lot of potential, but its in a phase right now that needs lots of work. I'm an English teacher, so it's even harder for me to read fanfiction sometimes...

You would benefit greatly by joining the Forums and getting a Beta. They can read and help you with all the rules of making your story the best if can be, if you're interested. ABOVE ALL, please keep trying. We all have to start somewhere and we have to make mistakes to learn from them and get better. I look forward to what you write in the future! Good Luck :)

Author's Response: thank you so much for your response and I will try to do better

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