Reading Reviews for One Heartbreak Closer
15 Reviews Found

Review #1, by blueirony Empty spaces filled

21st August 2010:
That was just really, really sweet. I don't think I can ever tire of reading stories about Harry with his children. We all know that he would grow up to be a teddy bear, and it's just so lovely to read about it.

I was smiling as I read this. It was just so SWEET. Aw. Why must Harry be so cute with Lily? It was just such a lovely moment in their lives and it was just so cute. Aw. I can't get over how cute Harry was.

I also loved how James and Albus were also protective over Lily. As someone with an older brother, I can say with authority that it is very irritating but us younger sisters love it (even though we don't admit it!).

That bit with Joshua was so sweet. And it's lovely how that really tied the entire story together. You could have left it at at the scene with Harry and Lily but you didn't. You took it one step further and actually showed the reader that there was truth in what Harry said and I thought that was really nice, I liked how you added that scene in. I wouldn't have thought it was needed but, now that it was added in, I thought that it was very fitting.

This was so cute. I'm going to read it again once I submit this review, haha.

Joop :]

Author's Response: Thank you! Your review made me smile!!
Yes, I've always imagined Harry as that Dad that would always be there for his children and, especially since Lily is his only little girl, there should be a special connection between them.

As for James and Al, I was excited to write their part in the story because if i did have a big brother, who could annoy me every day by being protective of me and what not, I'd love it to be just like them =)

I'm happy you liked Joshua's part as well because I also enjoyed writing him. He's a sweetheart and Lily finally deserved better after what she went through with Jesse. I'm hoping to get a sequel out soon ;) There will be much more of Joshua and Lily. Maybe even those overprotective brothers we love so much will be around to scare Joshua away.. maybe not ;)

haha.. aww! a second time? thank you! I'm smiling again haha. It's nice to hear that you liked it so much because i love your stories =) made my day =D

Your review was incredibly sweet! i loved it!


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Review #2, by Friday_Star Empty spaces filled

20th August 2010:
Cute story (:
I really liked the interaction between Lily and Harry, it was very nice, and it made me feel all happy :D . My relationship with my Dad is totally different, still good, but different (:

Some (hopefully) constructive criticism:
"Harry was silent for a moment, frowning, when his daughter's silent sobs broke the silence"
This sentence is a bit...clunky. You used the word 'silent/silence' three times in 15 words, which is quite noticeable. If you can think of synonyms for a word that you need to use multiple times in a short space of time, it usually helps the writing flow better. That sentence is also a bit of a paradox - if her sobs were silent, how did they break the silence? Just something to think about (:

I also thought meeting Joshua and all the interaction with him could have been longer, so that you got a real feel for Joshua and why he was asking her to Hogsmeade.

Anyway, I still really enjoyed this one shot, especially the ending, because that's something I need to realise - that love really is out there somewhere (:


Author's Response: thank you! for the review and for the help! I hadn't really thought about that so I'm extremely thankful that you pointed that out for me =]
Actually that last part was just written so fast because the deadline was literally around the corner for me to post it up, so that's why it's like that lol. I'm definitely going over the story again and editing. I'll do that soon =)

I'm happy you liked it and helped you (hopefully) realized that love is out there. Although I'm still trying to find it =P

Thank you again for reviewing and constructive criticism. I appreciate it =)


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Review #3, by Ronsgirl29 Empty spaces filled

1st August 2010:
This was a really sweet oneshot (: I always imagined Harry being a great dad, and this just showed that! Plus I loved the book Truth about Forever, and I think you used the quote with it all nicely!

Great job :D

Author's Response: =] i always wanted to know more about how Harry would handle his kids teen years, so it was really fun writing it =D.
when i wrote this, I'll admit i had not yet read 'The truth about Forever'.. i just loved the quote, but i got curious as to the story so i bought the book and now it's my favorite by Sarah Dessen!
Thank you so much for the lovely review! and I'm happy you liked the story!


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Review #4, by Miss Writer Empty spaces filled

15th July 2010:
I really enjoyed that. It was really cute and Harry was so nice! Good Job.

Author's Response: I'm happy you liked it! Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #5, by Ginny Yeske Empty spaces filled

21st June 2010:
Harry wouldn't of called her my pet, but other than that, good job.
Where did you get the idea for this story, may I ask?
-Ginny Yeske

Author's Response: Really? i thought since Harry never really got to have loving parents to give him pet names, he could have one for his only daughter =) Harry seems sweet enough.
The idea came to me when i read (and reread) the quote for the challenge i participated in lol.
Thanks for the review!


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Review #6, by LilyMilly Empty spaces filled

20th May 2010:
hei :)
i loved this story ! you
and i liked the way you did the father and daughter thing !
I'v always pictured it that way !
and her brothers are so cute !

Author's Response: lol Thanks!! I'm happy you enjoyed it! thanks for the review =)


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Review #7, by Thia Malfoy Empty spaces filled

6th May 2010:
I LOVED LOVED LOVED IT! One I love Sara Dessen's books but this just felt like it really would be Harry's family. I think you could almost turn this into a short story but it's great as a one-shot to. Great job!!!

Author's Response: oh wow! thank you! you have no idea how happy your review made me! i had a lot of fun writing this =D
As for the short story ... well there will be a sequel to this =] hope you read that one too once i finish typing the first chapter and get it posted =)

thanks so much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #8, by Timechild Empty spaces filled

6th May 2010:
I enjoyed the fic. It could have used a little more detail. Such as, when she was crying into her father's shoulder, what was she feeling exactly? Was it like the world was coming to an end, or she just couldn't anything except the pain? Stuff like that.

Nice job all in all

Author's Response: hmm really? I'll try fixing that, otherwise thanks for reading and reviewing and I'm happy you enjoyed it!


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Review #9, by ReAnna Empty spaces filled

20th April 2010:
Ahh That was cute i liked it

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #10, by xLauriePotter Empty spaces filled

19th April 2010:
Aww, I love this. I've never seen a story like it before; So very original.

First, I love how you've portrayed Harry & Lily, its exactly how i'd see this conversation happening; its so loving & realistic.

Secondly, I love the daddy's girl bond Lily seems to have, I can really imagine Harry's character as being a really good dad, from how JK has described him so that makes this fanfic even more beleiveable!

And lastly, I liked the last paragraph, A new guy; Hopefully going to treat her alot better. (:


Author's Response: Wow, thanks! i don't think I've read a story where Harry and his daughter have a heart-to-heart either and i was thrilled to write this one. But i didn't think it would come out as original to anyone and i'm flattered you think so!
As for the new boy-- I'm hoping he's Lily's perfect guy..But we won't know for sure until the sequel.. And yep! there will be a one! the plot has been going around my head and I'm hoping i can get it typed out soon.. =]

thanks for the wonderful review!

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Review #11, by draco14 Empty spaces filled

18th April 2010:
i really enjoyed reading this little number i hope that the rest of your stories go as well as this one did

Author's Response: Aw..thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
And thanks for reviewing!


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Review #12, by littlemissmb Empty spaces filled

12th April 2010:
aw cute!! i loved it! very cute, well done! =]

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #13, by LunaLuver Empty spaces filled

11th April 2010:
I loved it! I truly did, I think you got both Harry and Lily down perfectly. The ending was wonderful with her finding, maybe, the right one. Such a wondeful one-shot. :) And I think the last paragraph was good, tied the whole thing together.


Author's Response: I'm so happy you liked it! And I'm was also happy to write down a 'maybe' happy ending for Lily. Or 'new beginning' if you wanna see it that way too ;) lol
Thanks for reviewing Luna!


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Review #14, by Harry and Ginny Empty spaces filled

10th April 2010:
this calls 4 a sequel! like u could have a story about Lily and Joshua! what do u think?^_^


Harry and Ginny

Author's Response: Gee thanks! I'm really happy you think i should do a sequel! you have no idea how much that means to me. lol i was planning on already doing it so if i had any doubts then, they're gone now. =D Thank you for your wonderful review!


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Review #15, by xkaittloveex Empty spaces filled

10th April 2010:
Oh my goodness, so freakin' adorable! This was ahhh...Let me start off by saying thank you for joining and sticking with my very first challenge. It means so much to me that you wanted to participate. So thank you so very much.

First of all, I loved how Harry was shown in this fiction. I just love the idea of Harry being a father. Especially to his baby girl. It's just such a sweet concept that makes me go "aw!" And sometimes I just need a little "aw" know what I mean?! Well this story definitely delivered that warm and fuzzy feeling I haven't found in a while. So nicely done there!

Next, I LOVED how you portrayed James and Albus!!! Two big brothers protecting their little sister. Ah, so adorable. The part where Lily explains how they cursed him so badly...priceless.

But my favorite part would have to be the second part of the one-shot. Of course you know I'm talking about when Lily meets the new boy. To be honest, I really wasn't expecting it to happen but I am so overjoyed it did. It was such a cute, innocent interaction and I hope it really does turn into more. Maybe a sequel is in order here?! I would definitely be first in line to read it!!! ;)

There were some minor grammar and punctuation errors but not important enough to comment on right now. A quick run-through should help you fix those suckers up.

Overall, I really enjoyed this. Thank you again for entering my contest! It means so much to me! And keep up the awesome work.

Author's Response: Thank you for making such a wonderful challenge! I'm glad I could stick by it. As soon as I got this quote I knew I wanted to make it a Harry/daughter one-shot! And after THREE tries I finally got it right!! lol

I'm glad I could write him like the fatherly type I've wanted to read myself. And I completely agree. Sometimes "Aww!" is appreciated lol. I also really enjoyed writing Albus and James. I never really had an older brother (what with being the older sister) and they represent the type of older brother I've always wanted lol; Protective, caring, and loving.

As to the second part: I wanted the ending to have some type of--I'm not sure--hopeful ending? Lily deserves a happy ending, or maybe the right words are 'new beginning'? lol, and she'll get it ;)
I'm actually really happy I've been asked for a sequel! Because that's exactly what I was going for, and I'll get on that immediately lol.

And, terribly sorry for the grammar! Lol.. I'll look it over and fix the grammar and punctuations as soon as I can.. =]

Thank you so much for reading and taking your time to leave this wonderfully long review! *hands freshly baked sugar cookie* I truly appreciate it! I promise to have the sequel up soon!


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