Wow, this was an equally impressive chapter, and it made me anxious to know who the rest of the heirs are! I enjoyed how you portrayed Lucius. One of my favorite stories, which no longer exists on this site, featured Lucius as one of the main characters, so through that story, I came to feel a certain empathy for him as a young character. Your portrayal here reminded me of that. Also, I have rarely seen Abraxas in stories, so that was refreshing as well.
I especially liked certain little details, like the enchanted snake door handle and Merlin's prophecy being hidden behind the portraid of Mordred. It was a nice way to tie the two chapters together. It also gave a sense of just how proud the Malfoys are of their heritage and why.
I thought the bit about Abraxas telling Lucius he had to follow Voldemort if Voldemort approached him was good as well. Certainly that does help explain why Lucius wound up with Voldemort and why he stayed so long and tried so hard. A dying father's order would have a very strong impact, especially in that family, even if the whole "he stands for some of the same things we do even though he's a fanatic" situation wasn't present. I do like the idea, however, the the Malfoys have their little secret from Voldemort too, since Voldemort never could have entered that room or known about that prophecy (except through Legilimency? he didn't seem interested, though).
One last thing. You did so well with small details in this story. I think it adds a certain realism to the story when characters do little things like clean up an oily spot on their desk. It seems like I remember thinking in previous stories that sometimes you went a little too heavy on details like that, so it became cumbersome, but I may be thinking of someone else. Either way, the balance was excellent in this chapter.
Alopex, RavenclawAuthor's Response: I knew for sure that even though the chapters had to take place in certain eras, that I wasn't going to take the standard characters for those eras. It had to be Lucius's father, Abraxas, who told him what he did. For all of Lucius's and Narcissa's evilness, they did love Draco and wanted him to survive. I picture them as survivors more than anything else.
Voldemort does try Legilimency at the end of the chapter, but the enchantment on the door makes his mind 'slide off' Lucius's.
I'm glad you enjoyed the little details and that this story is interesting you.
I do love the little details. Glad I didn't go overboard. Report Review
It's been entirely too long since I've left any reviews for you (or for anyone, really), and it's taken the House Cup reviewing competition to get me back to it. Anyway, considering it is closing in on two years since I issued this challenge, it's high time I read what you wrote, isn't it?
I wasn't sure what to think at the beginning. The whole prophecy thing with the old man dying right after . . . it just seemed a bit trite, and the writing just seemed more grand than it needed to be. However, then I read beyond the first line break, and my opinion rapidly improved.
I have a soft spot for the Founders. Maybe I've mentioned this, but when I first started reading fanfiction, I would only read Founders stories. I thought you did a good job with them . . . it's difficult to make them seem sufficiently old-fashioned without going to ridiculous extremes (I can do without anyone attempting to sound like Shakespeare, thank you very much).
What a delicious idea, having Hogwarts be built at a legendary site connected to Merlin! It tied the first segment of the story to the rest. Also, I liked the little connections you made with the "present" by mentioning the moving staircases and probably alluding to the stairs in the dorms turning to slides.
This was a very interesting chapter, and I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the banter/discussion among the four Founders, as well as the way you melded Harry Potter canon details with legend and your own purposes.
Alopex, RavenclawAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for the review. I've sat down to write the third chapter of this story so many times and every time I start it, I just feel it's wrong. It doesn't help that an event that I thought happened in winter didn't, so I have to adjust my timeline.
The old man at the start is supposed to be Merlin, and there's a reason for it, as you saw.
I don't like to try to make the Founders sound old-fashioned. It's a lot easier to have them talk in the vernacular, but act appropriately instead. I hope that makes sense. I've been told that I have an ear for the Founders before, which I find interesting because I hadn't thought about writing them before Georgia Weasley challenged me to do so during the Last Drabble Writer Standing challenge at eHPF.
I knew that I wanted Hogwarts to built on the site of Merlin's castle in Scotland. I knew I wanted it tied together and supported somewhat by classical legends. There is a very Arthurian bent to this whole story along with a bit of the Fisher King (which have been melded a bit in modern times).
Again, thanks for the review. Report Review
So first of all, wow, this sounds like an awesome challenge. Leave it to Alopex to come up with something like this! As soon as I finish this review I think I'm going to zip over to eHPF and enter the challenge, if it's still going on.
I'm really impressed by this first chapter. You write Founders very well. It's an era I've always wanted to try, but I'm really nervous to do so. You brought life to it, and as far as I can tell, it's accurate as far as dialogue and so forth.
Nice job with their characterizations, too. I particularly liked Rowena - a little more girlish, flirtatious, mischievous, etc., than she's normally portrayed, but not to the point where it seems at odds with her House qualities and the fact that she's supposed to be brilliant and wise. Also, too, with Salazar - nobody ever thinks of him as being gentlemanly, really, but it adds something to his character while making perfect sense because of his traditional thinking.
I also really like the use of Arthurian legend - I could care less how true you are to it - it's the thought that counts! XD I'm anxious to see how you weave it into the remaining chapters and eras - because I assume you plan to do something with this idea of the heir of Arthur and the heir of Guinevere meeting again? I look forward to reading the rest to find out!
You have a very smooth and engaging style. It's a pleasure to read.
MelanieAuthor's Response: Hey! Thanks for the review. It's been a while since I had a review for anything, so I appreciate it.
It's exactly about the heirs of Arthur and Guinevere. I'm going to surprise some people with who they are, though. :)
I was really trying to make Rowena seem sort of absent-minded, kind of like Luna, but with a sense of flirtation that Luna doesn't have. I'm glad you like my Founders. To my surprise I find that when I write the Founders, I almost always get a good response. Before I wrote a Founders piece at eHPF for Ginny's challenge, I never would have considered it, now I have a couple of bunnies for them.
I'm glad you liked my unusual characterisations for Salazar and Rowena. I think it's boring to have them the same all the time. There's a lot of sides to both of them.
Yes, Alopex is amazing. She's got a good head on her shoulders and I respect her quite a lot.
Thanks for the compliments, I'm blushing. I've had the Arthurian themed bunny in my head for a while now, but I never knew how to write it until Alopex's challenge. Report Review
Oooh... I love Arthurian myth stories! I enjoyed this first installment and I'm looking forward to what you do with it next!Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for the nice review and I'm glad you enjoyed what you read.
Like I said in my Author's Note, I'm going to take quite a few liberties with the Arthurian myths. Report Review
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